madgirl1991 Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Anyone else do this? If you were facebook friends with a girl who was always posting facebook statuses about her hobbies (eg: dancing, boardgames), politics, the economy, her work which she loves. Then posts pics of her family (eg: pwith nieces), overseas holidays with her parents (eg: europe, asia), and the nice desserts/meals she cooks for fun (presented nicely!)...and then once in awhile a pic out clubbing with friends...would you ever think..wow this girl is wife/gf material? I have a lot of males from my church on there. We know each other from Bible Study, but none of them talk to me beyond the polite hello, how was your week crap. I have tried to make conversation and hint I would like to be included in their activities with the other girls/boys on weekends, but its not working. I'm quite shy and awkward, working on my social skills will take time (i have been doing this for years, with very minor improvement, when i ask the church leaders around my age what is wrong with me, they say nothing). Therefore, I doubt I'll ever be able to actually spend enough time with a guy from my church to become their friend, then girlfriend, and get married eventually. Facebook is the only way I can get their attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Well, You sound fine. You can talk to the guy there and show them that youre an open and friendly girl. They might want to talk to you if they know that youre friendly. So after church, you might go up and shake someones hand, and then you compliment them on their suit, or their hair. And smile. Be receptive. Ask any of the guys that you like if they've seen any good movies that are playing. Ask any of the guys, how they feel about a certain topic in church. If you like a particular guy, you might bake him some cookies, and give it to him. Just be receptive, smiling and friendly, and it should go ok for you. Think about getting to know a good guy first, before thinking about marriage Link to post Share on other sites
Dallers Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Showing that you have an interesting life is fine but that is not what will attract a guy. We are very visually focused, seeing someone who has so much going on in their life is not actually an attraction. At my stage of my life if a girl is always out clubbing it is a total no go for me, I want to find someone who is ready to take things to the next level not naked on a table in Ibiza. A pretty picture of yourself that brings out all of your qualities is far more likely to work on us. Unless you are going for a rocket scientist we are very simple and if we like what we see we then want to get to know the person, in person. You also do not need to show so much interest as guys should be approaching you, what you need to do is make the encounter comfortable and interesting for him to reach the point of asking you out. If you shy away or make it awkward we will feel that you are not interested and we take that as a potential rejection cut our losses and leave. Be yourself and do not come across as too interested, like talking about marriage good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted May 24, 2014 Author Share Posted May 24, 2014 Well, I have been told by a very horrible ex that I have lost all of my sex appeal. Its very confusing, because I'm still the same person, just that I dress a bit more conservative now, go to church, and don't flirt with every guy that gives me attention. Back when I dated this ex, I used to dress a bit more risque, go to church apathetically,drink, club all the time and flirty with everyone (even in front of him). Is that what makes a girl have sex appeal? So since I do not have it, i figured my interesting life is what will attract a guy. I don't have anything else to offer, other than to look after him and make him feel like a King. If a guy would just give me the time of the day lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Dallers Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Well, I have been told by a very horrible ex that I have lost all of my sex appeal. Its very confusing, because I'm still the same person, just that I dress a bit more conservative now, go to church, and don't flirt with every guy that gives me attention. Back when I dated this ex, I used to dress a bit more risque, go to church apathetically,drink, club all the time and flirty with everyone (even in front of him). Is that what makes a girl have sex appeal? So since I do not have it, i figured my interesting life is what will attract a guy. I don't have anything else to offer, other than to look after him and make him feel like a King. If a guy would just give me the time of the day lol. I am a vicar's son and trust me that would make no difference. Although I am a rebel and nobody believes I am I recently I found myself in church with my old man and couldn't help eyeing up half the girls in the church lol I felt so guilty. You can dress however you like, if you are pretty and make yourself stand out I will go for you. Shy comes across as cute for a girl but awkward shows lack of interest so be careful and show interest and smile if you like him. Ex's nobody like em and nobody should be listening to them. Stop with the negativity. It comes across in your body language. Love yourself. Then he will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted May 24, 2014 Author Share Posted May 24, 2014 True ...very true dallas Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Being interesting in real life is more important than looking interesting on social media. I can't imagine making a decision about anything based on what I saw on FB. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Using social media to make yourself look like a good dating prospect? If one's social life is closely intertwined with social media, sure. Like-minded people gather in their respective spaces and interact. In your case, IMO if you upgrade your shyness to being a little more open and receptive, men will respond to that. From our perspective, we don't know you're shy and you may seem to us like you are aloof, disinterested, have the 'stay away' sign out or are already spoken for. We don't know. The bold amongst us won't care, so you'll get some of that. 'Advertising' yourself in social media can grab attention but it's the real life interactions which leads to healthy and productive relationships so my suggestion would be to integrate a bit of both, working on seeing your 'ad' as healthy, as well as working on the 'stop by, good stuff here' behaviors in person. It doesn't happen overnight. One day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Anyone else do this? If you were facebook friends with a girl who was always posting facebook statuses about her hobbies (eg: dancing, boardgames), politics, the economy, her work which she loves. Then posts pics of her family (eg: pwith nieces), overseas holidays with her parents (eg: europe, asia), and the nice desserts/meals she cooks for fun (presented nicely!)...and then once in awhile a pic out clubbing with friends...would you ever think..wow this girl is wife/gf material? Actually, I think they have low self-esteem. If they can't enjoy something without someone knowing they did it, then they probably can't enjoy something without someone doing it with them, which leads me to believe that they can't enjoy something alone, therefore they are not comfortable with themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Actually, I think they have low self-esteem. If they can't enjoy something without someone knowing they did it, then they probably can't enjoy something without someone doing it with them, which leads me to believe that they can't enjoy something alone, therefore they are not comfortable with themselves. Yeah, too many, "This is me at the so and so doing such and such" is a turn off. Or the many selfies at locations or venues making some kind of big deal out of it. And don't forget the overly cliche'd, "Here's the picture of the unhealthy/healthy meal I'm about to eat, yum". Or , "I'll think I'l l have, <insert generic name of food item> followed by <run-on sentence of at least 5 ingredients or MORE to go along with it>. LOL I.e. - "I think I'll have cake with ice cream, butter pecan with butter milk sprinkles on a peanutbutter & chocolate pecan triangular shaped cone". Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Back when I dated this ex, I used to dress a bit more risque, go to church apathetically,drink, club all the time and flirty with everyone (even in front of him). Is that what makes a girl have sex appeal? No this does not make you appealing of any kind to a man that wants something serious with a woman. Now if you want to attract the type of guy that is looking for hookups, short flings, and just fun with any random flirty girl, then this is the way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted May 28, 2014 Author Share Posted May 28, 2014 Hi everyone, thanks for your comments thus far. As an update....none of the church guys talk to me still. I have tried to make it pretty damn obvious i am interested!!!! On facebook, i noticed that despite my postings of lovely food i make, my sporting activities etc, NONE of the church men EVER like it. Its always the non christians. The church men use facebook a lot too, they certainly like posts other girls make. I like theirs on occassion too. Why do they not reciprocate? Im goddamn perfect!!!! I cook. I am fit. I am educated. I study. I am smart. SIGHH this is frustrating me!! Good job clarifying that the slutty dressing etc isnt what made me appealing. If all the stuff I listed didn't, and I did none of the good things I do now and had a worse personality but then...i am struggling to work out why i 'had sex appeal.' Maybe its that i was younger? I was 20 back then, now im approaching mid 20s. I still get mistaken for 20/21 a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Since you posted on here that you are perfect if you give off that vibe in real life, that could be what's turning the Christian men off. From a religious perspective, only God is perfect. If they suspect that you think you are perfect they could think you are a snob. Do you speak to these men, IRL? Do you smile & say good morning when you see them at Church? Do you bring any of the tasty things you make to the Church socials & potlucks? Very few people enjoy other people's food pictures but you may get more interest if the person has eaten the dish. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Im goddamn perfect!!!! I think this is your problem. You're not perfect. Nobody is. If you're walking around with the attitude that you're perfect, men might view you as a snob. I think you need to stop fixating on where you want to meet men - church - and be open to meeting men at all kinds of places. Do what comes naturally and have fun. That is always magnetic. Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Hi everyone, thanks for your comments thus far. As an update....none of the church guys talk to me still. I have tried to make it pretty damn obvious i am interested!!!! On facebook, i noticed that despite my postings of lovely food i make, my sporting activities etc, NONE of the church men EVER like it. Its always the non christians. The church men use facebook a lot too, they certainly like posts other girls make. I like theirs on occassion too. Why do they not reciprocate? Im goddamn perfect!!!! I cook. I am fit. I am educated. I study. I am smart. SIGHH this is frustrating me!! Good job clarifying that the slutty dressing etc isnt what made me appealing. If all the stuff I listed didn't, and I did none of the good things I do now and had a worse personality but then...i am struggling to work out why i 'had sex appeal.' Maybe its that i was younger? I was 20 back then, now im approaching mid 20s. I still get mistaken for 20/21 a lot. Yes, everyone knows women deteriorate between the ages of 20 and 23 lol. There is no faster way to lose (sex) appeal to a boyfriend than flirting with others in front of him. So that might be it. The way you were and who you are now attract different types of guys, which is probably a good thing. Now to get rid of the shyness. Be more direct on social media that you want to come as well, don't hint. I am sure you will be included. A friend of mine had this really funny post about being single at valentines and had some single girlfriends over for valentines and posted about that too. It definitely got a lot of attention and not long after she was hooked up. It takes some balls but gets the message across... Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Being interesting in real life is more important than looking interesting on social media. I can't imagine making a decision about anything based on what I saw on FB. ^^This.^^ Using social media just to promote your own dateability sounds like a cop-out... like you're trying to create your own non-OLD profile. If you're a woman, you're going to get attention from sex-starved jerks, and if you're a man you'll just be ignored. OTOH if you run a dating group that meets IRL, using social media to help promote it is a good idea, as long as the group isn't too wild & crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
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