melell Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 I am extremely attracted to people who are a mixture of charismatic, reckless, impulsive, and damaged-not exactly these things, much more specific but I can't really pinpoint the specifics, when I meet these people I know it immediately. It is also mutual, I attract them, they attract me. Both with platonic and romantic relationships I do try to not consider these people for friendships/relationships because I know it isn't healthy- they are for the most part destructive. so my rational self doesn't let me indulge it. I have had relationships with this type before, and it doesn't become codependent because I realise it is a bit ridiculous. The attraction is really intense though, and can get quite consuming. There are things that I logically would like in friends/partners, intelligence, kindness, physical attraction etc... but with these people I am incredibly attracted even if they are clueless, not overly physically appealing, and have nothing much other than bad reputations. I can honestly say that the attraction I have felt for someone who I find exceptionally good looking, smart, funny, ticked all the boxes logically- is probably 1% of what I feel for these crazy/damaged types. Have read theories that try to explain it, things like upbringing, low self esteem, seeking people that reflect what you are missing, but I really can't find anything that would explain it for me. The feeling makes me want to embrace it, even though I know it would be terrible. I hate that I feel this way. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 These are your lessons...learn them well. They are teaching you to be whole. No matter who we are we need to learn to grow and oftentimes the jerks, the broken, ones who hurt us are the best teachers. One day you get too tired of the negative and you decide you need the positive. That is the day you have evolved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author melell Posted May 9, 2014 Author Share Posted May 9, 2014 I see what you are saying. But I don't know, I am tired of it, was with a person like that for years and I really don't want it, so I stay alone-but it doesn't stop me feeling the overwhelming attraction. Would experiencing the downfalls of it enough really kill the attraction? Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 I am extremely attracted to people who are a mixture of charismatic, reckless, impulsive, and damaged-not exactly these things, much more specific but I can't really pinpoint the specifics, when I meet these people I know it immediately. It sounds as though you're attracted to people with psychopathic personality traits. Beware! Link to post Share on other sites
Valen Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 I think you are still emotionally young, so you are going to be attracted to the badboy types. It takes time to outgrow it but requires you to go through a series of bad relationships to really sink into your subconscious. Wait til you hit your mid 30s, you'll find yourself attracted to more mature men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AdrianCrawley Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Why fight it ? What's the point ? After 30 you'll see a decline and you'll get some SIMP. He won't be attractive, but useful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author melell Posted May 9, 2014 Author Share Posted May 9, 2014 Was with someone for 7 years, just can't be bothered getting involved with anyone, like being single, but yeah, still get crazy attraction towards these people. It doesn't feel like I like the 'bad boy', I find some of their behaviour cringe worthy. These people are maybe 1% of the 'bad boy' category- at least of the 'bad boys' I have come across. It is definitely a charisma thing that seems to go with it, I would say I meet maybe 1 or 2 a year, and they are the only people I am intensely attracted to straight away for personality alone. It would be nice to think I would grow out of it, or get sick of it, but I do struggle to see that happening. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 The last few RS, have been with girls who were clearly quite bonkers. I spent 3 years attracted to bullies. I am pretty much attracted to total opposites. Could you imagine listening to my music every evening, only my daughter puts up with that. Its a good question as most do seem to be attracted to wholly unsuitable types. But i guess that`s the wonderful thing about attraction. I am fairly sure i am attracted to the girl in works in my local tube. She has Love and hate tattoos and is rude and generally unpleasant. But has an air about her.......And i am sure that her threatening to give me slap if i hold up the queue is just her way of `letting me know` 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bryceisbryce Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 If you've come to the realization that these guys aren't what's best for you then it's probably something you will grow out of. I used to be the same way about bad girls. I could tell if she was my type from just looking at her. With every semi-serious to serious relationship I have slowly become more attracted to women that embody characteristics of both good and bad girls. My gf has plenty of personality, sass, and charisma but at the same time she's sweet, understanding, and easy to get along with. I find both sides of her extremely attractive. You seem like a very smart girl. I think you'll slowly begin to find traits that make a man a good partner more attractive as you mature. However, if you haven't given it much thought I think you should consider what good guys are missing that's keeping you from being very attracted to them. Maybe you've just dated passive nice guys and need someone that is more dominant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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