How do i transition from Coworker to Friend to Relationship

[SeeJohnnyDo]

Looking for some advice, i will be starting a new work schedule over the summer with the perfect woman. She is everything that I am looking for and more, and I don't want to screw this one up.

 

Notes:

There seems to be a physical attraction that extends both ways. We smile at each other alot and chit chat occasionally.

She is an absolute lady, very feminine, very conservative, no tatoos or any kind of crazy erratic behavior that I've noticed. She's very kind and gentle.

She is in a long term relationship at the moment.

Our schedule puts us working the same hours.

I have her number already, but have only used it for group study things involving a class we take together on campus.

 

Need advice on how to proceed, she is a genuine keeper if I can somehow manage her to see that im worthy of a shot at the title.

 

 

Keep in mind, patience and honor are some of my chief virtues.

Edited April 23, 2014 by SeeJohnnyDo

[Scales]

Looking for some advice, i will be starting a new work schedule over the summer with the perfect woman. She is everything that I am looking for and more, and I don't want to screw this one up.

 

Notes:

There seems to be a physical attraction that extends both ways. We smile at each other alot and chit chat occasionally.

She is an absolute lady, very feminine, very conservative, no tatoos or any kind of crazy erratic behavior that I've noticed. She's very kind and gentle.

She is in a long term relationship at the moment.

Our schedule puts us working the same hours.

I have her number already, but have only used it for group study things involving a class we take together on campus.

 

Need advice on how to proceed, she is a genuine keeper if I can somehow manage her to see that im worthy of a shot at the title.

 

 

Keep in mind, patience and honor are some of my chief virtues.

 

I'm going to be brutally honest here for sake of discussion and possible helpfulness. You are pretty much doomed in this situation and here is why.

 

I don't want to screw this up

If you are worried about screwing it up your chances are pretty low. It implies you are invested when you should not be.

 

We smile at each other and chit chat occasionally

It means nothing. I know I'm not there to see what its like but 99/100 it means nothing. Certainly not physical attraction.

 

She doesn't have any kind of crazy, erratic behavior

She does. Its not because shes a woman, its because she is a person. It implies you are putting her on a pedestal. She is a person. She has done crazy **** she doesn't tell you about.

 

She is in a long term relationship

This doesn't need to be explained.

 

same working hours

You work with her. Not the best place to meet girls because when crap goes sour you might end hating your job.

 

Honor is a chief virtue

Stop caring about virtues. Also, you are attempting to steal a girl from her long term boyfriend. Might as well stop pretending if you are actually going succeed with that.

 

You either wait for her relationship to end, or you try to build up a connection that would lead to her cheating with you. Thats it. If you attempt to appear to be the better relationship guy, it won't work. Don't focus on wanting a relationship with her, but rather on confidence and aggression. You don't get to be next in line if you set yourself up as her BFF.

[lookingforbalance]

I agree with scales, particularly the part about working at the same place. If you are planning on the company being long-term employment for you, forget it. I have personally been down that path and it leads, at the very minimum, to awkward situations, as well as your employer looking at you in an unflattering light when it comes to promotion.

Also, you say honor is one of your chief virtues. I assume that to mean that you would expect the same value in your "ideal" mate. If what you say is true, then neither one of you will even consider the thought of acting upon any physical attaction, as you would want her to honor her current relationship, and she would look at it the same way. If she comes up to you tomorrow and says "hey let's do this", your virtue of honor, if true, will cause you to walk away until the relationship she is in is truly over and behind her.

My advice, move on and find a pond outside of your work pond to fish from, you will be much happier in the long run, a very high percentage of work relationships do not work out, particularly when they are started when one is already in another relationship.

[Frank2thepoint]

She is in a long term relationship at the moment.

 

Keep in mind, patience and honor are some of my chief virtues.

 

Since when was it honorable to try to ruin her relationship to indulge your selfish need to be with her?

[preraph]

"we smile at each other a lot and chit chat occasionally." Ummm, this is what people who work together are REQUIRED to do! That means absolutely nothing in a work environment. You are required to smile and chit chat even with those you most loathe in the workplace. Neither does having a coworker's cell number mean anything, because you're only supposed to use it for work. Don't assume she especially likes you.

 

Also, I have noticed that women who are securely in a relationship sometimes feel freer to be friendly to men at work because they always have the excuse of being in a relationship.

 

I used to work in an office. One of the women who sat near the reception area was very pretty, big boobs, etc. She had no sense of style whatever and was a total hillbilly redneck when not in the presence of men from work, but she had the boobs, so men didn't care and didn't see the other side since she was soft-spoken and friendly to pretty much all men. And they ALL thought they had a shot with her. She was married to a wrestler and had three kids. Visiting salesmen used to ask me about her excitedly and I'd have to burst their bubble and if I considered them a friend, I'd also thrown in that I heard her on the phone yelling at the top of her lungs about kicking someone's ass. She truly did look like a conservative innocent type lady in many ways, but.......no.

 

You do not have the open door with "welcome" sign here, so if you're smart, you'll keep it professional. If she decides to dump her man and actually has any curiosity about you, she knows where to find you.