Three strikes and I'm out

[Ryan R.]

I was reminiscing the past couple of days about the past couple of years and how I've been with women. The reason I was doing this because I just had a recent encounter with a girl that ended in another failure. Then I thought about the past times when this has happened and it hit me. Let me recount the ways.

 

Strike One - March 2012 to 2013. I was friends with this one girl I knew and she needed help on one of her projects. I then decided to help her out and I did so. We hit off quite well. We exchange numbers and stuff and things were great. I then help her on another project because she needs it. Little did I know that she wanted to copy my work on a project. I told her it was against my code of ethics and she then was disappointed. I didn't care because I wasn't getting anything extra out of the deal anyway. When I encountered her again at a party a couple of months later. We chatted for a bit and then I asked her if she had Instagram. I was using it quite frequently and I was looking for people to connect with. She said yeah and gave me her name. I looked her up and added her. I then waited for another 2 weeks and she didn't follow me. She knows it was me too. Oh well.

 

Strike Two - Around November 2012. There was this really awesome girl that I met, just my type in what I look for in a girl. She needed accompaniment to take some pictures in a dangerous part of town. I said I would do it and she then said she would wing it and do it herself but gave me her number if I was "bored at that time". Fine. I texted her and told her good luck on the mission. No response. Ok. I saw her a couple of times until I graduated in May of last year and she pretended nothing ever happened.

 

Strike Three - About two weeks ago. There was this girl I had really great chemistry with. Topics came easy and we talked back and forth. I told her I was jamming with two friends and she was interested in sitting in. I told her that she couldn't come because it's not my house and my friend doesn't know her. She asks for some mp3s of the sessions we did. Cool. She was feeling like crap so I text her and ask her how she was (playfully) and she responds 6 hours later. Then I send her the sessions last week and she hasn't responded as of yet.

 

I usually try to let things happen "organically" with girls. I don't try to force anything. All of these girls I'm pretty sure respond either immediately or in a timely fashion to guys they're interested in or friends. Actions speak louder than words and in this case, these girls weren't interested in me as a friend. I then realized this is a sign from above that I'm not meant to be with girls. I even had one other attempt that went bad. I just feel bad realizing this now, trying to be more than friends with girls when it wasn't in the cards.

 

Feels bad, man.

[Beatles4]

I know what your saying.

 

ive been friends with girls that I took out dinner dates etc but it would be nothing more then friends,

 

ive met loads of girls at church which Ive tried to ask out (to take out on a date) but most arnt interested in a human relationship..

 

like a sign init.

 

 

I dont know what to say I think I wil be single forever I have to try accept that and just plod o n....

[Salvatore85]

Three out of millions upon millions of females and you're giving up? Come on man...

[Frank2thepoint]

I was friends with this one girl I knew and she needed help on one of her projects. I then decided to help her out and I did so. We hit off quite well. We exchange numbers and stuff and things were great. I then help her on another project because she needs it. Little did I know that she wanted to copy my work on a project. I told her it was against my code of ethics and she then was disappointed.

 

First off, there's nothing wrong with standing your ground and letting know to a girl that you have standards. This girl wanted an easy ride and a freebie. There was no intention on her part to be more than friends. I know this from experience because I've fallen for this when I was young and dumb.

 

 

There was this really awesome girl that I met, just my type in what I look for in a girl. She needed accompaniment to take some pictures in a dangerous part of town. I said I would do it and she then said she would wing it and do it herself but gave me her number if I was "bored at that time". Fine. I texted her and told her good luck on the mission. No response. Ok. I saw her a couple of times until I graduated in May of last year and she pretended nothing ever happened.

 

This one is your fault. You didn't push to accompany this girl, you let her slip through your hands. She gave you an opening, and all you could say was "good luck on your mission"? Really? When she suggested the idea, you should of agreed on the adventure and then have some drinks or pizza after the adventure. You telegraphed disinterest and the girl picked this up real quick. You have to be a little more assertive.

 

 

There was this girl I had really great chemistry with. Topics came easy and we talked back and forth. I told her I was jamming with two friends and she was interested in sitting in. I told her that she couldn't come because it's not my house and my friend doesn't know her. She asks for some mp3s of the sessions we did. Cool. She was feeling like crap so I text her and ask her how she was (playfully) and she responds 6 hours later. Then I send her the sessions last week and she hasn't responded as of yet.

 

And another example on how this was your fault. Granted letting her know that it's not your place and you were unclear how the other person feels about friends-of-friends was okay, but I'm sure your friend would of been okay with it if you would of pressed the matter. Again, be more assertive. When you told her she couldn't come over to listen to you play, you closed the doors on her. She showed interest in you, granted it was subtle (but not too subtle for me at least), you just denied her and your an opportunity.

 

 

I usually try to let things happen "organically" with girls. I don't try to force anything.

 

Sometimes you have to force it, meaning you have to take the initiative, be assertive, and ask the girl out. Your current method is very closed-off, and unapproachable. These girls are sending you the subtle message that they want to get to know you better, but you are being too mechanical.

[shet]

Sometimes you have to force it, meaning you have to take the initiative, be assertive, and ask the girl out. Your current method is very closed-off, and unapproachable.

 

I disagree, his problem isn't being unapproachable per se, he's had opportunities. And he doesn't lack initiative, he's approaching these girls. His problem is he's being a dumbass. The examples you point out are perfect. These are his choice instances of when he thinks women weren't interested, and 2 out of 3 of them they actually were but he stitched himself up for no reason.

 

Why, when a girl you like and are pursuing asks you to text her when she's looking for a partner, would you not do that? OK she changed her mind and SAID she'd go alone but then changed it again and said text. That was your mistake, not her being disinterested. And the other one wanted to come round and listen to you play and you said... the other guys wouldn't like it? Are you for real?

 

This enters self-sabotage territory. You meet girls, they want to hang out, and you invent reasons why not. Stop doing that?

Edited April 20, 2014 by shet

[Ryan R.]

I disagree, his problem isn't being unapproachable per se, he's had opportunities. And he doesn't lack initiative, he's approaching these girls. His problem is he's being a dumbass. The examples you point out are perfect. These are his choice instances of when he thinks women weren't interested, and 2 out of 3 of them they actually were but he stitched himself up for no reason.

 

Why, when a girl you like and are pursuing asks you to text her when she's looking for a partner, would you not do that? OK she changed her mind and SAID she'd go alone but then changed it again and said text. That was your mistake, not her being disinterested. And the other one wanted to come round and listen to you play and you said... the other guys wouldn't like it? Are you for real?

 

This enters self-sabotage territory. You meet girls, they want to hang out, and you invent reasons why not. Stop doing that?

 

Ok, I should clarify on this. She didn't ask me directly, she asked over Facebook in the form of a status update. Which means, it was up for grabs for anyone. I saw that, and then I went for it. I just assumed that she wasn't interested. I mean, I saw her a couple of times and she always hugged me when she saw me but I assume she was being friendly. The second girl, I guess I can admit I flubbed up a bit on. The other guy knows her, so he probably wouldn't mind but it's not my house. I was assuming she was just bull*****ting anyway and wouldn't really follow through on it. I've had that happen a lot. People say they are going to or want to do something, but don't follow through on it.