Pretty with online dating, it's physical attraction...

[irc333]

Funny, with the recent post about how women tend to really deeply read someone's profile slash email, this woman gives it to us straight.

 

==If I don't respond I'm not interested , so that's pretty apparent for online dating. Stop keep sending me messages.. There has to be some attraction for it to work. Everyone is making decision based off pictures who do these sites lets not lie and say it's what is written.==

 

So there ya have it. All about looks no substance.....when it comes to ONLINE dating.

[MidwestUSA]

I'd probably judge her for her grammar, punctuation (or lack of) and general butchering of the English language!

[Targetlock]

Probably just her opinion, and it sounds rather stuck up and not worth the trouble in my opinion, what makes her so great exactly?

[Keenly]

Funny, with the recent post about how women tend to really deeply read someone's profile slash email, this woman gives it to us straight.

 

==If I don't respond I'm not interested , so that's pretty apparent for online dating. Stop keep sending me messages.. There has to be some attraction for it to work. Everyone is making decision based off pictures who do these sites lets not lie and say it's what is written.==

 

So there ya have it. All about looks no substance.....when it comes to ONLINE dating.

 

Pm me her URL, let's see if I can get her to respond , haha.

[MissBee]

Funny, with the recent post about how women tend to really deeply read someone's profile slash email, this woman gives it to us straight.

 

==If I don't respond I'm not interested , so that's pretty apparent for online dating. Stop keep sending me messages.. There has to be some attraction for it to work. Everyone is making decision based off pictures who do these sites lets not lie and say it's what is written.==

 

So there ya have it. All about looks no substance.....when it comes to ONLINE dating.

 

 

I don't even understand that last sentence to be honest.

 

But irc333 don't you find it a little old now, and unreasonable, to CONSTANTLY use what ONE woman says/does as a basis to determine this is either the norm or the final say on anything and what most or every woman thinks??? It's really lame. You make so many posts saying "This lady did this/said this/put this on her profile, therefore it means *insert blanket generalization about dating/women*" stop...it's lazy logic and it doesn't make sense. This is very simple logic that using one person or even a few then trying to make it some general theory doesn't make sense!

 

I don't even understand this woman, she doesn't even sound intelligent, so I really wonder how and why you've chosen her barely coherent words as THE standard to tell you anything.

 

Look: EVERYONE wants to be attracted to the person they're going to have sex with and look at for a while. Hello, this is common sense. Wanting physical attraction doesn't mean that you don't care about substance....but certainly online esp, a pitfall is that it's easier to be iffy about attraction and not give someone a chance just looking at pictures versus organic, real life interactions. That's the nature of it. This however does not mean that someone only cares about looks. Likewise, this woman did not specify that attraction means physical.

 

For me anyway, while online dating I of course was more open to men I found attractive physically but if they didn't also send attractive messages where we got on and I wanted to know more or if their profile wasn't of substance to me, I passed them by. If it were only about looks then any handsome half idiot sending me some ridiculous, nonsensical or lame message would get by...that didn't happen. I ignored plenty of men where I was like "You were cute, too bad you seem to have 3 brain cells, can't spell, your values don't mesh with mine, etc." I met my current bf online and what got me was his message to me was endearing, he clearly read my profile, he was sweet and his own profile reflected a similar thoughtfulness as my own and we shared similar views on life and relationships. I admittedly wasn't all that attracted to his pictures but I gave him a shot because based on his profile and our conversation he had a lot of the SUBSTANCE I sought...turns out he is waaaaaay more handsome in person and seeing someone in the flesh, their expressions, their smile, their energy is way different than static photos. Long story short: you need to stop using individual instances as general facts...stop it! It doesn't make sense. Some women may only care about looks online and some may not...but if you keep seeking out people to prove your point and then using them to say "see told you" then of course you're gonna find the dismal outlook you're looking for and I'm not sure how these kinds of conclusions help you....

Edited April 18, 2014 by MissBee

[kodakgirl]

I Long story short: you need to stop using individual instances as general facts...stop it! It doesn't make sense. Some women may only care about looks online and some may not...but if you keep seeking out people to prove your point and then using them to say "see told you" then of course you're gonna find the dismal outlook you're looking for and I'm not sure how these kinds of conclusions help you....

 

YES. Seriously. Your post essentially says, well, all these women here said they do deeply read a man's message/profile, but this ONE woman said she doesn't, therefore no women do. So you will ignore the opinions of the women here who have taken a lot of time and thought to share their own feelings and experiences with the aim of encouraging men who are frustrated with online dating, just because of some random lady. Thanks. I'm sure that makes all of us women who try to help feel just great.

[GemmaUK]

Funny, with the recent post about how women tend to really deeply read someone's profile slash email, this woman gives it to us straight.

 

==If I don't respond I'm not interested , so that's pretty apparent for online dating. Stop keep sending me messages.. There has to be some attraction for it to work. Everyone is making decision based off pictures who do these sites lets not lie and say it's what is written.==

 

So there ya have it. All about looks no substance.....when it comes to ONLINE dating.

 

This is her profile and her opinion.

You do seem to consistently apply one female's opinion to all females.

You make sweeping generalisations in the form of flippant comments which are designed to incite guilt (I've seen it in a few of your posts).It's very passive aggressive.

 

For the record, I absolutely always read profiles and I need to see substance in a man. If the substance that I see is passive aggressive, bitter or misogynistic in his profile or mails I move on no matter what he looks like.

I also need to be attracted or it'll never become a relationship.

It's as if your view is that women shouldn't have any need to be attracted physically but also I wonder whether you believe that they should date men who have any type of substance.

[irc333]

This is her profile and her opinion.

You do seem to consistently apply one female's opinion to all females.

You make sweeping generalisations in the form of flippant comments which are designed to incite guilt (I've seen it in a few of your posts).It's very passive aggressive.

 

For the record, I absolutely always read profiles and I need to see substance in a man. If the substance that I see is passive aggressive, bitter or misogynistic in his profile or mails I move on no matter what he looks like.

I also need to be attracted or it'll never become a relationship.

It's as if your view is that women shouldn't have any need to be attracted physically but also I wonder whether you believe that they should date men who have any type of substance.

 

 

Well, I know it's not ALL women, but I must be running into a batch of them who are attempting to use methods to weed out guys by making such comments or disclaimers in their profile.

 

They say things like "Sure, personality is great, but it's looks what attracts!" or they say, "Let's get real here, though I like a great personality in a guy, let's face it....physical attraction initially does play a role here, so if I don't respond, please do not be offended, but it means I wasn't interested".

 

Of course, some women don't have such disclaimers in their profiles...so they are likely to be thinking it.

[Frank2thepoint]

Well, I know it's not ALL women, but I must be running into a batch of them who are attempting to use methods to weed out guys by making such comments or disclaimers in their profile.

 

But this is no different in real life (aka, offline). A basic physical attraction will always play a role in determining if the other person is worth your time. This has been going on for ages, well before online dating. The funny thing is, men do this as well (ie: if a woman's breasts aren't big enough, she's not worth getting to know). Besides, why are you so focused on the negative, the women that are building walls rather than building bridges?

[Lokie]

...it's lazy logic and it doesn't make sense. This is very simple logic that using one person or even a few then trying to make it some general theory doesn't make sense!

 

YES! Love your term "lazy logic," Miss Bee. Thank you for so eloquently stating one of my Top Ten Pet Peeves: Generalizations of the whole based on knowledge or perceptions about a few.

 

IMHO, it is easier to speak from anger and ignorance than to examine our own belief system and question whether it may be flawed.

 

OP, we all deserve to be seen, heard and acknowledged. I'm sorry you are feeling ignored or overlooked. Please don't let the opinions of a few determine if you are worthy… of online dating or anything else.

 

L.

[normal person]

Funny, with the recent post about how women tend to really deeply read someone's profile slash email, this woman gives it to us straight.

 

==If I don't respond I'm not interested , so that's pretty apparent for online dating. Stop keep sending me messages.. There has to be some attraction for it to work. Everyone is making decision based off pictures who do these sites lets not lie and say it's what is written.==

 

So there ya have it. All about looks no substance.....when it comes to ONLINE dating.

 

Can you really blame the girl though? People can complain about the superficialities expressed by other people, but that's how the world works. You have a physiological response/attraction to some people and not others. You often can't explain or rationalize it. If she finds someone to be physically revolting, she's not going to jump into bed with him when she finds out that that they both have the same taste in music. Conversely, she's probably not going to like him if he's only good looking and nothing else. He just gets a foot in the door a little easier, that's it.

 

I seem to remember a short lived show on primetime some years back. It was called "Dating in the Dark" or something like that. Basically, a man and a women got to spend a lot of time talking to each other in a pitch black room. One couple had a great conversation and really liked each other, and they ended up making out or whatever. At the end of the show, the lights got turned on and they got to see each other. The women was not at all physically attracted to the guy and she didn't want to talk to him afterwards. The girl wasn't superficial, she just had preferences like everyone else. If she's holding out for someone who looks a certain way in addition to any other degree of compatibility, she's entitled to do that.

 

Physical attraction is usually a prerequisite for the other stuff. That's why people have pictures.

[Imajerk17]

Irc, don't get me wrong, as I do think that some of it is due to the women in your dating pool. BUT I think that almost every thread you write--and you write a lot of them--is basically you offering another excuse why you are struggling with dating. And I know I am not the only one who is thinking this.

Edited April 20, 2014 by Imajerk17

[MidwestUSA]

True. His glass isn't half empty....it's empty.

 

I'd recommend before the next topic he should sing 'Whistle a Happy Tune' or 'O what a Beautiful Morning.'..followed by 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'.

 

 

Along with the theme from the Partridge Family for good measure.

 

C'mon Get Happy!

 

Ugh, it's in my head now.

[Omei]

Irc, don't get me wrong, as I do think that some of it is due to the women in your dating pool. BUT I think that almost every thread you write--and you write a lot of them--is basically you offering another excuse why you are struggling with dating. And I know I am not the only one who is thinking this.

 

You're not I feel that he self sabatoges, I feel that any woman he would date would be chased off by extreme over analyzing of her as a person on a daily basis till she simply could not deal anymore, another part of me thinks hes a troll.

[GemmaUK]

Well, I know it's not ALL women, but I must be running into a batch of them who are attempting to use methods to weed out guys by making such comments or disclaimers in their profile.

 

They say things like "Sure, personality is great, but it's looks what attracts!" or they say, "Let's get real here, though I like a great personality in a guy, let's face it....physical attraction initially does play a role here, so if I don't respond, please do not be offended, but it means I wasn't interested".

 

The reason women put that is because they chat with a potential, all seems to be OK so they decide to meet to see if there is any mutual attraction and upon meeting the lady realises she isn't physically attracted at all and she will let him know that she isn't interested in going on a date with him.

 

Often when this happens (and it's happened to me several times) the man is attracted and he doesn't see any reason why they aren't now 'in a relationship' after just one meet and then the hounding starts.

The guy blows up her phone with texts and calls and won't leave her alone.

 

No matter how many times she says she is not attracted and doesn't want to see him he keeps insisting that he wants to 'make a go of it'.

So he pushes on with continuing to contact her.

 

Eventually, usually several days or weeks down the line she gets labelled a time waster by him when all she did was go and meet him once and then let him know that she wasn't interested time and time again whilst he chose not to listen and had ideas in his head that they were in some kind of relationship already.

 

Of course, some women don't have such disclaimers in their profiles...so they are likely to be thinking it.

 

Yes, of course they are!

Just the same as you have expressed that you wouldn't be interested in a much larger lady (which is your preference and perfectly fine) women aren't going to want to date someone they are not attracted to.

 

Or is it that you honestly believe that a woman should date whoever shows any interest in them?

Transfer that to your situation, any women that you show interest in, if she is single she should date you?

[irc333]

The reason women put that is because they chat with a potential, all seems to be OK so they decide to meet

 

Well, at least they are giving it a shot to meeting face to face. Some aren't willing to even do a quick meet up. Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of women respond....but I would say getting them to meet you face to face is few and far between (about 3 times a year if I'm lucky).

 

Some can be time wasters. One woman who would probably say live around 5 to 10 mins from where I live said she was always traveling for work, never had time, was always working on her home, but she just "liked to chat with me". I couldn't even get a phone # from her. So I found that a bit shady.

[GemmaUK]

Well, at least they are giving it a shot to meeting face to face. Some aren't willing to even do a quick meet up. Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of women respond....but I would say getting them to meet you face to face is few and far between (about 3 times a year if I'm lucky).

 

So, would you want to meet with someone who for whatever reason already knows from photos and a profile that she wouldn't want a second date with you?

It is a mixture of both photos and also profile.

If a woman gets say 25 mails a day and accepted every single date she wouldn't have time for anyone, nor even herself so there has to be some kind of weeding out.

 

Some can be time wasters. One woman who would probably say live around 5 to 10 mins from where I live said she was always traveling for work, never had time, was always working on her home, but she just "liked to chat with me". I couldn't even get a phone # from her. So I found that a bit shady.

 

So she told you she was busy and only wanted to chat. It doesn't matter where she lives, if all she wants is to chat then you should stop mailing if your reason for being on the site is to meet someone.

You were wasting your own time by continuing to talk to her when she had been clear she didn't want to meet. The moment she she said she was uber busy with things and was just happy chatting was the point when you should have refrained from replying.

[irc333]

So, would you want to meet with someone who for whatever reason already knows from photos and a profile that she wouldn't want a second date with you?

 

2nd date?...I thought I mentioned even meeting for a FIRST date.

[GemmaUK]

2nd date?...I thought I mentioned even meeting for a FIRST date.

 

No need to shout.

You avoided the question.

So I guess the answer is a 'no' then?

[irc333]

No need to shout.

You avoided the question.

So I guess the answer is a 'no' then?

 

That's quite assumptive of you to. I didn't shout and what question are you referring to?

[carhill]

Pretty [much] with online dating, it's physical attraction...

 

Yes, it is, and that's perfectly healthy. TBH, having walked down the aisle, so to speak, I've come to thank all those women who saved me the grief by rejecting my polite advances over the years due to not being up to their standards of physical attractiveness. Your revelation will come in your own time and hopefully not at great financial and emotional cost. Women such as in this example provide a gift; a gift of clarity. It's up to you to accept that gift. Good luck!

[GemmaUK]

That's quite assumptive of you to. I didn't shout and what question are you referring to?

 

I cannot help but make an assumption if you don'r answer a question.

The question was that which you quoted me on in post #20 of yours.

 

Caps is shouting.

 

There are other ways which are more pleasant to make words significant.

[irc333]

 

Caps is shouting.

 

 

I never wrote in caps.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I met my current bf online and what got me was his message to me was endearing, he clearly read my profile, he was sweet and his own profile reflected a similar thoughtfulness as my own and we shared similar views on life and relationships. I admittedly wasn't all that attracted to his pictures but I gave him a shot because based on his profile and our conversation he had a lot of the SUBSTANCE I sought...turns out he is waaaaaay more handsome in person and seeing someone in the flesh, their expressions, their smile, their energy is way different than static photos. Long story short: you need to stop using individual instances as general facts...stop it! It doesn't make sense. Some women may only care about looks online and some may not...but if you keep seeking out people to prove your point and then using them to say "see told you" then of course you're gonna find the dismal outlook you're looking for and I'm not sure how these kinds of conclusions help you....

 

MissBee is right. A man whose message conveys a certain thoughtfulness will have it easy to convince a woman to meet him in person, even though she might not like this pics a lot. I will never solely base myself on someone's pictures (unless the guy posts pics of his bare chest). It's a total package and if I have the feeling that the guy is decent, smart and intelligent, I will meet him. A lot of people don't really look good on pictures but good in real life. Better this way than the other way round.

[irc333]

MissBee is right. A man whose message conveys a certain thoughtfulness will have it easy to convince a woman to meet him in person, even though she might not like this pics a lot. I will never solely base myself on someone's pictures (unless the guy posts pics of his bare chest). It's a total package and if I have the feeling that the guy is decent, smart and intelligent, I will meet him. A lot of people don't really look good on pictures but good in real life. Better this way than the other way round.

 

Wish a lot of women thought like you. ;-)