How do you become "more aware" of female attention?

[iDrumKing]

I think it's safe to assume that we've had this happen to all of us at some point.

 

You're somewhere (mall, restaurant, store, wherever it may be) and you notice a girl. You look while she's not, and a couple of minutes later he or she is gone.

 

Now my question is, what if YOU'RE the person someone is checking out when you're not looking. Is there a way to be more aware of the signals?

 

See I'm not very good with signals. What is considered subtle or clearly evident? I don't want to be the guy to jump to the conclusion thinking "Oh she wants me" just because she asked a simple question or asked how I was.

 

How do you distinguish a random eye contact from a interested one?

 

Sorry I know this may have been asked before, but I'd like to get some insight on it.

[Omei]

 

Now my question is, what if YOU'RE the person someone is checking out when you're not looking. Is there a way to be more aware of the

singals?

 

Well if you're not looking then you won't see the signals :-P

 

But I get what you're asking you wanna know about if you are looking and someone is looking back....maybe someone will have a good answer for you!

[normal person]

For eye contact, if she looks at you, looks away, and then looks back again, it's probably not just coincidental. That's a good sign. She'll do small subtle things (that in her mind are obvious) to get you to notice her.

 

As for conversation, you can give yourself the benefit of the doubt if a random girl strikes up a conversation with you. That's a good starting point, she might just be being friendly, but if you like her, take it and run with it as far as she'll let you. Especially if her conversation isn't practical "Hey, do you know how to get to..." and is more complimentary "I like your..." etc.

[Imported]

If you think a girl is checking you out, watch her right as she is about to exit whatever area you are at and see if at the last second before she is out of the room if she looks back directly at you.

 

Not randomly look around the room and catches you watching her and then you two have an awkward eye locking contest, but like she is not looking at anything in your direction at all and then at the last chance, she looks directly at you (she is aware of your position). People like to be sneaky when they check other people out.

 

It doesn't really sound like much, but is pretty much a standard operating procedure for me to gauge interest from women, especially at a gym. I watch for them to look back and I usually catch them and they usually smile looking down real fast like they just got caught....because they did.

[d0nnivain]

Random eye contact doesn't mean anything other than she's aware of her surrounding.

 

 

Repeated deliberate eye contact is flirting.

[shet]

As donnivain says, eye contact is really solid indication. If they keep making it or hold it they're interested. Think about it. You don't get it from 99.99% of people out there. You don't make it yourself with people you aren't eyeing up, and if they catch yours briefly you look away and don't look again unless you're eyeing them up. It's basic animal impulse, have to be a professional poker player to stop doing it.

[Keenly]

I need this thread .... badly.

 

 

I've been told so many times I was getting signals, and I'm completely blind to them, in the most crippling of ways.

 

HOW CAN I BE MORE VIGILANT TO THESE UNNECESARILY SUBTLE SIGNALS!?

[Targetlock]

thanks to a mild learning condition i have real trouble picking up these kind of subtle signals, which can make these kind of things awkward for me.

[kodakgirl]

Make sure you are actually noticing the people around you and not wrapped up in your phone.... This very morning on the subway I ended up beside a fellow I found really attractive in a totally my type kind of way, eventually getting a seat right in front of him. I was glancing at him my whole commute. He never looked up from his phone once. Now of course morning rush hour is one of the worst possible venues for flirting, so I wouldn't consider it any kind of missed opportunity really, but still, noticing a cute girl looking at you is a nice way to start the day, eh? But he has noooooo idea I was.

 

I can be pretty darn oblivious myself, but just being aware of the people around you can reveal a lot! I've found even just glancing at people I pass on the street as we walk past each other reveals I get noticed wayyyyy more than I thought. I'm naturally pretty socially astute and pick up micro-expressions really easily (I actually know this from studies I've participated in) so it's natural for me to just "know" how a look of interest differs from a random one, so sorry I can't help there, but a good first step I think is actually look for it-- don't assume it's not there just because of your own hang-ups

[ThaWholigan]

thanks to a mild learning condition i have real trouble picking up these kind of subtle signals, which can make these kind of things awkward for me.

Autism? Or Dyspraxia?

 

I have both.

 

It's EXTREMELY hard, you have to be switched on socially, all the time. I've missed many signals over the years, and been too passive to react to the ones I have clocked.

[iDrumKing]

Thanks for all of the insights so far guys.

 

I can't tell you how many times where I've made eye contact with a girl more than once and not have it go anywhere. By the time they are gone, I start to think "was she checking me out?"

 

One thing I've been told is to try to hold eye contact on my end for a bit longer, and if she looks away quick, that means she's nervous?

[Imported]

Lotta reading material here you might find useful OP. I am not a "pick-up artist" or have any interest in being so mechanical at it, but I did read some things related to it. Most of which I stopped reading before 10 pages.

 

The stuff that "Chase Amante" wrote here was good though (a lot of it, not all). Many of which I already did or knew, some I didn't really consider. Helped me to realize some things about what I did and why it worked. Helped me to stop doing a few things that were just shooting me in the foot. My favorite is "The art of the deep dive", which I did a few times without really knowing what I was doing....I just really liked her and didn't hold back.

 

https://www.girlschase.com/users/chase-amante

 

That should be a link to "the classics" written all by Chase, which is all I read from there. They have a lot of new stuff and I read a little. Sounds like fluff, but may be interesting to read, dunno.

Edited April 15, 2014 by Imported

[Targetlock]

ThaWholigan: I have Dyspraxia, so yeah i know how you feel! and yes it is very awkward for us indeed.

[iDrumKing]

Maybe I should just act on it? I mean if two people are making eye contact, then someone has to make the first move, right?

[preraph]

Don't bother worrying about ones that are far away. I'm a female, and women may wait for you to make a move (or not), but if they're really interested, they will come in for a closer look and put themselves in your immediate path or close line of vision, standing or walking behind you, beside you, etc. Like if you were at the mall and you heard girl chatter behind you, turn around and see what they do, if they're close behind you to be checking you out. If you're say watching a band or in line somewhere and a girl appears, well, you are both at the same place, so you have enough in common to just say something to her. "I bet this movie is going to be good." "You ever seen the band?"

[Do_The_Herp]

What if you feel as if lots of females in general look at you? How can you be sure that they're not all simply noticing you staring, or looking at you at the same time you look at them?

 

They can't all be attracted to me, because if I actually talked to one of them, I doubt it'd end in anything but failure.

[preraph]

What if you feel as if lots of females in general look at you? How can you be sure that they're not all simply noticing you staring, or looking at you at the same time you look at them?

 

They can't all be attracted to me, because if I actually talked to one of them, I doubt it'd end in anything but failure.

 

Women usually avoid eye contact and close proximity with men they definitely don't want to encourage. So sounds like you could be popular if you just start casually talking to women.

[AnthonyLorenzo]

If I am interested in an unknown man I do not make eye contact then leave, I would sort of hover around acting busy hoping he would approach me.

 

If is a man I will see again, then yes, probably look at him before

I leave the room and then look away if we have eye contact. Women do this instinctively in all cultures. Some say it is a sign of modesty...making us more chaste and thus more valuable as a mate. The next time he sees me, he will want me even more.

 

In general we women know when a guy is attracted to us. I can see it in his body posture and in his random casual questions. Even when guys think they are acting cool or detached, we see through it. You may not know it, but you look at us every 10 seconds. I see it out of the corner of my eye. Your eyes may roam a room but stop for a second on me, then keep roaming. If a girlfriend asks me if a man likes her all I have to do is watch him for 2 minutes. His eyes will keep going back to her over and over and over...

 

Here you go guys. This is sooooo true. There is a thing that all humans have called "intuition". This is a great description of it. Clearly ladies are WAY better at listening to it than most guys.

 

Once again this is a clear example of the differences between guys and ladies. Ladies use intuition to help filter what is happening around them. Guys can do this too, but most of us haven't been taught how. It's not like they have relationship class in high school. I had to teach myself how to do this.

 

The "intuition muscle", as I call it, needs to be exercised just like any other muscle in your body. Use it and it will get stronger. What I do to exercise mine is to just pay attention to what is happening around me everywhere I go.

 

And of course it never hurts to hold eye contact just a little longer than your used to. Over time you will learn to hold eye contact longer and longer and this will make you notice more and more things that are happening around you and you look more confident doing it.

 

Don't bother worrying about ones that are far away. I'm a female, and women may wait for you to make a move (or not), but if they're really interested, they will come in for a closer look and put themselves in your immediate path or close line of vision, standing or walking behind you, beside you, etc. Like if you were at the mall and you heard girl chatter behind you, turn around and see what they do, if they're close behind you to be checking you out.

 

If you start seeing things like this happen to you, you can be pretty sure that you have something going for you.

[iDrumKing]

To add on to what Anothony was stating, holding you eye contact for a slight second longer can really say a lot about a person's interest in you. Well in my case it did.

 

I work at a coffee shop, so I get tons of very good looking girls coming in. If I'm interested in one, I would usually look while they weren't. I'm a pretty shy guy to begin with.

 

But I felt "ballsy" one day a decided to keep my eye contact with whomever a bit longer. When I grabbed eye contact with a girl, she was the one to look away first (which made me feel good.) When it happened again, she kept her eyes locked with mine and smiled, then looked away.

 

Whether all of this had an underlying meaning or not, it sure did feel better than creepily watching when she wasn't.

[AnthonyLorenzo]

To add on to what Anothony was stating, holding you eye contact for a slight second longer can really say a lot about a person's interest in you. Well in my case it did.

 

I work at a coffee shop, so I get tons of very good looking girls coming in. If I'm interested in one, I would usually look while they weren't. I'm a pretty shy guy to begin with.

 

But I felt "ballsy" one day a decided to keep my eye contact with whomever a bit longer. When I grabbed eye contact with a girl, she was the one to look away first (which made me feel good.) When it happened again, she kept her eyes locked with mine and smiled, then looked away.

 

Whether all of this had an underlying meaning or not, it sure did feel better than creepily watching when she wasn't.

 

This is perfect!!! If you get a smile out of her, it sure means something good. Keep practicing that and you will be blown away with your responses. This is a great confidence builder. The next step is to just start talking to her.

[Do_The_Herp]

Women usually avoid eye contact and close proximity with men they definitely don't want to encourage. So sounds like you could be popular if you just start casually talking to women.

 

For some reason, I don't think that women simply run away from a man if they're out at a store or a small deli getting something to eat or whatever.. They're not going to stop what they're doing as their ears magically perk up and they make a face like deer in headlight..

 

But I do feel my eyes meet with many females', it just doesn't last that long. I just call it being aware of your surroundings and being around people who are also aware of their surroundings. Could be wrong, I'm going to have to try my luck with strangers eventually regardless of whether or not I think they're particularly interested.

[GravityMan]

Eau Claire's post is 100% on point.

 

Assuming the person's mentally healthy (no dyspraxia or autism), it's not that hard for most people of either gender to pick up on indicators of possible interest from the opposite sex. Most people naturally figure this out in their teens or early 20s. I mean c'mon...if you just walk with your head held up, pay attention to the world around you (instead of being in your own world via iPhone or whatever), look presentable and give off a friendly demeanor...then you're 90% of the way there.

[shet]

Assuming the person's mentally healthy (no dyspraxia or autism)

 

Point of order, autistics are not "mentally unhealthy", they are just neuro-atypical.

[Do_The_Herp]

Eau Claire's post is 100% on point.

 

Assuming the person's mentally healthy (no dyspraxia or autism), it's not that hard for most people of either gender to pick up on indicators of possible interest from the opposite sex. Most people naturally figure this out in their teens or early 20s. I mean c'mon...if you just walk with your head held up, pay attention to the world around you (instead of being in your own world via iPhone or whatever), look presentable and give off a friendly demeanor...then you're 90% of the way there.

 

I'm learning to simply not give a **** about a female's demeanor in a cold approach, because there doesn't seem to be any correlation between what she says / her physical cues and my success rate, and just treat it as a numbers game as many males tend to see it.

 

I'm perfectly mentally healthy.

 

Also, I agree with the other poster. Something like Autism isn't exactly a mental disease, if we're talking of the high functioning variety.. Those people have the opposite problem of their less fortunate colleagues who may not be able to communicate at all and are more handicapped, they're most often hyper-intelligent with the main issues stemming from their inability to process and read emotional cues and the like from others.. It's also very difficult for them to express their own feelings.

 

ThaWholigan is autistic, and he's always been a wonderfully grounded and insightful poster on this board whose posts have always inspired me, personally.

[Imported]

If you think a girl likes you and you know you like her, just go for it. It's not like you're gonna explode if you go up and talk to her and then find out you were mistaken.

 

Right now I keep seeing a girl at the gym that looks at me like I am the boogyman or something. By pure chance (seriously, I did not purposely go near her), she went to get something from a corner and then I walked up behind her to get something as well. When she turned around and saw me, she kinda freaked and then gave me wide birth when we walked by each other. It was very odd, her whole demeaner indicates to me she either feels heavy attraction towards me and is trying not to show it or she for some reason really doesn't like me. There is no reason for her to dislike me, but that doesn't mean she hasn't come up with some reasons. No, I don't stink. No I don't wear cologne to the gym.

 

I can't really explain how I process when I think a girl is interested. And I have also had experience with women that behave as above. It takes more effort to get with them usually. It's like they are attracted, but don't like or trust me.