OLD: how do i get them to respond?

[Targetlock]

Hi Forum

 

Okay so I'm trying with OLD again, because what the hell! may was well keep trying haven't I? but i see plenty of nice women i want to message but how do I write a message that gets their notice and make them want to respond? i often send out messages and rarely get a response or even a viewing of my profile thanks for any suggestions.

[PegNosePete]

Have a good photo and profile. That is what gets responses.

 

The message just has to not suck totally (ie. "hey there", "hey babe", "want some sex" etc).

[Keenly]

You can't, to be honest. Its incredibly difficult.

 

If they respond it's almost always a message that you can't respond to like " haha " .

[d0nnivain]

A good photo is key because people on OLD are visual.

 

Your message to these women should incorporate something that shows you read their profiles.

[shet]

Good luck. I tried it last year, for about 3 weeks. My profile was on point, I'm a smart funny guy, my messages were awesome, I'm in physically good shape, but I'm balding rather young and shave my head rather than try to fake a head of hair (got another 2 years max of faint widows peak before my hairline is totally over-the-top ear to ear). So nobody gave a damn about me there. I got one carpet-bombed message from an overweight muslim 30 miles away. That in a nutshell is OLD. Couldn't get off it quick enough.

 

If you're more photogenic you may have better luck. You can always post the profile here if you want feedback, as long as you're ready to be examined.

[martaldn]

avoid message like this one

 

"hey, listen i m looking for an open minded girl who is looking for an open relationship, ideally we only meet twice a week for casual sex, if interested please reply"

 

( just got it from a guy dressed as Santa on OKC)

 

[Keenly]

I usually start off with whatever catches my eye.

 

" you have really kind eyes " or " a warm, friendly smile " and then " it seems like we have X or Y in common, how long have you been doing it ? "

 

Something like that. Sure as hell isn't going to work on most girls , since they are used yo being treated differently than that.

[somedude81]

You need to look really good in your photos.

 

A woman who reads your message will very quickly glance over your profile. She'll look at your pictures and your other stats such as income and height.

 

Most women will only spend a few seconds looking at your profile before they close it and delete the message.

[hasaquestion]

Hi Forum

 

Okay so I'm trying with OLD again, because what the hell! may was well keep trying haven't I? but i see plenty of nice women i want to message but how do I write a message that gets their notice and make them want to respond? i often send out messages and rarely get a response or even a viewing of my profile thanks for any suggestions.

 

OP what kind of pictures do you have? My advice would be this:

 

1) Make sure none of your photos are head shots or dimly lit pictures. People will assume you have something to hide and that's why you aren't showing the rest of you.

 

2) Likewise, don't choose a photo where it isn't obvious which person is you. People will assume you're insecure about your looks.

 

3) Don't use a selfie, or a picture that you took alone, or a picture that you took specifically to use as a profile picture.

 

4) Get a picture of you in action, DOING SOMETHING, specifically doing the things you actually like to do. If you can't think of anything better, a picture of you at a nightspot is fine. But ideally, if you're into rock climbing, a picture of you in your gear sitting on a ledge somewhere. If you're into sailing, a picture at sea.

 

5) Generally look your best, hairstyle and fitness wise. A good haircut and toned body goes a long way.

[kodakgirl]

You can't "get" anyone to respond. They will respond if they want to. Give them reasons to want to.

[d0nnivain]

1) Make sure none of your photos are head shots or dimly lit pictures. People will assume you have something to hide and that's why you aren't showing the rest of you.

 

4) Get a picture of you in action, DOING SOMETHING, specifically doing the things you actually like to do. If you can't think of anything better, a picture of you at a nightspot is fine. But ideally, if you're into rock climbing, a picture of you in your gear sitting on a ledge somewhere. If you're into sailing, a picture at sea.

 

5) Generally look your best, hairstyle and fitness wise. A good haircut and toned body goes a long way.

 

 

I think there are some really gems here but I think a head shot is OK as long as there are other full length pictures.

[Teraskas]

Unfortunately, it's one of those things which is out of your hands and have no control over. :/

[Targetlock]

okay as i expected but thanks for the comments and advice anyway

 

for you interest heres my description:

 

Hi, I'm Felix. I'm fun, friendly, easy-going and a bit of a Geek (in case you want to discuss Star Wars vs. LOTR). I work as a care worker with the elderly, and I'm also a freelance sculptor.

 

I would love to meet a kind-hearted woman with a big smile who treats life as an adventure and likes a bit of romance, such as bringing a girl nice flowers just because i can . Let's explore the city (ever been to Amsterdam?), watch movies (both classic and current - I'm good with the latest blockbuster, or watching The Godfather on the couch), and maybe attend a concert. Do you like rock and heavy metal? any favourites?.

 

Experts claim that most successful relationships that start online are initiated by women. So if you'd like to chat, see my sculptures, or debate nerd topics with me, please send me a message. I hope to hear from you soon, what are you waiting for?

 

funnily enough i had plenty of help with it from this forum! so there you go

and my main profile picture (taken recently):

 

yes i know im not great looking, but im not that bad either am i?

Edited April 15, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed URL to identifying info

[somedude81]

Nicest way I can think of to stay this.

 

There is some room for improvement on how you look. Many women online are very picky with a mans appearance because those women have so many options.

[Lyn77]

I really dislike OLD, but hey, it does work for some people.

 

As others have mentioned, your photos are very important.

Simple, solo photos of you having fun, showing your smile.

Please do not post photos of you with a woman cropped out or children.

Do not post photos from 10 years ago.

Be true to yourself, if you like geeky nerdy things, don't hide it.

 

Just be yourself and be natural. Don't send one word messages to a woman, think it through and send something interesting.

Don't ask her, "Hey, how's this site working for ya?" LOL

 

Good Luck!

[CrystalCastles]

Honestly, your appearance makes you seem like a very likeable guy. But that might just be me, I don't tend to go for the generically "hot" and huge-muscled guys.

 

Your paragraph needs a little more work though. It sounds a bit bland. I'm not sure what I can offer in terms of rewriting it, but avoid cliches. But keep the writing short.

 

@somedude- out of the hundreds of profiles I looked at, in my 1 week of OLDing, I only found one guy I liked, and he wasn't a drool-worthy hottie. It was his profile that stuck out (he was Spanish (fluent), but he taught for a year in China, and he was doing his masters in engineering-- impressive!!. The true hotties are the geeks).

[hasaquestion]

okay as i expected but thanks for the comments and advice anyway

 

for you interest heres my description:

 

Hi, I'm Felix. I'm fun, friendly, easy-going and a bit of a Geek (in case you want to discuss Star Wars vs. LOTR). I work as a care worker with the elderly, and I'm also a freelance sculptor.

 

I would love to meet a kind-hearted woman with a big smile who treats life as an adventure and likes a bit of romance, such as bringing a girl nice flowers just because i can . Let's explore the city (ever been to Amsterdam?), watch movies (both classic and current - I'm good with the latest blockbuster, or watching The Godfather on the couch), and maybe attend a concert. Do you like rock and heavy metal? any favourites?.

 

Experts claim that most successful relationships that start online are initiated by women. So if you'd like to chat, see my sculptures, or debate nerd topics with me, please send me a message. I hope to hear from you soon, what are you waiting for?

 

funnily enough i had plenty of help with it from this forum! so there you go

and my main profile picture (taken recently):

 

 

yes i know im not great looking, but im not that bad either am i?

 

Now we're talking. Well here goes....

 

I do have suggestions. I'm a man so I'm not your audience but I think you could do several things to help.

 

Dress differently. You have a naturally "adult" look because of your hairline and glasses, but your style of dress looks very high school. That shade of blue on jeans looks like something you'd wear while fixing someone's HVAC imo. And a printed crew T-shirt under a sweater like that is a considerable faux pass.

A nice button down shirt with a real collar, a good pair of cloth or wool pants (in winter), a nice pair of leather shoes - that will go a long way because it will complement your image. It will project maturity and stability, which should be your goal.

 

Take your picture somewhere else. It looks like that picture was taken place in your house. That tells people you spend a lot of time in your house. You attend rock concerts often? Sweet take a picture at a metal concert. Have a picture where you are doing something, you know? The place anyone that sees the picture is subconsciously associating you with is "that black couch in his house". You can do better than that.

 

New glasses? Forget contacts. I think that you actually would look better with glasses than without. Glasses exude maturity and I think that is a quality you want to emphasize.

But the style of glasses you are wearing is pretty bland. You'd look good in glasses without a rim on the bottom of the lenses. First of all, they are more stylish, and project neatness which as stated above should be part of your aim. But they will also suit your face well because it would elongate what's below your eyes and take the emphasis away form your high hairline.

 

Don't categorize yourself. Put that you're a care worker. Leave out the Star Wars and the Geek stuff. That's basically telling anyone who isn't into that stuff not to bother. Why limit your options? At the end of the day no one is going to decide to message you specifically because they want to "debate nerd topics" they'll do it because they think you look like a nice man.

 

 

 

Online dating is an inherently superficial thing but if you want to at least maximize your returns that's what I'd suggest.

Edited April 15, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[normal person]

Unfortunately, it's one of those things which is out of your hands and have no control over. :/

 

I respectfully disagree. It's largely within your control, the problem is that most guys don't do what's necessary to be appealing. If you insist on putting up a single picture and paragraph giving trivial details about about your life, the girl will basically just judge you on your looks, and why wouldn't she? You've made yourself completely indistinguishable from every other profile she reads.

 

There is a combination of words and traits that will appeal to mostly every girl out there. Yes people in general are superficial, but not all of them and not to the utmost extent. What would a girl like to read in a profile or message that would make her go from indifferent to interested? Have that thing in your profile. It will be different for every girl, but you skew the numbers in your favor by adopting some universally appealing character traits. Humor, intelligence, charisma, excitement, etc. A lot of these can be learned if you put the effort in and study the mechanics of each. The more of these things you have and can display, the larger the net you'll cast.

 

OP, your profile is nice but if I were you I'd try and set myself apart further. What's something that's unique about you? What's your defining character trait (or traits)? How would your friends describe you? What's your passion and why? You need something other than "I do this and I like this." You need to tell them more about you, the individual. That's what will forge a connection better than something trivial like "we both like Star Wars."

Edited April 14, 2014 by normal person

[Yasuandio]

You may be cutting out out a large percentage of women that know nothing about those figurines. Can you imagine a woman that has no knowledge of these goo-ie creatures you're contrasting yourself with? How might the unfamiliar respond would you suppose?

 

I'll give you a real example about something I collect, crucifixes. Most ones I'm interested in look quite atypical. Startreck (or whatever it is), is not unlike a religion. Yet, it is not like a religion at all, I certainly remember enjoying this series (or whatever these goo-ie things are, I'm sure I would enjoy them to a point. But I would not display three photos of my Ethiopean Crusifixs (even though you cannot really tell exactly what they are) next to a single photo of me sitting on a piano bench. It is a weird contrast.

 

Instead, I might mention that I am an art collector, or I love to collect objects that represent different countries. If I went into detail - many people wouldn't understand without the context of knowing me for awhile. Same with the over-emphasizing the geekieness thing in my opinion. Many people have differing interpretations of the term geek. When I think of Geek, I think of someone really smart with a pen protector in their pocket, and adhesive tape holding their glasses together.

 

But when I'm in line at Geek Squad, and observe their uniform and badge - as well as my dire need to see them, my perception changes dramatically. I look at them as servings at the emergency room, hoping they will be able to save my child.

 

Point is - terminology can wipe out a large population.

 

You need more pix of you. You look too gentle to be playing with those weirdo dolls - Amsterdam, For what? See? That is how I view your photo. But reading what you've written on LS, I see much more depth.

 

What are you reading? What have you studied? What is your dream?

 

Get a photo of you engaged in your sport.

 

Get out of that room with that plant. Get with some guys and jam. Or get some photographing you while you are jaming. Let's see some blood, sweat and tears while you play your music. Show us some passion! Action, not posing!

 

Even if you have to play live somewhere for free. Your goal is to have the hot babes holding and kissing that bald sweaty head after a mean jam session. (and have a bud taking pix - give him $20 bucks and a tip afterwards). Wear a leather vest or pants. Kick it up a notch. You get me? Hope this helps. Yas

 

Ps (sorry a little manic today - I had to tell u my ideas after I saw that photo).

 

 

 

 

 

 

If u desire maximum geekiness - there are many conventions on that subject.

[Targetlock]

Thanks for the useful advice and ideas will attempt a new profile description and post up what I come up with!

I've only just started learning the guitar at the moment, so no jamming at the moment. and I'm more of a comic book, role-playing and gaming geek than star trek

But the main problem is getting them to view my profile in the first place need to work on my pictures! not my most confident area, sorting out my appearance.

 

just for fun, some of my other profile pictures:

 

 

 

So tricky trying to get some good ones not a fan of selfies, especially mine.

Edited April 15, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed URL to identifying info, picture URLs such as this are disallowed

[Keenly]

Thanks for the useful advice and ideas will attempt a new profile description and post up what I come up with!

I've only just started learning the guitar at the moment, so no jamming at the moment. and I'm more of a comic book, role-playing and gaming geek than star trek

But the main problem is getting them to view my profile in the first place need to work on my pictures! not my most confident area, sorting out my appearance.

 

just for fun, some of my other profile pictures:

 

 

So tricky trying to get some good ones not a fan of selfies, especially mine.

 

All I really have are selfies , because a keenly is seldom photographed in the wild.

 

 

As for the guitar... maybe I'm just different in this sense, but in high school there was always " that guy " who always had a guitar, wasn't necessarily very good, but always played everywhere and just generally was being a show off. I promised myself I'd never be that guy.

 

Mind you, I'm actually what some people would call really good ( I don't think I'm that great, but I have ridiculously high standards for what constitutes musical skill ) but aside from a quick mention in the " things I can't live without " section, I don't even have it in my profile, or my pictures.

 

This is for good reason. They will know in the back of their minds that I know how to play, and they will probably think that I'm just mediocre and can play one or two songs.

 

This way, when its like date 5, and I invite them back to my place, I can pretty much blow them away. Its unexpected, developed organically, and most importantly, did not look like I was trying to show off.

 

Perhaps you can take from this strategy and use it, or mold it into your own. Just trying to help you out once you get passed the worst part, getting responses.

Edited April 15, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[KathyM]

There are some things I would suggest you could do with your appearance. One is the clothes. More stylish, flattering clothing would be an improvement IMO. Lose the glasses. Contact lenses or lazer eye surgery would be an improvement, or glasses that are slightly tinted and with different frames, such as wire frames. Your hair style needs work. I would suggest a shorter cut so the receding hairline is not so pronounced. A good quality toupe or a hair transplant would be nice if you can afford it. I would not suggest playing up the nerdy stuff, or talking about debating Star Wars vs. LOTR. Do play up the aspects about you that appeal to most women: that you like to play the guitar, like adventures, that kind of thing.

[thecrucible]

I'm going to sound a bit crappy for saying this but as soon as I read the phrase "I'm a geek" or "I'm a nerd" or something, I just skip the profile completely. Makes me think I'll get a super geek. To me geek = unsexy. That's just me though. Feel free to diss me for saying that.

 

I've just made friends with a guy who's really into his geek stuff. He's a pretty awesome guy but I wouldn't spoken to him if he'd been online dating and said "I'm a geek..." etc. He's not that geeky in real life, just likes a few geeky things. He told me that when he dates he always tones down the geek side because he knows that it puts women off. Most women are not going to be that geeky. When you put labels on yourself, it limits your market. If I see that in a profile I think "well this guy is obviously super geeky. That's not me at all".

 

Things always come across more extreme when read online.

[Teraskas]

I respectfully disagree. It's largely within your control, the problem is that most guys don't do what's necessary to be appealing. If you insist on putting up a single picture and paragraph giving trivial details about about your life, the girl will basically just judge you on your looks, and why wouldn't she? You've made yourself completely indistinguishable from every other profile she reads.

 

There is a combination of words and traits that will appeal to mostly every girl out there. Yes people in general are superficial, but not all of them and not to the utmost extent. What would a girl like to read in a profile or message that would make her go from indifferent to interested? Have that thing in your profile. It will be different for every girl, but you skew the numbers in your favor by adopting some universally appealing character traits. Humor, intelligence, charisma, excitement, etc. A lot of these can be learned if you put the effort in and study the mechanics of each. The more of these things you have and can display, the larger the net you'll cast.

 

OP, your profile is nice but if I were you I'd try and set myself apart further. What's something that's unique about you? What's your defining character trait (or traits)? How would your friends describe you? What's your passion and why? You need something other than "I do this and I like this." You need to tell them more about you, the individual. That's what will forge a connection better than something trivial like "we both like Star Wars."

 

You're right to a certain point, but still.

It's more than obvious that simply 1 picture isn't going to cut it. (As a comparison, I have 5 btw, and they all show me entirely.)

I've frequently seen women doing this where they only have a "headshot" picture where they don't show the rest of their body.

If I see this, I'm already starting to think to myself that there might be self-esteem or appearance issues, and in 9 out of 10 times I skip it and proceed to the next profile.

 

Naturally, everyone tends to put up trivial details such as "I liked my travel around the world" rather than explaining which specific place made it special and why.

 

Humour, Intelligent, Charisma and excitement aren't the issue, nor is confidence.

And don't even get me started on messages.

Contrary to the bazillion "EHRMAHGERDURHOT", "Hi", "Hey there", etc. stuff she receives on a daily basis, I am actually capable of writing a coherent message with a little more substance to those one liners.

Nearly always, I will include something I've seen in their profile which caught my eye (provided they actually HAVE something written down in their personal description section.)

 

Long story short, even a coherent message will be lost in the avalanche of crap which women receive. Then when they do see a coherent messsage they're in shock as they don't think such guys genuinely exist, lol.

 

Even with outstanding pics and a more than adequate message, it's still out of your hands to get them to respond.

Only so much which you can do.

Plus OLD has always been stacked in the favour of women, and this is likely not going to change.

Edited April 15, 2014 by Teraskas

[Targetlock]

well I'm a geek and proud of it and it shouldn't be something I should hide in my opinion though maybe I can tone it down a little in my description.

 

KathyM: my eyes are mismatched and I normally only wear them for reading, computer and up close stuff. i really don't like the idea of laser surgery and don't like putting things in my eyes so no contacts, plus i would have to wear two different ones and don't want to get them mixed up.

 

Thank you for the comments though it is still food for thought also here is the edited version:

 

Hi, I'm Felix. I'm fun, friendly, easy-going and a bit of a Geek . I work as a care worker with the elderly, and I'm also a freelance sculptor, which I would love to do full time.

 

I would love to meet a kind-hearted woman with a big smile who treats life as an adventure and likes a bit of romance, such as bringing a girl nice flowers just because I can . I can be a bit shy and awkward until you get to know me but I'm worth the effort. I've just started learning to play the guitar and enjoy most kinds of music but especially rock and heavy metal, any favourites?. I'm also a big movie and cinema buff, reading good books, exploring interesting places (recently been to Italy and Amsterdam) and learning new things and discovering new places and people!

 

Experts claim that most successful relationships that start online are initiated by women. So if you'd like what you see and want to chat send me a message. I hope to hear from you soon, what are you waiting for?

 

So what do you think?

Edited April 15, 2014 by Targetlock
new description!