cimplysonfused Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I often find myself in situations I'm not sure about, especially when it comes to people I once cared about that hurt me. It happens, sometimes I get really close to someone and they hurt me, either by lying to me, abandoning me or disrespecting me. I take responsibility for my part. Since maybe my actions could have influenced the person to leave, lie or disrespect me, but I also remove them from my life accordingly. It sounds like I'm doing good so far right? That is, until I go back and try to be cordial as if none of those bad things happened. We won't be close at all; I won't have a real conversation with them, I won't respond to their messages, hell, I won't even wish them a happy birthday. Yet, I still behave pleasantly when I do run into them. Acting excited/happy to see them, or as if I miss them (and I do sometimes). But, then when I'm feeling lower or awkward, I tend to avoid these people completely. I think about my behaviors to myself like: "Well, if I talk to them, then that makes them feel like it was okay to have hurt me in the past" "Yet, if I don't talk to them, I seem bitter and angry" "But if talk to them sometimes, and ignore them other times, then I just seem fake" I forgive these people, and I think I will always care about these people despite how unhealthy our relationships were. However, I'm conflicted. I don't want to be close to them like before, but I don't want to shut them out completely. I want them to know that they can say "hi" if they wanted to, but also ignore me if they wanted to. I wonder, does this make me crazy? Or does it depend on the situation? I also wonder if I give off the wrong impression by being so hot and cold? Perhaps I'm over-thinking things a bit..... What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
VeronicaRoss Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Sounds like a lot of work relationships. I work in a huge corporation and end up working with people that I worked with years ago and they were evil messes. I have learned to just smile and keep on doing what I do. The energy to hate them is too much. But lessons learned, I do not forget those. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 To me the balance comes from initiating contact. I don't. If I bump into them accidentally, I'm polite but cold. It sends the right message without dragging others into my drama. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 You know what? I think what you're doing is okay, not responding to messages but being polite when you run into them. It's called civility. You are sending a clear message: Our close days are over and I have moved on. I am a nice person and I no longer care enough about you to be unhappy just because you're in the room because I have moved on, but I have no intention of taking part in "Shat On, Part II." Link to post Share on other sites
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