The ones I'm compatible with aren't interested

[irc333]

You know what's kind of backwards.

 

Lately, I've been doing pretty well at garnering some women's attention, usually a trickle here and there, but they aren't my type (kind of on the AARP card carrying side, mid-50slol) Attractive physically, but I feel like I'd be dating my aunt or something, or they have some kind of serious baggage or mental issues.

 

Some women that have tried to get with me, other friends were aware of their character and gave me fair warning about them. One was divorced twice and had no interest in getting married again. She was really into me, but after finding out what I found out about her....and she was very recently divorced..I decided not to go for it. Some quite toxic.

 

But women I appear to have a lot in common with, Geeky Sci-Fi stuff (that's rare beyond 40, usually most geeky girls in my age bracket are spoken for), same level of intelligence, same morals and values, religious beliefs, etc.

 

What triggered this post was a recent dating profile of a woman, who I kind of know through the local Sci-Fi conventions. Her last relationship with a guy was a man she was doing a long distance thing with, but that ended long ago. Now she's been on OK Cupid...ever since. She made a bulleted list of what she wasn't wanting at ALL in a man.

 

"If you wear your hat backwards, don't email me."

"If you're incapable of having an intellectual conversation"

"If you dress like a hipster"

 

A few others that I was thinking "Nice, I'm neither of those"

 

Until I got to, "If you're bald...sorry, baldness doesn't do it for me"

 

And there ya have it.

 

You can all that you want in a person and then some, but only one dealbreaker such as that can throw a monkey wrench in the works.

[iris219]

She doesn't want someone bald, and you don't want someone who makes you feel you like you're dating your aunt or who doesn't want marriage.

 

You all AREN'T compatible with each other. Nothing wrong with that.

[salparadise]

It's too bad that people focus primarily on what they don't want instead of looking for things to appreciate within themselves and other people. My suggestion is to try and grow toward openness, and let go of rigid expectations.

 

For what it's worth, I am bald and dating a young, smokin hot 50-something woman and having the time of my life. We're in the now, not thinking much about happily ever after and such imaginary constructs. Just living in the moment as fully as possible, giving and receiving tons of affection and appreciation. Being alone and starved for human touch kinda sucks comparatively speaking.

[xxoo]

Forget her profile. If you see her IRL, flirt with her and make her forget all about the follicle-blessed boys.

[kodakgirl]

Compatibility is about so much more than matching on paper. You can have all the same interests and beliefs and hate each other (some of the people in my life I've disliked the most were extremely similar to me in these ways). You can have very few interests in common but be a terrific match. I think that is one of the hardest things about OLD-- you're pretty much going off the paper.

[Allumere]

..everyone goes through that. Last guy I dated if you went down the check list everything was there for both of us...but he decided he had to be with an evangelic so although I was a 24 out of 25, due to the weight he placed on that I was out. Just as I get the "dating your aunt" reaction or the lady's "no bald" thing. Somethings may seem silly but there is nothing one can do if it is a quality that one does/does not want in a person.

[whirl3daway]

won't work. bald isn't hawt to females

 

that depends. some bald men are gorgeous. case in point: georges st pierre.

 

but also dat french accent.

[Raena]

won't work. bald isn't hawt to females

 

I happen to like bald men. Not sure what it is, but something about it just does something for me.

 

And I'm into geeky sci-fi stuff too..

 

So... OP....you will find her... there's someone out there who is interested in ALL of you... not just pieces.

[irc333]

Forget her profile. If you see her IRL, flirt with her and make her forget all about the follicle-blessed boys.

 

 

Yeah, I'm sure I'll bump into her at the next convention sometime and make my move there...get her to rub my bald head as I don the Lex Luthor costume , take a picture of the event, and post it back here to note the irony. LOL

[ThaWholigan]

If they aren't interested, you aren't compatible.

[MidwestUSA]

"The ones I'm compatible with'.

 

Your problem starts right there, with assuming you'd be compatible based on a few lines in a profile.

 

I can't encourage you enough to get away from trying to meet women this way. I don't know how far into your forties you are, but you shouldn't dismiss women in their fifties. (I mean look at me and sal! )

 

Just as you think no one should immediately dismiss baldness. Now we're right back to that preference thing, aren't we? Everyone's entitled to theirs.

[irc333]

"The ones I'm compatible with'.

 

Your problem starts right there, with assuming you'd be compatible based on a few lines in a profile.

 

I can't encourage you enough to get away from trying to meet women this way. I don't know how far into your forties you are, but you shouldn't dismiss women in their fifties. (I mean look at me and sal! )

 

Just as you think no one should immediately dismiss baldness. Now we're right back to that preference thing, aren't we? Everyone's entitled to theirs.

 

The age thing is one classification of a more realistic preference. You won't "get" each other because of generational issues. I am early 40's - 42...and well 55 year old women...that's kind of up there if you know what I mean, but it's a more realistic expectation than height or baldness.

[MixedUpChick]

The age thing is one classification of a more realistic preference. You won't "get" each other because of generational issues. I am early 40's - 42...and well 55 year old women...that's kind of up there if you know what I mean, but it's a more realistic expectation than height or baldness.

 

I'm curious now. If you met a 55 yr old woman in a public setting (grocery store, meetup, whatever) and thought she was pretty & looked around your age, & you had interests in common - once you found out she was 55 would that be a deal breaker for you?

[irc333]

I'm curious now. If you met a 55 yr old woman in a public setting (grocery store, meetup, whatever) and thought she was pretty & looked around your age, & you had interests in common - once you found out she was 55 would that be a deal breaker for you?

 

If she looked around my age, it would probably not be a dealbreaker....though I noticed that's pretty rare in my neck of the woods. Women 55 and older look 55 and older. Usually they look like about 500 miles of hard road around here.

[ctxinfl]

They are out there. My GF is 40 and is a complete geek. And I couldn't be more happy.

[MixedUpChick]

If she looked around my age, it would probably not be a dealbreaker....though I noticed that's pretty rare in my neck of the woods. Women 55 and older look 55 and older. Usually they look like about 500 miles of hard road around here.

 

Good - I was curious because it goes back to the compatibility thing, combined with individual preferences. You have a preference for someone closer to your own age, but I was trying to make the point that you could potentially meet someone older who you're highly compatible with, & you'd have to decide (if that occurred) if you could forget about your age preference.

 

In any case, we all need to accept the fact that not everyone we think we're compatible with, is going to want us - & that's OK. That's just the way it is, whether we meet through online dating or in other places.

[irc333]

They are out there. My GF is 40 and is a complete geek. And I couldn't be more happy.

 

Yeah, most women over 40 that are geeks are typically taken or married. Though there are a ton of single 20-somethings at the conventions though.

[irc333]

Good - I was curious because it goes back to the compatibility thing, combined with individual preferences. You have a preference for someone closer to your own age, but I was trying to make the point that you could potentially meet someone older who you're highly compatible with, & you'd have to decide (if that occurred) if you could forget about your age preference.

 

In any case, we all need to accept the fact that not everyone we think we're compatible with, is going to want us - & that's OK. That's just the way it is, whether we meet through online dating or in other places.

 

Yeah, all it takes is one feature of a man to turn a woman off. I know of a woman that will not date a man with ANY facial hair...not even a goatee. Must be clean shaven. That's it. All she has to do is a look at a guy, "Ew, facial hair" and move on to the next.

 

My preferences are bit more flexible than most people I meet and I have to laugh at their deal breakers that are rather absurd. I think I may have mentioned a friend of mine that won't date red heads.

 

And I asked, "What if she was a hot red head that looked like Nicole Kidman or Christina Hendrix?"

 

Him: Sorry, nope.

 

I still can't wrap my mind around it, he must have PTSD involving red heads or something. LOL

 

Also, he won't date chunky women, even though he's got some good amount of weight on himself.

[FitChick]

Also, he won't date chunky women, even though he's got some good amount of weight on himself.

There are women who are the same. Then both sexes wonder why they can't get a date. Solution: buy a full length mirror.

[Targetlock]

you weren't compatible with them then and geeks come in many varieties by the way i should know, I'm one of them!

[loveislife11]

No matter how much we try to fight and struggle with these opposition the more we will beat ourselves down with. The more we will burden ourselves with concerns that are superficial in hindsight.

 

She doesn't like bald men...hmmmm well then that is her choice and ultimately you can't do anything, but complain about it. So go out an join a hairless mens club and advocate about it to the world if you feel so violated. Set up a campaign to fund the discriminatory regulations in congress to suppress bigotry of baldness, now go and band together with all the other bald men out there in our world and separate even though your uniting to form a coalition for disgruntled discriminated baldies and picket streets screaming say NO to head hair and YES to baldness and that it's beautiful. Those millions of thousands of viewers will LOL so loud and think you all have gone crazy.

 

I too am a victim(LOL)of hair loss loss and find that even though I never have to use shampoo or a comb or worry about dandruff, lice, and haircuts it is still a burden....PLEEEAASSEEE don't make me laugh!! the only thing I need is a decent razor and a few swipes in the morn and that's it.

[preraph]

Well, these days, there are some fairly well preserved women over 50, so glad you're open minded about it. But I do see why you'd rather keep it a little closer to your own age. The good thing about women over 50 is at least the kids are out of the house.

[irc333]

Good point....a lot women I've met have their kids full time, so no lonely time together. lol

 

 

Well, these days, there are some fairly well preserved women over 50, so glad you're open minded about it. But I do see why you'd rather keep it a little closer to your own age. The good thing about women over 50 is at least the kids are out of the house.

[Tressugar]

Bald is SEXY! If that's you on your profile pic, then you ain't got nothing to worry about.

[irc333]

Bald is SEXY! If that's you on your profile pic, then you ain't got nothing to worry about.

 

Who? Bryan Cranston? ROFL! Funny