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Mind games really a turn off


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So I work with a speed dating company and the girls there gave me a free pass to an event.

 

I go and hit it off with a beautiful Persian woman and we go on what I thought was a first date. Everything seemed to go pretty well and I lined up a 2nd. Then 2 days later I get a text at 8AM saying I hope you're okay with just being friends. So we go back and forth a bit and I told her I'm attracted to her and friendship isn't going to work. She says she was never attracted to me and just enjoyed talking to me and thought we could be friends. WTF! This is information that would have been very useful from the outset not a week and a half after our speed dating event. Then there's all this BS about everyone is special in their own way and you shouldn't get hurt from someone you barely know. This from a woman in her mid thirties. Just feels like I got mind f'd for God knows what reason. Maybe she enjoys stringing guys along to feel desired. Totally unacceptable behaviour from a grown woman. Had I been told up front that is what she wanted I would have certainly approached it differently and wouldn't have committed myself emotionally. Now I'm pissed at her and never want to speak with her again. It's crap like this that makes me want to swear off dating forever and live a life of quiet solitude with the occasional prostitute thrown in. Women, your sisters are not doing you a service with this kind of behaviour. I'd like to think there are some decent, straight forward women out there, but is it worth the effort wading through all the BS. GRRR, I just feel the need to vent. I haven't been on here in a while.

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Michelle ma Belle

Relax. Seriously. I would be more inclined to get on your soapbox with you and tear a strip off of her for being so insensitive BUT I can't agree with your logic.

 

It's not like you've gone out on half a dozen dates and invested a lot of time, energy or money in her. You haven't even gotten to the second date yet for heaven's sake. At least she had the decency to let you know BEFORE you went out again.

 

Honestly, haven't you ever gone on a date with someone that you hoped you'd click with only to realize one date, two dates or even three dates into it that it's just not working for you? That's called DATING! You meet people, you enjoy their company, you go out a few times to see if something sticks and if it doesn't, you move on. Don't take it so personally.

 

I don't see this as a mind game or mind f**k but rather someone who realized sooner rather than later that she's just not that into you and let you know it. If you had other feelings and expectations of her, that's your stuff not hers.

 

Regardless, being rejected isn't pleasant. Don't let this incident ruin you. It's just part of the dance :)

 

Good luck!

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So I work with a speed dating company and the girls there gave me a free pass to an event.

 

I go and hit it off with a beautiful Persian woman and we go on what I thought was a first date. Everything seemed to go pretty well and I lined up a 2nd. Then 2 days later I get a text at 8AM saying I hope you're okay with just being friends. So we go back and forth a bit and I told her I'm attracted to her and friendship isn't going to work. She says she was never attracted to me and just enjoyed talking to me and thought we could be friends. WTF! This is information that would have been very useful from the outset not a week and a half after our speed dating event. Then there's all this BS about everyone is special in their own way and you shouldn't get hurt from someone you barely know. This from a woman in her mid thirties. Just feels like I got mind f'd for God knows what reason. Maybe she enjoys stringing guys along to feel desired. Totally unacceptable behaviour from a grown woman. Had I been told up front that is what she wanted I would have certainly approached it differently and wouldn't have committed myself emotionally. Now I'm pissed at her and never want to speak with her again. It's crap like this that makes me want to swear off dating forever and live a life of quiet solitude with the occasional prostitute thrown in. Women, your sisters are not doing you a service with this kind of behaviour. I'd like to think there are some decent, straight forward women out there, but is it worth the effort wading through all the BS. GRRR, I just feel the need to vent. I haven't been on here in a while.

 

You didn't make her tingle down there (or, in girl talk, there was no "chemistry"). That's your problem.

 

Learn how to make women tingle in their privates and they'll play these kinds of games way less.

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I too tire of mindgames, and I'm already experiecing this kind of behaviour from women in my early 20s.

Doesn't seem like the future and maturity level with regards to women is an improvement, /sigh.

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You didn't make her tingle down there (or, in girl talk, there was no "chemistry"). That's your problem.

 

Learn how to make women tingle in their privates and they'll play these kinds of games way less.

 

Men don't have to "learn" anything to cater to a woman. Just be yourself, dude. Just say, "Okay" and move onto a woman until something clicks.

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Disillusioned
Men don't have to "learn" anything to cater to a woman. Just be yourself, dude. Just say, "Okay" and move onto a woman until something clicks.

 

But if your self is weird, then you have a problem. :eek:

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Relax. Seriously. I would be more inclined to get on your soapbox with you and tear a strip off of her for being so insensitive BUT I can't agree with your logic.

 

It's not like you've gone out on half a dozen dates and invested a lot of time, energy or money in her. You haven't even gotten to the second date yet for heaven's sake. At least she had the decency to let you know BEFORE you went out again.

 

Honestly, haven't you ever gone on a date with someone that you hoped you'd click with only to realize one date, two dates or even three dates into it that it's just not working for you? That's called DATING! You meet people, you enjoy their company, you go out a few times to see if something sticks and if it doesn't, you move on. Don't take it so personally.

 

I don't see this as a mind game or mind f**k but rather someone who realized sooner rather than later that she's just not that into you and let you know it. If you had other feelings and expectations of her, that's your stuff not hers.

 

Regardless, being rejected isn't pleasant. Don't let this incident ruin you. It's just part of the dance :)

 

Good luck!

 

We met at a dating event, not at a coffee shop. If that had been the case I would have given her the benefit of the doubt, although women seem pretty clueless that if a man approaches you in public he's almost always interested sexually. I made a female friend at another speed dating event and she was totally up front from the get go that that is all she was interested in and we hang out from time to time. Many women are just used to getting away with behaving badly. You're answer is typical of a woman. There is a double standard where if you flipped things around a guy would torn to pieces for being an a-hole or an insensitive jerk. Stop being being too chicken to just say what you mean. And it's not just one woman ruining me, it's a whole bunch of women over the past 6 years starting with my cheating ex wife. It's getting to the point where I scoff at anything that comes out of a woman's mouth. I just don't believe that women generally mean what they say.

 

As for the tingling loins, I know that lots of PUAs troll around this site. I have no use for being a player and saying what women want to hear to add notches to my belt and leave a trail of broken hearts. I know guys like that and it's a totally empty existence.

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She didn't play mind games. She actually gave you a shot and went on a date with you. Your initial meeting at the speed dating was inconclusive for her so she needed extra time with you to determine if you are a prospect. But after the first date, she realize there isn't chemistry. And she knows you probably wanted more so she quickly txt you her intentions so you don't misjudge the situation any further. I think she did you a great favor. Now you know how she feels and you can decide to move on or be her friend.

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But..... I'M weird :(

 

I'm weird too... I read a quote somewhere about how true love is finding someone whose weirdness matches with yours, haha, I've always liked that.

 

OP-- I totally get that you are frustrated but I have to say it seems you are overreacting a bit. Trying out one date with someone you enjoy talking to seems perfectly reasonable to me. Everyone always says you should give things a chance, don't write someone off because there isn't instant chemistry.... Well this is the flipside. It sounds like she wasn't attracted at the get-go but was willing to see, and it just didn't click, so she let you know rather than lead you on. Honestly I've had this from men, too. I'm not very experienced in dating but even I have learned the first three dates are all essentially a test drive-- up to three either person can back out without anyone leading or having been led on. I don't love it but I think it's fair.

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hasaquestion
So I work with a speed dating company and the girls there gave me a free pass to an event.

 

I go and hit it off with a beautiful Persian woman and we go on what I thought was a first date. Everything seemed to go pretty well and I lined up a 2nd. Then 2 days later I get a text at 8AM saying I hope you're okay with just being friends. So we go back and forth a bit and I told her I'm attracted to her and friendship isn't going to work. She says she was never attracted to me and just enjoyed talking to me and thought we could be friends. WTF! This is information that would have been very useful from the outset not a week and a half after our speed dating event. Then there's all this BS about everyone is special in their own way and you shouldn't get hurt from someone you barely know. This from a woman in her mid thirties. Just feels like I got mind f'd for God knows what reason. Maybe she enjoys stringing guys along to feel desired. Totally unacceptable behaviour from a grown woman. Had I been told up front that is what she wanted I would have certainly approached it differently and wouldn't have committed myself emotionally. Now I'm pissed at her and never want to speak with her again. It's crap like this that makes me want to swear off dating forever and live a life of quiet solitude with the occasional prostitute thrown in. Women, your sisters are not doing you a service with this kind of behaviour. I'd like to think there are some decent, straight forward women out there, but is it worth the effort wading through all the BS. GRRR, I just feel the need to vent. I haven't been on here in a while.

 

Reading this reminds me of a line from Anchorman.

 

Well, that escalated quickly.

 

OP it was ONE DATE!

 

How is going on a date with someone, then deciding you don't want a relationship "behaving badly"? The point of a date is to figure out if you're compatible.

 

I guess I'd better not go on any dates then. Unless of course, I'm ready to get down on one knee and propose after dinner.

 

She did you a favor by letting you know right away, if nothing else. Chill out.

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So I work with a speed dating company and the girls there gave me a free pass to an event.

 

I go and hit it off with a beautiful Persian woman and we go on what I thought was a first date. Everything seemed to go pretty well and I lined up a 2nd. Then 2 days later I get a text at 8AM saying I hope you're okay with just being friends. So we go back and forth a bit and I told her I'm attracted to her and friendship isn't going to work. [b ]She says she was never attracted to me and just enjoyed talking to me and thought we could be friends.[/b]

 

 

I think it is OK to go on a first date being interested but not attracted to "wait and see what happens", but I'm not sure if that was the case here. If the OP ended up spending time and money on a girl who already knew before the first date she wasn't interested, then that wasn't cool on the girl's part.

 

I also think this girl could stand to use a little tact. No good would come out of her mentioning that she was never interested, whatever was going on in her head over the whole thing.

 

WTF! This is information that would have been very useful from the outset not a week and a half after our speed dating event. Then there's all this BS about everyone is special in their own way and you shouldn't get hurt from someone you barely know. This from a woman in her mid thirties. Just feels like I got mind f'd for God knows what reason. Maybe she enjoys stringing guys along to feel desired. Totally unacceptable behaviour from a grown woman. Had I been told up front that is what she wanted I would have certainly approached it differently and wouldn't have committed myself emotionally. Now I'm pissed at her and never want to speak with her again. It's crap like this that makes me want to swear off dating forever and live a life of quiet solitude with the occasional prostitute thrown in. Women, your sisters are not doing you a service with this kind of behaviour. I'd like to think there are some decent, straight forward women out there, but is it worth the effort wading through all the BS. GRRR, I just feel the need to vent. I haven't been on here in a while.
HOWEVER, part of being a man is learning to take things in stride. I get you are pissed and this is a rant, but you do need to chill.
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pickflicker

She didn't play mind games. She went on a date, have you an honest shot, and wasn't interest. Your pride is just hurt. Snap out of it. She actually was honest and upfront. If you think het going on a date, seeing how she felt, and then politely telling you Sheena but feeling it is a "mind game", you're in for a world of hurt in the dating arena.

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She didn't play any mind games at all.

 

You met, it doesn't matter where you met. Just because it was at a dating event doesn't mean a relationship will just 'happen'.

Agreeing to go on a date also doesn't mean a relationship will just 'happen' either.

 

She went on a date, she realised you were incompatible and she let you know.

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Sorry about your rejection,but please.. it was one single date. It takes at least a few dates or even months to get to know someone enough to determine whether you want a relationship with them. These are not mind games.

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Reading this reminds me of a line from Anchorman.

 

Well, that escalated quickly.

 

OP it was ONE DATE!

 

How is going on a date with someone, then deciding you don't want a relationship "behaving badly"? The point of a date is to figure out if you're compatible.

 

I guess I'd better not go on any dates then. Unless of course, I'm ready to get down on one knee and propose after dinner.

 

She did you a favor by letting you know right away, if nothing else. Chill out.

 

Ditto and ditto to several other posters.

 

You can't win. If you decide immediately that there is no chemistry and no future you're unreasonable and don't know how to give a guy a chance, if you give a guy a chance and then realize you don't think it will work and tell him so, you've played mind games :rolleyes:.

 

This woman did nothing manipulative or awful to you. She went out with you ONCE and then realized it wasn't going to work and TOLD YOU! What would you have preferred? I get the disappointment but rejection is a part of dating and this all happened quite early and she seems like a very respectful and sweet woman who was honest with you. If you're unable to let go of grand expectations or aren't able to understand that sometimes you go on dates and it's nice but still doesn't work as life and not mind games, it will be a hard and long road dating wise for you.

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Michelle ma Belle
Many women are just used to getting away with behaving badly. You're answer is typical of a woman. There is a double standard where if you flipped things around a guy would torn to pieces for being an a-hole or an insensitive jerk. Stop being being too chicken to just say what you mean. And it's not just one woman ruining me, it's a whole bunch of women over the past 6 years starting with my cheating ex wife. It's getting to the point where I scoff at anything that comes out of a woman's mouth. I just don't believe that women generally mean what they say.

 

I'm sorry but this is a terribly immature response.

 

Don't you dare paint ALL women with the same paint brush just because you've made a few bad choices in your life. It's incredibly offensive to those of us who strive to be better and choose to conduct ourselves with dignity and grace. Shame on you.

 

I get it that you've had some sh*tty experiences with women but you're not the only one that's been screwed over by an insensitive partner. We ALL have baggage we carry around with us and inevitably bring into our relationships.

 

Finding happiness isn't about finding it in the other person but in ourselves. Walking around with a huge chip on your shoulder and bad attitude will only guarantee you more sh*tty experiences or leave you single and bitter for all eternity.

 

If you still have some sense in you you'll re-read through this thread from start to finish and really take in all of the responses by some very smart and experienced members, who by the way, are all trying to HELP you.

 

And before you go off on me (or any woman) again regarding my take on your situation, this has NOTHING to do with women sticking up for women for heaven's sake! I'm the first person to call out a woman's bullsh*t if only because I don't want to be associated with a gender that perpetuates a negative stereotype.

 

Just because you don't like the answers doesn't make them wrong.

 

End of rant.

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I'm confused what behavior you wanted from this woman.

 

Would you have preferred that she only accepted a second date if she was already 100% sure she wanted a serious relationship with you?

 

Most people don't make important decisions that quickly.

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loveislife11

There is no mind games.....her text explained it very well. If a person says they just want to be friends, then that's THAT!!! It is a huge buzz kill when a date tells you this, but at least she was upfront and gave you a direct message about her intentions.

 

She wants to be friends....that means she is not interested in any other kind of relationship other than friends with you for now. That could change over time, but don't expect it to.

 

Sadly many of us become infatuated and try as we might attempt to coerce and plead and this just makes us look SAD to the other person.

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