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Is it considered weird to not be socially active?


endlessabyss

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endlessabyss

Since I have graduated college, my interests have changed big time. I am an avid reader, and don't, any longer, have fun going out to clubs and bars. I am more interested in learning about the world.

 

Since my hobbies are out of the norm for my age (later twenties), I have kind of put distance in between myself and old friends. My friends have families now, as well, so they don't do the party thing much more either.

 

Is this considered weird? I guess I am asking because it seems like American culture is obsessed with partying, and I don't fit into that scene.

 

Another question I want to ask is, why is being awkward a problem? lol

 

I've seen multiple times, on this sight, people complaining about being awkward in social situations. Why is this so stigmatized?

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It's not stigmatized so much as looked at as "wasting potential" I think. Lots of people have very limited real world social circles but have 100+ Facebook/on line contacts they keep in touch w/regularly, & they would tell anyone they are active socially. To others, online relationships are a waste of time since they believe relationships should always be had in person (they have a point, re that show "Catfish"). In the context of forums like this it seems that since the members want to date, then they deem awkwardness a problem since it prevents them from talking to other people they find attractive & want to ask out or get asked out by. All that being said, there are ways to be social w/o "partying". I didn't get to do any partying during my youth & I feel like I missed out on many chances for dating & sexual experience, but I also never had to worry about pregnancy scares, STD's etc. It's great to have figured out what you like & don't like at an early age, definitely not weird.

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VeronicaRoss

Late 20s isn't too young to be interested in the world and you are hardly unique. A lot of people in their 20s are already leaders making a difference because they've been passionate about the outside world in various ways their whole lives, and their parents helped them get involved or they just did it on their own.

 

Seems like you haven't been sought out the company of people with the same interests, I think you're going to be blown away when you do. You are about to find your tribe.

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There are many types of social activities that fall between shutting yourself in your house with a book every night and going to the bars every night. If you are interested in learning about the world, there are plenty of social activities you can do that involve that, yet do not involve partying and drinking. I wouldn't even necessarily agree with you that your interests are out of the norm. Many people start to outgrow the bar scene as they get older.

 

If you don't want to have a social life, then don't. That's your decision. The reason you see it stigmatized on here at times is that the poster without the social life (or awkward in social situations) is typically complaining about not having a boyfriend/girlfriend or not being able to find anyone to date. It is much more difficult to date (or to find dates) if you have no social circle and you don't go out and do anything. Sitting in your house with your nose in a book is not a prime way to start a relationship. If you don't mind being alone, continue doing what you are doing. No one is going to force you to go out if you don't want to.

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endlessabyss

I'm not totally socially reclusive, but for where I live, I do notice a big difference it what people my age are doing (through facebook and work)

 

After the work week, I'm pretty excited to be able to research the things I am interested in on the weekends. Occasionally I will go out drinking, on a Friday or Saturday night, with some friends, but I eventually depart after a couple of hours. Between the gossip and sports talk, I just get bored fairly easy.

 

Furthermore, I know one of the big reasons why my ex broke up with me is because she wanted someone to party with on the weekends, while I was no longer interested in that. She'd call me a hermit, boring, or whatever else. The name calling definitely made me analyze what I was doing a little closer.

 

From my perspective, after working close to 50 hours a week, I get all the socialization I need at work. After dealing with peoples bad attitudes for five days a week, I need to get away.

 

My co-workers are around the same age as me, and they still party like I did when I was 21. So, when Monday comes around they have loads of stories about how drunk they were, and the new chicks they hooked up with, while I just sit there like "um, ok" lol.

 

Like I said, I am fine with what I do. I think for the people that I am mostly surrounded by don't understand why I'm not about the "YOLO" life anymore. I was just trying to get an outsiders perspective.

 

Sorry if I offended anyone when I said that my hobbies are out of the norm for my age. What I meant was that they are out of the norm for may age for where I live. I live in a real blue collar area, where most people didn't go to college, so when I bring up things that I am interested in with whoever, there seems to be a disconnect (they just don't seem to care for the most part). I am studying for grad school, so things are going to change for me in the future anyways.

Edited by endlessabyss
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Being a homebody or an introvert is not weird. Tons of people are like that and they have good social skills, happy lives and good relationships.

 

Frequently avoiding social contact on the other hand is not good, and yes many people view that as weird. Being anti-social is even worse. Most of us are wired to want SOME sort of companionship and love in our lives...be it friends, family, a SO, or even a dog. Fortunately, you don't seem the social avoidant type; you just haven't adjusted to the fact that as most people grow up, they naturally spend more and more time with their significant others and (if any) kids. There's less time to shoot the sh*t with buddies. Also, some couples prefer to associate with other couples...better able to relate to each other.

 

I think you should look into Meetup groups that cater to your interests.

 

As for social awkwardness, that just makes most people a little uncomfortable to be around you if the awkwardness is frequent and if you're not good at recovering from the awkward moments. They don't think you're a bad person, they're just not quite "getting" you. (Everyone has an occasional awkward moment.). When you say or do something that's discordant, others become hesitant or unsure how to respond or proceed. In short, they're thinking "huh?" or "WTF". Whatever good flow or pleasant mood was present is temporarily interrupted or broken.

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Since I have graduated college, my interests have changed big time. I am an avid reader, and don't, any longer, have fun going out to clubs and bars. I am more interested in learning about the world.

 

Since my hobbies are out of the norm for my age (later twenties), I have kind of put distance in between myself and old friends. My friends have families now, as well, so they don't do the party thing much more either.

 

Is this considered weird? I guess I am asking because it seems like American culture is obsessed with partying, and I don't fit into that scene.

 

Another question I want to ask is, why is being awkward a problem? lol

 

I've seen multiple times, on this sight, people complaining about being awkward in social situations. Why is this so stigmatized?

 

I don't think it's that uncommon not to party. I know lots of people who don't, and while I do go to clubs and go dancing or host/attend house parties, generally my fun consists of: going out to dinner, hosting dinners/brunches, cocktails and drinks at my house or someone else's or going out and grabbing a drink, doing some kind of new activity, like seeing a concert, a show, an exhibit, visiting a museum, lots of stuff that isn't centered around partying and being wasted.

 

I think it depends on who you hang out with, as most of my friends aren't huge partiers anymore. Likewise, if you are "awkward", hanging out with similarly awkward people will help to not make you feel so weird after all.

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Thegreatestthing

I don't think I ever did any sort of clubbing etc that sort of thing never appealed to me full of empty conversations for me I found maybe for others it's not like this etc,the internet is full of people who are geeks and what have you and not remotely interested In that sort of thing.you can find any number of like minded people on forums related to your interests,OLD etc it's not terrible thing at all,I wouldn't date anyone who wasn't like that,to me it speaks of a greater inner life and many great men were like this.

 

At the same time I do wish I'd be a little more out and about in my early twenties so it's just a balance but as someone said more things like going to museums and little trips etc but not clubbing etc.

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