I want to hate her but it's not working!

[Jerry17]

This girl I liked in high school (let's call her Abby) and I's situation was complicated. We ride the same bus and live a few streets away. I'm a junior and she's a freshman. But she was giving mixed signals to me while she had a boyfriend. One day I asked her about it and her boyfriend threatened me. I respected their relationship and tried not to be friends. But I decided to just talk to her and soon enough, we became friends again. But she continued to give mixed signals. And her sister told me Abby liked me and even a complete stranger came up to me asking if me and Abby go out. So I asked her about it, but she said she didn't see me as a boyfriend, but she wanted to be friends. But I found out she might have been talking badly about me to people on the bus so mostly everyone on the bus knows about us.

 

After a while being friends, we somewhat got closer and even had deep conversations regarding my self esteem and that I should let my pain go. But eventually, Christmas came and Abby stopped texting me for a while. By the time she texted me back, I was angry. I told her that I feel like she will eventually forget about me, but she said it wasn't true. Then I told her that I didn't know what to do because most of my friends don't want me involved with her. So, after that, we stopped talking until the next month. She ended up telling me to move on. A week later, I wanted to get an explanation for everything she did and she told me that she doesn't care no more. So for a while, we didn't talk. But a couple of weeks later, she suggested that she wanted to die so I asked her if she's okay. She said yeah and we had small talk, but she stopped talking to me. I blocked her after that and she blocked me as well. Ever since then, Abby just stares at me a lot whenever I'm near her. She acts nervous and seems like she tries to avoid me. she isn't staring when she knows I am looking at her. She does it when I'm not looking, but my friends and I happen to notice her staring anyways. My friends say she tries to be slick when she looks at me. Then she shakes her head and tells one of my friends she doesn't like me every time my name is brought up in their conversations. More people are finding out about Abby and I and I keep finding out things I never knew about the situation. So I've been telling people I hate her now and I'm trying to convince myself that I actually do.

 

Originally, I thought Abby was playing games with me because of the staring. But now I think she has a different reason for staring at me all the time. At this point, I am no longer interested in a relationship with her. But I do want to be her friend and I believe it's my fault we're no longer friends because I was jealous. I liked her and she already had a boyfriend. Then I felt like she would treat me differently than her friends. She would be loud and crazy with her friends, but nice and soft-spoken with me. I didn't feel very important to her and I didn't know how or if I would ever fit into her world. And I didn't want to accept any of it. So, sometimes when we used to talk, I would say things to try to make her jealous and want to be closer to me. Sometimes, it seemed like it worked. And when I told her I didn't know what to do because most of my friends don't want me involved with her, I said that to make her jealous in a way. But ultimately it just cost me a friendship that I really want back. A few days ago, I said hey to her and she said it back and waved at me. Then, days later, I tried to talk to her to find out why she's always staring at me when she doesn't like me. But she made a face like she didn't want to talk to me and I asked if she still not cool with me and she kind of shook her head and walked away while I was talking.

 

I feel like Abby knows I hate her now and is somewhat affected. I'm confused about my feelings for her. I want to hate her but I still have feelings for her. And I keep trying to convince myself that I hate her, but it's getting harder and harder. What do I do about my feelings? PLEASE HELP!

Edited March 28, 2014 by Jerry17

[Scales]

OK this goes for everyone, stop hating women. stop it. Nothing good comes of it and it only affects you. I promise if Abby has a boyfriend, shes spending time with him and not caring about you. You are the only one affected in this case. Resentment is a one way ticket to being single. Drop that in the trash.

 

She also rejected you as a friend and you let this become something more than it is. You guys didn't do anything. Any emotional connection doesn't count. There isn't anything to regret here. Let go of Abby, let go of the social awkwardness, and definitely let go of what people think about "You and Abby". People knew you liked her who cares. You need to go meet other girls and hit on them. Abby is a no go bro I'm sorry. Don't force friendships and don't waste your time, it keeps you from enjoying yourself.