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confusedsoul14

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confusedsoul14

So, the title says it all. I'm going through a shy guy situation and I'm most curious to know, how did you coax your shy guy out of his shell and HOW LONG did that take?

Please share your experience and let me learn :D

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dragon_fly_7
So, the title says it all. I'm going through a shy guy situation and I'm most curious to know, how did you coax your shy guy out of his shell and HOW LONG did that take?

Please share your experience and let me learn :D

Unfortunately, I still have yet to stumble upon a shy man. I think we hide so well so it's harder to know where they must be. For sure, shy men aren't found in clubs but probably in bookstores.

 

I would assume that as time passes by and he gets more comfortable, maybe he then starts breaking out of his shell.

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confusedsoul14
Unfortunately, I still have yet to stumble upon a shy man. I think we hide so well so it's harder to know where they must be. For sure, shy men aren't found in clubs but probably in bookstores.

 

You are absolutely right! Shy men are hard to find and HARDER to figure out! They hide their emotions with their shyness so well.

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dragon_fly_7
You are absolutely right! Shy men are hard to find and HARDER to figure out! They hide their emotions with their shyness so well.

Something else that comes in mind is some shy men might be passed as uninterested or unpolite. As a former shy young girl long ago (now I'm 26 and outgrew most of it), I recalled not talking too much if a guy at my HS come up to me and started talking to me. I would smiled a bit and then answered shortly. For sure I must have confused the guy into thinking I'm unapproachable and not interested but I was shy too that's all so I get the feeling.

 

Only shy guy that I knew was my direct cousin but that doesn't count; he's my blood. One time my mother tried introducing him (well he was 20 then) to a girl and he was like ''No that's ok, no please''. Now he's in his 30's, outgrew his shyness, has a daughter from his 1st marriage and got married again to someone else.

 

I admit that if he weren't my cousin and our ages would have been the same (but he's older by 8 years), I would have been interested in him and be patient since I was somewhat shy too. He was very cute back then and certain family members still think his first gf (his now ex wife from the 1st marriage) was really also the first woman he has been with because at the time he wouldn't bring any girl home.

Edited by dragon_fly_7
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I am a shy guy and I have struggled all my life to make an impact on girls. Even though I would consider myself shy, I feel that I would open up quite a lot if I were to get a girlfriend.

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Sweetnothing

I had a friend who was shy once. Then as soon as I broke up with the guy I was dating he tried to kiss me. We're not friends anymore.

 

So there ya go lol. Even shy guys will go for a girl they really want if they see an opening. You don't have to "coax" anyone to do anything.

 

But seriously, I don't believe in being "shy" as an excuse. If he likes you enough, he'll let you know. It might not be in some grand sweeping gesture, but guys know what they want.

 

Unless he's so shy that he can't get a job or order a pizza, you don't need to do anything. He wants it, he'll ask for it.

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todreaminblue

I agree with sweet nothing, if a shy guy likes you eventually they will ask in spite fo nerves...i am actually a shy girl i dont ask unless i really feel something special......and even when i am sick with nerves........i prefer a guy asks me.....and shy guys have asked me.....these shy guys tend to be friends with me first.......deb

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As a fellow shy guy we are definitely out there, just harder to find because of our shyness. sadly most women i meet don't seem to be interested in us shy guys or simply just don't notice us :(

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I have always been a shy guy, still am but only in groups of people, I shine when I am alone with someone or small group of people I know. However in the bedroom my shyness is nowhere to be found. If you wan't to get a shy guy out of his shell either make it obvious that you like him (we miss the settle gestures) or make the first move.

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Esoteric Elf
Unfortunately, I still have yet to stumble upon a shy man. I think we hide so well so it's harder to know where they must be. For sure, shy men aren't found in clubs but probably in bookstores.

 

I would assume that as time passes by and he gets more comfortable, maybe he then starts breaking out of his shell.

lol, department manager in one:p

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confusedsoul14
Something else that comes in mind is some shy men might be passed as uninterested or unpolite. As a former shy young girl long ago (now I'm 26 and outgrew most of it), I recalled not talking too much if a guy at my HS come up to me and started talking to me. I would smiled a bit and then answered shortly. For sure I must have confused the guy into thinking I'm unapproachable and not interested but I was shy too that's all so I get the feeling.

 

That is so true! I can be quite shy around guys and I remember, back in HS, I really fell for this guy who was also very friendly to me and would always come and talk to me. But I was so so shy I used run away from him all the time! Thank God, I don't do all those things anymore. However, now I find guys doing that to me and I totally understand where they are coming from. But then again, they might not be that interested. This is something I'm trying to figure out. From my past experience, I think if someone who is shy likes you, will avoid you (like I used to). But then , everyone is different right? Oh,this is so confusing :(

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confusedsoul14
I am a shy guy and I have struggled all my life to make an impact on girls. Even though I would consider myself shy, I feel that I would open up quite a lot if I were to get a girlfriend.

 

Please do and do that fast! Not all girls are as patient as me u see? :p

Good luck! :D

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confusedsoul14

 

But seriously, I don't believe in being "shy" as an excuse. If he likes you enough, he'll let you know. It might not be in some grand sweeping gesture, but guys know what they want.

 

Unless he's so shy that he can't get a job or order a pizza, you don't need to do anything. He wants it, he'll ask for it.

 

I totally agree with you that if someone really wants you, he will let you know. However, with shy people, TIME is a big big factor. It takes them time to do that and they also tend to think a lot about the consequences of their actions since they are very self-conscious. Also, shy people are shy because they have a lot of barriers-religious, cultural, familial etc.

So, I think shy people do need some sort of encouragement so that they feel safe to open up with their feelings. How much encouragement is required depends on the degree of shyness within that person.

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confusedsoul14

I want to hear more from those ladies who actually succeeded in helping a shy guy overcome his shyness. I find it really cute when that happens :love:

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I want to hear more from those ladies who actually succeeded in helping a shy guy overcome his shyness. I find it really cute when that happens :love:

 

I don't understand, are u dating a shy guy? Are u interested in one or what?

 

I can be shy if you want :D lol I'm kidding (((hugs)))

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This thread is making me reminiscent lol :lmao: Are you talking about the same shy guy you posted about before? He still haven't made a move? Maybe it's time you made your move? ;)

 

I agree, shy guys could be cute, but they could be soooo frustrating! If a shy guy really want to overcome his shyness for a girl, he would do it in any way he could. Perhaps you could hint/encourage him to take you out. For example, you could say, "there's this movie I really want to watch." Then hopefully he'll get the hint and ask you to watch together. :cool:

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confusedsoul14
I don't understand, are u dating a shy guy? Are u interested in one or what?

 

I can be shy if you want :D lol I'm kidding (((hugs)))

 

Hahaha! Yes I'm interested in one!

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confusedsoul14
This thread is making me reminiscent lol :lmao: Are you talking about the same shy guy you posted about before? He still haven't made a move? Maybe it's time you made your move? ;)

 

I agree, shy guys could be cute, but they could be soooo frustrating! If a shy guy really want to overcome his shyness for a girl, he would do it in any way he could. Perhaps you could hint/encourage him to take you out. For example, you could say, "there's this movie I really want to watch." Then hopefully he'll get the hint and ask you to watch together. :cool:

 

Hey! My shy guy is doing a lot better than before. Thanks for asking!

However, this thread is not about my guy, it's about those people who is going through or has gone through a similar situation as me. I'm really curious to know about people like those since I think I will be able to relate to them :D

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My ex was really shy-- he was the type of shy where he could be totally friendly, he got along really well with most people and everyone liked him, but at the same time, he would really hold back emotions and emotional connection and being completely himself until he really knew someone. He called himself shy. And my goodness, was he shy about romantic stuff. I don't think he even knows how to flirt (at least as of three years ago... maybe he's worked on it but I doubt it, he just isn't like that). I can't imagine him ever actually making any kind of first move.

 

I happen to be quite similar (even more so back when we met, years ago)... not a good combo, haha. We both really liked each other from the start--I was infatuated within hours! Luckily I am much more willing than him to take risks for love, so I made all the first steps towards becoming friends (it took steps-- we met while travelling and didn't live anywhere close to each other, though at least in the same country that first year). And he reciprocated the friendship very enthusiastically. Then it pretty much stopped there-- we were getting very close, really liking each other, but not indicating any romantic interest either way. I'd travel the three hours to his city just to see him, without actually revealing that was my primary motivation. We'd take turns trying to write the longest email to each other. Obviously there was distance, but I don't think it would have been any different without it-- maybe worse, the buffer of words can be good for shy people!

 

The third time I went to see him (I mean, visit London for unrelated reasons :p), we spent all afternoon together... it was a Friday or Saturday, and he asked me a couple times what my plans were that evening and I was like, no idea (hint hint, right?), and he was like, I guess I should probably work... dot..dot...dot... We said goodbye at like 5 or 6, a perfect time to go naturally to dinner... we texted a bit afterwards and at one point he was like, "we should go for pizza next time" or something very similar, and I was like, yes, for sure. AGHHH, right???

 

Eventually, after maybe seven-ish months of "friendship", I though, screw it, I'm just going to tell him I like him. We mostly emailed so I did it through email... and had no response for TWO weeks, felt devastated, frustrated, and finally said what the hell, say something!!

 

... turns out he had just been shocked to hear it. He confessed yes, he really really liked me too and had though I liked him, but then he thought I didn't like him back... specifically citing my not responding to his "we should get pizza next time" text with a "yes, let's do that right now!!". Apparently THAT was his great leap to ask me out or whatever. Anyway it eventually worked out... for a while anyway, but that's another story!

 

Sooo.... yeah, sometimes guys are THAT shy. I mean, I was the first girl he'd ever really had feelings for other than his ex, who he'd grown up with and eventually had a horrible break-up with... but that was over three years before that. (he was 22 at this time, I turned 20, so we weren't teenagers, either, even if we were inexperienced). It was kind of good for me though, because it forced me to make all the first moves, which I never, ever thought I'd be able to do!

 

Though I don't really want to have to deal with that level of shyness again, I think it's really cute and endearing when a guy obviously likes you but is shy. The fellow I was dating this summer was actually pretty outgoing, but he got shy about romantic stuff... he'd ask me for the next date before the end of each one, and gaze into my eyes, but he got all shy beyond that. He was a bit (pleasantly) surprised when I hugged him at the end of our second date, and on our third he went as far as kissing me on the cheek! We went ten dates without kissing, even though he was very, very obviously physically attracted to me (if nothing else, he was physically attracted to me). I thought it was adorable, really.

 

Sigh... I really want that again!

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Do_The_Herp

Unless he's so shy that he can't get a job or order a pizza, you don't need to do anything. He wants it, he'll ask for it.

 

I don't agree. I can get a job (and have one), I can order a pizza and have the guy laughing on the phone and get him to use my 5$ discount coupon that's been expired for a week, and yet I've never been able to ask a girl out properly. I don't think that they'd necessarily reject me, either.

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I would be shy and one problem I find with girls is that I usually feel that I am not good enough for them. I am constantly worried that I am going to mess things up.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Shy-guy here. Others have already made many of the points I'd like to make, so I'll keep quiet and let them get noticed.

 

Something else that comes in mind is some shy men might be passed as uninterested or unpolite.
Sometimes it's years later when you learn that she wanted to know you better.

 

I agree with sweet nothing, if a shy guy likes you eventually they will ask in spite fo nerves...
(Perhaps, but don't hold your breath.)
i am actually a shy girl i dont ask unless i really feel something special......and even when i am sick with nerves........i prefer a guy asks me.....and shy guys have asked me.....these shy guys tend to be friends with me first.......deb
. . . If you wan't to get a shy guy out of his shell either make it obvious that you like him (we miss the settle gestures) or make the first move.
A more effective tactic may be to have one of his friends, or a mutual acquaintance (of either sex) pass along the information that you are somewhat attracted to him. If he has been rejected, ignored, put down, teased, disrespected, bullied, or outright abused in the past your direct approach - coming unexpectedly - could easily be misinterpreted as yet another person making fun of him. (BTW - it's "subtle", not "settle".)

 

. . . with shy people, TIME is a big big factor. . .
Not simply time by itself, but time along with some familiarity. E.g., smile at him for the first two weeks of class; start saying "Hi" the third week; sit a couple seats away around the fifth week; ask him about an assignment after midterms; invite him to join your study group about 3 or 4 weeks before final exam.
. . . they also tend to think a lot about the consequences of their actions . . .
And they can think of many more embarrassing consequences than fulfilling consequences.
. . . since they are very self-conscious. Also, shy people are shy because they have a lot of barriers-religious, cultural, familial etc. . . . shy people do need some sort of encouragement so that they feel safe to open up with their feelings. How much encouragement is required depends on the degree of shyness within that person.
I would be shy and one problem I find with girls is that I usually feel that I am not good enough for them. I am constantly worried that I am going to mess things up.
"If I'm attracted to her, and she really is a worthwhile person, she must certainly have somebody already."

 

I was 22 and already graduated after 4 date-less years of college when a (MUCH older) friend suggested that I should make the acquaintance of her niece. She is also somewhat shy. Due to circumstances, we ended up writing to each other - real letters, on real paper - for over 3 months before we ever spoke to each other or met in person. It turned out to be a very good way for two quiet-and-shy people to get familiar and acquainted, without the necessity of actually facing or speaking with each other. We were actually very much "in like" with each other before we actually met, and we married about a year after our first in-person meeting, and are still married (to each other!) almost 40 years later. You can find more details in some of my old posts, or ask me.

Edited by ThomasD
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confusedsoul14

Thanks for all the beautiful inputs! I really enjoyed reading every single one of them.

And I am really happy to let you know that my shy guy is being very receptive lately. I think he is slowly getting more comfortable with the idea that I am just as interested in him and that I am not trying to make a fool out of him. He seems more relaxed and confident than before and he also tends to be near me most of the time (although he still needs to work on trying to BE with me instead of being near me).

I hope this keeps improving and everything works out well in the end. :D

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LouisAlexander

i am a shy guy myself and it didnt work out at all, i eventually got dumped because of it actually but perhaps that wasn't my fault either completetly. I am pretty shy even at 32 and its hard to get interest from a girl cause inmy experience girls useally do not like shy guys at all...you dont find me at the bookstore i still go to parties and such thats just a mis conception i think.

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