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College bars suck.


warrenorabbits

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warrenorabbits

Last night I went to three bars in the college town that I live in. I'd set a goal of getting at least one girl's phone number, but at the end of the night I had gotten zero. (I'm not desperate; I like meeting women even non-romantically and just want to increase my odds.) I should also mention that I am 22 and am no longer in college.

 

In all three bars the (horrible) music was so head-poundingly loud that you could hardly hear someone if they were shouting two feet away. In the most crowded two the proportion of men to women was similar to that of a gay bar (not homophobic: I'm bi and have been to gay bars). Most of them appeared to be on the verge of fighting someone else. And as for my prospects of getting a number, every last girl was either not my type, paired off with her idiot frat boyfriend, or both. In the third bar it was midnight and there were about six people, all older than 35. I left after two minutes.

 

Fortunately it's a bigger city that has more going for it than the college, and there are bars everywhere. The non-college bars seem to attract mostly 25+ people and occasionally some cute young girls. But even at these places they seem to be either deep in conversation with a friend or paired off. I live further in the suburbs and the bars are far more tranquil and less crowded, but I'm less likely to meet girls my age.

 

I'm just saying all this to start an open-ended discussion. Similar experiences? Advice?

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I hope you weren't going to the bar alone because nothing says more to a girl "loser" than a guy cruising the bars by himself.

 

You got to have a wing man at your side to help break down those barriers you described.

 

Girls like to see a guy with a good size social group....increases your odds for attracting them.

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warrenorabbits
I hope you weren't going to the bar alone because nothing says more to a girl "loser" than a guy cruising the bars by himself.

 

You got to have a wing man at your side to help break down those barriers you described.

 

I was. Thanks for the advice, but I don't want to attract women who judge people that way.

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Sorry but it's something that the majority of women feel and you can't change nature. Don't get pissy about it, I'm telling you straight. You want to reach your goal of meeting someone right? You failed because you went about it the wrong way.

 

I speak from experience going to the bar with my GFs. I am an observer. Women are more receptive to guys that are in pairs or in groups of three. They are more likely to invite a group of guys to their table.

 

Think about it. What would your impression about a girl that cruzes a bars by herself? Most guys would say desperate or a slut am I right? Well it's no different for guys.

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Now that the bar scene isn't you thing, and it sounds like they are **** places to be anyways, resort to online dating. There at least you can be matched up with girls who have similar interests. That is the reason why most are on there, because they hate the bar scene too. Sounds fair right?

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warrenorabbits

I didn't mean to be pissy, but I feel strongly about what I said. Sometimes I don't want to invite people out with me. And if a woman looks down on me for not making constant conversation with people I don't want to be around, then she, and I, can look elsewhere. I don't do well with judgmental, closed-minded people. Also, most of my friends are girls and gay guys, so none of them are wingman candidates.

 

I just think there's got to be a place for people like me. A more hipsterish bar, perhaps? Online dating is ... well, that's a separate conversation.

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I didn't mean to be pissy, but I feel strongly about what I said. Sometimes I don't want to invite people out with me. And if a woman looks down on me for not making constant conversation with people I don't want to be around, then she, and I, can look elsewhere. I don't do well with judgmental, closed-minded people. Also, most of my friends are girls and gay guys, so none of them are wingman candidates.

 

I just think there's got to be a place for people like me. A more hipsterish bar, perhaps? Online dating is ... well, that's a separate conversation.

 

Dude this speaks volumes to me. Sorry but it's not being judgmental, we are talking about impressions. No different that going to a job interview. You don't go in wearing your pajamas and slippers. Even if you had a sparkling resume, they won't hire you if you go in looking like that.

 

You have nothing but GFs and gay guy friends, that's like bug repellant. You are not going to find an average girl to date you. Sorry bro but women prefer masculine, not always about looks but socially too. They would find it odd, and I feel this is what you have been fighting with.

 

I suggest you find yourself a bi-sexual girl. She would be more fitting as per your social group. You want compatibility, a bi-girl would be a good start. Your friends must know a good place to hang out that isn't so gay, but more mixed and open.

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warrenorabbits
Dude this speaks volumes to me. Sorry but it's not being judgmental, we are talking about impressions. No different that going to a job interview. You don't go in wearing your pajamas and slippers. Even if you had a sparkling resume, they won't hire you if you go in looking like that.

 

You have nothing but GFs and gay guy friends, that's like bug repellant. You are not going to find an average girl to date you. Sorry bro but women prefer masculine, not always about looks but socially too. They would find it odd, and I feel this is what you have been fighting with.

 

I suggest you find yourself a bi-sexual girl. She would be more fitting as per your social group. You want compatibility, a bi-girl would be a good start. Your friends must know a good place to hang out that isn't so gay, but more mixed and open.

 

I'm a little uncomfortable with your job interview metaphor, since it seems to imply that not being a "typical guy" is a bad thing, just like going in to a job interview wearing pyjamas. BUT you do make an excellent point about bi girls. I'd say I attract women fairly frequently for how introverted I am, and the overwhelming majority are bi or, at the very least, not set-in-stone heterosexuals. Unfortunately there is a shortage of "bi bars" -- you're on one end of the spectrum or the complete opposite.

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hasaquestion
I didn't mean to be pissy, but I feel strongly about what I said. Sometimes I don't want to invite people out with me. And if a woman looks down on me for not making constant conversation with people I don't want to be around, then she, and I, can look elsewhere. I don't do well with judgmental, closed-minded people. Also, most of my friends are girls and gay guys, so none of them are wingman candidates.

 

I just think there's got to be a place for people like me. A more hipsterish bar, perhaps? Online dating is ... well, that's a separate conversation.

 

Its not judgmental or closed minded. Its human nature.

 

I'm not saying you have to do anything. But if you want to do well at the game, don't get mad because you aren't willing to pay attention to the rules.

 

I'm a little uncomfortable with your job interview metaphor, since it seems to imply that not being a "typical guy" is a bad thing, just like going in to a job interview wearing pyjamas. BUT you do make an excellent point about bi girls. I'd say I attract women fairly frequently for how introverted I am, and the overwhelming majority are bi or, at the very least, not set-in-stone heterosexuals. Unfortunately there is a shortage of "bi bars" -- you're on one end of the spectrum or the complete opposite.

 

Its not about typical guy, people want to be with people who other people like. Its just the way we're wired.

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warrenorabbits
Its not judgmental or closed minded. Its human nature.

 

I'm not saying you have to do anything. But if you want to do well at the game, don't get mad because you aren't willing to pay attention to the rules.

 

 

 

Its not about typical guy, people want to be with people who other people like. Its just the way we're wired.

 

I am willing to pay attention, but I also have every right to ignore rules that require me to torture my personality to meet some girl's nonsensical standards. I realize that that will cause some people to turn away, and it's frustrating (hence my venting here) but so be it if that's the way it is. I just can't imagine that everyone thinks that way. As a matter of fact I know not everyone thinks that way because I don't.

 

As for "people want ... like," doesn't it become obvious whether a person is likable once you start talking to them? I've struck up conversations with people who were alone and more often than not there's a lot under their skin.

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I'm not saying you are a bad thing, just most won't be attracted to you, because it's all about preference and compatibility. Sure you are a great guy, BUT you are not average, or A typical, so why expect to attract average A typical girls. It's not going to happen.

 

So get back onto the dating web site and expand on the distance you are willing to go. There could be more options in the next city and tick off the box you are OK with bi girls.

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I don't think there's anything wrong with going to a bar alone. You go, sit at the bar, have a drink, talk to a couple people......why not?

 

Now going to a club (loud music, DJ, dance floor) alone IMO is different. I wouldn't do it, and it would think someone was kinda weird for doing it.

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I don't think there's anything wrong with going to a bar alone. You go, sit at the bar, have a drink, talk to a couple people......why not?

 

Now going to a club (loud music, DJ, dance floor) alone IMO is different. I wouldn't do it, and it would think someone was kinda weird for doing it.

 

Sitting at the bar alone is what old men do.

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Sitting at the bar alone is what old men do.

 

Last time I checked, I didn't have a schlong.

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Last time I checked, I didn't have a schlong.

 

The OP is guy trying to attract women here, not about a woman saddling up to the bar for a drink.

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The OP is guy trying to attract women here, not about a woman saddling up to the bar for a drink.

 

Ok.

 

I would have no problem talking to a man alone at a bar, you're misleading advice to him threw me off. My apologies.

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Just based on the tidbits you have put in the thread, you don't seem like you are into the bar scene at all, much less the college bar scene.

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Antenna_Of_Destiny

So many insecure people in this thread that are incapable of having a good time out by themselves. I've gone out to bars and clubs alone many, many times. Dancing, drinking, eating, kissing, etc. Don't listen to the "human nature" logical fallacies. If someone has a problem with me going out alone they can go **** themselves while I have a gone time and flaunt my lifestyle.

 

If you do want to go out to bars alone, I do have some suggestions. First, you better look the part. You should aim to look better than everyone in the room. Whenever I walk into a club alone, people instantly react and I get compliments from men and women. You don't have to wear custom made suits and velvet clothing like me, but you better be able to differentiate yourself from the crowd in someway. It doesn't have to be only through looks, if you have a unique skill you can show off, even better.

 

I wasn't naturally a good dancer, in fact my rhythm was terrible, but I took classes for years until I could naturally flow to different music and different people.

 

I also think that trying to converse and get numbers is a valiant goal but not best suited for a club with loud music. In these situations I think it is better to get a number after you have danced, kissed, or hooked up with a girl. Less talk, more action. You can suggest going somewhere more quiet after you lowered her barriers.

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Bars and online dating are not the best for looking for potential dates at least for me. I never had an ounce of luck at either of them. The last nightclub I went I paid $6 for the cover charge looked around didn't see one attractive woman and left about two minutes later. I have much better luck getting a date at the library.

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I agree with Antenna.

 

It makes me shake my head that society has become so narrow-minded and judgemental towards going to bars and clubs alone.

 

That said, I'm not a big fan either of places which blast music so loudly that I can't even continue a conversation with the person sitting right next to / over me. This has made me dislike clubs in general.

I've noticed this to a lesser extent in college bars.

However, a problem I often ran into is that you HAD to be a member of a specific college club in order to be granted access, which imo is just lame.

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It's to prevent old creepers and bikers from getting in. It's pretty much there to protect students.

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It's to prevent old creepers and bikers from getting in. It's pretty much there to protect students.

 

True to a certain extent.

Although it puzzled my mind as to why I wasn't allowed entrance back when I was still in college.

Sure, I was part of my own college's student club, but that was semi-dead at the time lol. (Graduated this February.)

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I hope you weren't going to the bar alone because nothing says more to a girl "loser" than a guy cruising the bars by himself.

 

You got to have a wing man at your side to help break down those barriers you described.

.

 

False.

 

I used to go out by myself all the time. Just make friends with everyone in the bar. Pick a group of girls that you're not interested in, go back and talk to them a lot, and tell everyone that's who you came with.

 

OP, don't come on this site and expect good advice on how to meet girls in bars. There are WAY better forums out there for this.

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