Rejection from the 'perfect girl'...

[notsointerested]

2 weeks ago I was rejected by a girl who I thought and still see as the 'perfect girl'. She ticks all the boxes in what I look for in a girl. We had some good moments together but I read the wrong signals and she wasn't into me. I thought she was 'the one'

 

Now my issue is that every girl I come across isn't as "pretty" or "friendly" as her. I keep using her to compare against other girls and none of them are anywhere near as good as her. It's only been 2 weeks but she was the first girl I ever regarded as 'perfect' as I can't think of anything negative about her.

 

How can I change my attitude?

[somedude81]

It's never a good idea to think of a woman as perfect.

 

Even if you married her, she could leave you without a moments notice.

[d0nnivain]

Nobody is perfect. Clearly she is not either because she had the bad taste not to return your feelings.

 

 

Tell yourself repeated that the perfect one for you is still out there.

[BlueIris]

Never put someone on a pedestal. It doesn’t allow them to be real and imperfect. It doesn’t allow you to fall in love with who they truly are, flawed and all. We all exist in the grey area, and we’re all loveable for it.

 

I stop dating anyone who puts me on a pedestal. It's a fantasy. And there's nowhere to go but down.

[Disillusioned]

Don't sweat it.

 

The day is coming when lovebots will be made to order. Then all these "perfect" people who've snubbed everyone will end up alone in nursing homes, forgotten by the rest of us.

[topaMAXX]

2 weeks ago I was rejected by a girl who I thought and still see as the 'perfect girl'. She ticks all the boxes in what I look for in a girl. We had some good moments together but I read the wrong signals and she wasn't into me. I thought she was 'the one'

 

Now my issue is that every girl I come across isn't as "pretty" or "friendly" as her. I keep using her to compare against other girls and none of them are anywhere near as good as her. It's only been 2 weeks but she was the first girl I ever regarded as 'perfect' as I can't think of anything negative about her.

 

How can I change my attitude?

 

I don't know the nature of the rejection or your relationship with this girl, but if she's really your perfect girl, then don't take no for an answer. Keep going after her.

[Salvatore85]

Take it as a lesson and get back out there. She may have been perfect but you never dated her so you'll truly never know. Odds are you'd start noticing faults and things would bother you, just like evey relationship. People aren't perfect and most don't like to be accused of it. Take her and every female you meet and have an interest in off of the pedestal you've put them on. Nobody wants to be with someone who worships them, we all want someone who's going to be an equal and a true partner. Keep your head up boss, she's out there, just gotta keep looking.

[notsointerested]

Is it normal to use previous girls to compare with future girls though? I mean, after seeing someone like her, I wouldn't want someone horrible to be with me.

 

I'd also like to know what you guys mean by put her on a pedestal? You mean treat her differently to other people? If it's someone I have feelings for, of course I'd treat her differently so I can see if she likes me the same way.

 

Some advice for an inexperienced bro would be appreciated. How can I approach girls without putting them on a pedestal? How should I treat them?

[topaMAXX]

Is it normal to use previous girls to compare with future girls though? I mean, after seeing someone like her, I wouldn't want someone horrible to be with me.

 

I'd also like to know what you guys mean by put her on a pedestal? You mean treat her differently to other people? If it's someone I have feelings for, of course I'd treat her differently so I can see if she likes me the same way.

 

Some advice for an inexperienced bro would be appreciated. How can I approach girls without putting them on a pedestal? How should I treat them?

 

Unfortunately, not putting girls on a pedestal comes with experience. It could take many years (it did for me). But eventually you will get burned so often that it will come naturally.

[somedude81]

right! Can see that you have some experience many things could go wrong, yesterday she liked bad boys today she grew a conscience and bye bye.

Yup. I was in a relationship with a girl who I thought was absolutely amazing. And she suddenly dumped me one day and I never saw it coming. I didn't have a clue anything was wrong.

 

When a man thinks of a woman as perfect, it makes it harder to replace her once she does something stupid.

[Bruce Leigh]

The phrase is " the yard stick ".

 

Make of that what you will !!

[Salvatore85]

Is it normal to use previous girls to compare with future girls though? I mean, after seeing someone like her, I wouldn't want someone horrible to be with me.

 

I'd also like to know what you guys mean by put her on a pedestal? You mean treat her differently to other people? If it's someone I have feelings for, of course I'd treat her differently so I can see if she likes me the same way.

 

Some advice for an inexperienced bro would be appreciated. How can I approach girls without putting them on a pedestal? How should I treat them?

 

Basically it means you're putting her on a higher level than yourself. Why would she want you if you've got her up so high? She'd be dating down, correct? Instead just gain some swagger and confidence, put yourself on a pedestal so that way you feel like nothing is unobtainable.

 

Treat them as an equal. The PUA guys will tell you to treat them as though they're below you, don't do that. It may work for some females but definitely not the kind you want. If you like a girl just treat her nicely like you'd do with anyone but you also have to have a bit of swagger so she knows you're interested.

[BlueIris]

Yes, putting someone on a pedestal is putting him or her above others. The whole perspective of superiority versus inferiority causes anxiety, disappointment, frustration- with yourself, friends, family, teachers, fellow students, coworkers, and so on. Don’t put yourself on a pedestal either.

 

If you think you’re superior, how are you likely to feel if she doesn’t want to date you? If you think someone’s superior to you, how are you likely to feel if she doesn’t want to date you? Neither one ends up feeling good, and most conclusions are still about hierarchy- how you view yourself and how you “rank.”

 

There’s less anxiety getting to know people if you approach them with acceptance, respect and curiosity (because you really don’t know them, right?)- not that you’ve ranked each other and think that one of you is better than the other. You can decide you find someone attractive and you’d like to know her without assigning either one of you superior status.

 

You mention that this girl was friendly. Its very possible that she is not a hierarchical thinker. She might just treat all people well and respectfully, and because she’s not ranking people in her mind, people feel comfortable, accepted and good around her.

[bubbaganoosh]

It's one thing to want to go out with a girl that's pretty and has a nice shape. I don't know how old you are but there is a whole lot more than someones looks.

 

How about the way they treat you. Respect you. Men/women lose their looks after a while. I know that first hand. I'm 66 and keep a picture of me when I was 21 in my wallet and I have a hard time believing that was me 45 years ago.

 

You got rejected by a girl. Good looking? yeah. Nice shape? Yeah. Think she's the only one out there with those two things? Wrong.

 

Keep looking and don't just uses the visual things but also the way they treat you. I found out that when you are always looking, you find a lot of the wrong ones and when your not looking, for some reason, the right one comes along. Chalk it up in the experience column and good luck.

[notsointerested]

Basically it means you're putting her on a higher level than yourself. Why would she want you if you've got her up so high? She'd be dating down, correct? Instead just gain some swagger and confidence, put yourself on a pedestal so that way you feel like nothing is unobtainable.

 

Treat them as an equal. The PUA guys will tell you to treat them as though they're below you, don't do that. It may work for some females but definitely not the kind you want. If you like a girl just treat her nicely like you'd do with anyone but you also have to have a bit of swagger so she knows you're interested.

 

So how can I let a girl know I like her if I treat her like one of my other friends? Don't I have to treat her better to show some sort of intent that I want her to be my girlfriend?

 

Yes, putting someone on a pedestal is putting him or her above others. The whole perspective of superiority versus inferiority causes anxiety, disappointment, frustration- with yourself, friends, family, teachers, fellow students, coworkers, and so on. Don’t put yourself on a pedestal either.

 

If you think you’re superior, how are you likely to feel if she doesn’t want to date you? If you think someone’s superior to you, how are you likely to feel if she doesn’t want to date you? Neither one ends up feeling good, and most conclusions are still about hierarchy- how you view yourself and how you “rank.”

 

There’s less anxiety getting to know people if you approach them with acceptance, respect and curiosity (because you really don’t know them, right?)- not that you’ve ranked each other and think that one of you is better than the other. You can decide you find someone attractive and you’d like to know her without assigning either one of you superior status.

 

You mention that this girl was friendly. Its very possible that she is not a hierarchical thinker. She might just treat all people well and respectfully, and because she’s not ranking people in her mind, people feel comfortable, accepted and good around her.

 

That was where I went wrong. I thought she liked me and I read the wrong signals from her. She's friendly towards everyone, though a little more friendly to the people she's really close to.

 

It's one thing to want to go out with a girl that's pretty and has a nice shape. I don't know how old you are but there is a whole lot more than someones looks.

 

How about the way they treat you. Respect you. Men/women lose their looks after a while. I know that first hand. I'm 66 and keep a picture of me when I was 21 in my wallet and I have a hard time believing that was me 45 years ago.

 

You got rejected by a girl. Good looking? yeah. Nice shape? Yeah. Think she's the only one out there with those two things? Wrong.

 

Keep looking and don't just uses the visual things but also the way they treat you. I found out that when you are always looking, you find a lot of the wrong ones and when your not looking, for some reason, the right one comes along. Chalk it up in the experience column and good luck.

This girl wasn't just good looking and had a good shape. She's caring, friendly, kind-hearted, generous, smart, hard working and someone I enjoyed spending time with. This is the first time in my life that I've come across a girl with all of these qualities. She has more but I didn't want to bore everyone by naming them all. I'm saying this like I'm old, but I'm 20 years old and while I'm still young... It's really made me think that I've blown my chance with 'the one'.

 

Other girls I've met may be good looking but aren't hard working or as friendly or might have emotional problems.

 

I understand that girls are not just about having good looks and I regard personality more important than looks.

[bubbaganoosh]

So how can I let a girl know I like her if I treat her like one of my other friends? Don't I have to treat her better to show some sort of intent that I want her to be my girlfriend?

 

 

 

That was where I went wrong. I thought she liked me and I read the wrong signals from her. She's friendly towards everyone, though a little more friendly to the people she's really close to.

 

 

This girl wasn't just good looking and had a good shape. She's caring, friendly, kind-hearted, generous, smart, hard working and someone I enjoyed spending time with. This is the first time in my life that I've come across a girl with all of these qualities. She has more but I didn't want to bore everyone by naming them all. I'm saying this like I'm old, but I'm 20 years old and while I'm still young... It's really made me think that I've blown my chance with 'the one'.

 

Other girls I've met may be good looking but aren't hard working or as friendly or might have emotional problems.

 

I understand that girls are not just about having good looks and I regard personality more important than looks.

 

You told me what I needed to know. Your 20. Tell you what. Come back in two years and let me know if you feel the same about her. I don't think so.

 

You have a long life ahead of you and I promise you that you will find "that girl" but I can also promise you that she won't be perfect because ............................no one is. Just a fact. Trust me on this friend.

[mattny]

Ahhh to be 20 again lol....

 

I thought a met a few that were 'the one' back then. I laugh now because no way it would have worked out with them. They were too immature.

 

I did my own thing, started my own business and was successful, had my next girl at 26-27, broke up with her (too demanding and wanted to get married after 6 months), met a girl who was just turning 22 at the time and we had a great 4.5 year relationship together. To me, she was 'the one', she had a stable career, financially independent, she wasnt the hottest girl i dated but to me she was beautiful even without makeup on. Not to mention she had a heart of gold, was a great cook and a freak in the sheets.

 

Didnt work out cuse I was being immature about some things, had a tough time with the business, and she 'couldnt do it anymore' and up and left me for a guy whos her age (27, im 31), still lives at home and has 'after parties' at his house while his parents are away. Just goes to show when you think you know someone...

[thecrucible]

Yeah nobody's perfect. You'll have to get over the perfection thing pronto. You can't really love someone if you think they're perfect. It doesn't work like that. There's no perfect couple, just people who care about each other and are dedicated to making it work.