Being edgy or flirty to attract women as opposed to being "nice".

[irc333]

I come from a close circle of friends and have a few on Facebook. Personally, I've known them for a while and I thought I would have good enough rapport with them in order to have fun with them or kind of bust chops.

 

There was this picture of two women from the group with a picture of their hands on Bhudda's (sp?) belly. I was in a fun mood that evening, and said, "My belly could use some rubbin' ;-)

 

And one of them said, "Inappropriate"

 

My comment was deleted, and I was unfriended by the FB person who put that up on their wall.

 

Now I'm thinking I may have inadvertently said something unpolitically correct, or they just don't have a sense of humor about it?

 

But I figured that since I knew them well enough to get away with using innuendos and such I could get away with it.

 

Of course it could be the whole, "he's not hot enough to get away with that" situation could stand, too.

 

Of course, some of you think I already have problems with women, but some have told me that being "edgy" build's attraction or tension with those around me and being.

 

I think my ability to flirt is not there...and if I attempt to flirt, it comes off as creepy or whatever...I'm not sure.

 

And that's why I think (at least that's one of the reasons).

 

Basically, when I flirt, it comes off as creepy. That's why I stay in the "Friendzone" mode, so when I don't flirt, I'm just buddies with a woman.

 

Here I see men in our group making the most lude comments in mixed company and the ladies laughing their asses off and partaking as well, but I make one small innuendo...then I'm creepy?

 

So that's why I hardly ever bother flirting and AFTER an incident like that, I just go back to talking about the the weather or current events with women.

[David87]

Same things happen to me. Everyone was say you can't get a girlfriend because of your attitude, but when I've tried to flirt what you described happens. Women insist that men be edgy, but if the wrong not physically attractive enough man is edgy, that's sexual harassment.

 

aloneat45 yes your attitude is wrong and the fact that you tell this women that they are your first, try hiding that on your next date. Women don't appreciate 45 old virgins that much.

 

Op don't be to hard on yourself they just don't have a sense of humor. There's nothing inappropriate about your comment, you made a small joke and that was it.

[iris219]

Are you sure you are close friends with this woman. A close friend wouldn't unfriend you from FB for making that comment.

 

It sounds like your comment could have been seen as out of character, so it was unexpected. Women are often disappointed when they think they have a friend who would never flirt with them and then that friend does.

 

Or you weren't as close as you thought (as least she didn't think so).

[organizedchaos]

Are you sure you are close friends with this woman. A close friend wouldn't unfriend you from FB for making that comment.

 

It sounds like your comment could have been seen as out of character, so it was unexpected. Women are often disappointed when they think they have a friend who would never flirt with them and then that friend does.

 

Or you weren't as close as you thought (as least she didn't think so).

 

What I was thinking too. Did you know this friend offline? How long have you been friends? What's the nature of the friendship? If I only knew someone online, nod was only mildly friendly with them and connected through a mutual friend, and there wasn't any PREVIOUS flirting or indicator of interest, then yeah, it could be inappropriate. Plus, she may be embarrassed if her other friends saw it. Does she have a bf?

[AD1980]

Im pretty awful at flirting also and im terrified of beign labeled creep which is why i dont approach women but dont kid yourself the more attractive someone is the more edgier they can be with fliriting and the more they can get away with.

[kodakgirl]

I would find that inappropriate too. Even if the commenter was a very close friend with whom I already had that kind of rapport in person. Facebook is a public space, and I personally feel innuendo should be private, maybe with the exception of an actual boyfriend (I would still rather keep it off Facebook entirely though). It doesn't sound like you had expressed interest in this person before either, making it especially uncomfortable. If you are going to flirt with someone for the first time via Facebook (which I wouldn't recommend anyway), compliment her picture or tease without innuendo.... that is flirting too. If you don't have a foundation, any kind of innuendo is going to be creepy and get negative reactions.

[Imajerk17]

I gotta say, irc333, whenever I read your threads I go back and forth in wondering whether your challenges with women in your area are on your end, or whether it is really on the women in your area (overly "twitchy", have walls up instead of taking responsibility, other issues, ect). I'm not really sure. It's probably a bit of both.

 

On the one hand, if you and she hadn't flirted before or if she "doesn't see you like that" or if she is in a relationship, then your comment wasn't so much "edgy in a good way" as it was a bit creepy/invasive. On the other hand, I still think she kind of overreacted. Deleting the comment or a playful "Inapprop!" or something would be more in line.

 

The way flirting works is, you notice a sign of interest, and then you push things forward. But pushing forward without the signs of interest is usually creepy.

Edited March 21, 2014 by Imajerk17

[hasaquestion]

There was this picture of two women from the group with a picture of their hands on Bhudda's (sp?) belly. I was in a fun mood that evening, and said, "My belly could use some rubbin' ;-)

 

And one of them said, "Inappropriate"

 

My comment was deleted, and I was unfriended by the FB person who put that up on their wall.

 

Now I'm thinking I may have inadvertently said something unpolitically correct, or they just don't have a sense of humor about it?

 

That's just a weird thing to say.

 

Its one thing to be flirty, its another thing to straight up come onto someone.

 

Would walking up to two of your female friends out of the blue, winking at them and saying "sup ladies, want to rub my belly?" be received warmly... think about it. At least in person you can qualify that you're joking in a nonverbal way. On Facebook there's no such thing.

 

For all they know you were in your chair pants down with a bottle of cocoa butter and your complete Maxim vol. 12 collection sitting on the desk.

[somedude81]

It sounds like your comment could have been seen as out of character, so it was unexpected. Women are often disappointed when they think they have a friend who would never flirt with them and then that friend does.

Why don't women just assume that every guy, unless he's single is interested?

 

"Oh, you have testicles and a penis? That's too bad."

[Chalkdust89]

Why don't women just assume that every guy, unless he's single is interested?

 

That is actually a very uncomfortable thought. I don't want to go through life thinking that every man I talk to is just waiting for the right moment to try and make a move.

 

Also, the "rub my belly" comment is gross. I would have deleted it too. I have a lot of family on Facebook and would be mortified if someone saw my "friend" wrote a comment like that.

[somedude81]

cause he's not. but girls are pricks when it comes to this.

If a woman is at least moderately attractive and around 18-45, the vast majority of men she interacts with, are interested in her on some level. It is foolish for a women to deny that, and will only lead to disappointment.

[Bantosm]

That's just a weird thing to say.

 

Its one thing to be flirty, its another thing to straight up come onto someone.

 

Would walking up to two of your female friends out of the blue, winking at them and saying "sup ladies, want to rub my belly?" be received warmly... think about it.

 

 

Yeah but it's not real life. In real life people are not rubbing the bellies of statues. People post zaney photos on facebook to specifically get a reaction that leads to comments like the op posted. I thought it was a funny comment. Because they unfriended the op leads me to think that he may have irked them previously. I had a similar circumstance. I unknowingly flirt with some woman who had a bf. Both the bf and her were irate. Weeks later, she posts a photo, and I was one of the first to like it. I check back later, my like is gone. She reuploaded her photo just to get rid of my like. It goes to the point that I hate online communication.

[Chalkdust89]

If a woman is at least moderately attractive and around 18-45, the vast majority of men she interacts with, are interested in her on some level. It is foolish for a women to deny that, and will only lead to disappointment.

 

Most girls I know don't think this way about guys. It's hard to wrap my head around the concept that guys will be automatically interested in ANY girl they meet. It sounds desperate. I don't want to think of my guy friends that way.

[somedude81]

That is actually a very uncomfortable thought. I don't want to go through life thinking that every man I talk to is just waiting for the right moment to try and make a move.

Why not?

 

It gives you a more realistic view of the world. And it should lead to you being more careful about who you make friends with. It will avoid the awkward situations of having your "friend" suddenly hitting on you and you thinking it came out of nowhere, when it was his intention from the very start.

[KathyM]

It was inappropriate because it was sexual innuendo that came out of the blue to someone who you had not flirted with or shown romantic interest to before. As someone else said, you need to gauge romantic interest first, engage in flirting that is not sexual, such as complimenting or teasing, and save the sexual innuendo for when you're actually dating a person. Don't let this one faux paux to scare you off from flirting with women altogether. Flirting is a good way to establish a romantic interest. You just need to learn how to do it, and when it's appropriate. There are books on the subject out there, I'm sure. Or consult with a dating coach. You are struggling, and I think you need help with this. Don't put yourself in the friendzone. That is not how to attract a woman. The Average Joes I know have attracted women by being charming, humorous, sociable, or having some quality about them that was special. I think you need to approach dating the same way a good looking man would, and that is by being charming, sociable, humorous, and flirtatious. Not by trying to friendzone yourself. That will only make them see you as just a friend. This woman saw you as just a casual friend or acquaintance, since you didn't establish a romantic interest first. And save the sexual innuendo for when you are actually dating the person.

[clia]

If a woman is at least moderately attractive and around 18-45, the vast majority of men she interacts with, are interested in her on some level. It is foolish for a women to deny that, and will only lead to disappointment.

 

Are you saying that you are interested in every single moderately attractive woman aged 18-45 that you interact with, regardless of her personality traits, style, intelligence, eloquence, wit, hobbies, interests, living situation, number of children, religion, living location, job, financial status, education level, emotional baggage, childhood background, morals, beliefs, values, trustworthiness, etc.?

 

Really?

 

Why is the cut off at 45? Do women turn into pumpkins on their 46th birthday?

 

Actually, somedude, the vast majority of men aren't interested in every moderately attractive woman they interact with. Most men who have anything going for them have preferences in women that go beyond simply being the right age and being moderately attractive. Most men aren't just looking for a moderately attractive woman to fill a hole in their life.

[Truthsayer]

@Op

If you flirt and it works out for you your doing it right. You flirt, it doesn't work you need to improve this and that. See what I did their? I read in this thread what some would consider good advice but ask yourself, do you want someone to teach you how to talk to women even tho women are the same species as you and speak the language you speak. Or do you just want to find a girl that like you without playing games?

[organizedchaos]

Are you saying that you are interested in every single moderately attractive woman aged 18-45 that you interact with, regardless of her personality traits, style, intelligence, eloquence, wit, hobbies, interests, living situation, number of children, religion, living location, job, financial status, education level, emotional baggage, childhood background, morals, beliefs, values, trustworthiness, etc.?

 

Really?

 

Why is the cut off at 45? Do women turn into pumpkins on their 46th birthday?

 

Actually, somedude, the vast majority of men aren't interested in every moderately attractive woman they interact with. Most men who have anything going for them have preferences in women that go beyond simply being the right age and being moderately attractive. Most men aren't just looking for a moderately attractive woman to fill a hole in their life.

 

Exactly. I really don't have an interest in sleeping with every woman I meet, even if I find her attractive on various levels. I have preferences that go beyond physical attraction and am perfectly fine on my own until I meet the woman who fits my criteria.

[somedude81]

Are you saying that you are interested in every single moderately attractive woman aged 18-45 that you interact with, regardless of her personality traits, style, intelligence, eloquence, wit, hobbies, interests, living situation, number of children, religion, living location, job, financial status, education level, emotional baggage, childhood background, morals, beliefs, values, trustworthiness, etc.?

 

Really?

 

Why is the cut off at 45? Do women turn into pumpkins on their 46th birthday?

 

Actually, somedude, the vast majority of men aren't interested in every moderately attractive woman they interact with. Most men who have anything going for them have preferences in women that go beyond simply being the right age and being moderately attractive. Most men aren't just looking for a moderately attractive woman to fill a hole in their life.

Believe that all you want. Just don't complain when the guy you thought had no interest in you suddenly starts trying to flirt

[TouchedByViolet]

I liked your comment. Most likely you just aren't that attractive to her, so she responded negatively. People make playful banter, funny comments, and innuendos all the time on facebook, men and women included. Also, if someone unfriends you on facebook they probably were not a serious/close friend to begin with.

 

I remember a guy I knew who had a crush on my ex-gf's roommate and the girls all made a big deal out of it. Like why would he (unattractive guy to these ladies) be interested in her? He is making it awkward and weird. They acted like he was a loser or something and it made me mad and I told my gf at the time. I always thought he was a fun and nice guy. He did nothing wrong, he just told her he liked her and all of a sudden it was a big deal and he was being creepy. She was an average girl too. If a guy likes a girl who doesn't find him attractive it is almost always immediately into creeper territory.

 

Moral of the story. Women can be terrible to men they find unattractive.

[AD1980]

I liked your comment. Most likely you just aren't that attractive to her, so she responded negatively. People make playful banter, funny comments, and innuendos all the time on facebook, men and women included. Also, if someone unfriends you on facebook they probably were not a serious/close friend to begin with.

 

I remember a guy I knew who had a crush on my ex-gf's roommate and the girls all made a big deal out of it. Like why would he (unattractive guy to these ladies) be interested in her? He is making it awkward and weird. They acted like he was a loser or something and it made me mad and I told my gf at the time. I always thought he was a fun and nice guy. He did nothing wrong, he just told her he liked her and all of a sudden it was a big deal and he was being creepy. She was an average girl too. If a guy likes a girl who doesn't find him attractive it is almost always immediately into creeper territory.

 

Moral of the story. Women can be terrible to men they find unattractive.

 

Thank you people underestimate how much power looks have over women and how much more good looking men can get away with

[irc333]

What I was thinking too. Did you know this friend offline? How long have you been friends? What's the nature of the friendship? If I only knew someone online, nod was only mildly friendly with them and connected through a mutual friend, and there wasn't any PREVIOUS flirting or indicator of interest, then yeah, it could be inappropriate. Plus, she may be embarrassed if her other friends saw it. Does she have a bf?

 

I would say for probably a couple of years. Also shared a hot tub together at one of the parties at someone's home.

 

I would say we had our share of banter, ball busting, innuendoes, etc. I've heard these women talk and they had their share of non-innuendo ish vulgarities which was good for a laugh.

[irc333]

It COULD be me, or both...I suck at flirting probably so it's me. Sometimes I get on a roll with my remarks, then something like this happens.

 

I guess they misunderstand me?

 

I do have my share of friends in that group that adore me as well. Some would probably think "Meh, don't make a big stink of it, that's IRC he's cool." They think I'm a very kind hearted individual.

 

Facebook does tend to open up other evils as well. Its another can of worms, too. I recall another (female) friend of mine that noted on her wall that, "Yeah, one of my friends just unfriended me from something I said on my wall".

 

It takes a special person to understand that my intent wasn't meant to be destructive or creepy. Some understand me, while others may not want to understand? I'm not sure.

 

But I was wondering, too, why, with one comment like that and while being in mixed company with tons of remarks flying back and forth in the past...why dismiss me for that? Why judge so hastily, esp. when they already know me?

 

I gotta say, irc333, whenever I read your threads I go back and forth in wondering whether your challenges with women in your area are on your end, or whether it is really on the women in your area (overly "twitchy", have walls up instead of taking responsibility, other issues, ect). I'm not really sure. It's probably a bit of both.

 

On the one hand, if you and she hadn't flirted before or if she "doesn't see you like that" or if she is in a relationship, then your comment wasn't so much "edgy in a good way" as it was a bit creepy/invasive. On the other hand, I still think she kind of overreacted. Deleting the comment or a playful "Inapprop!" or something would be more in line.

 

The way flirting works is, you notice a sign of interest, and then you push things forward. But pushing forward without the signs of interest is usually creepy.

 

 

The way flirting works is, you notice a sign of interest, and then you push things forward. But pushing forward without the signs of interest is usually creepy.

 

I think that's my problem there, either I ignore signs of interest from a woman, and flirt anyhow just to "test the waters". I think it's because I haven't had many women interested in me as it is and thus my reason for flirting without picking up on their interest.

 

 

Would walking up to two of your female friends out of the blue, winking at them and saying "sup ladies, want to rub my belly?"

 

It was said in context, not at random.

Edited March 21, 2014 by irc333

[irc333]

Yeah, I think Facebook is driving rifts in friendships, the more it remains in existence, the more it'll be the bane of our existence. lol

 

 

Yeah but it's not real life. In real life people are not rubbing the bellies of statues. People post zaney photos on facebook to specifically get a reaction that leads to comments like the op posted. I thought it was a funny comment. Because they unfriended the op leads me to think that he may have irked them previously. I had a similar circumstance. I unknowingly flirt with some woman who had a bf. Both the bf and her were irate. Weeks later, she posts a photo, and I was one of the first to like it. I check back later, my like is gone. She reuploaded her photo just to get rid of my like. It goes to the point that I hate online communication.

[GravityMan]

Are you sure you are close friends with this woman. A close friend wouldn't unfriend you from FB for making that comment.

 

It sounds like your comment could have been seen as out of character, so it was unexpected. Women are often disappointed when they think they have a friend who would never flirt with them and then that friend does.

 

Or you weren't as close as you thought (as least she didn't think so).

 

Agree with this. Irc, I doubt she ever considered you to be much of an actual friend. In my opinion, you can't really be close friends with someone unless you know them quite well OFFLINE.

 

I gotta say, irc333, whenever I read your threads I go back and forth in wondering whether your challenges with women in your area are on your end, or whether it is really on the women in your area (overly "twitchy", have walls up instead of taking responsibility, other issues, ect). I'm not really sure. It's probably a bit of both.

 

I think irc333's challenges are 99% his own fault. I think it's a combination of him over-analyzing things and social awkwardness.