Those sexual questions on OK Cupid

[irc333]

I have noticed that there are those so-called "personality" questions in the profile to see if you're a "match". Typically, I don't believe in those "computer matching mechanics" as I think it just gives us things to do or "busy work" as I prefer to call it.

 

There was this one Christian woman that mentioned in her profile that said that whoever decides to email her better answer those questions otherwise she probably wouldn't respond. Apparently she puts great stock on OK Cupid's mechanics.

 

I"m not sure if OK cupid picks them for us or are these questions specified by the user themselves?? BUt either way, when I was reading some of the questions, some were rather sexual in nature...like "Do you like to spank during sex" or other things as well. I found it odd as a Christian woman that this was important for her to know this from a STRANGER she just met online, but apparently it was...and it was her only way she'd even consider dating someone before meeting them for drinks or dinner.

 

Anyone really think that's a bit absurd esp. with those kinds of questions?

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Right, I just joined OKC (namely to see what all the fuss was about) and have been plowing through dozens of questions and I have yet to come across anything really overtly sexual or that gets as specific as whether I like spanking during sex...

 

Also, maybe I'm still too unfamiliar with the site but I have yet to encounter a way to select SPECIFIC questions for potential matches to answer beforehand, so I'm not sure what you're seeing that I'm not. HOWEVER, if true I wouldn't mind them and don't see a problem with it.

 

Anyway, just because someone is a Christian doesn't mean they can't enjoy sex or are devoid of sexual preference. In fact, I believe one of the things I've heard most often from Christians is that it is important a husband and wife to have a happy and mutually fulfilling sex life.

 

Why wouldn't someone - Christian or otherwise - place some degree of importance on sexual compatibility when dating?? Yes, even "STRANGERS".

[anne1707]

I assume the aim of those questions is to get an idea of potential sexual compatibility or incompatibility hence using these questions.

 

As for this particular lady and your surprise that a Christian women would want to know these answers.... Maybe she likes to leave it quite a while before having sex in a new relationship. Maybe she does not want to invest herself so much emotionally and for so long before finding out they are sexually incompatible. Hence these questions may help her not to do.

 

Not absurd at all, even for a Christian woman. (Note: I cannot for the life of me think why the faith of this lady should be a factor in respect of your question).

[irc333]

I assume the aim of those questions is to get an idea of potential sexual compatibility or incompatibility hence using these questions.

 

As for this particular lady and your surprise that a Christian women would want to know these answers.... Maybe she likes to leave it quite a while before having sex in a new relationship. Maybe she does not want to invest herself so much emotionally and for so long before finding out they are sexually incompatible. Hence these questions may help her not to do.

 

Not absurd at all, even for a Christian woman. (Note: I cannot for the life of me think why the faith of this lady should be a factor in respect of your question).

 

 

Okay, let me emphasize, this is something to be discussed with someone you are probably already dating, not someone you've not even met in person.

 

Makes sense now, right?

 

I mean, in real life, you don't talk to a woman and when getting to know her ask her, "So what's your favorites sexual position? I hope yours is doggie style, because I love that!"

[anne1707]

The point I was trying to make is that she may be someone who likes to leave it a good while before having sex. On that basis, she also won't ask early on what type of sex someone is in to. That would be much further down the line. If she leaves it that long before having the discussion or having sex and finds out there is a lack of compatibility then that is an awful lot of emotional investment for nothing.

 

She wants to find this stuff out now to stop getting herself and others hurt. It really is quite simple, quite reasonable and not at all absurd.

[irc333]

The point I was trying to make is that she may be someone who likes to leave it a good while before having sex. On that basis, she also won't ask early on what type of sex someone is in to. That would be much further down the line. If she leaves it that long before having the discussion or having sex and finds out there is a lack of compatibility then that is an awful lot of emotional investment for nothing.

 

She wants to find this stuff out now to stop getting herself and others hurt. It really is quite simple, quite reasonable and not at all absurd.

 

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree then.

[anne1707]

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree then.

 

I guess we will. I can see that different people will want different things in life and will act in different ways. I do not think they are odd/have issues/are absurd/flaky/etc if they do not behave in a specific way. I certainly don't feel that if someone acts in a way that I don't then there is something off with them. Yep, we disagree.

[irc333]

I guess we will. I can see that different people will want different things in life and will act in different ways. I do not think they are odd/have issues/are absurd/flaky/etc if they do not behave in a specific way. I certainly don't feel that if someone acts in a way that I don't then there is something off with them. Yep, we disagree.

 

So you actually believe in the questioning system of OK Cupid? You put your entire faith on that dating mechanic before considering even joining them for a meet?

[anne1707]

So you actually believe in the questioning system of OK Cupid? You put your entire faith on that dating mechanic before considering even joining them for a meet?

 

You are putting words in my mouth.

 

If you go back and read my first post, I said "I assume the purpose...." hence I do not use those questions (or OLD seeing as I am married).

 

I also said re this woman "maybe...." I.e. It was a potential theory for her thinking.

 

I was just trying to point out to that there are potential good reasons for the way people do things even if it is not what you would do yourself. Don't assume someone is absurd/flaky/has issues etc just because they don't do what you want them to do.

[Teraskas]

The first time I made a profile on OKC, and came cross these questions, I really had to pause for a while.

Truth told, because I was literally dying from laughter of those sex related questions. xD

 

In my opinion these questions are useful to get a general idea of a person's sexual preference and compatibility.

However, I feel that despite these questions giving people a hint of sexual compatibility with one another, more in depth stuff should be conserved for the actual 'dating' phase.

 

Can't imagine myself pulling an OKC and asking these type of questions on the first date to be honest.

[TigerLilly78]

Okay, let me emphasize, this is something to be discussed with someone you are probably already dating, not someone you've not even met in person.

 

Makes sense now, right?

 

I mean, in real life, you don't talk to a woman and when getting to know her ask her, "So what's your favorites sexual position? I hope yours is doggie style, because I love that!"

 

Actually yea ive had those kind of discussions before dating some one makes it clear what is what when it comes to sex. Then again im a huge fan of upfront and honest so maybe that's just me. I mean its better then getting overly involved with some one only to find out your not sexually comparable on any level..

[central]

Okay, let me emphasize, this is something to be discussed with someone you are probably already dating, not someone you've not even met in person.

 

Makes sense now, right?

 

I mean, in real life, you don't talk to a woman and when getting to know her ask her, "So what's your favorites sexual position? I hope yours is doggie style, because I love that!"

 

I disagree. If you can tell by comparing answers to such questions that you are NOT compatible, then there's no point in meeting. Maybe not favorite position, but certainly things like spanking foreplay, or BDSM or other preferences that may exclude someone from consideration. I've found such questions very useful, along with others that give information about personality type, values, and attitudes.

[Candy_Pants]

There is actually a kink subculture on OK crapid.

[salparadise]

So you actually believe in the questioning system of OK Cupid? You put your entire faith on that dating mechanic before considering even joining them for a meet?

 

This reminds me of how so many of those questions try and squeeze you into a box by asking about a preference, posing it in the extreme, and then offering only the options... YES or NO.

 

Believe in the questioning system? Nah, I haven't incorporated it into my belief system or world view.

 

Put your entire faith on that dating mechanic? Nah, I don't take much of anything so seriously that I'd put my entire faith on it.

 

Look. It is what it is... a computer algorithm written by a pretty smart guy that provides a compatibility score based on how similarly two people answer questions, the weight given to each question, and acceptable/unacceptable responses as specified by the users. It's really that simple.

 

It's an indicator, not a guarantee.

[Allumere]

I think it is simply a compatibility question just like all the others. If someone is more adventurous, maybe has a fetish etc. that may be deal breaker for them in evaluating someone. As far as her being Christian, although she may value the tradition of waiting til marriage etc., if she is someone who has previously been married or maybe someone who became a devote Christian later in life she already has had sexual experiences and simply understands what will work for her satisfaction in that arena. And based on my previous experience, even devote Christians are subject to that temptation..and then sin. It's difficult to slow that roll when it is something you have experienced and value in the context of a relationship from the past. And Christians have the same range of preferences, kinks etc. as everyone else

[Chalkdust89]

I actually had someone (a friend of a friend who I didn't meet through OLD) tell me this stuff right after our first hangout. He texted me about all of his fetishes and how "weird" he was (his words, not mine) because he didn't want to waste his time getting to know me only for those things to be dealbreakers. To be honest, I wasn't so much weirded out at the content of his sexual stuff as I was at the fact that he told me this all within 24-48 hours of meeting me. I guess I understand why people would want to be upfront with these things if it had been an issue in the past...but I found it a bit creepy and overwhelming.

[TheyCallMeOx]

I don't think the questions are absurd. As long as there's a variety of answers to choose from and an opportunity to explain our answers, I don't mind the seemingly unnecessary questions. If it's not important, I just signify that it's not important. When I had an OKC profile, I answered over 1,100 questions until I disabled my account. To me, it's just an opportunity to evaluate someone in general terms. For instance, I don't automatically eliminate Christians from potential dating partners -- instead, I head straight to the questions. If a Christian doesn't have that many questions answered and/or the percentage is low, then I assume they're virgins and going to save it for marriage. That's an incompatibility issue, and that's something that I DO NOT WANT. I like to get as much information as possible to make the best decision. Just like there being no such thing as a "stupid question," I also think there's no such thing as an unnecessary question. Irrelevant, perhaps, but you can indicate if a question is irrelevant to you.

[organizedchaos]

I have noticed that there are those so-called "personality" questions in the profile to see if you're a "match". Typically, I don't believe in those "computer matching mechanics" as I think it just gives us things to do or "busy work" as I prefer to call it.

 

There was this one Christian woman that mentioned in her profile that said that whoever decides to email her better answer those questions otherwise she probably wouldn't respond. Apparently she puts great stock on OK Cupid's mechanics.

 

I"m not sure if OK cupid picks them for us or are these questions specified by the user themselves?? BUt either way, when I was reading some of the questions, some were rather sexual in nature...like "Do you like to spank during sex" or other things as well. I found it odd as a Christian woman that this was important for her to know this from a STRANGER she just met online, but apparently it was...and it was her only way she'd even consider dating someone before meeting them for drinks or dinner.

 

Anyone really think that's a bit absurd esp. with those kinds of questions?

 

Why is it absurd for a Christian woman asking for men to answer questions about sex? Maybe she doesn't want a man who thinks spanking is ok. Maybe she's looking to weed out the kinky guys, or maybe she wants kinky guys.

 

WHO CARES? It's her preference.

[MidwestUSA]

Why is it absurd for a Christian woman asking for men to answer questions about sex? Maybe she doesn't want a man who thinks spanking is ok. Maybe she's looking to weed out the kinky guys, or maybe she wants kinky guys.

 

WHO CARES? It's her preference.

 

 

I wonder if the Christian dating site asks about spanking?

[anne1707]

I wonder if the Christian dating site asks about spanking?

 

Adds a whole new meaning to turning the other cheek

 

 

 

Sorry - could not resist the little t/j

[Disillusioned]

I can only speak for myself, but all those sexual questions make me feel like the one sober person in a sea of junkies.

 

BTW what's the big deal about Christianity??? To me it's just a bit of culture stolen from the Middle East. There's nothing physics-defyingly magical about it.

Edited March 22, 2014 by Disillusioned

[GoreSP]

I have noticed that there are those so-called "personality" questions in the profile to see if you're a "match". Typically, I don't believe in those "computer matching mechanics" as I think it just gives us things to do or "busy work" as I prefer to call it.

 

There was this one Christian woman that mentioned in her profile that said that whoever decides to email her better answer those questions otherwise she probably wouldn't respond. Apparently she puts great stock on OK Cupid's mechanics.

 

I"m not sure if OK cupid picks them for us or are these questions specified by the user themselves?? BUt either way, when I was reading some of the questions, some were rather sexual in nature...like "Do you like to spank during sex" or other things as well. I found it odd as a Christian woman that this was important for her to know this from a STRANGER she just met online, but apparently it was...and it was her only way she'd even consider dating someone before meeting them for drinks or dinner.

 

Anyone really think that's a bit absurd esp. with those kinds of questions?

 

I loved those questions. They said a lot more about a person than the flimsy little description in their main profile.

[irc333]

I figured, regardless of the content of the questions, just like any other dating site, they probably won't respond anyhow. So I suppose it's moot.

[Allumere]

I can only speak for myself, but all those sexual questions make me feel like the one sober person in a sea of junkies.

 

BTW what's the big deal about Christianity??? To me it's just a bit of culture stolen from the Middle East. There's nothing physics-defyingly magical about it.

 

No big mystery....devote Christians don't do sex outside of marriage (aren't suppose to anyway but of course it happens) and the basis of a relationship is God focused. That's a quick and dirty summary but that's why I think it might take some folks back that a Christian would ask those questions.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I enjoyed the questions on OKC. I don't think they are as a great an indicator for compatibility as they are helping to weed out those that you KNOW aren't a match at all.

 

I'm a pretty liberal mixed race woman and it helped to weed out men that messaged me that answered that they didn't believe in interracial marriages, thought homosexuality was a sin, or that they didn't enjoy oral sex. Better not to waste time engaging someone you know you will not intellectually or physically connect with.