iDrumKing Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I work at a coffee shop so we tend to get pretty decent looking people coming in. I work with this girl who I ask her opinion on "girl stuff" like if I do this or this when approaching a girl. I had my eyes on a girl while I was about to get off and was getting the nerves together to talk to her. I clocked out and my coworker told me that that a different customer just left (a very attractive female) who eyed my the entire time she was there. I didn't notice.... So that made me think... how many missed opportunities do we miss everyday for not being more aware over the people around us. The game of looking at her while she's not looking, yet she looks at your when you're not looking. How do you break this cycle? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I had my eyes on a girl while I was about to get off and was getting the nerves together to talk to her. The game of looking at her while she's not looking, yet she looks at your when you're not looking. How do you break this cycle? You break the cycle by following the 3-second rule. When you first see someone that catches your attention say something within three seconds even if it's something stupid. Look someone in the eyes and make your move even if you move is to say hi. If you engage someone immediately and maintain eye contact while you talk to them then neither of you have a chance to checking the other out while their not looking now do they?? Show your interest to her face, not the back of her head. When you wait to gather your nerve, you are displaying weakness. If you wait and then try to talk it comes off as fake and manufactured. If you are spontaneous it comes off as genuine and natural 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 20, 2014 Author Share Posted March 20, 2014 You break the cycle by following the 3-second rule. When you first see someone that catches your attention say something within three seconds even if it's something stupid. Look someone in the eyes and make your move even if you move is to say hi. If you engage someone immediately and maintain eye contact while you talk to them then neither of you have a chance to checking the other out while their not looking now do they?? Show your interest to her face, not the back of her head. When you wait to gather your nerve, you are displaying weakness. If you wait and then try to talk it comes off as fake and manufactured. If you are spontaneous it comes off as genuine and natural So basically the more you run the interaction through your head, the more you sabotage your chances? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kodakgirl Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I feel like this happens a lot to me... I'm pretty attractive but also pretty shy. I've worked really hard on the shyness over the years and got to a point where I'm pretty all right... except for romantic interaction. I haven't yet been able to get up the courage to let a guy see I'm looking at him, even when I can tell he's been looking at me too (subways are good for this, you can look in the reflections of windows to see if they're looking at you, hahaha). One time when this was happening we happened to meet eyes and it was this incredible lightning-bolt feeling of attraction, I literally felt weak in the knees.... then I did not DARE to look back again! Aggghhhhh. I shake my head at myself. I guess to break the cycle one of you has to at least let the other person know you're looking, and smile... then try to actually talk. I have no idea how this is done. I get it rationally but not emotionally, haha. Anyway though, I wonder too how often this happens without us even knowing? It's both encouraging to think about, and sad. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I get the same level of interest when I'm looking as when I am looking (maybe more when I am looking because I'm usually out and about more and talking to more people). In my experience, even the whole "getting more attention when you have a girlfriend" thing isn't true. I get as much as interest as the amount of women I surround myself with. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 So basically the more you run the interaction through your head, the more you sabotage your chances? Yes. You psyche yourself out and don't display confidence in her eyes. Carpe Diem! Just walk up and say something like, "hi, you caught my attention and I had to come over to meet you. I'm iDrumking" And take it from there. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 So basically the more you run the interaction through your head, the more you sabotage your chances? Yes. You accomplish everything in life by doing. Thinking without doing accomplishes nothing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 So many guys do that. I'm older and used to go to music venues a lot. Every guy in the room would be focused on the two biggest-boobed or blonde-haired girls there and be oblivious to all the rest of the perfectly attractive women who might have given them the time of day or been throwing them a nice smile. Except for the extremely shy, nearly all women will find a way to get within arm's reach or will throw you a smile or say something to you if they are interested, so all you have to do is stay alert and stop paying attention to women who are not circling your planet and clear for landing the ones who are. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 So basically the more you run the interaction through your head, the more you sabotage your chances? Yes, in pop psych vernacular it's called "analysis paralysis". Many guys can shake it with a little dating experience. For some of us, it's much more ingrained -- for example, I'm a university science professor where that quality is actually helpful in a professional context -- and contributes to chronic "nice guy" problems in dating. That's good to have a coworker who will point out when women are eyeing you -- take advantage of that. There is a school of thought on LS that most guys who think they can't attract women still have lots of women who would be interested but the guys just don't notice them. Personally, I don't believe that. Just keep your eyes out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I'm a giant, so women are going to STARE at me whether I want attention or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I had my eyes on a girl while I was about to get off and was getting the nerves together to talk to her. I clocked out and my coworker told me that that a different customer just left (a very attractive female) who eyed my the entire time she was there. I didn't notice.... So that made me think... how many missed opportunities do we miss everyday for not being more aware over the people around us. It seems most of the posters missed this part of your post and failed to answer it. The problem here is another woman, whom you were unaware of completely, was checking you out, probably digging you, but she herself failed to grab your attention because she didn't make any moves to attract your attention. This woman could of done something like walk in your line of sight, ask for a lid for the coffee cup, ask for sugar in case there wasn't any at the condiments table, and then engage with you, giving you an opportunity. As for your question about missed opportunities, you have no control over that. You were not focused on this other woman. You did not even notice her at all. Therefore you can't consider it a missed opportunity because you were unaware of her existence, and was never given an opportunity to make a move. Things like this happen all of the time, especially if you are in an area with lots of people, such as a coffee shop. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Just this morning in Waitrose a very nice woman replenishing the Cadburys dairy milk bars gave me a once over. Shame she was as old as my mother. But she did have a cracking inverted `Bob`. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 It seems most of the posters missed this part of your post and failed to answer it. The problem here is another woman, whom you were unaware of completely, was checking you out, probably digging you, but she herself failed to grab your attention because she didn't make any moves to attract your attention. This woman could of done something like walk in your line of sight, ask for a lid for the coffee cup, ask for sugar in case there wasn't any at the condiments table, and then engage with you, giving you an opportunity. As for your question about missed opportunities, you have no control over that. You were not focused on this other woman. You did not even notice her at all. Therefore you can't consider it a missed opportunity because you were unaware of her existence, and was never given an opportunity to make a move. Things like this happen all of the time, especially if you are in an area with lots of people, such as a coffee shop. Jesus christ! Talk about a good answer. Thanks for your input! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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