It's been a year

[Lovels]

It's been a year since my ex broke up with me and I have yet to have another relationship let alone meet anyone. I've talked to three people total through online dating and 2 of those 3 have only saw me as a friend. The other one hasn't given me any indication where our relationship should go.

 

I have a friend on the other hand officially became single the beginning of the year, met someone online last month , and they are now living together and talking about marriage. Even her ex has met someone and mine did 5 months after we broke up.

 

I definitely don't want a relationship to go that fast, but it would be nice to have something. Maybe I'm looking too hard. I don't get it.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

IMO, you're trying too hard...or at least, putting too much emphasis/thought into it.

 

I'm not going to sit here and feed you some BS lines about how "it'll happen when you least expect it" or anything, BUT, you're making things 10x harder on yourself by basically being on the prowl for your next serious relationship. When people say men can smell desperation, it ain't just for kicks and giggles.

 

This is how some end up jumping into relationships they really shouldn't be in. They want to fill some void within themselves. So, aside from having a serious "relationship", are you seeing anyone casually or at least talking to people? How have your worked to improve yourself? Both can be beneficial in simply relearning to branch out again or making oneself a more viable/attractive candidate in the dating scene.

 

Nevertheless....look, people move at their own rates and speeds. You first need to ask yourself, are you really ready for a new relationship, or are you just hoping for a distraction to help you move on? If you really assess your situation and come to the conclusion that you really are ready, you then need to perhaps rethink your dating strategy. Do you flirt at random in public? How do you dress? Are you active on OLD, etc? And if so, what image are you projecting of yourself?

 

Also, never use stories you've read online or anecdotes from friends as a barometer for the pace at which your own love life should be moving. Find out what's comfortable for you, reassess your strategies and alter yourself as needed.

[DirtyHairy]

Some good advice from the above poster there. I agree its tough (same situation really) but if you just do things you enjoy (gym, sports, classes etc) it will make things a lot easier and take your mind off "Why am I not finding anyone?"

 

Don't worry about your close friends relationships, I mean it makes it a lot harder when all your close friends are in relationships when you are one of the only ones who is single but sometimes if you hang out with them more you will end up meeting one of their other single friends.

I agree with the above poster about not saying the "It will happen when it happens" because I hate that kind of advice (get it all the time haha) and just try not to put to much emphasis on finding someone because then you will get down if you don't find someone and might end up with someone who isn't as good as you can normally get because you just want to be with someone.

 

Hopefully you find someone soon, just try and talk with some friends and see if they know any single people who you would like or see if there will be a get together/small party where new single people will be that is always a good way to meet new people.

Best of luck!

[newmoon]

don't use your friends as a guide to how you should be progressing. it sounds to me like you're doing just fine, and when the right relationship comes along you'll be ready because you've been single a while now and are open to something new and fantastic. I'd suggest increasing your daily/free time activities and ramping it up in terms of how often you go out - the only way to meet someone is to actually be outside and doing things that put you in contact. keep trying online dating too - they don't all have to end up in a relationship, right? just getting out there on dates helps your self-esteem and moves you closer to meeting the right person.

[Salvatore85]

You and I are in identical situations. It was a year for me on valentines day and I've casually talked to a few females since with one progressing a bit and it really shouldn't have because I wasn't ready. I know how you feel, almost pressured to get back in a relationship because everyone else you know is. I was with my ex 5 years and she was dating someone 3 weeks later, every bodies different I suppose.

 

I've taken to working out a lot, watching my diet, cooking, walking my dog, hanging out with friends etc. I've sort of wanted to date but I know even at this point I'm not over my ex so it's probably not good for me. The day I wake up and don't think about her or miss her is when I know I'll be ready, not when others tell me I should be.

 

Good luck with everything and keep your head up. You'll get there and you'll find someone who will make you happy I bet.