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Going to ask her out...but with trepidation


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Hey folks

 

I have been single for about 1.5 years, largely through choice. Couple of long term relationships ended and hurt quite badly, and I decided to wait until I was happy again and found somebody a bit special. Not even been on a date since the last one ended.

 

Now I have met this girl through work. I can't tell if she is attracted to me, as I am to her. I haven't made it obvious that I like her though, as I get quite shy around women I like. But I've tried to gauge her body language around me, to see whether it would be worth asking her out.

 

Normally it's fairly obvious, but not this time! She has been quite evasive, in that she avoids eye contact with me, and is just a little bit awkward when I'm around. But when I have spoken to her she opens up and laughs at my jokes (I naturally make a lot of jokes when in conversation with people, regardless of who it is), and seems quite keen to talk about herself and listen to the things I say. But the next time it reverts to awkward, and she seems to avoid eye contact etc. Sometimes is even quite aloof or keen to leave (that last one is particularly disorienting).

 

I'm dubious about asking her out, because her signals are a bit mixed. But I just feel like it's going to eat away at me if I don't, and it would even be a bit of a relief to know one way or the other, and not have the constant feeling of tension anytime I am near her. I'm pretty content with my life otherwise, which has been a welcome change having distanced myself from dysfunctional relationships!

 

Any thoughts?

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Hey folks

 

I have been single for about 1.5 years, largely through choice. Couple of long term relationships ended and hurt quite badly, and I decided to wait until I was happy again and found somebody a bit special. Not even been on a date since the last one ended.

 

Now I have met this girl through work. I can't tell if she is attracted to me, as I am to her. I haven't made it obvious that I like her though, as I get quite shy around women I like. But I've tried to gauge her body language around me, to see whether it would be worth asking her out.

 

Normally it's fairly obvious, but not this time! She has been quite evasive, in that she avoids eye contact with me, and is just a little bit awkward when I'm around. But when I have spoken to her she opens up and laughs at my jokes (I naturally make a lot of jokes when in conversation with people, regardless of who it is), and seems quite keen to talk about herself and listen to the things I say. But the next time it reverts to awkward, and she seems to avoid eye contact etc. Sometimes is even quite aloof or keen to leave (that last one is particularly disorienting).

 

I'm dubious about asking her out, because her signals are a bit mixed. But I just feel like it's going to eat away at me if I don't, and it would even be a bit of a relief to know one way or the other, and not have the constant feeling of tension anytime I am near her. I'm pretty content with my life otherwise, which has been a welcome change having distanced myself from dysfunctional relationships!

 

Any thoughts?

 

I don't know that I'd have that much trepidation. The sounds a lot like me and how I am when I like a guy. Pretty exactly in fact! :-)

 

I would definitely ask her and see what happens.

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Frank2thepoint

You've had conversations with her, so you have surmounted most of the difficulty. Just work into the conversation that it would be great to continue making her laugh outside of work, like grabbing lunch or meeting up for some drinks after work. If she agrees great, if she is evasive such as by saying maybe sometime, then drop the matter for now, wait a couple of weeks, then ask about meeting outside of work again, but during a conversation.

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Thank you both for the reply, and the advice. I just had to put it down in words somewhere because there isn't anybody I feel I want to speak to about it, so it's appreciated.

 

I think I will work into the conversation about taking her for a drink, not too big a gesture. But make it obvious enough I am asking her out. And you're right Frank2thepoint, I don't want to impose myself if she seems hesitant. The funny thing is, I'm not overly worried about rejection (I can handle it!), more making her feel awkward.

 

My confidence has certainly been knocked in the last few years, as far as women are concerned. I never noticed how much until I was drawn to this person. But I really don't want to let it slip away, and live with the 'what if'.

 

Oh well, back into the fray....I'll post how it goes.

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