Jump to content

Lacking female attention is hurting.


Recommended Posts

I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to stop the hurt feeling I am having.

I have always admired girls from a far due to my social anxiety but now that I am working on my problems I am more confident but now I have no chance to meet girls.

I am living in a small boring town and all the girls my age are away at college.

 

I know I probably won't be able to get much help here but it helps to at least talk about it. It has me feeling really down lately and it sometimes hurts.

I also feel stupid for feeling like this.

 

Thanks for reading.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think by being proactive in working on having more contact with women, that will help to alleviate some of your discouragement. You need to find as many outlets for meeting women in your area as possible: (i.e., meetup groups, OLD, interest groups, spiritual groups if you are a spiritual person or would like to explore your spiritual side, classes offered in your area, and just getting out there to do things that will put you in proximity of other people.) After you've made a good effort to meet women in a variety of ways and still have had no luck, then you may want to think about finding a job in a larger city and moving so that you will have more opportunities to meet people. You need to take action to change things. Also, you said you are getting help with your social anxiety, so I hope you stick with that and continue to work on that. There is some good treatment out there for social anxiety, usually involving both medication to reduce the anxiety and CBT to work on your thought process that is leading to the fear you have.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
I am living in a small boring town and all the girls my age are away at college.

 

Move or, at minimum, travel and find more productive venues to both give and get female attention and companionship.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
ZipperZapper
Move or, at minimum, travel and find more productive venues to both give and get female attention and companionship.

 

Not everyone has the ability or financial wherewithal to simply pull up stakes and move. Or travel.

 

And some of us, me included, are simply unlucky enough to be in the position of not being meant to have someone special in their lives.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers
And some of us, me included, are simply unlucky enough to be in the position of not being meant to have someone special in their lives.

 

This seems like a self-defeatist attitude. Just because you haven't found someone yet doesn't mean you won't, or that you aren't 'meant' to have someone special in your life. Why would you think that?

 

I've been through hell and back during the past 8 years but I firmly believe that someone is out there for me. If I didn't, I would never find him.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Not everyone has the ability or financial wherewithal to simply pull up stakes and move. Or travel.

 

And some of us, me included, are simply unlucky enough to be in the position of not being meant to have someone special in their lives.

Yep, was young, poor and unloved, for many years. Worked hard and rectified the poor part.

 

OP, do you have a car? Road trip! Costs gas. I could drive to the beach from my small town and interact with dozens of ladies just by parking the car and walking around. Bonus if I enjoyed bars (I don't really) and dove into one while walking. Lotsa stuff to do. I've probably met more women just walking the beach by myself than any other 'chance' meetings. Sure, most are married but that's OK. Each interaction is good experience.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Not everyone has the ability or financial wherewithal to simply pull up stakes and move. Or travel.

 

And some of us, me included, are simply unlucky enough to be in the position of not being meant to have someone special in their lives.

 

Exactly, I can't afford to move or travel because I am saving for college.

There is nothing for young people to do in my town for young people. Everyone my age are so happy to be at college because they all say that they are having far more fun.

Recently I have been feeling awful. It is most likely due to boredom being stuck at home and missing my friends and not getting the chance to meet girls.

I just feel down a lot and I don't know what to do anymore.

Edited by Silver93
Link to post
Share on other sites

Look forward, you are going to college soon, save money for that and you'll meet lots of girls there. No one is met to be alone, I think that we all have some one out there, we just need to find her. Never give up.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I seriously believe some people are just meant to be alone. Relationships aren't for everyone no matter how badly we want one. I don't have the personality/character that women want..I'm just myself and I'm not gonna change for anyone. I'd rather be by myself than to be with a girl who I'm just with because I don't want to be alone.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

No Beast, no one is meant to be alone. Stop with all the negativity.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Because you guys are going on these dates with the wrong atitude, as if you already know your going to fail. Think more positive and everything will be ok.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ZipperZapper
I seriously believe some people are just meant to be alone. Relationships aren't for everyone no matter how badly we want one. I don't have the personality/character that women want..I'm just myself and I'm not gonna change for anyone. I'd rather be by myself than to be with a girl who I'm just with because I don't want to be alone.

 

I agree. I'm the same way. I don't think I have the looks or personality or character that women want either.

 

I really get annoyed by all the Pollyannas out there who say, 'there's someone for everyone', or 'love will find you when you least expect it', and other trite, worthless nonsense. Such people have never known the pain of being continually rejected, ignored and generally discounted. Or being toyed with.

 

They've never known what it's like to be forever having one's face pressed up to the glass, watching everyone else sitting at the banquet table, and having a wonderful time while they're left out in the cold.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint

Did you ever hear that song by Bob Marley "No Woman No Cry"? Try looking at that title at a different angle. No woman = no cry.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ZipperZapper
No Beast, no one is meant to be alone. Stop with all the negativity.

 

If no one is meant to be alone, then why are so many alone? And why do so many have difficulty finding a partner?

Link to post
Share on other sites

because you're self-defeatists.

 

"Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't - you're right"

 

Henry Ford.

 

Anybody who sets out determined to fail - will.

You set out with the pre-conceived notion that nothing will work, or do any good.

 

Well done, bravo, congrats on your evident success.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

My problem is lack of opportunities at the moment. There is nothing in my town and I mean nothing. It is getting to the point that it actually hurts when I see a beautiful girl on TV etc.

It sounds pathetic I know. This can't be normal.

Link to post
Share on other sites
My problem is lack of opportunities at the moment. There is nothing in my town and I mean nothing. It is getting to the point that it actually hurts when I see a beautiful girl on TV etc.

It sounds pathetic I know. This can't be normal.

 

No.

Coupled with your other obsession - sex - it's unhealthy.

you never answered my question to you, either.....

 

TaraMaiden[/b]]

This to me is a red flag; I get the impression that you off-load onto your therapist, and vent, and bare your feelings - but then you do nothing productive or proactive to actually address what ails you.

Therefore, you're getting nowhere, because you don't even seem to be trying to challenge your problem; you just announce it's there.

Does your therapist give you objectives?

Do they guide you by pointing out solutions, or things you could do, to help yourself?

Do they 'give you homework' to accomplish over a period of time, between sessions, maybe?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
No.

Coupled with your other obsession - sex - it's unhealthy.

you never answered my question to you, either.....

 

You're probably right. I haven't done much to help this problem.

 

Tbh I have an apponitment later today so I hope to work on it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...
  • Author

Is it at all normal at any point to get a hurting feeling when you see a beautiful girl that you know you will never get to know?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hit the gym, go running, do volunteer work, go be what you want to have first. On my daily runs I already come across many women, you share a "hi" or a "good morning" and sometimes even a short talk; and I am not even looking for it.

 

It might not be much but it is a good start. You give yourself the attention you want from others. Love starts with yourself. You become desired when you make yourself desired. That means, having a positive outlook, an active life style, helpful towards others, and taking care of oneself. Then most of the time, you are already half way there.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Is it at all normal at any point to get a hurting feeling when you see a beautiful girl that you know you will never get to know?

 

No. Because you can't simply know.

 

It only hurts when you assume you deserve less. And that is what is happening here. Even if a lady is to come up to you and talk to you, you will not even take the chance because of predetermined attitudes towards her. And that is because of your self-image.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Since you're working on your social anxiety, take it to the next step. Be sure you are employed. Also do one hour a week volunteer work in something you're interested in (computers, hospital, zoo). Take a night class. Join a bowling league, take up tennis, join the gym. Do not tell me there's no women there! Half the people in your town are women. You have to get out of the house to meet them. The most natural way is by having repeat activities such as those I listed so you don't just see them once and they're gone but have time to gradually become acquainted. The more you put yourself out there, the easier it becomes. Good luck!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Since you're working on your social anxiety, take it to the next step. Be sure you are employed. Also do one hour a week volunteer work in something you're interested in (computers, hospital, zoo). Take a night class. Join a bowling league, take up tennis, join the gym. Do not tell me there's no women there! Half the people in your town are women. You have to get out of the house to meet them. The most natural way is by having repeat activities such as those I listed so you don't just see them once and they're gone but have time to gradually become acquainted. The more you put yourself out there, the easier it becomes. Good luck!

 

Thanks for the reply. I see your point but I am not exaggerating when I say there are no girls my age in my town because they are all away at college. There is also no activities for young people. There used to be but the recession has ravaged the town.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Silver be more positive please, its like you need a girl to think your worth something or like that you stream off I really want a gf and im not gonna be happy much until I get one.

 

I just dated a guy for 2 weeks like that first week was good then the second week I had to listen about how I was awesome cuz no girls ever liked him before, how it made him feel how depressed he was bla bla bla since I had no romantic feeling yet, it was so easy to drop him like a hat, depressed people yuck.

 

What im trying to get at is be happy, positive, fun, confident girls pick up on guys that are with them and in a hopeless state, we dont want those guys we want the guys that are happy without us and we wanna be in that with them.

 

Ask out that girl

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...