Fishbowl communities and dating

[irc333]

Friend of mine, who is married, said he planned on going to a Meetup event further out of town. His wife is a nurse that works nights, so he tells me he's bringing two single friends with him, women...one being his ex-wife the other a friend of the ex-wife.

 

I guess he wanted me meet them.

 

Anyhow, we get to the Meetup, he introduces me and I'm getting to know them and then I didn't want to hang around them too long, being that I wanted go mingle with other members of the group.

 

The entire time they were there, they were just talking to each other. I approach them again, and asked, "So, you mingle around, get to know anyone?"

 

And they said, "No, we're not much for meeting new people."

 

I was thinking, "Wtf, why are they even here?"

 

Later on, one of the ladies I wound up getting to chat with her online, tried to get her to meet up with me, (she was a manager of a CVS Pharmacy)...but she was either busy with other family members or her entire social life revolved around the people she grew up with since gradeschool. Which is kind of odd for a middle 40's adult.

 

I haven't done anything with even my high school friends since I graduated HS.

 

Anyhow, this kind of delves into the small town mentality. People tend to be more cliquish in smaller towns, esp. with some of the elitists, too. Its as if, if they don't know you, they aren't willing to make NEW friends outside of those they've grown up with.

 

Have you noticed to be true in some of your towns?

[Chalkdust89]

Yes. We call them townies. I live in a city with a lot of really good universities, so most people stayed around here for college. I went away to school but still kept in touch with a lot of my friends from high school and made an effort to hang out with some of the ones who went to my college. My high school graduating class had a little over 500 people in it, so when I came back home for grad school it was really hard to not run into people I knew from back in the day ANYWHERE I went. I've known all of my closest friends since elementary school (one I've known since I was a baby). I do have good friends that I've made post-high school, though. It is actually really hard to care about making meaningful relationships with new people when you've known most of your social circle for 20 years and they have seen you at your absolute best and worst. I'm looking forward to moving somewhere else when I finish school so I am forced to make an effort to meet new people...most of my HS friends are either dating each other or married to each other and will probably stay here forever. I, on the other hand, am ready to explore new places and am finding less in common with them each time we hang out.

Edited February 26, 2014 by Chalkdust89

[Scales]

Some people are shy, but others have such large, fragile egos that they protect them with a small circle of trusted individuals. That type of person is likely to be horrible at taking criticism and like to be controlling of their daily situations. They are nightmares for anyone working retail. Honestly, they might not be worth any of your effort because they won't be meeting you half way on anything. Its nice to make connections, but I have learned through experience how to avoid the narcissists, the emotional users, and the egotistical.