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Dating/getting laid and the importance of looks


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So I am a male that study in college now and I have always had problems with women in my life. Now, the reason I see this as a problem is because I want to get laid a lot and just have sex with women.

 

Anyhow, I have known a guy since high school and to me it feels like this man has had pussy to his disposal this entire time. He was getting laid regulary in high school and a lot of time he shared stories of women bedded.

 

This guy had really nothing going for him. He was not rich, he was not a known, popular guy, he didn't have a ripped, aesthetic body and neither did he have a "great personality" or a catching confidence since I knew him. The only thing he had and still has is a beautiful face. He has pretty eyes and looks like Brad Pitt in fight club sort of.

 

Now, I on the other hand, have always struggled with girls. I always dressed up nicely to parties, was friendly, funny and loqacious. I got to know a lot of girls and we had a good time but they never seemed to want to take it any further.

 

This has made me depressed as of lately because I have started to achknowlede the fact that perhaps and probably my looks that let me down.

There is no other logical explanation as to why a guy like me, friendly and out-going would struggle so much to bed one girl while my jerk of a friend has had countless of lays with beautiful girls.

 

How would one try to overcome this depressive way of thinking?

Edited by paleface
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Yes attractive looking people have an easier time meeting the opposite sex. Young girl especially are going to pick the good looking guys first.

 

But there are lots of other attractive features to girls as well. You need to figure out where your strengths lie. And then don't just be the social guy but target a girl and flirt with her.

 

And your in college try being a little bit more of a jerk. It kinda works...

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I got to know a lot of girls and we had a good time but they never seemed to want to take it any further.

 

Expand on this. How do you know they didn't want to take it further? Did they say no to you, or did you just assume and quit trying? How are you asking to go further?

 

Most girls aren't interested in just a random ONS. Even if they are open to it, they need to feel special and "chosen" in order to say yes. They can't just feel like they are a convenient vagina for you. They have to feel connected and like you want THEM.

 

Watch what your friend does. What he says. Hell, talk to him about it and get his advice since he is so successful.

 

You say you are dressed nicely. How's your hair? Is it clean looking/stylish? How are your teeth? How's your fitness level?

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He probably has charisma. You straight up said you just want to get laid a lot, the girls probably see you're up to no good. How about trying to treat women with respect and dating a nice girl instead of just using random women for sex?

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Have you actually ASKED them or made a move on these women who you say don't seem interested? Perhaps you acted too much like a friend or nice guy, and never SAID what you wanted?

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Expand on this. How do you know they didn't want to take it further? Did they say no to you, or did you just assume and quit trying? How are you asking to go further?

 

Most girls aren't interested in just a random ONS. Even if they are open to it, they need to feel special and "chosen" in order to say yes. They can't just feel like they are a convenient vagina for you. They have to feel connected and like you want THEM.

 

Watch what your friend does. What he says. Hell, talk to him about it and get his advice since he is so successful.

 

You say you are dressed nicely. How's your hair? Is it clean looking/stylish? How are your teeth? How's your fitness level?

 

I tried being genereally flirty, touching them a lot.

This one time when we were both drunk I headed for a kiss but she turned her head away and laughted it off.

 

My friend didn't do anything special when we went to parties together. I think that people just responded positively to him because he had good looks.

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Hey man, dont focus on others. So he gets laid for having a good face? Oh wells

 

You cant change your face, but you can highly your attributes by grooming and dressing nicely. Also, hit the gym and get a body young girls wanna sex up. Trust me.

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He probably has charisma. You straight up said you just want to get laid a lot, the girls probably see you're up to no good. How about trying to treat women with respect and dating a nice girl instead of just using random women for sex?

Oh yes, the shaming of the libido.

 

Look, if he wants to be casual, it doesnt mean he doesnt have respect for women. Get over yourself.

 

And actually, LOADS AND LOADS of women in college dont mind a guy thats looking just for sex, because thats what a lot of those gals are looking for too.

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All you need is something. Not a specific thing, and not everything, but something.

 

Girls like his face, another guy's charm, another guy's height, another guy's hair, body, money, wit, status, etc. guys have SO many ways to attract women.

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Hey man, dont focus on others. So he gets laid for having a good face? Oh wells

 

You cant change your face, but you can highly your attributes by grooming and dressing nicely. Also, hit the gym and get a body young girls wanna sex up. Trust me.

 

 

@OP......

 

First off, try to refrain from using the P word, at least be subliminal about it somehow e.g you can say feline

 

Anyhoo..emphasis on the words in BOLD. It's no secret that women and girls (if that is your target audience), like a well dressed man and the way you carry yourself also helps...I don't mean in an arrogant / brash kind of way...I mean in a suave sophisticated kind of way.

 

My nickname is JB (not Justine Bieber)...Yes Bond, and there is a reason for that :D OK enough about me

 

Note: That your buddy could be exaggerating some of his stories too. If you take care of your appearance in a non obsessive way, you will get noticed and GET SOME.

 

And actually, LOADS AND LOADS of women in college dont mind a guy thats looking just for sex, because thats what a lot of those gals are looking for too.

 

College is a meat market and also a breeding ground for STDs

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Oops....typo in my first post. I meant to say "highlight your attributes". Im sure everyone knew that though...but just in case.

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I have average/ugly male friends who have/had relationships but none of them have ever "hooked up" with girls like that. All the sex they've ever gotten is in the context of a relationship. Only my good looking friends/family members have done the FWB thing

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It has a lot to do with confidence and self perception. I bet you if you got a lot of compliments after you work out for a while, you start looking hotter in the mirror. When you feel more confident and attractive, others will see you that way too! This is for both boys and girls. It's almost strange when you think of it.

 

When I was in college, there was this girl who was overly tall, not pretty, and overall plain. If she were in a frozen state, you would not even look at her twice. But she has an amazing personality, and she was super confident. She talks to guys and would not get intimidated. For some reason all the dudes wanted her BAD. I wanted to get with her, but my buddy Tom got to her first. Damn! He told me how hot she was in bed, and I was totally bummed. :(

 

Bottom line: If you wanna get laid, try to show some confidence. It's the "IT" factor that is underrated. You automatically look better when you feel confident.

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There is no other logical explanation as to why a guy like me, friendly and out-going would struggle so much to bed one girl while my jerk of a friend has had countless of lays with beautiful girls.

 

How would one try to overcome this depressive way of thinking?

Get rid of the jealousy. You not getting laid is on you. Take ownership. Change what doesn't work for what does.

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I see a common trend with guys with your mentality that have very little experience with women:

 

1) You IMAGINE women as sex objects

2) You INTERACT with women as strictly platonic social creatures - tossing you in the friend zone

 

Your imagination as to what you want from women, and the reality of how you actually interact with them are completely at odds end. You're talking to her like you would a guy - just being friendly - while in the back of your mind you're like "OMG SHE'S CUTE WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO KISS HER OR SLEEP WITH HER?". Trust me, she knows and can sense that - and she's very well prepared to shut it down the second it comes up - because you haven't established that sort of connection with her... just dreaming about it.

 

You gotta learn how to combine both mentalities. I imagine and interact with women as one thing - fun, social, platonic, AND sexual creatures.

 

When I see a girl I'm attracted to, and I get those carnal thoughts, I stop them in their tracks and go "Ok, it's established I'm attracted to her. Let's talk to her and see what she's about". Instead of hiding the sexual desire in the la-la part of my brain, I flirt and exchange witty banter - I want her to see me as a viable date or sexual partner AND as a friend, not just one.

 

I might have rambled a bit there as I'm multitasking at work, but does that make sense?

 

Girls are sexual, social, fun, human beings. Interact with them as a whole and see how things turn out

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Girls are sexual, social, fun, human beings.

 

Aye Aye...lets not get to crazy, is someone paying you to say this? :D

 

Some of them yes, but lets not make a WILD statement like the one above. You pretty much stopped at calling them Angels :rolleyes:

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Maybe you're approaching the wrong types of girls. Maybe you're trying too hard or coming on too strong. Maybe "friendly, funny, and loquacious" to you is "too cocky and arrogant" to someone else. Maybe you are misreading girls' signals (like the one you tried to kiss). Maybe this guy had a lot of sex in high school because he took advantage of younger girls who thought they meant something to him. None of these are necessarily true, but they could be possibilities.

 

I'm totally turned off by the idea of one night stands, so I can't really help you with how to approach women in this situation. If you are genuinely just interested in a random hookup, have you considered fling.com or any other "casual sex" options on dating sites?

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Disillusioned

So... You get laid, what's supposed to happen after that? (Yeah, I know... what a stupid question!)

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So I am a male that study in college now and I have always had problems with women in my life. Now, the reason I see this as a problem is because I want to get laid a lot and just have sex with women.

 

Anyhow, I have known a guy since high school and to me it feels like this man has had pussy to his disposal this entire time. He was getting laid regulary in high school and a lot of time he shared stories of women bedded.

 

This guy had really nothing going for him. He was not rich, he was not a known, popular guy, he didn't have a ripped, aesthetic body and neither did he have a "great personality" or a catching confidence since I knew him. The only thing he had and still has is a beautiful face. He has pretty eyes and looks like Brad Pitt in fight club sort of.

 

Now, I on the other hand, have always struggled with girls. I always dressed up nicely to parties, was friendly, funny and loqacious. I got to know a lot of girls and we had a good time but they never seemed to want to take it any further.

 

This has made me depressed as of lately because I have started to achknowlede the fact that perhaps and probably my looks that let me down.

There is no other logical explanation as to why a guy like me, friendly and out-going would struggle so much to bed one girl while my jerk of a friend has had countless of lays with beautiful girls.

 

How would one try to overcome this depressive way of thinking?

 

Well, I'm very short and I've never had trouble getting laid. I even recently just had a girl actually fly out to see me from a few states away just to have sex with me.

 

Being short is the same as being ugly (according to the internetz) so if I could do it, so can you!

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I have average/ugly male friends who have/had relationships but none of them have ever "hooked up" with girls like that. All the sex they've ever gotten is in the context of a relationship. Only my good looking friends/family members have done the FWB thing

 

My experience has been the opposite. Casual sex and friends with benefits is relatively easy to get, whereas relationships are difficult.

 

Of course, I'm no GQ model. I can't just ask random girls for sex on OkCupid and be successful with that! LOL

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I see a common trend with guys with your mentality that have very little experience with women:

 

1) You IMAGINE women as sex objects

2) You INTERACT with women as strictly platonic social creatures - tossing you in the friend zone

 

Your imagination as to what you want from women, and the reality of how you actually interact with them are completely at odds end. You're talking to her like you would a guy - just being friendly - while in the back of your mind you're like "OMG SHE'S CUTE WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO KISS HER OR SLEEP WITH HER?". Trust me, she knows and can sense that - and she's very well prepared to shut it down the second it comes up - because you haven't established that sort of connection with her... just dreaming about it.

 

You gotta learn how to combine both mentalities. I imagine and interact with women as one thing - fun, social, platonic, AND sexual creatures.

 

When I see a girl I'm attracted to, and I get those carnal thoughts, I stop them in their tracks and go "Ok, it's established I'm attracted to her. Let's talk to her and see what she's about". Instead of hiding the sexual desire in the la-la part of my brain, I flirt and exchange witty banter - I want her to see me as a viable date or sexual partner AND as a friend, not just one.

 

I might have rambled a bit there as I'm multitasking at work, but does that make sense?

 

Girls are sexual, social, fun, human beings. Interact with them as a whole and see how things turn out

 

Way too much thinking. OP just needs to relax and have a good time. Bust the girls balls a little bit.

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I see a common trend with guys with your mentality that have very little experience with women:

 

1) You IMAGINE women as sex objects

2) You INTERACT with women as strictly platonic social creatures - tossing you in the friend zone

 

Your imagination as to what you want from women, and the reality of how you actually interact with them are completely at odds end. You're talking to her like you would a guy - just being friendly - while in the back of your mind you're like "OMG SHE'S CUTE WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO KISS HER OR SLEEP WITH HER?". Trust me, she knows and can sense that - and she's very well prepared to shut it down the second it comes up - because you haven't established that sort of connection with her... just dreaming about it.

 

You gotta learn how to combine both mentalities. I imagine and interact with women as one thing - fun, social, platonic, AND sexual creatures.

 

When I see a girl I'm attracted to, and I get those carnal thoughts, I stop them in their tracks and go "Ok, it's established I'm attracted to her. Let's talk to her and see what she's about". Instead of hiding the sexual desire in the la-la part of my brain, I flirt and exchange witty banter - I want her to see me as a viable date or sexual partner AND as a friend, not just one.

 

I might have rambled a bit there as I'm multitasking at work, but does that make sense?

 

Girls are sexual, social, fun, human beings. Interact with them as a whole and see how things turn out

 

Perfect sense. As a young woman, this advice is the most relevant. :love:

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Way too much thinking. OP just needs to relax and have a good time. Bust the girls balls a little bit.

 

Not going to win points... You can't bust what we don't have...not relevant to women, might work with men. :p

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