Targetlock Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Time for a bit of a rant: Okay i seem to be having a weird time of it and the same thing keeps happening to me. I end up having these really great conversations with ladies (usually a couple of weeks) and feel like there might be connection or something only for them to disappear, without a trace or response. This has only just happened to me where i took a chance and asked the girl out only for them to go missing (haven't had a response in a week) its just really strange and annoying, how i am supposed to get anywhere with OLD if they don't give me a chance? is it something i'm doing wrong? I know i get too emotionally invested in these experience and it really sucks when it happens (around 6 times over the last year). has anyone had any experience of this? can they offer any advice as to what i'm doing wrong? Thanks for reading, rant over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 I end up having these really great conversations with ladies (usually a couple of weeks) and feel like there might be connection or something only for them to disappear, without a trace or response. This has only just happened to me where i took a chance and asked the girl out only for them to go missing (haven't had a response in a week) its just really strange and annoying, Ah......the puck drops there You are realizing fast the games these people play....they are overwhelmed by the communication, or you were just a backup plan to one of the myriad of other guys they were talking to. They will soon be back to you when Romeo dumps them after they realize he wants more than their feline. It's at this point that you IGNORE them too when they come back Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 You're talking to them for weeks online before you meet them? You should get their number by the 2nd or 3rd message and then ask them out. Otherwise they get bored, lose interest, and move on to someone more proactive. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Time for a bit of a rant: Okay i seem to be having a weird time of it and the same thing keeps happening to me. I end up having these really great conversations with ladies (usually a couple of weeks) and feel like there might be connection or something only for them to disappear, without a trace or response. This has only just happened to me where i took a chance and asked the girl out only for them to go missing (haven't had a response in a week) its just really strange and annoying, how i am supposed to get anywhere with OLD if they don't give me a chance? is it something i'm doing wrong? I know i get too emotionally invested in these experience and it really sucks when it happens (around 6 times over the last year). has anyone had any experience of this? can they offer any advice as to what i'm doing wrong? Thanks for reading, rant over. I have BEEN on what I think are great dates where I meet them and this happens, just part of the flakiness of dating these days I guess. Don't take it personal, it happens to a lot of us . Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 You're talking to them for weeks online before you meet them? You should get their number by the 2nd or 3rd message and then ask them out. Otherwise they get bored, lose interest, and move on to someone more proactive. In my experience this just makes you seem creepy and desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 In my experience this just makes you seem creepy and desperate. Not if they messaged you first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Targetlock Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 I don't really want to seem too eager, sometimes i worry that i scare them off or something, but yeah it must because they lose interest and move on (often my last message shows as 'read' but don't bother responding and leaving me hanging, which is the most annoying part) i've yet to get to an actual date Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 You're talking to them for weeks online before you meet them? You should get their number by the 2nd or 3rd message and then ask them out. Otherwise they get bored, lose interest, and move on to someone more proactive. I wouldn't say 2nd or 3rd message. But fairly soon. Definitely once you've started a series of exchanges and the conversation seems to be flowing. Definitely NOT take weeks. Prolong this more than a day and she's on to the next bunch of messages she is surely getting from other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 I wouldn't say 2nd or 3rd message. But fairly soon. Definitely once you've started a series of exchanges and the conversation seems to be flowing. Definitely NOT take weeks. Prolong this more than a day and she's on to the next bunch of messages she is surely getting from other guys. To each their own. In my experience if she messages you first, obviously she's interested so she's highly likely to give you her number after 2-3. Although you kind of have to act like you're almost doing it as a favor to her "Ok, I'll admit you do seem pretty nice, so if you give me your number..." I don't message anyone first but if I did, I'd probably ask for her number around 3-4 messages. Otherwise she's going to get bored and you'll get lost in the shuffle. Nothing anyone says is that exciting -- and if it is, she'd rather you say it person. Honestly, I lose interest in girls after that point because if their messages are just trivial stuff ("How was your weekend? What do you do for fun?") then it's all irrelevant until you meet in person anyways. I used to vet them a lot until I realized that. The process is just repetitive and boring and I imagine a lot of people start to feel that way after a while. I think you're both unlikely to say anything that's going to sway eithers' decision one way or the other, but some people still want the formality of it all, I guess. That being said, I think it's most exciting when you just agree to forego all the small talk and just meet up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Targetlock Posted February 26, 2014 Author Share Posted February 26, 2014 So you're basically saying I'm taking too long to make a move and ask them out? always worried i'd come across too eager if i did this though... Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 What is OLD? Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 So you're basically saying I'm taking too long to make a move and ask them out? always worried i'd come across too eager if i did this though... YES! What's the point of a long drawn out conversation via messages over the course of a few weeks? Make a move after a couple of exhanges. Say "how about we continue this over a drink?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 So you're basically saying I'm taking too long to make a move and ask them out? always worried i'd come across too eager if i did this though... Well if you take weeks to ask, they'll think you're scared, weird, or just socially inept. This is a much worse alternative. If she likes you but you don't do anything about it, you're just going to waste the opportunity because you'll never act on it. If she likes you but you're just too aggressive, the worst she's going to say is "not yet." Women will overwhelmingly prefer the confident, proactive guy to the sheepish, reluctant, unsure guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Not if they messaged you first. Maybe no one messages him first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Targetlock Posted February 26, 2014 Author Share Posted February 26, 2014 yeah, i don't often get messaged first its only happened a couple of times, so its awkward to gauge their interest in me and whether they want to take it further, but usually i judge it by the length and detail of their answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 What is OLD? acronym for online dating. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) Time for a bit of a rant: Okay i seem to be having a weird time of it and the same thing keeps happening to me. I end up having these really great conversations with ladies (usually a couple of weeks) and feel like there might be connection or something only for them to disappear, without a trace or response. This has only just happened to me where i took a chance and asked the girl out only for them to go missing (haven't had a response in a week) its just really strange and annoying, how i am supposed to get anywhere with OLD if they don't give me a chance? is it something i'm doing wrong? I know i get too emotionally invested in these experience and it really sucks when it happens (around 6 times over the last year). has anyone had any experience of this? can they offer any advice as to what i'm doing wrong? Thanks for reading, rant over. With OLD you have to have a thick skin. It can be frustrating and annoying indeed but such is the nature of the beast. Men do this as well. Men will message me first, recently one guy sent me a beautiful message and actually stated all the things he liked about my profile, said I was beautiful and he wanted to meet for a drink and I was very impressed with his message and his profile and responded with my number and that I'd also love to meet and he never responded back. I was a bit disappointed, esp since he initiated it, not me, but I figured it is what it is and any number of things can lead to someone no longer responding or avoiding meeting up and I wouldn't take it personally. It isn't anything you're doing wrong most times. What I will say though is that for me I hate the millions of messages. I like for a man to message me on the site, if we kick it off on there, after 2 messages or so, exchange numbers, speak on the phone, have a real conversation, see how we vibe voice to voice and then shortly thereafter, like the same week meet for a drink or something. I think this helps as 1. You don't spend weeks dragging it out, as in that time they could end up talking to many others and all kinds of things can happen 2.A phone call is direct and if you make phone plans to meet up that is a lot less ambiguous than waiting for a message response, so the quicker you solidify these things and in direct ways, like phone calls, the more likely for it to turn into a real date and maybe more. But the game of 500 texts or messages over weeks is silly, esp if you live near to each other, and just makes things more of a pen pal situation and maybe someone else asked them out first or some other thing occurred in that time. Some people are content just being pen pals, but if that's not your interest, then doing the above lessens the chance that you'll waste your time messaging and investing in messages that lead nowhere. Get the number, call, set up a date...even if they avoid the date on the phone you at least know immediately and you don't waste time messaging for weeks with someone who may enjoy messaging but wants nothing more. Edited February 27, 2014 by MissBee 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 In my experience this just makes you seem creepy and desperate. Not for me. If I like you I want this. If I like you I won't think it's creepy. In any case, on my profile I spell out that I hate the whole 50 thousand messages thing and like for a man to call me. So if any man insists on still sending me a thousand messages I assume he is lame and/or hasn't read and I grow quickly tired of him. If I don't like you then I guess anything you do will be off putting anyway lol. But if I'm feeling you I want you to have my number, after all, if I met you offline I'd give you my number that one time I met you and it's not like you would write me letters in the mail for weeks then I'd give you my telephone number after lol...so it's no different online. After 2 or 3 good messages I want you to ask for my number and I want to chat on the phone. Then again if I am feeling a dude by the 4th message if he doesn't ask I respond to his next question/comments with a "This is one best left to a phone call, give me a call and I'll tell you, here's my number." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Targetlock Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 Yeah at the moment it is very frustrating and i so rarely get a response to my messages anyway and yeah it seems i don't have thick skin when it comes to this and that kind of rejection. Also i have it the other way around where i scared someone off by asking them out too early, they said they wanted to get to know me better first, which i thought was fine and then they stopped talking to me all together which was saddening. its like some kind of weird guessing game or something where i don't really know the rules well. and I've yet to have a girl ask me for my number or ask me out (i guess that sort of thing happens rarely anyway) so i don't know what that is like either. Link to post Share on other sites
scubasteve Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 In my experience this just makes you seem creepy and desperate. No it's not! I gotten numbers from 3-4 messages,sometimes more. You gotta plsy your game, you gotta have a great opener Link to post Share on other sites
Author Targetlock Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 okay thanks for that, sounds like i got to be bit more daring and seize my chances so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 okay thanks for that, sounds like i got to be bit more daring and seize my chances so to speak. It's no different than offline as well. Be a man. Lead. Take initiative. Link to post Share on other sites
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