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Separated with a child: can I succeed in OLD?


Amelie1312

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Hey,

 

I am a separated woman who is ready to start dating again. I have been doing a lot of reading on Loveshack and seem to notice that a lot of people avoid single moms like we have leprosy.

 

Yes I was in a long term relationship, unfortunetly it didn't work and yes, we did have a child which we have shared custody of (I'm from Sweden, that's how things are done here, he lives one week with me and one week with his father).

 

I have been thinking about OLD but before I spend time and money on it I would like to know your honest opinion. Should I even bother trying OLD? Will I just attract men who think single moms are either desperate or gold diggers? Will my profile just be automatically discarted because I am a mom?

 

Curious to see what you all think about this.

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I have never tried online dating, but my advice would be to never hold off on giving something a go just because it might fail. If it does, it does, but no one on here can say for sure either way.

 

What do you have to lose? If you are emotionally stable and ready to date, then I don't think it can hurt.

 

If you want it, then go ahead and try your luck.

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I think in a lot of the threads here guys are more showing off their feathers than telling the whole truth. Trying to look studly by saying they'd avoid single moms. But I'm willing to bet if the right one came along they would date her in a heartbeat. ;)

 

I'd give it a try if I were you.

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I think there are a few who absolutely will not date a woman with young children, there are some who don't mind at all, and many who will accept that compromise if attraction and compatibility seem good. When my daughter was still at home I dated a woman with two children still at home. We happened to have exactly the same custody schedule, week on/week off, so we were both free at the same time. On the plus side, as I said in a recent thread, I actually prefer women who have had children because they have a certain perspective that others may not, and they easily accept that while they cannot take precedence over your children, they aren't competing with them either.

 

To me the red flag is the word "separated." It's a mistake (imho) to get involved with someone who is separated or newly divorced. They may think they're ready but probably are not. Then I read that you had not actually been married. I don't know where you are in the cycle, but using the word separated gives the wrong impression. At least in the US, that means married but living apart, divorce in process... maybe.

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I think in a lot of the threads here guys are more showing off their feathers than telling the whole truth. Trying to look studly by saying they'd avoid single moms. But I'm willing to bet if the right one came along they would date her in a heartbeat. ;)

 

I'd give it a try if I were you.

 

And then you woke up...right? :D

 

Any man that has been through a separation / divorce with a person that had a child (was receiving money from bio dad), and then later pursued them for CS.......will run from getting involved with a woman with kid(s)

 

@OP.....Unfortunately, some of your fellow women have created this situation, and nobody likes paying for something that is not theirs, especially when you don't get a say in matters

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TheBladeRunner
Hey,

 

I am a separated woman who is ready to start dating again. I have been doing a lot of reading on Loveshack and seem to notice that a lot of people avoid single moms like we have leprosy.

 

Yes I was in a long term relationship, unfortunetly it didn't work and yes, we did have a child which we have shared custody of (I'm from Sweden, that's how things are done here, he lives one week with me and one week with his father).

 

I have been thinking about OLD but before I spend time and money on it I would like to know your honest opinion. Should I even bother trying OLD? Will I just attract men who think single moms are either desperate or gold diggers? Will my profile just be automatically discarted because I am a mom?

 

Curious to see what you all think about this.

 

You don't have Leprosy........but you do have what I like to call "the Scarlet Red "S"" on your beck. I had very little luck getting dates until I marked my profile as divorced.....when I was actually divorced. Dating as a single parent will have it's challenges because you have a child, but it can be overcome. You'll be surprised how well you do.

 

Suggestion: wait til' the "D" is done, take some time for you! I tried dating too early and it did not bode well for me. JMO

 

There are people who will date single parents, you just have to look. My challenge is that I am an "older parent" and most woman in my age range have older kids. Even in my case I was finding dates; I am currently on dating hiatus :).

 

Oops, just saw you are not married......in that case, wait as long as you need to get to a point where your previous R doesn't get dragged into a new R. Good luck, and BTW, I tend to gravitate towards single moms as they get what it's like and are more understanding if I have to change plans for the kid....which doesn't happen often.

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Thank you all for you replies.

 

I just feel like I need to explain the situation. We were never married, hence, will never be divorced. It is a very common situation here in Sweden, married couples are actually scarce.

Laws regarding child support here are also very clear.

 

So if I get it right is it the money issue that scares men away or the fact that you won't be 100% available for them?

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organizedchaos

There's always single dads who wouldn't mind dating someone who they can relate to with bringing up kids in broken families.

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Thank you all for you replies.

 

I just feel like I need to explain the situation. We were never married, hence, will never be divorced. It is a very common situation here in Sweden, married couples are actually scarce.

Laws regarding child support here are also very clear.

 

So if I get it right is it the money issue that scares men away or the fact that you won't be 100% available for them?

 

ER.....Yes! There is a myriad of sites out there dedicated to fathers that have been taken to the cleaners by someone they thought they were in love with, and also mothers with kids already getting child support from bio dad(s). Unfortunately the law allows a woman to "double dip" once she is able to say a new partner stood as a parent to her child/ren......the term is in-loco parentis

 

I fell into that trap myself, but them I was never married before and was oblivious to family law rules.

 

Another issue...most single mother never truly allow a new partner IN to the raising of their kid(s)...they are quick to point out that "they come as a package", but never relinquish any discipline rights or say in upbringing

 

I don't know any single dad that has gone after a new spouse for child support

 

There's always single dads who wouldn't mind dating someone who they can relate to with bringing up kids in broken families.

 

Perhaps...not me though and others that I know based on lessons learned. Blended families are very common these days...not for me though. My child already has a mom, doesn't need another one and am not about to be a parent to someone else's kid(s) AGAIN.....once is enough, and look at where that got me

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