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I Just Deleted All my Online Dating Profiles...


ZipperZapper

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Read into that what you will. Online dating sucks. Women suck. Hard to be confident, to have a good attitude when all you get is rejection, or worse, being ignored.

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@OP.....you've just taken the first step to achieving serenity / happiness. Note that you are not missing much by deleting your profile, and you will be able to sleep a lot better tonight.

 

*Most* of the women on there don't know what they want, haven't got much to offer in a relationship (once they get past the shock that all men want is not sex), are looking for someone to carry them (and their kids), manipulative, self centered and just completely delusional

 

I mean just read some of the posts on here where people are talking about looks, height, sex etc......How many of these people are career professionals with a lot more to offer? If they do, am not hearing / reading it

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@OP.....you've just taken the first step to achieving serenity / happiness. Note that you are not missing much by deleting your profile, and you will be able to sleep a lot better tonight.

 

*Most* of the women on there don't know what they want, haven't got much to offer in a relationship (once they get past the shock that all men want is not sex), are looking for someone to carry them (and their kids), manipulative, self centered and just completely delusional

 

I mean just read some of the posts on here where people are talking about looks, height, sex etc......How many of these people are career professionals with a lot more to offer? If they do, am not hearing / reading it

 

It goes both ways...trust me. I know what I want, have my own home, vehicles, good job, etc., no kids. And unlike the men I have dated, I am pretty clear about everything in the first 3 dates. That said, I don't hate men, put them all in a one-size fits all box or think they all suck. I know and am friends with too many good ones.

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@OP.....you've just taken the first step to achieving serenity / happiness. Note that you are not missing much by deleting your profile, and you will be able to sleep a lot better tonight.

 

I don't know that this will bring me serenity or happiness, but at least I think I'll sleep better knowing that I can set this matter aside for good.

 

*Most* of the women on there don't know what they want, haven't got much to offer in a relationship (once they get past the shock that all men want is not sex), are looking for someone to carry them (and their kids), manipulative, self centered and just completely delusional

Agree with your analysis 110%, especially the 'manipulative' and 'self-centred' parts and women wanting a man to carry them and their kids in financial terms. It's funny, but my first wife could be quite manipulative at times, and seemed to be more interested in me as a provider than someone she could love over the long haul. I met her online about 10 years ago. She was also congenitally unable to make a decision about anything, even the smallest of things. It took quite a while for me to figure out that beyond the sex and maybe occasional affection, she didn't have all that much to offer.

 

Then there was the chick I met online last summer. She had no kids but she too was manipulative. She also proved to be a liar, and was incapable of making a commitment in the sense that she wanted to be with me but still keep her large number of male 'friends'. She didn't seem to grasp the concept that being in a serious relationship means exclusivity and forsaking all others.

 

I mean just read some of the posts on here where people are talking about looks, height, sex etc......How many of these people are career professionals with a lot more to offer? If they do, am not hearing / reading it

A lot of the women's profiles I've read on OKCupid, for example, seem to be light on what they can actually offer a man, and long on how wonderful they are and all the cool shyte they're into. Talk about writing a monument to themselves!

 

A lot of women who use OKCupid also seem to have a really bad case of logorrhea (the literary equivalent of diarrhea) and write volumes and volumes about themselves. I'd rather read a simple profile with a few important details and learn about all the other stuff later. It strikes me as narcissism writ large.

 

But I'm glad I'm done with online dating. If you were to ask me, I would say that online dating is on its way out. Word is getting out about what a crappy deal it is, and that's why people are now looking towards things like meetup groups to provide a venue for meeting new people.

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notyouraveragebabe

Good Job! I did the same! I'm just going to focus on myself. Just started grad school and took on a new job, so I won't have time to date anymore. Maybe when we stop looking and least expect it is when the right person will come along. Good luck!

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Hornylildevil
Good Job! I did the same! I'm just going to focus on myself. Just started grad school and took on a new job, so I won't have time to date anymore. Maybe when we stop looking and least expect it is when the right person will come along. Good luck!

 

Oh, I couldn't disagree with that more if I tried. I spent years thinking that, all for naught. You MUST put forth effort.

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It goes both ways...trust me. I know what I want, have my own home, vehicles, good job, etc., no kids. And unlike the men I have dated, I am pretty clear about everything in the first 3 dates. That said, I don't hate men, put them all in a one-size fits all box or think they all suck. I know and am friends with too many good ones.

 

You're fairly rare, then. A lot of women really don't like men. And a lot of them think they suck, but won't give any guys who are even slightly imperfect a chance. Hence we hear the endless refrain, "Where are all the good men?"

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Oh, I couldn't disagree with that more if I tried. I spent years thinking that, all for naught. You MUST put forth effort.

 

What are you supposed to do then, when you put forth tons of effort and still get nothing? Keep trying? Isn't there a time when you realize things aren't going to work, and it's best to cut your losses?

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normal person
Read into that what you will. Online dating sucks. Women suck. Hard to be confident, to have a good attitude when all you get is rejection, or worse, being ignored.

 

I've never found it to be anything but fun. It sounds like you're trying to do it backwards. You need to have something to be confident about and something to have a good attitude about. Women are attracted to natural confidence, not the hypothetical confidence some unremarkable guy gets after they've had interest expressed in them. You need to display confidence outwardly, not wait for it to be awarded.

 

Some suggestions:

 

1). Think really hard about the kind of descriptions, writing style, and attitude you'd like to see in someone else's profile (only positive stuff). Then write yours in that style. You can poke a little fun at yourself as long as you "own" it. Make it irresistible.

 

2). Update your info and pictures often, you'll get highlighted (if you're on Match).

 

3). Have a lot of pictures of yourself, and include a lot of active, happy ones.

 

4). Don't message anyone. Limit your dating pool just to the girls that get in touch with you and you'll always be confident. The groundwork of the interaction will always be them wanting your attention so as long as you maintain that, you'll be confident and therefore more attractive to them.

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Hornylildevil
What are you supposed to do then, when you put forth tons of effort and still get nothing? Keep trying? Isn't there a time when you realize things aren't going to work, and it's best to cut your losses?

 

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light!". May I ask how old you are? I'm almost 47 and have squandered so many years...I just try not to think about it. I've been bitter. When I was 33 I started a job as a bouncer. And not to brag but I had several opportunities THROWN at me, and not mutts, either. I'll NEVER have those opportunities again. All I can do about those missed chances now is fantasize about while I play tug-o'-war with my cyclops. Is THAT what you want for your life? I certainly hope not. And like someone else said, when you LEARN to let dating be nothing but a fun way to meet potential new friends over coffee or a beer, it becomes SO stress-free! In fact, the last few dates I've had, the woman was the nervous wreck, lol! I was just there to have fun. If it didn't work and we didn't click, "NEXT!". Please, take the advice of a middle-aged cat with few regrets in life, other than his dating life, get off your ass and starting chatting with woman with NO EXPECTATIONS! Peace, baby!

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DemetersHarvest

The women who don't have unrealistic expectations, who own their own home and car, who are gainfully employed, have a level head on their shoulders, and who have adult children, who message the guys don't get any responses from said men, either.

 

I think either side of the complainers need to evaluate what it is they are looking for, and consider the possibility that sometimes, there are hidden gems out there that get overlooked because of overly high expectations or the search for perfection. It's not about lowering one's expectations, but opening their minds to untapped possibilities, instead of dismissing someone where you did not feel that phenylethylamine rush at first sight. You might be throwing the baby out with the bath water.

 

From a woman's (mine) perspective: men want independence in a woman, and when they find it, she gets friendzoned as one of the buddies. Men want women to make first contact online, and when it happens, she may get classified as needy, looking for sex, or as a gold digger. Men want women who respond and communicate, and when she does within reasonable time, she must have no life or other men interested in her. Men want relationships to fall into their laps, like a Christmas present, ready to be consumed, and packaged nicely, not even considering how their end of the deal comes across. Just because you met through an online dating site, it does not mean that, boom, once you met, it's about sharing pink parts right away. What happened to discovering one's personalities first, and learning about each other, become friends, and let things flow naturally from here on forward, as if that pesky online site never really existed? Sure, you can continue looking, but be aware of the potential repercussions downstream, especially since you already have someone right there with you, and overcame the initial barriers you so commonly run into, i.e. lack of responses, flakes, trolls, etc.

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trust me. I know what I want, have my own home, vehicles, good job, etc., no kids. And unlike the men I have dated, I am pretty clear about everything in the first 3 dates.
As mentioned up thread, you are
then

 

 

 

I don't know that this will bring me serenity or happiness, but at least I think I'll sleep better knowing that I can set this matter aside for good.

 

Agree with your analysis 110%, especially the 'manipulative' and 'self-centred' parts and women wanting a man to carry them and their kids in financial terms. It's funny, but my first wife could be quite manipulative at times, and seemed to be more interested in me as a provider than someone she could love over the long haul. I met her online about 10 years ago. She was also congenitally unable to make a decision about anything, even the smallest of things. It took quite a while for me to figure out that beyond the sex and maybe occasional affection, she didn't have all that much to offer.

 

Then there was the chick I met online last summer. She had no kids but she too was manipulative. She also proved to be a liar, and was incapable of making a commitment in the sense that she wanted to be with me but still keep her large number of male 'friends'. She didn't seem to grasp the concept that being in a serious relationship means exclusivity and forsaking all others.

 

A lot of the women's profiles I've read on OKCupid, for example, seem to be light on what they can actually offer a man, and long on how wonderful they are and all the cool shyte they're into. Talk about writing a monument to themselves!

 

A lot of women who use OKCupid also seem to have a really bad case of logorrhea (the literary equivalent of diarrhea) and write volumes and volumes about themselves. I'd rather read a simple profile with a few important details and learn about all the other stuff later. It strikes me as narcissism writ large.

 

But I'm glad I'm done with online dating. If you were to ask me, I would say that online dating is on its way out. Word is getting out about what a crappy deal it is, and that's why people are now looking towards things like meetup groups to provide a venue for meeting new people.

 

I think you are and I might have been married to the same person partially. When I say these thing, am not just pulling it out of the air.....it's all based on personal experience being married, my many dates, and experiences of my colleagues and acquaintances

 

 

Yes I know some really strong in dependent women too, that happen to be paying spousal support to their no good exes...however, that is a minority.

 

Here is another thing...I'll NEVER date someone that has a daughter(s). I have been there once in my marriage, and will advice anyone against it. With a son, you are more likely to be brought into the daily decision making, again based on what have seen around me.

 

The manipulation, head games and blackmail with sex thing is just ludicrous.

 

The women who don't have unrealistic expectations, who own their own home and car, who are gainfully employed, have a level head on their shoulders, and who have adult children, who message the guys don't get any responses from said men, either
Don't know where you got this from, perhaps personal experience? Said women that have messaged me, haven't been let down or made to feel / look silly. I have lost count of the amount of time I have been complimented at the end of dates 1,2 and 3 for my decorum....to hear your date say "this has been their best date ever" is always nice.....of course you have to take it for what it's worth....their actions after has backed this up most of the time

 

Men want women who respond and communicate, and when she does within reasonable time, she must have no life or other men interested in her. Men want relationships to fall into their laps, like a Christmas present, ready to be consumed, and packaged nicely, not even considering how their end of the deal comes across.

 

Wow....steady Juggernaut, a lot of assumptions being made here...could it be you are getting your boys crossed with me? I personally am not into Xmas presents, I have never asked for a relationship to "fall into my lap"...all I have ever asked for is mutual respect, friendship, teamwork, sincerity, and caring. What is your definition of "reasonable time"...24hrs later?

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DemetersHarvest

Tayken, all of these traits that this other poster and myself mentioned don't usually come out at the first or second date. I don't talk about my six-figure income, or my life accomplishments, because this is not a job interview, but supposed to be light-hearted, uncomplicated fun. So, when you, the woman, gets friendzoned after a date or two, her real value as an individual, or a partner in a relationship, stay undiscovered, while the focus remains on exterior.

 

But yes, I am going by personal experience, and can only generalize to the men in my orbit. I would love to meet one who offers what you mentioned. I mean, I read their profiles, and if the shoe seems to fit in terms of what they are looking for, I take heart, and reach out. The most common comeback, while still online, or after a date or two is that they are not looking for something serious, or are only looking for new friends. Really?? Your profile states otherwise. I can only interpret that as rejection, while they're still out looking for a better "deal". I'm by no means ugly or dumb. I'd say whatever you guys complain about women, the same holds true for men. In general. The true gems are out there, and typically get stuffed in the same bag with the rest. Perhaps, if daters would take their blinders (assumptions based on past experiences) off, and look what's in front of their noses instead, there would be a better success rate with OLD. It makes people just too quick to judge, and changes the way we think about each other. Not in a good way.

 

As to what constitutes a reasonable response time, I make an effort to reply as soon as I can, for several reasons. But that seems to backfire, again based on wild assed guesses that have no bearings on reality, in my case. I should play the game and let them wait, I was told so often, it would raise their level of interest, while not making me look too available or needy. I'm neither, but I like to respond while things are fresh in my head, or because I enjoy the initial back and forth banter of getting to know a stranger, or I just happen to have time NOW, but not later, so instead of dragging things out, I get them out of the way.

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Read into that what you will. Online dating sucks. Women suck. Hard to be confident, to have a good attitude when all you get is rejection, or worse, being ignored.

 

I am on an online dating website too and I get barely any replies. I would like it if the girls would at least reply and say they are not interested instead of ignoring me.

 

I never know how to start off either with a girl.

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Negative Nancy

 

 

Or this...a fascinating experiment, but the results probably don't surprise anyone:

 

... a link to a very interesting experiment that an intrepid blogger ran on OKCupid. He created ten fake profiles, five men and five women of increasing physical attractiveness, and measured the response rate he received over a four-month period.

 

All ten dummy accounts had the same written profile.

 

Here are the photos he used: http://jonmillward.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/the-boys-and-girls.jpg

 

The results after 24 hours showed that the two hottest women were instantly barraged with suitors, while the men, even the good-looking ones, struggled to get a nibble.

• Each woman received at least one message, but
the two best looking women received 581% more messages than the other three combined
.

• Only one man received any messages.

For the second-hottest chick, 1 in 3 men who viewed her profile sent her a message. For the second-hottest man, 1 in 10 women who viewed his profile sent him a message. (http://jonmillward.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/messages-after-24-hours.png)

 

 

 

What about the results after 7 days? http://jonmillward.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/results-after-7-days-graph.jpg

 

Even more depressing for those above average-looking men who think they can bank on their decent looks to score p***y, the ugliest girl (that cow all the way over on the left) got one more message than the three men, from left to right, got in total. The plain jane got almost as many messages as the two hottest men combined.

• Three of the men had no messages, despite their profiles being viewed about 25 times between them.

The women’s messages outnumbered the men’s 17 to 1
(mostly thanks to the two best looking women).

 

 

Finally, the results after four months: http://jonmillward.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/results-after-4-months.png

 

 

Holy mackerel! Check your female privilege. The next time you hear a feminist whine about the patriarchy, show her this graph and tell her where the real power resides.

 

 

 

A couple things to note. The ugliest man got nothing after four months of desperation. The three men with looks ranging from ugly to above-average received a grand total of three messages over four months. If you are the average man, don’t plan on letting your generic beta profile and photo do your work for you. Hell, even if you are a good-looking man, you won’t have many messages to work with after four months.

 

Worse, the ugliest woman got nearly as many messages as the best-looking man! (Or second-best-looking man, depending on your judgment of the rank order of male photos.) The second-ugliest woman — a piddling 3 or 4 by most men’s standards — received as many messages as the two hottest men received.

The two most attractive women probably would have received several thousand more if their inboxes hadn’t have reached maximum capacity.

• It took 2 months, 13 days for the most popular woman’s inbox to fill up. At the current rate it would take the most popular man 2.3 years to fill up his.

 

 

The blogger who performed the experiment also
analyzed the content of the messages
that the OKCupid customers were leaving the fake profiles.
My impression, after reading several hundred in the women’s inboxes, is that most men compliment the attractive women a lot, they make reference to something in the woman’s profile (you would not believe how many times men mentioned the party tricks and ‘Arrow’ the cheetah from the generic profile I wrote), or they ask a general question about travel or something equally boring.

 

They are rarely, if ever, imaginative…"

 

 

 

 

Beyond the scope of sorting, meeting and dating, there is a good point to be made that the difficulty level for women navigating the sexual market begins to rise and even surpass the difficulty level for men once relationships are within reach. Men can glide more easily in and out of failed dating adventures, and even failed LTRs, for they have more time on their side than do women. Plus, they have no risk of a disabling nine month burden. A couple years here and there with different women doesn’t much affect the overall dating outlook for men. Women,
otoh
, risk a lot more with the time and energy they invest in each man they date. An LTR that fails after two years can be fatal to a woman’s dating window of opportunity.
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Congrats. I'm working my way to deleting mine, not there yet.

 

I think men are finally starting to wise up to what a rotten deal online dating is for them, voting with their feet and closing their wallets.

 

My thinking is, why pay out good money to be a member of a service, pay out more money to get a good profile ghost-written for you, more money still to get good pictures of yourself taken, only to have a 20% chance of success, if you're lucky, and be ignored/rejected pretty well all of the time? And on top of that, go into it knowing that you face a hugely uphill battle that not even Sisyphus himself could survive, because the vast, vast majority of women think that 80% of the men on dating sites are unattractive and not worth bothering with to begin with??

 

And here's an open question to everyone here at Loveshack: Is there a compelling reason (one that doesn't favour the female perspective) why anyone should use online dating, given that the odds of success are so poor, and that the value for money is equally poor?

 

I know some people do very well with OLD, but they happen to be people who won the genetic lottery and ended up with good looks.

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normal person

 

And here's an open question to everyone here at Loveshack: Is there a compelling reason (one that doesn't favour the female perspective) why anyone should use online dating, given that the odds of success are so poor, and that the value for money is equally poor?

 

I have a hard time believing that it's that bad for guys -- being a guy myself, I know it's not. Even if the success rate is only 20%, that's still more opportunity than you would have had if you didn't do it to begin with.

 

If you guys are struggling, I suggest you show your personality through yours words and pictures as opposed to just describing it. No one becomes attracted to a list of qualities or accomplishments on a resume. Those things are only going to be complimentary. Show, don't tell. You need to make her feel something rather than just read something.

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I was on 3 sites, gave it up maybe 1 month ago and just stayed with one site for now. It's very depressing to see the 'caliber' of men on these sites. I'm 39, have my own home, professional career, etc. and you wouldn't believe how many men 40+ live in a one-bedroom apartment, are 'pursuing their dream career,' etc. It rather sucks to see men in such a high age group who still don't have their act together. Not to mention they come with 2+ kids and a divorce in tow, and they all wear hats because they lack hair on top. Yeah... OLD = not so great.

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normal person
I was on 3 sites, gave it up maybe 1 month ago and just stayed with one site for now. It's very depressing to see the 'caliber' of men on these sites. I'm 39, have my own home, professional career, etc. and you wouldn't believe how many men 40+ live in a one-bedroom apartment, are 'pursuing their dream career,' etc. It rather sucks to see men in such a high age group who still don't have their act together. Not to mention they come with 2+ kids and a divorce in tow, and they all wear hats because they lack hair on top. Yeah... OLD = not so great.

 

You get what you pay for. What sites are you using? If it's free, and the guy can't be bothered to shell out $30 a month (literally one dollar a day), you're probably looking in the wrong place. I'm sure there are plenty of niche sites that cater to professionals, people in their 30s, or both.

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I was on 3 sites, gave it up maybe 1 month ago and just stayed with one site for now. It's very depressing to see the 'caliber' of men on these sites. I'm 39, have my own home, professional career, etc. and you wouldn't believe how many men 40+ live in a one-bedroom apartment, are 'pursuing their dream career,' etc. It rather sucks to see men in such a high age group who still don't have their act together. Not to mention they come with 2+ kids and a divorce in tow, and they all wear hats because they lack hair on top. Yeah... OLD = not so great.

 

Aye Aye.....don't for a second think all those men are living that way by choice. The truth be told, some are like that thanks to your fellow gender for taking them to the cleaners.

 

Some men are paying a mortgage for a house they are not living in, as well as their own place....in some cases, the ex has moved in her bf and now doing it in the same bed they use to share

 

So...it's not uncommon to find some women in their 40s claim "they have their own place", when in fact it was gifted to them through a separation / divorce.

 

That being said...I am not saying all the men living in the "one bedroom apartments", come from this sort of situation.

 

I think the amount of women that come with kids in tow as well as other baggage out numbers men though...after all, over 90% of women have sole custody

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Online dating is good for women but bad for men? I had to delete my OKC profile after a week due to creepy messages and a guy who stalked me on Google, messaged me on Facebook with all of the information he found about me online, and continued to message me with fake accounts after I blocked him. Not all attention is good attention.

 

I do know of some successful relationships that came from online dating (some of whom are married), but I personally would be very unlikely to try it again. Besides the stalker incident (which realistically could have also happened with someone I met in real life), it just didn't suit my personality.

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Guy On The Couch
Online dating is good for women but bad for men? I had to delete my OKC profile after a week due to creepy messages and a guy who stalked me on Google, messaged me on Facebook with all of the information he found about me online, and continued to message me with fake accounts after I blocked him. Not all attention is good attention.

 

I do know of some successful relationships that came from online dating (some of whom are married), but I personally would be very unlikely to try it again. Besides the stalker incident (which realistically could have also happened with someone I met in real life), it just didn't suit my personality.

 

That dude went all PI. Very creepy indeed.

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Read into that what you will. Online dating sucks. Women suck. Hard to be confident, to have a good attitude when all you get is rejection, or worse, being ignored.

 

Get out in the real world and meet women. At the grocery store, or just when you're out. Be fun, be flirty, be nice/kind/considerate. Put energy out there, positive energy and who knows what can happen. Looking for love online hasn't worked for you so go a different route now.

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