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Frustrated virgin :/


Samantha1991

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Hello,

 

I am in a bit of a pickle. I am a relatively reserved person and people's general impression of me is that I am a "good girl". I can't express/hint my desires to anyone, mainly because I have no experience and don't know how.

 

Thankfully, there is online dating. Honestly, this is the best thing for me because I can skip most of the stupid is he single/interested in me crap. I've slowly gotten the hang of it.

 

The guys who are down for casual sex do not really want virgins. I can't lie because I would feel too pressured. I do not want to list myself as a virgin looking for casual sex (tried that, got the weirdest messages) and so I feel my only option is to actually date someone romantically and then have sex with them. I find it is easier to trust someone this way, but I am also not at a time in my life where I want a serious relationship yet and I would feel bad using someone.

 

I have gone out with this one guy three times. I have decided, though the conversation is decent and he is nice to me, that there is no spark. However he is someone I would be willing to be fwb. I trust him, I find him physically attractive, he respects me etc...

 

Based on his online profile he is not a virgin, but I am starting to think that is not true because he was really awkward when I kissed him (on our third date after he never made a move to kiss me earlier) and there are a few other things he said that gave me a virgin vibe(yes, I do realize the irony of what I am doing here). I am pretty sure he is interested in more than sex because he is older than me and hasn't really hinted otherwise. I have this problem where I don't like hurting people's feelings which creates a lot of hesitation on my part.

 

What should I do? I see my options as asking him to be fwb or letting him go and finding someone new, although it will take me a while to find someone I trust enough and who doesn't mind that I am a virgin.

 

Bottom line: I am really horny/curious, too busy(with school) for a relationship and too reserved to communicate what I want. :love::(

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What should I do? I see my options as asking him to be fwb or letting him go and finding someone new, although it will take me a while to find someone I trust enough and who doesn't mind that I am a virgin.

 

Bottom line: I am really horny/curious, too busy(with school) for a relationship and too reserved to communicate what I want. :love::(

 

If I was him, I would date you as you would be a great catch and I am sure he knows that. personally virgins women are ok to date. Great women who is nice, caring and wholesome.

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IMO, it's a huge mistake to lose your virginity to a FWB.

 

Are you sure you don't have time for a relationship?

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being a virgin is usually an advantage for women. its a different story for man virgins, most women won't touch them. she has an advantage but doesn't even realize it.

I find being a virgin is only an advantage when it comes to long term relationships. If I want something casual, guys are afraid virgins a clingy, at least that is the impression I have gathered so far.

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IMO, it's a huge mistake to lose your virginity to a FWB.

 

Are you sure you don't have time for a relationship?

Of course, if I found someone I really like, I could certainly make time for a relationship. But I have not found anyone though online dating (yet) that makes me feel as excited as people I have met in my everyday life.

 

I have thought it was a bad idea, that is why I am feeling conflicted :(

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Of course, if I found someone I really like, I could certainly make time for a relationship. But I have not found anyone though online dating (yet) that makes me feel as excited as people I have met in my everyday life.

 

I have thought it was a bad idea, that is why I am feeling conflicted :(

Have you tried to meet any guys at school?

 

Online dating really should be a last resort.

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I was in a similar predicament when I was in college. Like you, I reeked of virgin so guys were scared of me as a clingy female even though I never had the idea in my head that losing my virginity should be special and all that stuff clingy girls actually think. Anyways, one day I went out dancing and lost it to a guy, don't regret it at all, I got my itch taken care of without it being awkward and I was no longer plagued by the virgin vibe anymore or having to feel hesitant of how to explain it to a guy. I have been enjoying sex (both relationship sex or fwb sex) ever since! ;)

 

If you believe it should be special, wait. If not, don't and just do it.

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I was in a similar predicament when I was in college. Like you, I reeked of virgin so guys were scared of me as a clingy female even though I never had the idea in my head that losing my virginity should be special and all that stuff clingy girls actually think. Anyways, one day I went out dancing and lost it to a guy, don't regret it at all, I got my itch taken care of without it being awkward and I was no longer plagued by the virgin vibe anymore or having to feel hesitant of how to explain it to a guy. I have been enjoying sex (both relationship sex or fwb sex) ever since! ;)

 

If you believe it should be special, wait. If not, don't and just do it.

I feel I am in a very similar situation. Losing my virginity is not special to me. Being a virgin isn't affecting my self-worth, but not having sex is consuming my mind. I know relationships are a good way of finding someone I trust, but I don't want to enter into a genuine relationship until my mind is clear and I know what I want.

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I feel I am in a very similar situation. Losing my virginity is not special to me. Being a virgin isn't affecting my self-worth, but not having sex is consuming my mind. I know relationships are a good way of finding someone I trust, but I don't want to enter into a genuine relationship until my mind is clear and I know what I want.

 

Samantha lose your virginity now. I dated a 24 year old virgin and when she told me that she never had sex I got scared, because I knew if I was her first one she'll fall in love and I didn't what that because at that time a relationship wasn't what I was aiming for.. After a couple of years we talked and she asked me why didn't I slept with her because her virginity is a curse( she is stil a virgin now at 26 )

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Is there any way to tell that a girl is a virgin because of how she acts?

 

Frankly I wouldn't mind taking a girls virginity and having her fall in love with me.

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It all depends on how you feel Samantha. For most of us, we tend to want to lose our virginity in a relationship and not with a man we'll never see again. Most of us associate with sex being special because not many woman can just have sex their first time and feel nothing. Back then I was already in love way before losing my virginity so the sex was actually an extra feeling.

 

However, if you want your first not to be special and have casual sex then you can do that too. Not all women are relationship-minded either. Maybe you just happened to be one that really likes sex and doesn't want to be bother with a relationship.

 

Do whatever feels comfortable OP. Don't lose it just because others are telling you to do it. Lose it because you want to, because you're ready.

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Don't be FWB with the guy you don't have sparks with. If the point is having sex even though you aren't ready for a relationship, why settle for mediocre sex? Find someone you truly want to have sex with, so it will be good!

 

I get that losing your virginity isn't special to you, but you want it to be worthwhile.

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usually females are the problem, but in this case your the butthead.

 

Since when are you so smart? Whats so wrong in not taking advantage of that girl?

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I find being a virgin is only an advantage when it comes to long term relationships.

So very true, That why I am holding out a women who is a virgin but I really doubt there are women in my age range who are.

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Samantha lose your virginity now. I dated a 24 year old virgin and when she told me that she never had sex I got scared, because I knew if I was her first one she'll fall in love and I didn't what that because at that time a relationship wasn't what I was aiming for.. After a couple of years we talked and she asked me why didn't I slept with her because her virginity is a curse( she is stil a virgin now at 26 )

A women who falls madly in love with me is the type I want. I really dont mind if she is clingy.

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Is there any way to tell that a girl is a virgin because of how she acts?

 

Frankly I wouldn't mind taking a girls virginity and having her fall in love with me.

I am totally the same :)

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I am totally the same :)

 

I understand you perfectly because thats what you want. But i didn't what a relationship then.... I wanted just sex.

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So very true, That why I am holding out a women who is a virgin but I really doubt there are women in my age range who are.
You may find a relationship-minded woman; the ones that only believe in having sex in a long-term relationship. She might not be a virgin but low-count. Though, they are very selective and may have higher standards than the average one that accepts any man just to be a in relationship.

 

A 28-30 year-old virgin woman?? Maybe at churches or if she happens to be asexual. I think that's very rare; even more rarer than a male virgin that age. If she happens to be a virgin at that age then you do know it's very unlikely she'll put out in 2 months. If it's for religious purposes, then she's going to make you wait till marriage.

 

If you're only looking for 28-30 year-old virgin women (since you're 29), are you aware that you're greatly reducing the dating pool?

Edited by samsungxoxo
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You may find a relationship-minded woman; the ones that only believe in having sex in a long-term relationship. She might not be a virgin but low-count. Though, they are very selective and may have higher standards than the average one that accepts any man just to be a in relationship.

 

A 28-30 year-old virgin woman?? Maybe at churches or if she happens to be asexual. I think that's very rare; even more rarer than a male virgin that age. If she happens to be a virgin at that age then you do know it's very unlikely she'll put out in 2 months. If it's for religious purposes, then she's going to make you wait till marriage.

 

If you're only looking for 28-30 year-old virgin women (since you're 29), are you aware that you're greatly reducing the dating pool?

 

Thanks for the advice, I am a Hindu and really don't know how I could go to church unless I become christen. If a women is between 20-32 it's fine. My upper age limit is 35. I really don't mind waiting till marriage for her to have sex with me. I prefer having sex with a women who is my wife than some women who I date and will never see again.

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Being in college has influenced my perspective of virginity. I grew up Catholic and if I had stayed closer to home, I might still be holding out until marriage. However I wont get married for a while and it just doesn't make sense to me to wait until I am ~28-32 when I am most ready/enthusiastic about sex now. Other people are different and I respect that, but it isn't healthy to hold things in, which is why I am out on this sex mission :p

 

Laci Green's videos are a great resource for debunking society's sexuality issues:

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As a virgin, I'm holding out for that special person, rather lose it to somebody i care for and will make it more meaningful. but then again i've never come close to losing it anyway.

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Being in college has influenced my perspective of virginity. I grew up Catholic and if I had stayed closer to home, I might still be holding out until marriage. However I wont get married for a while and it just doesn't make sense to me to wait until I am ~28-32 when I am most ready/enthusiastic about sex now. Other people are different and I respect that, but it isn't healthy to hold things in, which is why I am out on this sex mission :p

 

Very good decision, If only all women had that view. It is very rare in Hinduism and general culture that encourages sex at an early age

 

My parents instilled in me that you should marry for love and if my future wife wants to wait for marriage to have sex. I have happy and respect her decision. I want to have relationship based on respect and love.

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agreed, any good relationship of any kind is based on trust and respect.

 

Thanks, I appreciate your support:):), I am just scared because I am new to dating and just scared of rejection. Especially since women here in FL only date within their race. I am British Born sri Lakan but all for interracial relationships. My cousin wedded a nice English lawyer she met while working and there have such amazing life in Sussex.

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There was never anything wrong with being a virgin, until some promiscuous loudmouthed types back in the 1960s decided to make the rules.

 

I don't worry too much... virgins will be able to come out of the closet without shame soon. :cool:

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