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I feel like giving up on dating


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I am sorta close to give up on dating. I am getting discouraged after meeting the wrong men. I haven't met that many guys but I hope I do find someone.

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I am sorta close to give up on dating. I am getting discouraged after meeting the wrong men. I haven't met that many guys but I hope I do find someone.

 

Well if you haven't read Marry Him: Settling for Mr. Good Enough, I would encourage you to. It will help you see if you are making bad choices and perhaps broaden your horizons outside of your type. It's an entertaining read at the very least. A guy at work is dating a woman who read it right before she met him. He's 5'8", slightly above average looking and really, really nice with a great career and highly intelligent, so not tall dark and handsome, but she wasn't exactly doing badly choosing him as a partner. She says it totally changed her mentality and she always picked the wrong guys before.

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theothersully

^^^^^^^^^I don't know what your post said, but when the Velour fog rolls in with a glass of Shampagan, you just gotta hit "like"

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Disillusioned

The feeling goes both ways.

 

I refuse to do OLD, but the women I've been meeting IRL don't enjoy any of the same activities I enjoy... they seem happy living paycheck to paycheck in dead-end jobs, and they just don't think big.

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Haha, thanks.

 

zapp_brannigan1jpg_zps15da68c5.jpg

 

Anyone know why my embed code from photobucket doesn't show up as a pic? Something blocking it on the website?

Edited by trevzilla
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OP, I'm sympathetic. I'm single and I'm not making any effort whatsoever to date. I've got nothing to give right now, and I don't care whether I never kiss or touch again.

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I am sorta close to give up on dating. I am getting discouraged after meeting the wrong men. I haven't met that many guys but I hope I do find someone.

 

In my case, my New Year's resolution is to give up dating entirely. I'm simply one of those people who simply wasn't meant to have a partner, not meant to succeed in life or be happy. Meanwhile, everyone else gets to sit at life's banquet table. It's so goddamn unfair. :mad:

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Problem is I gave up in the summer and was starting to feel pretty good. Then I met someone volunteering whom I ended up really liking, so I thought I should go for it. We hung out 4 or 5 times and then she said she just wanted to be friends as she just went through a divorce. I'm like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football. The universe dangles a woman before me when I'm not even looking, I get my hopes up and then the universe kicks me in the nuts. It seems impossible to meet anyone without baggage at my age.

 

Oh well, I've now resolved that if any women I'm attracted to says she just wants to be friends, I'm straight up telling her I can't be friends with someone I am attracted to.

 

Lesson learned.

 

But, yes, I agree with the OP that dating sucks. Seems like a cruel joke most of the time, as I never asked for this desire for a female companion which just results in heartache all the time. I envy the small percentage of people who are born without any sex drive who are content to just have friends and be alone.

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know the feeling Trezvilla, its been a frustrating year :( got to remain optimistic and keep trying i suppose, the only thing you are doing by giving up is hurting yourself in the end, you never know what life may have around the corner anyway :)

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theothersully
Problem is I gave up in the summer and was starting to feel pretty good. Then I met someone volunteering whom I ended up really liking, so I thought I should go for it. We hung out 4 or 5 times and then she said she just wanted to be friends as she just went through a divorce. I'm like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football. The universe dangles a woman before me when I'm not even looking, I get my hopes up and then the universe kicks me in the nuts. It seems impossible to meet anyone without baggage at my age.

 

Oh well, I've now resolved that if any women I'm attracted to says she just wants to be friends, I'm straight up telling her I can't be friends with someone I am attracted to.

 

Lesson learned.

 

But, yes, I agree with the OP that dating sucks. Seems like a cruel joke most of the time, as I never asked for this desire for a female companion which just results in heartache all the time. I envy the small percentage of people who are born without any sex drive who are content to just have friends and be alone.

 

 

I envy true, Unibomber style hermits. Friends are often more difficult to have than girlfriends, in my experience.

 

I am in a terrible situation. I am set up to travel with a partner, but my old one is gone.

 

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a girl with no real career or family aspirations that likes to travel???

 

I'm thoroughly screwed.

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In my case, my New Year's resolution is to give up dating entirely. I'm simply one of those people who simply wasn't meant to have a partner, not meant to succeed in life or be happy. Meanwhile, everyone else gets to sit at life's banquet table. It's so goddamn unfair. :mad:

 

Don't think that.

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Problem is I gave up in the summer and was starting to feel pretty good. Then I met someone volunteering whom I ended up really liking, so I thought I should go for it. We hung out 4 or 5 times and then she said she just wanted to be friends as she just went through a divorce. I'm like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football. The universe dangles a woman before me when I'm not even looking, I get my hopes up and then the universe kicks me in the nuts. It seems impossible to meet anyone without baggage at my age.

 

Oh well, I've now resolved that if any women I'm attracted to says she just wants to be friends, I'm straight up telling her I can't be friends with someone I am attracted to.

 

Lesson learned.

 

But, yes, I agree with the OP that dating sucks. Seems like a cruel joke most of the time, as I never asked for this desire for a female companion which just results in heartache all the time. I envy the small percentage of people who are born without any sex drive who are content to just have friends and be alone.

 

 

I hate when that happens

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I really enjoy being single but once in a while I long for someone special n I don't know why the last 3 guys were not good n I feel so negative sometimes...

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Every day I want to give up on dating. Every day I have a moment where I want to scream at the top of my lungs about how frustrated I am. And then I realize Im about to be only 27. I've got plenty of time. Even if I'm afraid I'm going to miss out and never fall in love again. And watch all my friends get married, have kids, blah blah blah....

 

I can't waste my life feeling negative or sorry for myself all the time. You shouldn't either. I'd rather hope for something that may not be for me than live a life assuming Ill never be happy again.

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Bigcitydreamer

Why would you have to settle for a life that you don't want?

 

People who go after what they want, get what they want. The whole saying you can do anything you put your mind to is 100% true. If you want to find a partner there is no reason that you can't do so.

 

I'm not saying life isn't hard and that people don't have to work extremely hard for what they want. I was single for a long time before I met my current bf. when I was single I can remember longing for someone and wondering when I would finally find someone with mutual attraction. It happened though by me focusing on bettering myself and not worrying so much about finding a bf.

 

I sincerely believe that no one has to remain single if they don't want to. Yeah it takes time but that's the nature of life. I know lots of "unattractive" or disadvantaged people who have partners. What makes you any different?

 

I don't want to minimize your feelings because I know it's hard being lonely. But focusing on ways to get what you want is far better than giving up on your dreams.

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Why would you have to settle for a life that you don't want?

 

People who go after what they want, get what they want. The whole saying you can do anything you put your mind to is 100% true. If you want to find a partner there is no reason that you can't do so.

 

I'm not saying life isn't hard and that people don't have to work extremely hard for what they want. I was single for a long time before I met my current bf. when I was single I can remember longing for someone and wondering when I would finally find someone with mutual attraction. It happened though by me focusing on bettering myself and not worrying so much about finding a bf.

 

I sincerely believe that no one has to remain single if they don't want to. Yeah it takes time but that's the nature of life. I know lots of "unattractive" or disadvantaged people who have partners. What makes you any different?

 

I don't want to minimize your feelings because I know it's hard being lonely. But focusing on ways to get what you want is far better than giving up on your dreams.

 

Jeez, you make it sound so easy. All people have to do is 'go after what they want', and it will magically appear for them. What do you say to the man or woman who has done everything they possibly can, for years and years to get they want, and still end up with nothing? "Too bad about your luck", is that it?

 

Seriously, your attitude seems to come across like, "I got mine, I'm alright Jack."

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Jeez, you make it sound so easy. All people have to do is 'go after what they want', and it will magically appear for them. What do you say to the man or woman who has done everything they possibly can, for years and years to get they want, and still end up with nothing? "Too bad about your luck", is that it?

 

Seriously, your attitude seems to come across like, "I got mine, I'm alright Jack."

 

I think Bigcity's point is in general not to give up, and I have to agree with that. Throwing in the towel only takes you out of the game. However, I agree with you that the advice is stock. How many times have people heard the lines "go after what you want", "Just be yourself", "you have to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you", and my all time favorites "Don't look for it" and "Love happens when you least expect it". Throw all those in the trash. Those are for people who have standard dating lives. Those who are chronically single or constantly rejected are different.

 

If you fall into that category, you have a special chance to be different. Try things that a really different. It is crazy unfair that people are born lacking the social skills and image to gain a decent partner in the same way that it is to be born with a handicap. Luckily, these problems can be overcome because they are mental usually. It is hard and the advice out there is usually terrible. The best advice I can give anyone who is giving up on dating is to try again being a different person. Experiment. Do things you normally wouldn't do even if you are uncomfortable with it. Changing is about pushing outside of everything you are comfortable with. If you stay who you are you will not succeed in this category

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I know the feeling OP. I seem to be a magnet for women who are crazy, immature, or the very worst...looking for a fling/affair. I can at least work with someone crazy or immature who is self aware enough to know they have a problem and will at least work on it. So far I haven't found that.

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I often also have this problem, but there is no point in giving up, all the best things in life take effort i suppose.

I agree with Scales on this that most of those phrases drive me crazy, usually most of those are told by people already in relationships or socially awkward like myself.

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Bigcitydreamer
Jeez, you make it sound so easy. All people have to do is 'go after what they want', and it will magically appear for them. What do you say to the man or woman who has done everything they possibly can, for years and years to get they want, and still end up with nothing? "Too bad about your luck", is that it?

 

Seriously, your attitude seems to come across like, "I got mine, I'm alright Jack."

 

I believe that it is that easy though... Not that the whole process itself, but the concept of going after you want with everything you have- will always produce consistent results. I genuinely believe this..

 

Circumstances and situations for each person is different, and you may have more to overcome for any given scenario but I don't think there is much that is not possible. I've seen people go from the bottom to the top through hard work. It's not every often when someone tries an tries in something and doesn't succeed. I've actually never met anyone who has aggressively went after what they wanted and didn't get it.

 

That woman you are talking about who never got what she wanted.. Well why didn't she get what she want. Can she make modifications to her approach in order to reach her goal? Is it actually impossible or, or just road blocks in the way?

 

I'm not trying to be an a** and kick people when they are down. Not minimizing the struggle at all, just saying overcoming problems is most always possible.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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I believe that it is that easy though... Not that the whole process itself, but the concept of going after you want with everything you have- will always produce consistent results. I genuinely believe this..

 

Circumstances and situations for each person is different, and you may have more to overcome for any given scenario but I don't think there is much that is not possible. I've seen people go from the bottom to the top through hard work. It's not every often when someone tries an tries in something and doesn't succeed. I've actually never met anyone who has aggressively went after what they wanted and didn't get it.

 

That woman you are talking about who never got what she wanted.. Well why didn't she get what she want. Can she make modifications to her approach in order to reach her goal? Is it actually impossible or, or just road blocks in the way?

 

I'm not trying to be an a** and kick people when they are down. Not minimizing the struggle at all, just saying overcoming problems is most always possible.

 

Sorry everyone for the late replies, I'm not on here very often. I thank everyone for great answers and I won't give up on finding someone.

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Don't give up but if you're getting a bit low from searching just take a break from actively seeking and enjoy just being single and independent for a bit. It might just happen when you least expect it. :)

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