Bad experiances in the past and need advice on relationships

[Tatiana82]

Okay, so this is my whole situation in a nutshell. When I was younger (about 12-15) and had crushes on guys, I could talk to them SO easily, just like any normal person would do, it just came very natural to me. However, when their friends would find out, they would all gang up and just make fun of me so bad. They would say I was too ugly for him, and that no guy would ever want to be with me, blah blah blah. After four times in a row of this I absolutely shut all my emotions in and my social skills with guys have NEVER been the same and I still to this day have some hypothetical notion in my head that the guys I like are too good for me.

 

Now, 6 years, braces, makeup and dressing better later, I know that I'm not ugly and I know that guys in their 20's are most likely not going to send thier little toadies to make fun of me for liking them. But it is just not easy to let the real you out when you've kept it hidden for so long, and I also am absolutely clueless on how to build and mantain a relationship because of my lack of them when I was growing up, and I really hope you guys can give me some insight and some advice because I really need it.

 

Now, I really like this guy that I met online (we've met and hung out twice in person; third time will be in a few weeks), it is a long distance thing, but as I mentioned before I do intend on moving to his area next summer hopefully (and had thought about it many times even before I met him). I know that my keeping myself shut-in and not letting the real me out has blown it for me in the past with a guy I liked, and I really REALLY do not want to blow this one over stupid mistakes like that, I hate repeating the past. I could really use a "educational" from anyone on how to build a relationship. What things could possibly blow it, and what things could possibly make it work. Just any advice or thoughts or what you would do about this situation would be a gigantic help.

[uriel]

Use the interet connection you have to express the real you. Sometimes it's easier to do that in writing than in person. Do your level best to find out if he's physically attracted to you now that you've met him by flirting. Yes, flirting. If he flirts back, it's probably the case that he is.

 

To build the relationship, share yourself, ask about him and get to know him, and build memories together -- your own couples language, your own touchstone experiences, your own shared pleasures. Let things grow naturally without being forced.

 

Be willing to risk some emotionally. If he doesn't return your feelings, just remember that even the most beautiful women in the world have had their love unreturned, too. It's not you -- it just not a connection with HIM.

 

Sounds like you've been doing a good job with him so far. Just keep extending yourself little by little. And, keep looking for him to encourage you and reciprocate with risks and outreaches of his own.

 

-- uriel