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Where do you meet people???


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365daysgone

I'm just wondering where you meet nice girls? It seems like every answer I get in either bars/clubs/parties or online. Bars and things like that are just not my scene, you know? I don't drink and I find clubs and stuff just really unspeaking to me. Online is an option I have not tried but does it really have to be my only option? I am 24 right now which is a hard age because people at my work are either in high school or grown woman. I feel like a tweener. I would like to meet a girl that enjoys simple things like nature and such. I read threads of people saying they met a girl at a coffe shop today...how do you meet a girl there? How do you engage this interaction? I do have social anxiety that I am working through, but Ben still it amazes me that people just meet out on the street.

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fortyninethousand322

You can't ask women out at coffee shops because only a creeper would walk up to a strange woman and start a conversation that they hope will lead to a date. You can't ask out the women who work at the grocery store or the bank because it's sexist and exploitative. You shouldn't go online because online dating sites overwhelming favor the women on there. Etc.

 

At some point you'll have to break one of those rules I guess.

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You can't ask women out at coffee shops because only a creeper would walk up to a strange woman and start a conversation that they hope will lead to a date. You can't ask out the women who work at the grocery store or the bank because it's sexist and exploitative. You shouldn't go online because online dating sites overwhelming favor the women on there. Etc.

 

At some point you'll have to break one of those rules I guess.

 

Coffee shops are a great place to meet women. Typically, people frequent a certain coffee shop, so faces become familiar. They are warm, inviting casual atmospheres, and everybody is all wired and talkative. I have met TONS of women at coffee shops.

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fortyninethousand322
Coffee shops are a great place to meet women. Typically, people frequent a certain coffee shop, so faces become familiar. They are warm, inviting casual atmospheres, and everybody is all wired and talkative. I have met TONS of women at coffee shops.

 

I was being a little tongue in cheek there. There are a lot of women who will tell you it's creepy and wrong to approach strange women at a coffee shop or some other public place (like a grocery store or hardware shop or something).

 

I was mocking those types who say you shouldn't approach like that...

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I was being a little tongue in cheek there. There are a lot of women who will tell you it's creepy and wrong to approach strange women at a coffee shop or some other public place (like a grocery store or hardware shop or something).

 

I was mocking those types who say you shouldn't approach like that...

 

Yeah, I meant to quote the OP there.

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Something like meetup.com could be a good middle ground between bars and online dating. Find a group that does things you're interested in, and go hang out at a few meets. Don't go in with the attitude that you're there to pick up girls, go to have a good time and meet new people and expand your social circle. The more girls you're in social contact with, the higher your odds of meeting someone you like.

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365daysgone
Something like meetup.com could be a good middle ground between bars and online dating. Find a group that does things you're interested in, and go hang out at a few meets. Don't go in with the attitude that you're there to pick up girls, go to have a good time and meet new people and expand your social circle. The more girls you're in social contact with, the higher your odds of meeting someone you like.

 

I tried meetup. There is surprisingly nothing near me. An hour away minimum. And to the guy that said he mets girls everywhere - grocery stores, etc. how? How do you engage in a conversation with a random person at a grocery store?

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Not 3 hours ago I did my shopping in the supermarket for this week. I've had a good day so I felt bullish. I noticed the girl on my till was young and pretty. When I was on deck I said I liked her fringe (you americans call them bangs, was one of these cute do's girls get now with them down over the forehead) and I asked how they stay straight, do they just do it or does it take effort. She beamed like I'd just told her she won the lottery and said they just do it. I made a lame joke that they'd keep the rain out her eyes like a mini umbrella (it just started raining torrents). Laughs; couldn't stop looking at me. I asked long day? Too long. When does she get off, maybe the rain would stop? - 2 hours later. Plans? Not made any, watching TV on her own all evening, says she'll be a bit lonely. Hands me my receipt and deliberately grabs my hand as she does so, watches me all the way down the aisle and out the door, smiling.

 

Now you tell me that wasn't something you could work with, if you were so inclined. I didn't make a move because she was about 19 and I was preoccupied with the sudden torrential rain making my walk home a nightmare (and OK also because I'm a giant wuss). But I don't do it to make moves, I do it to stay perky. If I can chat up a girl on a till in 30 seconds after a long day at work, smiles, laughs, gazes, then I'm not as useless as I sometimes feel. And maybe if I'd said, "want to go for a quiet drink?" or whatever she'd have said no after all, but so what? The journey is the goal, not the destination. I do this all the time just for the sake of doing it.

 

This is how you meet women when you can't meet women. You force yourself to "meet" them everywhere - I am in the same boat as you, I don't go pubbing and clubbing, don't do online dating, busy hard working, like to sit down of an evening thank you very much. Relationships don't crop up for me more than every couple years, and OK, it hasn't been with a girl on a till before, or in a coffee shop or bookstore, but it has depended on my ability to engage someone I might meet for only minutes a week, in normal life.

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Take a ballroom dancing class. They are always short of men. Even if you don't meet anyone there, you will learn a valuable social skill that will enable you to meet women elsewhere plus it will give you confidence (and you'll get fit in the bargain).

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365daysgone
Not 3 hours ago I did my shopping in the supermarket for this week. I've had a good day so I felt bullish. I noticed the girl on my till was young and pretty. When I was on deck I said I liked her fringe (you americans call them bangs, was one of these cute do's girls get now with them down over the forehead) and I asked how they stay straight, do they just do it or does it take effort. She beamed like I'd just told her she won the lottery and said they just do it. I made a lame joke that they'd keep the rain out her eyes like a mini umbrella (it just started raining torrents). Laughs; couldn't stop looking at me. I asked long day? Too long. When does she get off, maybe the rain would stop? - 2 hours later. Plans? Not made any, watching TV on her own all evening, says she'll be a bit lonely. Hands me my receipt and deliberately grabs my hand as she does so, watches me all the way down the aisle and out the door, smiling.

 

Now you tell me that wasn't something you could work with, if you were so inclined. I didn't make a move because she was about 19 and I was preoccupied with the sudden torrential rain making my walk home a nightmare (and OK also because I'm a giant wuss). But I don't do it to make moves, I do it to stay perky. If I can chat up a girl on a till in 30 seconds after a long day at work, smiles, laughs, gazes, then I'm not as useless as I sometimes feel. And maybe if I'd said, "want to go for a quiet drink?" or whatever she'd have said no after all, but so what? The journey is the goal, not the destination. I do this all the time just for the sake of doing it.

 

This is how you meet women when you can't meet women. You force yourself to "meet" them everywhere - I am in the same boat as you, I don't go pubbing and clubbing, don't do online dating, busy hard working, like to sit down of an evening thank you very much. Relationships don't crop up for me more than every couple years, and OK, it hasn't been with a girl on a till before, or in a coffee shop or bookstore, but it has depended on my ability to engage someone I might meet for only minutes a week, in normal life.

 

You, my friend are my hero. Not sure if stuff like this would happen in Canada, but it probably does. Now, you make it sound easy to do but unfortunetely I have social anxiety. I plan to say things and use my quick wit around girls but when I am in front of strangers my mind just goes blank. It sucks so bad! I am trying really hard lately to overcome this but it is not easy.

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You, my friend are my hero. Not sure if stuff like this would happen in Canada, but it probably does. Now, you make it sound easy to do but unfortunetely I have social anxiety. I plan to say things and use my quick wit around girls but when I am in front of strangers my mind just goes blank. It sucks so bad! I am trying really hard lately to overcome this but it is not easy.

 

That's pretty normal honestly.

 

Very few guys can naturally talk up girls out of the blue. Usually when you see some guy talking to some girl there is an initial rapport built up from school, work...you need a way to build up that rapport, at least to where they've seen you a few times, know that you are normal/not crazy/nice person etc before you can talk them up.

 

It's not all about bars and clubs either.

 

Age 24 check the university see if they have a hiking club or something like that. Church is another good one there are tons of girls at church and as long as you aren't one of those crazy anti-religion nutsos then you can put up with it and be social long enough to meet a few.

 

House parties with friends is another idea. They can vouch for you so that you are a known quantity rather than some complete stranger out of the blue.

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Social anxiety is something that I'm battling too. It's very tough. I used to think a lot like you do now. I was terrified of approaching girls because I was certain they'd find me weird, creepy, unlikable or unattractive - then laugh at me when they rejected me. I was terrified that everyone within the general vicinity would suddenly become aware of my being rejected, stop what they were doing and laugh at me too. These weren't conscious thoughts that I was having, but they best describe how I felt about making the approach. Because I was so convinced that I would be rejected, I never tried. I would go home alone and sink into depression. That depression led to drug abuse, poor sleep habits, poor diet, no exercise and almost total isolation. The real kicker to that is, these habits all contribute to anxiety, depression and fatigue. So because I was alone and depressed, I was doing things that made me feel better in the short-term, but more alone and depressed in the long-term. This is what I refer to as the negative cycle.

 

If you ask where people in relationships met their significant other, you'll get a variety of answers. The laundromat, the grocery store, the coffee shop, the park, the library, the beach, at school and the list goes on and on. What you need to understand is that there are women that are single everywhere you go. And of those single women, a lot of them want the same thing you do - a relationship. The only problem is, there's no giant beacon hovering above their heads to indicate their relationship status. The only way you can know is to go find out. This can be extremely tough if you live in a small town because you perceive the risk of rejection as being more significant. I certainly don't want my family or friends to know that I'm getting rejected left and right. But that's a brick wall that you build in your own mind. Who's really going to laugh at you for trying to find love? Are those the type of people you would want to hang with anyway?

 

I'm going to tell you what I used to hate being told - you simply need to work on your social skills. The game isn't played by walking up to a young woman and scoring a date on the spot. It's played by being interesting and stimulating enough to get her interested in going on a date with you - whether that means building it up over time or having enough of a vibe to score the first time around. Let me just give you a quick example. In one of my threads (my only thread for that matter) I talk about overcoming my own social phobia by improving upon myself and my social skills. I went to the store one day and spotted a local grocer who was really cute. It was a very busy day and she was ringing up items for another person, but I still went up to her before I left and said "Hi, um, I know you're really busy and I don't want to bother you but, I wanted to tell you that I think you're really beautiful." The smile on her face and the look in her eye was enough to tell me that I'd made an impression on her. I didn't do anything else and I went on my way after that. BUT, I now have a minor connection established with her. She knows that I'm attracted to her. The next time I'm at the store, I can "just so happen" to find my way into her line. I've already attracted her in some ways by being confident and up front, so I can make a little small talk and if I'm feeling she's interested, I can ask her on a date. Something like, "I don't mean to be so forward but, I haven't been able to stop thinking about your smile... Would you like to go for coffee sometime?" And if she rejects me, she's not going to be rude about it. If she has a boyfriend? That's just tough luck and someone beat me to her. On to the next one.

 

You don't have to establish minor connections and build upon them like this, but I think that's what will work best for me. It gives me a gradual build up so they're more comfortable around me. A lot of times when you're chatting with a girl, you'll have longer than a few seconds. If you feel the vibe, find a way to ask for her number or to go on a date. You just need to understand that it's not about walking up to random women and talking about nothing. It's not about walking up to women and being so attractive they throw their panties at you. It's about being social. Use the environment to strike up conversations. Be interesting.

 

Here's the thing, if a random girl walked up to you saying, "Hi, I'm Becky" with her hand extended, wouldn't you be a bit put off by wondering who in the world she is? Think of it as meeting new people and expanding your social circle. Don't put too much emphasis on scoring a date or finding your love life, because when you don't get a date, you'll have feelings of failing, and that's not what you want. Measure every approach and every conversation (with a man or woman) as an accomplishment. Beating social phobia without the use of drugs and therapy is a very hard thing to do, but I believe it can be done with enough time and effort.

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