Always have a hard time making friends, and relationship bad luck

[hikaru]

So, I was just broken up with, short of it, she thought she wanted commitment, and even though we were nearly perfect matches as far as compatibility, she just can't commit, and only wants a relationship with me if it's open, no pressure, no expectations.

 

I'm at a loss at what to do here. I have one close friend in the area. I hardly meet people that seem interested in becoming friends/people that seem compatible with me. It's not that I have a negative attitude about it, it's just that even when I have a good time with someone new, no friendships seem to grow from it. I spent some time with someone I met at a race this summer over the weekend. He helped me talk out all the anxieties I had about my girlfriend, and he shared his story of a recent breakup. Felt like bonding...but he lives a bit far, and has tons of friends himself. I dunno...I feel like at 27 I should have some network of close people that know me, but now, if I were to go on a long run in the mountains, without my recent Ex to notify, no one is really in my life that I could notify, aside from my mother 200 miles away.

 

It's depressing. I probably shouldn't think about it...but if I injured myself up there, I seriously don't see anyone checking up on me, because I have no one close that cares. No one invites me out, I'm never invited to parties, never asked to social events.

 

On top of all this, I just lost someone I thought I was making a connection with. All of that time, and emotional investment into integrating her into my life is gone. And what do I have to show for it? Another 5 months of my life spent on someone that doesn't deserve me. I just wanted to share my life with her, and have the same reciprocated, to make her, someone happy, and continue to grow a meaningful relationship, but she doesn't want that. I met my last 3 ex's on dating sites, and the most recent 2 were incredibly compatible matches, but both decided to quit because of a lack of ability to emotionally commit. I feel depressed even more that I'll probably have to rely on a website again to meet people, because I never seem to meet anyone compatible in every day life.

 

I just feel helpless at the moment, and M&M's aren't helping. I'm an attractive, very fit, emotionally available and open person, but it just doesn't seem to be enough for even what I've perceived as almost perfectly compatible mates.

 

just being defeatist at the moment I suppose!

[hikaru]

Starting to meet some cool people...still have only made shallow relationships so far, but connecting at all with people is refreshing. Joining a crossfit gym this week, hopefully meet some like-minded people in regards to health. Seems like a cool community to join!

[WhiteChocolate]

Starting to meet some cool people...still have only made shallow relationships so far, but connecting at all with people is refreshing. Joining a crossfit gym this week, hopefully meet some like-minded people in regards to health. Seems like a cool community to join!

Congratz! Nice to see that you are taking a step in a positive direction. Best of luck to you!

[jellybelly24]

Try to see the break-up as an opportunity to invite more people into your life. Now that you don't have to devote so much time to a relationship, you have more time to try out new activities in the community and get back out their socially.

 

The best way to meet people is to put yourself out there a little bit. If you feel like you can't connect with co-workers, you could try taking a class, joining a church group, volunteering,etc. The options are endless! In the beginning the goal should be just to get out of the house and interact with other people. If you put too much emphasis on making friends, you might scare them away with your neediness.

 

I have been in, and still am in, your shoes. I have a couple of close friends nearby, but I have also lost several close friends in the last few years due to them relocating, changing their priorities, or simply for the fact that we grew apart. Studies show that as we get older, our social network gets smaller. Now that you are not in school you have to be more purposeful in putting yourself in situations where you could make friends. Last winter when I broke up with my ex I decided to take a rock-climbing class. I needed something to do to fill up my time, and I wanted to get out more. I ended up finding a great rock climbing partner in my class, and we eventually became friends, as well. It doesn't always work out that great, but you will never know until you give it a shot. More recently, I joined a church group. I haven't any close connections yet but just going once a week definitely gives me a sense of community and belonging.

 

Don't be disheartened! I know it sucks now, but things will get better in the future. Just keep reminding yourself that you're deserving of love and friendship. If you extend yourself to others, they are more likely to reciprocate.