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Yikes! pursue-pursue a woman who just wants to be friends?


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I've told and showed this guy that I just want to be friends with him. Only offering friendship. He's still pursuing me as if there is more going on and it's making me very uncomfortable. On top of that he gets angry and abusive about it. It's creeping me out now.

 

I was GENUINELY interested in seeing about building a friendship with him because things seemed really cool as friends in the beginning. But I have to say, even with my very best friends, we play phone tag or might take a few days to return calls (like waiting til the weekend to call back or what have you). I'm not instant BFFs with people either and definitely not him. He called me on a wednesday. I didn't even get his message till that night. Then the next day I had XYZ going on. You know what I don't even have to give explanations! In my mind, I was going to call him back over the weekend like on saturday midday when it's convenient for me. But he flipped. Between thursday and saturday he sent me several texts, emails, and a few voicemails. I didn't respond. Come saturday I decided I wasn't going to return his call till tuesday or wednesday now. I sent him a text that said 'I see you've tried to call. let's catch up early next week. I've been pretty busy!'

 

I can't seem to get him to REFRAME his approach to acting casual and accepting this is an acquaintance-friendship type of thing. I've told him and showed him, but he ignores me and pushes with his pursuing. It's really weird at this point.

 

He actually got mad and said some really strange totally inappropriate things like "you act like you're all sweet then you don't even return a call".. He insults me like that is going to get him some attention from me? Scary.

 

I told him he's getting the wrong impression somehow and that I'm only offering friendship. This isn't a codependency!

 

In his emotional outbursts (and this has happened a two times in the last month--now I honestly think something is mentally off in his head). He said, "I have friends who would take my call in the middle of the night. some friend you are." I replied that we aren't that close and that kind of friendship takes time to build and you can't expect it or force it on someone. Then I told him that it was obvious to me that he is not this demanding of me because he wants to just be friends. I told him I won't engage with him on this type of level any further, and that I've kindly told him where things stand and that I don't have anything further to add to that.

 

So basically he thinks he can insult me, threaten me and manipulate me into a relationship/some kind of codependency with him?! It's unbelievable, really. Shocking. When he has these emotional outbursts its like he REALLY believes I've mistreated him in some terrible way, but I haven't! I've been very upfront and direct about casually being friends.

 

I didn't think there was anything wrong with my approach. I have a guy friend who I befriended the same way about 9 years ago and we became great friends though we didn't talk like every day nor demand to.

 

Last I told this guy that I was ending the convo because he was insulting me. Wouldn't most people apologize if they realized they got out of line? I'm scared that he is probably much more of an abusive person when he doesn't get his way. He doesn't seem reasonable.

 

I hate being on "bad terms" with anyone in the world! I honestly think he understands that about me and was manipulating me for attention to make me feel bad. I blocked him from texting me when he didn't apologize and start acting normal. What if he apologizes though? This is how abusive relationships start don't they? Someone please tell me!

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LeaningIntoTheMuse

Cut yourself off from him.

 

He's already demonstrated that he doesn't respect boundaries or your space. What makes him believe that he'd make a good boyfriend? He'd drive whoever it was crazy!

 

Don't feel it's your own fault, but cut him out of your life, and get a restraining order if necessary.

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