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In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

Old 28th March 2010, 11:11 PM   #1
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Question Ex co-worker

Hey Im new to the forums, so a few months ago I got out of a 4 year relationship, I used to always be fairly confident around girls and talk to them fine and be fairly comfortable with myself. However ever since I've been single its like I don't see myself in the same light anymore, I now experience slight social anxiety (which never happened to me before, i used to rarely get nervous, and even more rarely in social situations) I'm no longer that confident and struggle to really be myself around girls.

Also as I started dating my ex at 14, Ive now realised that I cant really read girls unless they lay things out really obviously in front of me. In general I have no idea how females perceive me and when ever I'm with a girl I like, I cant tell whether she likes me too or not. This isnt to say I havent got with any girls since the relationship, however every time the only reason it happened is because they made the first move in some shape or form.

Recently i started talking to this girl who I used to work with about 2 years ago but didnt keep in touch with after I left. So I started talking to her online and then she asked me to call her, we end up talking for over an hour and we met up the next day at mine. She came round to mine for the whole day and we just hung out watched a movie, talked etc etc. I would say it went well, we are into the pretty much the exact same stuff, share similar views and just generally have a ton of stuff in common although I felt a tiny bit awkward on a few occasions just because we never hung out before outside of work, for example when watching the movie she sat on a chair as i sat on my bed (and for a while we kept switching seats but didnt sit next to each other). After a while I asked if she wanted to sit next to me, she seemed quite happy by the offer sat down and rested her head on my shoulder which was fine, however after about 5 seconds she then sat up straight and continued watching. I didnt really say anything because I didnt want to make things more awkward at that moment in time, I'm not sure if she took her head off me to see whether I would reassure her that it was fine or because she changed her mind for some reason? She told me she had a good time and to call her next week to do something. Did she say that to be nice? or because she genuinely wants to meet up again?

Also Hopefully I wont sound too shallow but its weird because Ive never encountered a situation where the first thing that attracted me to a girl was her personality rather than her looks, and I found Im much more attracted to 'her' rather than 'her looks' (hopefully that makes sense)
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Old 5th April 2010, 10:33 PM   #2
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Sounds like she likes you. She spent time with you alone and happily came and sat next to you. She even rested her head on your shoulder. It was her way of saying she wouldn't mind if you made advances. I expect at that point she was wondering if you'd put your arm round her and maybe, if you continued to feel comfortable with each other, kiss her. If you didn't make any move but just sat there, she may have felt awkward and stopped resting her head in case you didn't want her to do that. I don't know how you reacted so I'm only guessing.

She still wants to see you again, so provided you make an arrangement to meet (and you should take the initiative) and you meet up, then make some sort of romantic move to show her you are thinking along those lines too. You could even start the meeting with a warm, lingering hug, and progress to holding hands and possibly kissing later. If you don't, she may feel rejected or that you just want to be friends. If you really like her and are not sure whether you want it to turn physical, then tell her you really like her and want to get to know her a bit better as you're a bit out of practice. I'm sure she'll understand. It's all looking good to me if you would like to turn this into a romance; the signs are positive.
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