cognac Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I am a normal guy, i work at a store where young girls come by and they don't really seem to give me much attention. I'm not particularly ugly, or weird, or anything, i can be quite charming and funny if you give me a shot. My only problem is i am rather short at 5'7 and am slim as well, I know this is a huge sexual/physical turn off for most women. Is there anything I can do to make me more physically attractive? I am already working out, but anything else? I know that physical looks come second to personality, but come on, looks get the foot in the door and if you dont have a physical attractiveness to women they will never be around you long enough to see your personality. This has been my experience all my life so I have been rather anti-social due to it (rather be anti-social than somebodys cuddle bitch). Other than being rich or getting taller, what can increase my value in the eyes of women (outside of "confidencE" and the rest of the cliches) in your experience? Does playing hard to get or mysterious stranger work any? Link to post Share on other sites
always_searching Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Well, you could grow a few inches and gain a few pounds. Seriously, though, I'm going to have to give you the "cliched" response and say that women want someone who has a personality (and you can't express that if you aren't being social). I promise you that it wouldn't matter if you looked like Brad Pitt: if you are not sociable and have a good personality, women will not be interested. Yes, looks attract, but no one will date someone who isn't willing to put themselves out there in a social manner. Besides, to pursue a woman (which most woman want men to do), isn't being sociable sort of a prerequisite? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cognac Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 Well, you could grow a few inches and gain a few pounds. Seriously, though, I'm going to have to give you the "cliched" response and say that women want someone who has a personality (and you can't express that if you aren't being social). I promise you that it wouldn't matter if you looked like Brad Pitt: if you are not sociable and have a good personality, women will not be interested. Yes, looks attract, but no one will date someone who isn't willing to put themselves out there in a social manner. Besides, to pursue a woman (which most woman want men to do), isn't being sociable sort of a prerequisite? I have to disagree. I've witnessed with my own 2 eyes asocial or morons getting women all over them simply because they are good looking/tall/wealthy. If you are a very good looking and tall guy women will force you to socialize. I don't think I'm particularly anti-social, but if i get a vibe like someone is going to just ignore me or wants me to go away i won't bother them. I get this vibe from many women. I do get this vibe from women a lot more than I do from men (who generally i easily socialize with and have lots of friends) and all my life women have been telling me things like : "oh you're so great and cute i would date you if you were taller", or etc, so I can't help but put two and two together. For example the other night me and my friends were hanging out and some girl came by. Anyway I was telling a story that everyone thought was hilarious and was begging me to tell, but this girl was constantly giving me a face, not laughing, and trying to direct all attention away from me and to my friend who is tall and good looking. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Work on getting buff. If you look average, chances are girls won't give you a second look or even bother to want to strike up a conversation. Skinny guys pale in comparison with a guy who stands out with a little muscle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cognac Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 i would like to add that furthermore, i know my height is what turns women off so much from me and makes them harbor antipathy towards me. How? A month ago i made two internet profiles with my picture one saying my real height 5'7 , and another in another state with 6'2 as a height and I would say atleast 90% of the women i emailed responded to the second one (many wanting dates) while the 5'7 one only one woman responded and it was a brief exchange. Do you think getting elevator shoes is an option, or would a woman really make a big stink about it after she found out i was 3 inches shorter than i look? Link to post Share on other sites
EarthGirl Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I think skinny guys with just a little bit of muscle are much sexier than buff guys. I am a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cognac Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 Work on getting buff. If you look average, chances are girls won't give you a second look or even bother to want to strike up a conversation. Skinny guys pale in comparison with a guy who stands out with a little muscle. Yeah. I got very ripped up last year but ever since I got my new job I have lost atleast 20 pounds of muscle (fast evil metabolism) due to lack of working out and eating less due to it. I noticed when I had a more masculine frame women were way more open to talking to me (except on days where I looked tired or not as handsome, etc women would ignore me like they do now). Nowadays my problem is between work and school I have little time to lift weights regularly and dont have the $$ to blow on all the supplements i used to take. It kind of pisses me off because my friends are all 6'3 tall beanpoles who weigh less than me and they get great, loyal, beautiful, intelligent women interested in them just because they're tall. I have never had a real steady girlfriend (only a couple of casual encounters) so I do not know if a woman is capable of loving me unconditionally or not. When women's reaction to me goes from EXTREMELY hot to EXTREMELY cold because I Am not as muscular or have bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, it makes me fear getting a girlfriend as she will leave me as soon as I am having a bad day . I just feel that if you're under 5'10 you start with 2 strikes against you. So any little thing like being on the slender side or looking tired one day, will totally destroy your chances at getting a girl to like you. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 i would like to add that furthermore, i know my height is what turns women off so much from me and makes them harbor antipathy towards me. How? A month ago i made two internet profiles with my picture one saying my real height 5'7 , and another in another state with 6'2 as a height and I would say atleast 90% of the women i emailed responded to the second one (many wanting dates) while the 5'7 one only one woman responded and it was a brief exchange. Do you think getting elevator shoes is an option, or would a woman really make a big stink about it after she found out i was 3 inches shorter than i look? Your post reminds me of previous posters. I hope you're not a troll In response, you can't change your height just as I can't change mine ( and I'm 5'3) unless you get surgery which will cost thousands of dollars. Most women appreciate honesty, and wearing elevator shoes won't guarantee things will work out well especially when you go barefoot. The internet is a bad choice to seek statistics because women are picky online in general. Like I said before, you might as well change your physique as opposed to seeking the nearly impossible. Try to work out with weights and built a little muscle to get out of your lanky phase. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 cognac, what do you currently weigh? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Yeah. I got very ripped up last year but ever since I got my new job I have lost atleast 20 pounds of muscle (fast evil metabolism) due to lack of working out and eating less due to it. I noticed when I had a more masculine frame women were way more open to talking to me (except on days where I looked tired or not as handsome, etc women would ignore me like they do now). Nowadays my problem is between work and school I have little time to lift weights regularly and dont have the $$ to blow on all the supplements i used to take. It kind of pisses me off because my friends are all 6'3 tall beanpoles who weigh less than me and they get great, loyal, beautiful, intelligent women interested in them just because they're tall. I have never had a real steady girlfriend (only a couple of casual encounters) so I do not know if a woman is capable of loving me unconditionally or not. When women's reaction to me goes from EXTREMELY hot to EXTREMELY cold because I Am not as muscular or have bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, it makes me fear getting a girlfriend as she will leave me as soon as I am having a bad day . I just feel that if you're under 5'10 you start with 2 strikes against you. So any little thing like being on the slender side or looking tired one day, will totally destroy your chances at getting a girl to like you. Okay overlooking the height issue here ( which is really depressing now everytime you bring it up), you actually realize you achieved good results when you put on muscle. This was what hard work rewards. You just need to find time to bodybuild, the main point being that you actually make an effort to prioritize things and balance work and school. Supplements don't really get you anywhere and you can always get the physique you want with good nutrition ( look for more info in the weight and health section). Instead of spending money on energy pills and protein shakes, try to get your protein from meat and fish. They are nutritious and loaded with proteins that will help you build muscle. The main important thing is to take care of yourself. Good hygiene is important and getting enough sleep will at in part guarantee you won't look as tired as you previously had. The main issue here is, instead of trying to compare yourself to other guys and your friends ( which will only make you depressed) how can you improve your outlook on life? Sometimes having a good attitude in life is an attraction unto itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cognac Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 cognac, what do you currently weigh? 137lbs In response, you can't change your height just as I can't change mine ( and I'm 5'3) unless you get surgery which will cost thousands of dollars. Most women appreciate honesty, and wearing elevator shoes won't guarantee things will work out well especially when you go barefoot.[/Quote] Why would wearing elevator shoes make me anymore dishonest than a woman who wears high heels, pushup bras, makeup, ETC. I can guarantee that by this logic, almost every woman is dishonest. Why is there a double standard when its obvious that today's women are just as look oriented or more than men. Okay overlooking the height issue here ( which is really depressing now everytime you bring it up), you actually realize you achieved good results when you put on muscle. This was what hard work rewards. You just need to find time to bodybuild, the main point being that you actually make an effort to prioritize things and balance work and school. Supplements don't really get you anywhere and you can always get the physique you want with good nutrition ( look for more info in the weight and health section). Instead of spending money on energy pills and protein shakes, try to get your protein from meat and fish. They are nutritious and loaded with proteins that will help you build muscle. [/Quote] I agree, but my point is this one. Why is it I have to do all these things (bodybuilding is a lot harder than you make it sound) just so women will deem me "good enough"? What happens on the day that for whatever reason, I lose some of my muscle, I will be back at square one. I really don't like it when I completely die off and become completely invisible to women simply because i lost some muscle, makes me want to avoid marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Your weight is fine for your height. The reason I asked is that some women, including myself, prefer a leaner man. IMO, too bulky is a turn-off. Getting fit is a good idea but do it for your own health, not to impress chicks. I agree with always searching. Confidence is key. Cockiness, loudness, brashness are not. Many younger men and even some older men, mistake the two. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Why would wearing elevator shoes make me anymore dishonest than a woman who wears high heels, pushup bras, makeup, ETC. I can guarantee that by this logic, almost every woman is dishonest. Why is there a double standard when its obvious that today's women are just as look oriented or more than men. Because most women are short and it's obvious when you see her in pumps that are 5ins high. Yet wearing elevator shoes are deceiving because they aren't all that obvious up front. So what will you tell a girl if she asks you your height and you replied you are actually 5' 7 even though the shoes made you look 5'9 or whatever? Clearly all that will spell out is insecurity. I agree, but my point is this one. Why is it I have to do all these things (bodybuilding is a lot harder than you make it sound) just so women will deem me "good enough"? What happens on the day that for whatever reason, I lose some of my muscle, I will be back at square one. I really don't like it when I completely die off and become completely invisible to women simply because i lost some muscle, makes me want to avoid marriage.That's rhetorical. You're already on this site because you think you're unattractive to women. So then why are you complaining about yourself and still feel that most women aren't entitled to deem you attractive, when in fact those are the very women that has driven you to this very site? And I know muscles are hard to build but that's why it's important to maintain a balanced lifestyle. You obviously didn't came on here to seek answers to short term results. And to emphasis your opening post, you said you didn't want cliche answers, so I wasn't going to write that you should merely worked on personality so that you exude confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
eiithan Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 My ex boyfriend of two years with whom I once thought I was to be married was a 5'6'' skinny build young man with high metabolism issues, who used to joke that I may be stronger than he is. Part of his attraction was his intellect and personality. There is a memorable scene in an Agatha Christie novel. Ms. Maple talks about one beautiful woman she saw on the street whose attractiveness disappeared into the air once she opened her mouth; then there was another woman, a plain looking nobody, who grabbed every men's attention when she spoke. You are wrong if you think look is all that matters. I have seen many beautiful people who turn me off immediately because they couldn't say a sensible thing; or they just repeat what somebody already said without giving it his/her own thought. Link to post Share on other sites
FunMike86 Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 5'7 and 137lbs is not just slim.. that's borderline anorexic dude. I'm same height as you BTW. You need to gain at least 20lbs of muscle, start lifting (high weight, low reps!) and eating like crazy ASAP Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I am a normal guy, i work at a store where young girls come by and they don't really seem to give me much attention. How approachable are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cognac Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 Because most women are short and it's obvious when you see her in pumps that are 5ins high. Yet wearing elevator shoes are deceiving because they aren't all that obvious up front. So what will you tell a girl if she asks you your height and you replied you are actually 5' 7 even though the shoes made you look 5'9 or whatever? Clearly all that will spell out is insecurity.[/Quote] This is a really poor argument and doesn't even address the hypocrisy in saying a woman who wears heels is OK, but a man who does it is dishonest. Women who give themselves cosmetic boosts like wearing flattering bras, makeup, etc are even more dishonest than a guy who wears a couple of extra inches in his shoes. Not to mention even if it was dishonest, it's very understand as the shift in amount of female attention you get before and after those 3 inches is actually very extreme. My ex boyfriend of two years with whom I once thought I was to be married was a 5'6'' skinny build young man with high metabolism issues, who used to joke that I may be stronger than he is. Part of his attraction was his intellect and personality. [/Quote] Hmm, how old are you? I ask because I am 21 and I know almost all women my age generally would be "Turned off" at a guy who makes comments like that. To be honest, I don't blame them, women should never be stronger than men. There is a memorable scene in an Agatha Christie novel. Ms. Maple talks about one beautiful woman she saw on the street whose attractiveness disappeared into the air once she opened her mouth; then there was another woman, a plain looking nobody, who grabbed every men's attention when she spoke. [/Quote] Very true. You are wrong if you think look is all that matters. I have seen many beautiful people who turn me off immediately because they couldn't say a sensible thing; or they just repeat what somebody already said without giving it his/her own thought.[/Quote] Well i think that only works one way. Many women will reject an abusive, stupid, shallow, etc physically attractive man (Although you'd be shocked at how many would put up with it) , but that doesn't mean they are open to dating the average looking or below average height guy with a good personality. Those guys they keep around, as funny and interesting friends. Women want both great looks and a great personality, but you can get by just by being good looking. 5'7 and 137lbs is not just slim.. that's borderline anorexic dude. I'm same height as you BTW. You need to gain at least 20lbs of muscle, start lifting (high weight, low reps!) and eating like crazy ASAP[/Quote] You think so? I think I am only considered so small in the USA man. I don't feel so skinny in Europe or other places. I am on the high weight low reps system though. How approachable are you?[/Quote] This is a hard question to answer. How would i know? I've found that when a girl finds you attractive it doesnt really matter if you are approachable or not. Link to post Share on other sites
eiithan Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Hmm, how old are you? I ask because I am 21 and I know almost all women my age generally would be "Turned off" at a guy who makes comments like that. To be honest, I don't blame them, women should never be stronger than men. I am 25 turning into 26 soon. I am a bit of rare breed, I find men confident and sexy when they do not stress upon their masculinity. It in fact has nothing to do with who is physically stronger. It is about being able to make a joke about it/comfortable with his own skin/open about notions about gender. I am quite unconventional when it comes to the prefixed notions of gender roles, my idea of a relationship is an equal partnership that supports each other especially during the times of stress, and when I see a guy who is open-minded about how a wo/man is ought to be, it is a huge turn-on for me. However I see your dilemma especially at your age, at the given setting (college is highly populated with flakey people), and hey I can relate the pain. Good ones are always hard to find. Back to my ex, of course he never made a comment like that in public. It was supposed to be shared only between us. Well i think that only works one way. Many women will reject an abusive, stupid, shallow, etc physically attractive man (Although you'd be shocked at how many would put up with it) , but that doesn't mean they are open to dating the average looking or below average height guy with a good personality. Those guys they keep around, as funny and interesting friends. Women want both great looks and a great personality, but you can get by just by being good looking. It takes time and experience. Knowing what works and what not for the self. Also depends on what turns the woman on. Sex appeal does not equate with good looking, although they often come together. The sexiest person I have ever met so far was a plain looking, soft spoken man who works for a nonprofit. His dedication to the causes he believes in and his modesty, combined with his forwardness (told me downright he would like to kiss me but will behave like a gentleman on the first date; by the way, I asked him out in the first place. He was cool with that.), generated a huge attraction. I am sure tons of men on this forum will tell you to be a confident person in order to look attractive in women's eyes. My advice would be: hey, be picky yourself. You want to be with a woman who appreciates what/who you are. Don't break your heart over someone who is not worth it. If you want to be fit, go workout, but the motive should be ultimately about your healthier life. I am 5'5'' slender Asian woman who has never been active in sports for my entire life. My current interest? Rugby. I wake up at 3am to catch International Test games on the tv. A while ago I went to a near local club that has a women's team. With my lack of fitness and anxiety, I could not keep up with their 2.5 hour long practice session. I haven't given up, going to start from the very bottom with yoga and running, so why can't you? Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 This is a hard question to answer. How would i know? I've found that when a girl finds you attractive it doesnt really matter if you are approachable or not. What's the vibe do you give on the surface that girls want to approach you, whether it be to flirt or ask directions? Without tooting my horn. People have said I'm an attractive guy, but it takes me quite a bit to warm up to people so the impression I'm giving is that I'm a cold person and thus, less approachable. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Do you work at a drug store? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2273929 Oh, yes you do! Link to post Share on other sites
Jaytb Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Do you work at a drug store? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2273929 Oh, yes you do! lollll, i don't even need to click the link to know what you're talking about, I thought the exact same thing :lmao: My (and your) spidey senses must be getting good at this :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Yup, same here, from the opening post onwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cognac Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 hey stop trolling me, that isn't me. Just a coincidence. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Sure man, have a beer. It's therapeutic Link to post Share on other sites
Jaytb Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Sure man, have a beer. It's therapeutic hey pass one over, I need some of that "therapy" too. Link to post Share on other sites
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