2 Honest Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 So I know that many of you know what I am talking about here. You know that one that you care for so much and you love being around and you think about all the time....But everything inside you says he is so wrong for me! It really sucks when you know that you are getting played but you can't walk away. He says all the right things and touches me in all the right ways when we are together, however I know that he does the same with other women. I have dated other very nice guys and I would say that I am pretty attracive but there is a connection that I can't seem to let go of because I am scared that I will not find that in anyone else. So if you are going to say walk away...yeah I know I should but I can't..... It's hard to hold on to something that you know may never happen, but it's even harder to let go when it's everything that you want! I guess I just have this feeling that one day he will feel about me the way that I feel about him. He really is a nice guy at heart he just got hurt really bad and now he does not want to get attached....I am not trying to make excuses but I have never felt so good when I am with someone as I do with him. Any advice? Can you relate? Link to post Share on other sites
hockysa Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 For me I'd just go along with it for awhile but That's only because I'd been hurt before and kinda distance myself from others in a relationship. If you can appreciate the relationship for now and think as long as I'm happy now this is ok then its fine. The moment you start thinking **** am I wasting time or what happens in x amount of time in the future then you are in trouble. So for me when I enter a relationship I expect it to end so that everyday it goes on is a bonus, and everyday that I'm happy is another plus I might be just ranting but I hope that helps Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2 Honest Posted August 4, 2009 Author Share Posted August 4, 2009 That is a good way to look at it really. I guess I need to stop expecting it to go somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 So if you are going to say walk away...yeah I know I should but I can't..... It's hard to hold on to something that you know may never happen, but it's even harder to let go when it's everything that you want! Any advice? Can you relate? Yea, WALK AWAY! You don't want to hear it but its the harsh truth. He'll never ever come around. This isn't Hollywood. If he does come around, he'll never match to what you've built up in your head about him and the relationship will fizzle only after a short few months. The reality is, unrequited love sucks and you are the only one to get hurt. No matter what happens, he gets away squeaky clean. You are the one who will be down in the dumps for the next few months. I am going through the fallout right now of the exact situation you are dealing with. In fact, the fall out happened just yesterday. I wish I could send the anger, the hurt, the confusion and so many other emotions that I am feeling over to you. Just as a taste, a warning for what you are in for. Should something that is supposed to make you feel good, make you feel so bad? It's like eating a batch of fresh from the oven, Grandma's special cookies, after you eat them you throw up all night and can't stop sh*tting your pants. The cookies are supposed to make you feel good, not make you sick. You need to walk away. Spare yourself a ton of hurt with a little hurt now. I regret not following my own advice, and here I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 WT could not have said it better! The thing is you have to be in the place to actually realise and act on it! Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 he just got hurt really bad and now he does not want to get attached Let's break this down. This is what this really means. I don't want to get attached to you. But I'll keep you baited on my hook until someone better comes along then I'll cut you loose. Then I'll drop my hook back in the water when I'm done with her, and sure enough you'll come back and start nibbling at it. Would you eat poison? You know it's bad for you, so why eat it? You need to see this for what it is, he's a parasite on your mind. I wish I could stop you, but I know you won't listen. I didn't listen. You have an unhealthy addiction to him, and just like every other addict you don't know how far you are into the rabbit hole until you hit rock bottom. Then and only then can you properly seek help. Link to post Share on other sites
Sophia Posted August 29, 2009 Share Posted August 29, 2009 Is what you want love . . . or addiction? This doesn't sound like what you REALLY want or you wouldn't have posted this. Don't mean to be harsh--just succinct. But I also know how hard it is to walk away from the high. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 29, 2009 Share Posted August 29, 2009 It really sucks when you know that you are getting played but you can't walk away. He says all the right things and touches me in all the right ways when we are together...if you are going to say walk away...yeah I know I should but I can't I can totally relate! Used to have one of those that went on for years, for same reasons that you mentioned, and felt crappy about it, too. Until a counselor told me, "Ronni, it's not that you CAN'T walk away from him, it's that you are MAKING CHOICES to not walk away because you want to be around him!" And. Holy crap...that was actually the truth of it: It WAS within my own power to stop but I really did not WANT to stop. I continued to see him for a while after that, but no longer felt so helpless, powerless and not in control of my own life and actions. You have your reasons for choosing the situation you're in, and it's perfectly fine. For right now. At some point something will change (for better or worse), and then you will make new decisions and choices for yourself. You are in your power, and making your free will choices. It's perfectly fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetberries79 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 But,I sure can relate with you on this one. It drives me totally insane at times. I actually just went and purchased the book, Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man,by Steve Harvey. Im hoping like hell it gives my some insight on somerhings. I actually,have been trying to walk away for over 6months. Once,I found out he was seeing someone else and telling me otherwise. Im a fool,Yep. Get this one,I can even admit I havent fallen in Love like I normally do. Which really racks my brain? My feelings arent respected and it feels like Im on a one way road? But,yet I continue letting the behavior continue. Whats wrong with this picture? So,about an hour ago,I sent him an email informing him,Ive finally come to the decision that I will no longer be seeing him. He's asked to get together one last time to say Good Bye. We have been seeing one another for over 3yrs. Part of me wants to the other part says just move on. What to do? Hmmmm! So,YES, I do know where ur coming from. We both need some Damn, Good Advice! Let me know if U recieve any? I'll do the same. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
shuu Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Reading your post totally nailed down what's troubling me: yep, I guess I'm in the exact situation you're in. Everything you mentioned just fits. I guess I just have this feeling that one day he will feel about me the way that I feel about him. He really is a nice guy at heart he just got hurt really bad and now he does not want to get attached... That's what I thought so too, & that's also what he told me about being hurt from his 1st relationship (his 2nd & 3rd didn't work out for him in the end either) & claims he hasn't been dating for over 2yrs & counting.. I apologize for the rant & being unable to provide any advise.. My mind is telling me to just FORGET HIM, but my heart couldn't whenever we walked into each other at work Link to post Share on other sites
whiteberry Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 But everything inside you says he is so wrong for me! yet you love him so much.... That is really hurt to love someone who's not meant for you. That's why never let yourself too close to those you can't love.... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 If you ever want a chance at having him you have no other alternative than to walk away - WITHOUT GOOD-BYE SEX! He has to respect you and see that you are strong enough to walk away from him and put yourself first. If you keep hanging on like a wet dishrag he will keep treating you as such. As far as being afraid you will never find someone to make you feel the way he does - do you mean the pain you feel in your stomach and heart over him? Let's hope not. If you don't let go now and succumb to the weakness he feels you with, you may look up 10 years down the road, he has used you up and decided to marry someone he's known for 6 months. I'm serious, let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Cora Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Oh wow, this brings back many memories. It's so hard to let go of that person. It is very much an addiction and you are so afraid if you let go then there will be no one else out there quite like him. So you spend endless nights torturing yourself and hoping things will change for the better and he will come around even though you know deep down that it will most likely never happen and he is doing you more harm than good. Still it's so hard to let go and You'd almost rather die than have to let go of someone you love and care about deeply.:(:( So then months go by and one day the man you have been holding on to for dear life has just disappeared from your life and left you for a girl he had been seeing the entire time. A girl he has asked to marry him and right at that very moment it's as if you have been punched in the stomach and it hurts to breathe. You feel sad, angry, foolish, regret all at the same time! All of these emotions just going through you. You get so angry at yourself for holding on foolishly to a dream you knew would never come true. You finally realize what you were holding on to was your own fantasy inside your head, not the true him. It becomes much harder to handle at this point and you go though months of being depressed and just angry at the world when you could of only saved yourself some pain by walking away sooner. If only you could go back in time. I know how hard that is, but you just gotta tell yourself you don't deserve all this pain. Prove to yourself how strong you can be. I know it's been awhile since you have posted this so you may have already left this guy and if you have I'm very proud of you. If you haven't please don't waste anymore time. Don't go through that pain and torture. Link to post Share on other sites
ebab83 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I have definitely been in this situation before too. The problem was he was also my best friend. I even had some councilling over this. I didn't even mean to. I went to get some advice on him as he had become so depressed, and i wanted to know how to help. The woman basically ended up trying to help me instead. Not even that helped, and now i think i know why. It takes the death of hope to let someone go, and sometimes i think we don't want to hurt ourselves by admitting the truth. As we we haven't hurt ourselves already by putting up with so much. I also really do believe in the theory 'if you love them let them go'. If they genuinely come back to you, understanding themselves and why they did/do what they did/do and really do have remorse then that would be a good start, but while you are around they will never be able to see the extent of their damage. Link to post Share on other sites
bhweller Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 "You get so angry at yourself for holding on foolishly to a dream you knew would never come true. You finally realize what you were holding on to was your own fantasy inside your head, not the true him. " that is the very heart of my experience right now. Link to post Share on other sites
WineCountry Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Ahh yes. I JUST ended something similiar to this just last week. It sucks, but it helps to see that other people experience the same stuff. I cut out quick once I finally realized this wasnt going anywhere. Not anywhere I would have liked it to go anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 Right there with you guys... I was in a LDR with whom I thought was going to be the guy I spent the rest of my life with. Then, due to mental illness, he did a complete 180 and became somebody else that was completely disrespectful of me. I kept on loving him and hoping he would go back to being himself. Just recently I found the strength to finally let him go. Every time I try to make him understand, he refuses to acknowledge what I'm saying. Two days later, he asks me if I really am past him, whether I've really decided to move on. Ugh. It's so hard, I can feel my resolve buckling every time he does this. It's happened several times now. Today I finally stood my ground and I told him it was really over. Over text, because it's the only way he will communicate with me (trust me, I've tried calling dozens of times). I got no response. It's like just because he doesn't acknowledge it, I didn't say it. Ah well... Gotta keep on being strong and recognizing that love isn't everything. Respect, honesty and trust are also equally important! Arabella Link to post Share on other sites
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