May have blown it

[Martial]

First a little background on the situation. I have asked a certain

 

special lady out 3 times. 3 times she said not now. The final time we

 

sat and talked. She said that she was going through a separation, and

 

she was not ready. I said fine, I can and will wait. She said she will

 

let me know "when". Over the past few months I have been giving her

 

little presents, and a dozen roses when she had a particular bad month,

 

(3 funerals). I have been leaving her notes, all have been cute and

 

humorous. I have tried to keep her smiling, as opposed to getting

 

serious. Then a golden opportunity came along, a co-workers birthday

 

party and we were both there. That's where I screwed up big time. I am

 

extremely shy in certain situations, with certain women. Those being the

 

ones I care for deeply and have deep feelings for. I wanted to ask her

 

to dance all night. When I finally did ask the first time, another guy

 

beat me to her. He is married, so I wasn't to concerned. The second time

 

I asked she was going to the ladies room. She then danced with the guy

 

again, and even walked up to him and asked him to dance. The third time

 

I asked, I caught her coming off the dance floor and figured she's

 

already there...well she said she could not dance to this song, and said

 

she was going to sit down. As I was walking off the floor devastated by

 

strike 3 a co-worker shoved me back on and we danced. I returned just in

 

time to watch her leave. I believe she thanked the guy for the dances,

 

then left.

 

I can understand her being angry or even pissed, that I had all

 

night to ask her to dance and didn't.

 

I can only tell you how I feel, about her. I care very deeply for her

 

and would never do anything to hurt her feelings. I may have, and she

 

may now think I'm not really interested. Truth is I am more interested

 

now more then ever and would give anything for a second shot at asking

 

her to dance. To me she's worth the wait whether it be a day, a month,

 

or a year.

 

I realize this is a little long winded, but I've never been in a

 

situation like this before. I mean you meet a special lady like this

 

once in your life, and I don't want to lose her even before our

 

(hopeful) first date

 

I would really appreciate any advice you

 

could give me on what I could do to show her it was me, not anything to do with her.

[Tony T]

Forget the dances, that's water behind the dam and she has probably forgotten all about that by now. This lady has clearly told you she is going through a separation and is not ready for a relationship.

 

First, you would be best served by looking around for other available ladies.

 

Second, if you think you absolutely must have a chance with this particular lady, then you need to stop sending her cards, presents, roses, etc. These things are nice but are annoying to someone who needs time and space to get over someone. Someone who is hurting or going through emotional confusion doesn't need this kind of stuff.

 

No more flowers, no more presents...for a while. Just be nice to her, say hello and be friendly. But back off big time. Don't seem to her like you are pushy. If you make her feel even slightly like you are trying to suffocate her, she will be turned off.

 

Frankly, I think what happened at the dance was great. You didn't ask her to dance until the very end. That was actually good. Had you stayed all over her all night, that would have further alienated you from her.

 

So back off and give her time. You will get signs when she is ready IF she is interested in you. And the ONLY way she will be interested in you is if you are a mystery. Women love men who seem to be able to live without them, at least initially.

 

Be a man and show this lady you are not emotionally needy of her and that if she doesn't eventually date you it's her loss.

 

Don't be a wimp and stop worrying about her every little thought. It's pretty pompous of you to think your actions or inactions have any affect on her whatsoever at this point. She could have probably cared less if you didn't dance with her.

 

Be patient and go find some other ladies to date for the time being.

[tkgirl]

Sorry to have to tell you this but believe me, nice guys usually do finish last. You have to stop being so needy or she is going to get turned off fast. I too think it's great how things "went down" at the party. You DID ask her to dance, she turned you down (again... sorry, but it's not the first time buddy!) The best thing that could have happened did, someone else was there that did want to dance with you! And it's just a dance, mind you! I bet you that probably sparked a little more interest in her now. The guy that was chasing her is now dancing with someone else hmmm...

 

I speak from experience, women (like me!) LOVE a challenge!

 

Good luck to you and keep us posted on what happens!

Forget the dances, that's water behind the dam and she has probably forgotten all about that by now. This lady has clearly told you she is going through a separation and is not ready for a relationship. First, you would be best served by looking around for other available ladies. Second, if you think you absolutely must have a chance with this particular lady, then you need to stop sending her cards, presents, roses, etc. These things are nice but are annoying to someone who needs time and space to get over someone. Someone who is hurting or going through emotional confusion doesn't need this kind of stuff. No more flowers, no more presents...for a while. Just be nice to her, say hello and be friendly. But back off big time. Don't seem to her like you are pushy. If you make her feel even slightly like you are trying to suffocate her, she will be turned off. Frankly, I think what happened at the dance was great. You didn't ask her to dance until the very end. That was actually good. Had you stayed all over her all night, that would have further alienated you from her. So back off and give her time. You will get signs when she is ready IF she is interested in you. And the ONLY way she will be interested in you is if you are a mystery. Women love men who seem to be able to live without them, at least initially. Be a man and show this lady you are not emotionally needy of her and that if she doesn't eventually date you it's her loss. Don't be a wimp and stop worrying about her every little thought. It's pretty pompous of you to think your actions or inactions have any affect on her whatsoever at this point. She could have probably cared less if you didn't dance with her.

 

Be patient and go find some other ladies to date for the time being.

[martial]

I thought about it and your right, I took a step back and looked at the situation, and what I was doing, and

 

how I was thinking. And your right, I was headed into some dangerous territory. You both said back off, so

 

that's what I'm going to do. I feel that by now she knows that I care about her. Perhaps the next move IS up

 

to her, in her own time. Thanks for the good advice. And yes I will keep you posted.

Sorry to have to tell you this but believe me, nice guys usually do finish last. You have to stop being so needy or she is going to get turned off fast. I too think it's great how things "went down" at the party. You DID ask her to dance, she turned you down (again... sorry, but it's not the first time buddy!) The best thing that could have happened did, someone else was there that did want to dance with you! And it's just a dance, mind you! I bet you that probably sparked a little more interest in her now. The guy that was chasing her is now dancing with someone else hmmm... I speak from experience, women (like me!) LOVE a challenge! Good luck to you and keep us posted on what happens!