What the hell is wrong with me?

[itasoccer]

I'm a Junior in high school. I made varsity soccer on an all-state team. Apperently I'm attractive (when girls from out of the area see me, they initiate a conversation, most of the time by saying I'm hot). I'm a body builder, but not to the disgusting point, just to the 'hot bod' point. I'm an AMAZING artist. I'm the best guitarist in the school, and I'm pretty goddamn smart. I don't act like anyone I'm not, yet I'm the joke of the school. Yes, I'm shy, but some of my guy friends have girlfriends. One is completely antisocial. He rarely talks and if by some weird chance he does, it's a whisper. He has a GORGEOUS girlfriend. Another of them is tremendously overweight. He has a cute girlfriend. And another is just plain fugly. He has a hot girlfriend, but apperently she will 'do anything' with him.

I've never had a girlfriend, never done anything with a girl, not even a hug. I'm shy, but I will talk to a girl if I'm in a good mood. The problem is, I always get rejected. It will be a perfectly fine conversation until after about an hour of talking, I'll make the apparent error of asking "so what are you doing this weekend?". Normally, I'll get a "Not hanging out with you." (or something to that effect. complete change of heart, i know.) On the rare occasion that I get a "Nothing, why?", I've tried numerous ways of asking them to the movies. "You should... (assertive)", "If you aren't doing anything, ... (laid back)", and "Any movies you wanna see? (Not sure what style)"

It's not like I'm acting desparate, and I'm not. It's just all these rejections are pissing me off.

[LonelyInTheDark]

.... are you serious???? -laughs a tad-

 

but um....

 

Don't worry, high school is for drama so don't worry about it.

[Mustang1984]

I am sorry to hear that your having so much trouble. Dont feel too bad you arent alone. It can be very difficult for many including me to find dates. I am a very attractive 23 year old guy, but my more shy and laid back personality causes a great amount of difficulty. Hers the scoop on attractive girls in the 18-25 range. Your going to have to chase them and work very very hard to win them over a lot of the time. Most don't know what they want in a guy or what they want to do with their life. This isnt wrong, its just the way people are at your age. Also attractive girls are pursued a lot and can generally get whatever guy they want. This means that they can be very picky about guys. As men we have a major dissadvantage as we need to do most of the chasing and winning over a lot of the time. It becomes a game of odds and personality. I can tell you straight out that its all about personality and how outgoing and exciting you are with young attractive girls most of the time. Girls also must get to know you a bit as friends befre they will go out with you. Rememeber girls do all the choosing pretty much as unfair as it sounds. You have to peak their interest first before asking them out. If you ask them out to early you get responces like you have gotten. You then appear to eager and desperate regrdless of weather you are or not. You have to appear interesting and like you arent going for a relationship.

 

Have you ever really liked a girl a lot and talked with her, but your not sure if she likes you. And what do you do.... You become even more curious and try being around her more and try talking to her more. This is what you need to achieve. You need to peak their curiosity and pull them in and get them to know you. Then ask them out.

[SeraBella]

Do you act egotistical? At first you kind of come across as such in this post. I'm not saying you are, just asking.

 

What do you mean when you say you're the joke of the school? Do people consider you the "class clown"? When I was in school the class clown never had a girlfriend, mostly because no one really took him seriously. Everyone wanted to be his friend, though.

[xpaperxcutx]

Okay, you're athletic, talented, and hot.... I would avoid you personally, because I'm intimidated by guys like that.

 

IMO, even if you are shy or generally not overtalkative, I would just be your friend, because you're giving off the impression that you might be too into yourself. But that's high school....

 

My advice: You can be friendly with the girls at school, but don't ask them out when you don't even know them that well. Generally just try to get to know each other first, and make it know that you like them, eventually they'll become curious and wonder if you actually do. Then they'll tell their friends and whatnot ( that whole rumor and gossip thing), that's when you make your move of asking them out to a movie or seomthing.

[Green]

People gave you some pretty good advice. Welcome to being man, you can have everything in the world going for you but if you don't put the effort in you won't get any girls. Yes your going to have to try really hard to get a girl, the trick is doing it in a way that seems like you couldn't care less. You've got a good rap going for you, and it sounds like your busy doing alot of things your both proud of and enjoy doing, thats definetly a good thing. First off you need to take the pussy of the pedestal. When a guys never done anything with a girl, he builds her up to be this magical, untouchable godess or something. It may seem counter productive, but untill youve atleast gone all the way with a girl, you should tell yourself that girls are just like guys, they fart, they smell some times, they say stupid things. You shouldn't ask girls out just yet. Try going to parties and just having silly flirty fun conversations with girls you like and be all touchy feely, and just try to make out, or steal a kiss. Learn flirt it will be your key, just get touchy and have fun silly conversations. Read article on flirting or something or just try observing the other guys do it. Don't be nervouse just force yourself to do it. Eventualy you;ll get horny enough to over come your shyness but that might not happen till your 20 or older, which is nothing to be ashamed of. But if you want to get a head start, Just do it. Take that same intensity you bring to sports and apply it in a fun care free way to women.

[itasoccer]

No, I'm far from egotistical. Half the school doesn't even know what I just told you. They've never seen me with a guitar, in a weight room, or anything to that effect. I'd like to think of myself as modest over all other things. And thats what I feel is getting me into trouble. It seems like the girls fall for the pricks and *******s all the time, but thats not what I want to be.

 

And by joke, I meant people think im pathetic. I am a clown when it all comes down to it, but I'm the school loser.

 

Like I said, I dont try too hard, but even a taste of success would be nice after all this failure.

[itasoccer]

People gave you some pretty good advice. Welcome to being man, you can have everything in the world going for you but if you don't put the effort in you won't get any girls. Yes your going to have to try really hard to get a girl, the trick is doing it in a way that seems like you couldn't care less. You've got a good rap going for you, and it sounds like your busy doing alot of things your both proud of and enjoy doing, thats definetly a good thing. First off you need to take the pussy of the pedestal. When a guys never done anything with a girl, he builds her up to be this magical, untouchable godess or something. It may seem counter productive, but untill youve atleast gone all the way with a girl, you should tell yourself that girls are just like guys, they fart, they smell some times, they say stupid things. You shouldn't ask girls out just yet. Try going to parties and just having silly flirty fun conversations with girls you like and be all touchy feely, and just try to make out, or steal a kiss. Learn flirt it will be your key, just get touchy and have fun silly conversations. Read article on flirting or something or just try observing the other guys do it. Don't be nervouse just force yourself to do it. Eventualy you;ll get horny enough to over come your shyness but that might not happen till your 20 or older, which is nothing to be ashamed of. But if you want to get a head start, Just do it. Take that same intensity you bring to sports and apply it in a fun care free way to women.

 

Wow. Thanks, I've never thought about it like that. There is a problem though. Like I said, I'm the pathetic kid that people avoid. I don't get invited to parties. I don't even KNOW about them. And being this pathetic kid, girls don't want me touching them.

[SeraBella]

Wow. Thanks, I've never thought about it like that. There is a problem though. Like I said, I'm the pathetic kid that people avoid. I don't get invited to parties. I don't even KNOW about them. And being this pathetic kid, girls don't want me touching them.

 

I'm sure you're really not pathetic.

 

Your self-confidence seems to be lacking...even though you seem to think you're quite a catch when listing out details of yourself.

 

The girls who tell you you're hot at other schools...do you ever try asking them out?

 

Do you only try to date girls from your own school?

 

High school's really rough because people care more about what other people think than what they think themselves. If everyone has labeled you as "pathetic" why not date from a different pool? Those girls won't know you're considered "pathetic" and will give you a chance to prove yourself. Almost like a clean slate.

 

Also, have you given thought to the kind of girls you're going after? Is it the most popular ones who are turning you down? Have you considered that there may be girls who are interested in you that you're ignoring? I have a feeling you are probably missing something, really.

 

Is there anyway you can display your "guitarist" side? Is it still popular? When I was in high school and college girls always wanted the guys who played guitar. Listening to them play was so hot. We'd go to various battle of the bands things to hear them play, and swoon over them. Some of them weren't even all that great looking, but that talent made them hot.

[itasoccer]

I'm sure you're really not pathetic.

 

Your self-confidence seems to be lacking...even though you seem to think you're quite a catch when listing out details of yourself.

 

The girls who tell you you're hot at other schools...do you ever try asking them out?

 

Do you only try to date girls from your own school?

 

High school's really rough because people care more about what other people think than what they think themselves. If everyone has labeled you as "pathetic" why not date from a different pool? Those girls won't know you're considered "pathetic" and will give you a chance to prove yourself. Almost like a clean slate.

 

Also, have you given thought to the kind of girls you're going after? Is it the most popular ones who are turning you down? Have you considered that there may be girls who are interested in you that you're ignoring? I have a feeling you are probably missing something, really.

 

Is there anyway you can display your "guitarist" side? Is it still popular? When I was in high school and college girls always wanted the guys who played guitar. Listening to them play was so hot. We'd go to various battle of the bands things to hear them play, and swoon over them. Some of them weren't even all that great looking, but that talent made them hot.

 

Well, I've thought about asking out girls from different towns, and I've met a few girls I've actually liked, but I just make small talk with them and they just talk to me less and less and eventually stop talking to me all together.

 

I don't ignore girls, no matter how stuck-up, unattractive, whatever they are. I talk to whoever is willing to talk to me. As far as what I see in girls, I'm not picky, as long as they aren't stuck-up and on the skinnier/smaller side I would date them. (I'm a smaller kid, 5'7" 115 lbs.)

 

I'm not sure if guitar is still the thing, or even if my style is what people like. I play heavy metal solos. I've tried songs like 'hey there delilah', but thats a little boring for me. i have a horrible voice to accompany the guitar. I try signing up for talent shows, but I have stage freight, so I never have.

[Green]

Before I give the following advice I urge you to go speak to a coach or your father or a church leader about your troubles with school and women. Now I doubt your as much as a loser as you think you are. Please don't argue with me on here or try to give more examples of your loserness at your school. Build yourself up in your head, tell yourself your awsome and that everyone loves you. Sure thats probably going a little to far, but you've been at one extreme for a while so try to bring yourself to the other before getting back to a normal level of self respect. If your senior HS student relize what a power the Prom is at most schools. A really hot girl in the lower grades will go out with a guy she doesn't even like just to see the prom. And believe me man you play your cards right you'll get alot more then a kiss. Playing your cards right means going to a pre-prom party and then the often notoriuse devirginizing after prom parties. Now prom is probably atleast a month or 2 away and you need to do some things now. PARTIES, there is the key to both meeting girls from other schools in your area, and hooking up with the girls who go to your school. Look you said your the class clown, is there a cool guy that regularly laughs at your jokes... Try to get him to inform you of the secret location of the next party... Try to figure out the kids at the other hs are having there party. If you just cruise around in your car you can usualy find the parties... You need to be a little bit of a stalker to find and crash these parties... but believe me man it could be your ticket... Last but not least, don't just focus on the chearleaders... some of those frumpy, sweater wearing, messy haired girls probably look pretty great naked... Use your imagination, believe girls love it when you see their inner cinderella... also watch out, girls can be real b*ch's and your going to want to take it personal and give up at the first sign of rejection... Let me tell you this, I've been rejected by more girls then I can ever keep track of, some will reject you so soft you have to figure out your being rejected, some will scream and try to hit you... don't take it personal and move on, heck even try again later if the time seems right... I have been rejected by girls only to later be accepted! So go out there and figure out at least 2 parties you can stop by this weekend. If its a beach party bring your damn guitar for the love of god

[Grrlish]

No, I'm far from egotistical. Half the school doesn't even know what I just told you. They've never seen me with a guitar, in a weight room, or anything to that effect. I'd like to think of myself as modest over all other things. And thats what I feel is getting me into trouble. It seems like the girls fall for the pricks and *******s all the time, but thats not what I want to be.

 

And by joke, I meant people think im pathetic. I am a clown when it all comes down to it, but I'm the school loser.

 

Like I said, I dont try too hard, but even a taste of success would be nice after all this failure.

 

Life gets more normal after high school. It really does. I know that doesn't help right now but keep it in mind.

 

I was picked on and pushed around in jr. high school. I had no friends at my first high school. It was a snobby cliquey school, and I didn't know anyone when I started school there. I was very pretty and smart (nearly straight As) and nice, and shy. No one wanted to hang out with me. It was very hard for me. In social situations outside of school, I was always in with the crowd at parties (parties not with my schoolmates). I made friends easily at my second high school.

 

Perhaps your shyness comes off as snobbiness, but it doesn't really sound that way.

 

Maybe you're just a different personality, and others your age just don't get you.

 

Are any of your guy friends down to earth enough to ask about this. I mean, it seems to me that girls talk, and perhaps one of their girlfriends has had a friend make a comment about you to them..?

 

Also, while I'm able to agree with all of KMT's advice, I will agree with just getting out there and meeting more people. And how about meeting people outside of school?

 

Go take a class at the rec center or join a casual group sport league. As a HS jr., can you sign up for an art, sport or other class at the local jr. college?