Dancing etiquette - when is "dirty dancing" ok?

[Almost]

i.e., when is it ok and not ok to touch a woman you just met while dancing?

 

Ok so here is a common situation that always stumps me and is kind of a microcosm of my issues with women:

 

Last weekend I went out to a bar/dance club with a male friend of mine. We always go to this bar because it has a good mix of areas to hang out and talk, and also dance if you want, and there are usually a lot of women that are our type there.

 

We were having a good time and started randomly dancing on the dance floor. I noticed this one girl who was pretty hot, and she noticed I was looking at her, and she danced her way over to where I was dancing. She looked me up and down and gave me a little smile, and I smiled back. So we were dancing next to each other, and she was turning around, dancing real close with her back facing towards me.

 

So I don't know this girl at all, but I'm interested. On the one hand, I feel the urge to put my hands on her waist and do a little bumping and grinding for lack of a better phraseology. But the gentleman in me says no, keep your hands off, you don't even know her, and maybe she will think you're a creep if you do that.

 

But I see other guys do it all the time, and it seems to "work" in terms of the woman liking it and maybe it leading to an exchange of phone numbers or something later on.

 

But some women don't like it or will think you are a creep. So what is a guy to do? I'm just trying to relax and have a good time and meet women and have fun.

 

Usually what happens is that I don't touch the woman and keep dancing, and then she eventually dances over to some other guy or the group she came with and some other guy starts dirty dancing with her, and I'm like, why can't I be that guy? Same thing even if I already know the woman. Only if I'm already dating a woman will I touch her and get close, etc., while dancing.

 

So am I just a prude and a wuss, or what?

[Kittiecat]

I hate being greeted by the nutsack of some stranger.

 

Bottom line - you did the right thing. Sounds to me like you are a gentleman. Talk to the girl first. Ask her her NAME. Women respond to this kind of thing.

 

I don't know - personally I like the verbal approach much better than the "Hey I'm on the dancefloor and drunk, can I grind my sh*t up into you" approach.

[Pyro]

I don't know - personally I like the verbal approach much better than the "Hey I'm on the dancefloor and drunk, can I grind my sh*t up into you" approach.

 

I always make a night out of going out and counting how many different guys do that. Its so sad.

[Guest]

I agree with Kittiecat here, I not into random guys touching or grabbing me

 

But you could have your arms out... move them whilst dancing (I'm not sure that makes sense) but then if she wanted she could grab your hands! If it was me and I was really into the guy I would potentially grab his hand and put it around my waist etc so that he knew it was ok, but I wouldn't lean into his personal space and grab his arm... if it's floating around in the air then it would be easier. (potentially though because it's all time place circumstance).

 

It sounds like she was a pretty proactive girl but not enough to make the step of getting your number.

 

Also whilst she is dancing with you maybe you should lean over and say 'hey do you want to get a drink?' or 'it's pretty hot out here want to grab some air?' or other such pleasantry - the point being you get to talk to her without shouting at her on the dancefloor... then you can get her number.

 

I'd say if she dances off that she thinks that you aren't interested (otherwise you would have done something like asked her for a drink or her number or something) so to save face she has danced away.....

[hopeto]

First of all if she was not intrested she would have never brought herself over to you. when this happens so what you feel like doing. if the vibe tells you to put your hands on her waist then go ahead. now......dont go as far as putting your hands where they dont belong...like her butt, brest....or an undertimend place that is covered and not to be seen till you go home with her.......haha. look I am a woman and if I am at a dance club and I am getting my grove on and see you looking and if I am intrested and only if I am intrested then I will come over!!! you could of had a phone number. I dont care where you go or what you do WOMEN LIKE K.I.N.K.I.E!!! and there is nothing more sexy than the good old nasty dance!!!

[Buttaflyy]

I'd say it depends on how she's dancing with you. I happen to HATE it myself, but then again, I don't turn around and give a guy a view of my ass either. Some chicks dig that kind of thing, and if she's grinding on you, I think it's expected of you to grind back.

[Jane Doe]

I've been keeping up with your threads and you seem to be a very decent person. I'm assuming you're wanting to meet a decent woman. Does a complete stranger coming up to you rubbing her butt on you qualify as a nice woman? Hmm.......I'm not so sure. It begs the question: how many men had she been rubbing on before and after spotting you?

 

I'm not being the character police here or anything. It just seems like this woman (while very attractive) isn't someone who's going to interest you in the long run. You seem to run a bit deeper than that. But that's just my opinion.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

But some women don't like it or will think you are a creep. So what is a guy to do?

 

It's obvious. Just put your hands on her waist and draw her close, little by little and see how far she lets things go. Is ok to try again, and if she stops you then try different things (like touching her arm etc)

 

Ariadne

[Almost]

It begs the question: how many men had she been rubbing on before and after spotting you?

 

I don't know, none that I saw. But then after a few minutes of dancing with me and giving me her come hither looks, this other guy walks up to her, pinches her butt and they start dancing together. It was fairly obvious that they were together and he was probably her boyfriend. And he was just as tall as I am, 6'5". He didn't give me any wierd looks though and didn't seem upset that his girl had been dancing near me, although I don't know if he caught her smiling at me.

 

I'm not being the character police here or anything. It just seems like this woman (while very attractive) isn't someone who's going to interest you in the long run. You seem to run a bit deeper than that. But that's just my opinion.

 

I think I'm a nice guy with good intentions, but that doesn't mean I want to be a prude and/or too much of a "nice guy", to the point that I never meet or go out with any women, or women think I'm just not interested in them because I never make any moves.

 

I don't know about this particular girl, flirting with me while her boyfriend was away. I just think that maybe I need to be a little more outgoing and not so hesitant to flirt and what not, not just with women I don't know, but also with women I kind of know or have just met.

[hopeto]

I don't know, none that I saw. But then after a few minutes of dancing with me and giving me her come hither looks, this other guy walks up to her, pinches her butt and they start dancing together. It was fairly obvious that they were together and he was probably her boyfriend. And he was just as tall as I am, 6'5". He didn't give me any wierd looks though and didn't seem upset that his girl had been dancing near me, although I don't know if he caught her smiling at me.

 

I think I'm a nice guy with good intentions, but that doesn't mean I want to be a prude and/or too much of a "nice guy", to the point that I never meet or go out with any women, or women think I'm just not interested in them because I never make any moves.

 

I don't know about this particular girl, flirting with me while her boyfriend was away. I just think that maybe I need to be a little more outgoing and not so hesitant to flirt and what not, not just with women I don't know, but also with women I kind of know or have just met.

 

how do you know it was her boyfriend???? could be just good friends. or they could be swingers?? you really dont need to get caught up in that or do you?? hard to tell about that one but you missed your chance for the phone number. I would say in any cases at all if a woman comes up to you and she is in the place she is making the moves then I would say you are safe in that dance with her and also good in maybe getting a phone number.However, some women are just devious....what I mean by this is that they come onto you and dance all for the free drinks.

 

if you dance and then she says by me a drink then I think a drink you should get but I would make conversation to see if the intrest is actual you not the free drinks. when in the dance, however this like I said before that does not mean for you to grope her on certian parts. waist.....good, arms around the neck.....good, touching her hair.....ummm good, butt....NOT GOOD...brest.....NOT GOOD, the underpart not seen and you know where I am speaking of......REALLY REALLY NOT GOOD!!!!! hips.....good hope I helped....

[Mary3]

First of all if she was not intrested she would have never brought herself over to you. when this happens so what you feel like doing. if the vibe tells you to put your hands on her waist then go ahead. now......dont go as far as putting your hands where they dont belong...like her butt, brest....or an undertimend place that is covered and not to be seen till you go home with her.......haha. look I am a woman and if I am at a dance club and I am getting my grove on and see you looking and if I am intrested and only if I am intrested then I will come over!!! you could of had a phone number. I dont care where you go or what you do WOMEN LIKE K.I.N.K.I.E!!! and there is nothing more sexy than the good old nasty dance!!!

 

Look she strutted over to you and wanted to dirty dance. Some people just know how to dirty dance and keep it respectful by not touching the girls breasts or bum bum. Next time a hot girl approaches give it all you got ! You are dancing ! You are not in church.

[Josalina]

ok i am a dancer myself, not a pole dancer or anything so not so much dirty, but as i do ballet, salsa, jazz etc i look for a guy that can dance when i am out, it comes natural, don't get me wrong i don't like guys who muzzle their way in and start just bumping and grinding but i like a guy that is confident.

u can dance with someone without doing dirty dancing.

look around and if the girl u like is, u know what she is looking for from u. if you don't feel comfortable don't do it as u will look unconfident and uncomfortable. but if u like her and u wanna go for the kill be aware that she could be offended but u prob won't see her again so go with the flow and what u feel is right.

 

i prefer it when a lad comes over to talk to me to get my attantion rather than touch me up personally but everyone is different and the fact you haven't dirty danced with her prob don't mean that is the reason she has gone off with another bloke sweetie.

 

just be cool, smile as u do, if u have the bottle go and make conversation, the small talk is what a girl would prob remember at the end of a night rather that the men feeling her up.

[Josalina]

oh and the best way to feel the rhythm is to hold the girls hips and pull her close, closer the better and if she has any sense she will hold round yours if she is standing in front of u till u get her tempo, this position is when u r bumping and grinding up behind her, this is the easiest.

 

if u wanna face her then one of her legs has to be inbetween yours and u do body ripples into each other, u can practise this at home first though and if u keep ya knees slightly bend she can rest on one of ya legs to feel ya pace obviously a body ripple travels through the whole body so don't knee her lol. go on give it all ya got, if u really wanna impress run ya hands down the side of her body if she has her arms round ya neck, if she suddenly loses it ya onto a winner!!

look, smell and feel sexy that will give ya all the confidence u need, practise with a few of ya female friends if u can.

 

the one time it is not exceptable is in front of ya mother!

[Green]

oh and the best way to feel the rhythm is to hold the girls hips and pull her close, closer the better and if she has any sense she will hold round yours if she is standing in front of u till u get her tempo, this position is when u r bumping and grinding up behind her, this is the easiest.

 

if u wanna face her then one of her legs has to be inbetween yours and u do body ripples into each other, u can practise this at home first though and if u keep ya knees slightly bend she can rest on one of ya legs to feel ya pace obviously a body ripple travels through the whole body so don't knee her lol. go on give it all ya got, if u really wanna impress run ya hands down the side of her body if she has her arms round ya neck, if she suddenly loses it ya onto a winner!!

look, smell and feel sexy that will give ya all the confidence u need, practise with a few of ya female friends if u can.

 

the one time it is not exceptable is in front of ya mother!

 

Good advice alot of what I was going to say. Alot of times in these dancing situations you have to do some respectful touching atleast like grab the hips get in close no ones saying pinch her but or start grinding into her although some times that helps too

[Mary3]

I think that dance also can represent how a persons moves in bed