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Broke 200 days


Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

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Old 3rd February 2018, 12:54 AM   #1
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Broke 200 days

She is enjoying life and I am sweating everything. I am trying to figure out 2020, 2025 and 2030 and she is sitting in her favorite chair, TV on, phone propped in the ear, eating German chocolate cake with a glass of wine. The ceremony will be simple. Sunset on the beach during the last days of summer 2018. There isnt much left for her to do. It is my job to finish the new house, since that is where we will be spending our "honeymoon".

6 months ago, she told me all I had to do is show up. Now I see the size of my list, and feel like everything got reversed.

I am not venting, since i feel very very fortunate and she is truly happy. 199 days just sounded like a clap of thunder.
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Old 4th February 2018, 10:28 AM   #2
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Congratulations.

Wedding planning can be overwhelming. I initially told my husband that all he had to do was show up, but as the details started to drown me, I asked him to take on more. He was less emotional about it so I remember designating the seating chart to him last minute because I was in tears from all the aunts etc. who were demanding not to be seated by this one or that one.

Wedding planning & simultaneously house hunting has to be daunting. That's a lot of change in a small period of time. Can you stay put for 6 months & then get a house together? It may take some of the pressure off.
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Old 6th February 2018, 2:03 AM   #3
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Congratulations.

Wedding planning can be overwhelming. I initially told my husband that all he had to do was show up, but as the details started to drown me, I asked him to take on more. He was less emotional about it so I remember designating the seating chart to him last minute because I was in tears from all the aunts etc. who were demanding not to be seated by this one or that one.

Wedding planning & simultaneously house hunting has to be daunting. That's a lot of change in a small period of time. Can you stay put for 6 months & then get a house together? It may take some of the pressure off.
Unfortunately (fortunately?) it is too late to stay put. My Fiancee purchased a very old house in a inexpensive neighborhood. I own a lot of land, so my job is to move the entire house to a new location and get it ready by the end of August. The same house would cost 5 times as much if it existed in its future location.

This is her second marriage, so ambiance and love takes precedence over pomp and flair. She decided to have a simple gathering of good folks on the beach just before sunset. The cost of the wedding venue is Zero. All the invites will done by email. Her dad rented out a restaurant within walking distance and that is it. I do not think she will add much to the occasion.

5 years ago, we would never of guessed we would be where we are at today. She is happy and satisfied with her direction in life, including spending her remaining days with me. Her request are simple. Be nice, Kiss her everyday and tolerate her need to constantly touch me, even if the game is on. (Smack a Patriot. Yay Philly!). My request for her? Always look at me the way you do now.

Anyway, I should be done in time.

Last edited by Cullenbohannon; 6th February 2018 at 2:09 AM..
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Old 8th February 2018, 2:35 AM   #4
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I am not venting
You sure? You sound resentful or unhappy.
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Old 8th February 2018, 8:00 PM   #5
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You sure? You sound resentful or unhappy.
Nah. The post was about moving the house, not 99.9999 percent of our life. I guess it was a vent, since I wrote that after I found out that I would have to split the house in two, in order to move it. We had a deal that she paid for the house and the rest is on me. Thought I would come out ahead, but just like a woman, she outsmarted me. I think she enjoys being able to sit back and watch me stress, gripe and complain(about the move).

At the end of the day, I want her to be happy with her choices and proud of me once the project is finished. It's a small price I must pay for her forever.
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Old 9th February 2018, 1:02 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Congratulations.

Wedding planning can be overwhelming. I initially told my husband that all he had to do was show up, but as the details started to drown me, I asked him to take on more. He was less emotional about it so I remember designating the seating chart to him last minute because I was in tears from all the aunts etc. who were demanding not to be seated by this one or that one.
I might be nutso but I've actually enjoyed most of the wedding planning so far! And most of the parts that I DON'T enjoy can't really be shifted onto the SO's plate anyway - he can't exactly go dress or shoe shopping for me or test on makeup styles.

OP, curious, does it really save THAT much to move an old house that needs to be chopped in two and probably heavily renovated to be livable, compared to getting a new cheap house set up on the land?
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Old 9th February 2018, 7:56 PM   #7
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Yes it does save quite a bit, if you have the patience to do it. Houses in this area range in the $700ks. The exact same house 30 miles away cost $300k. The house is a 1915 American Bungalow with front and back porch. The house is structurally sound, but needs lots of interior work and a new roof. She paid $135k for the house only (the original owner kept the land). I thought i could move and renovate it for less than what she paid, but it looks like we (I) will spend the same amount, without completing the interior.

Houses in the area tend to be minimansions with no character. They all look the same. Our children are late teen to early 20s. We dont need something that size. Besides, she is special and deserves what she wants. And to be honest, I want to pull this off and be her hero.

Moving rural to rural cost less than moving into a city. We will be in the hills just outside of a major city. There is one pad that has a perfect east west view. She wants sunsets on the front porch and sunrise on the back. I see her visual. This will be her final move.

If you can find your final resting spot with open land, water and power nearby, you should consider it. Expect to pay close to$60 - $100k to move the house. You can do the math from there. In the end if you get EXACTLY what you want, then the house becomes priceless.

Last edited by Cullenbohannon; 9th February 2018 at 8:01 PM..
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Old 12th February 2018, 5:14 PM   #8
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My request for her? Always look at me the way you do now.
That is always going to depend entirely on you -- you will need to stay who you are now, and how you treat her...and how you treat all other people and animals, too. .

You have the opportunity to help her become more considerate of your needs when the game is on. (Go Leafs and Blue Jays! - Since we are lacking the NFL up here, ey?)

In general, have you considered expressing your feelings of being completely overwhelmed by what you both, in the past, agreed to put on your sole plate? (I know that's not what you said, but that's what's coming across. To the point of resentment, if not now then sooner than later, as another poster has already also 'sensed' from the words you are using.)

All of that said...wishing you and your bride-to-be a beautiful wedding day and a lifetime of happiness together.

Go love!
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Old 13th February 2018, 2:36 AM   #9
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It's interesting that you both picked that up. What's also interesting is we both read the forum and see how resentment can kill a marriage quicker than infidelity or money.

I wrote the thread depicting a small segment of our new life, and even though it doesn't read as resentment to me, it could be read that way by others, including my fiancee. There are many lessons to be learned walking the path of forever. This thread has taught me that in order to avoid the battles that need not occur, the "how" a person expresses oneself is very important.

So thanks for pointing that out, and I sincerely appreciate the well wishes.

Last edited by Cullenbohannon; 13th February 2018 at 2:39 AM..
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Old 16th February 2018, 5:55 PM   #10
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I'm so happy for you both!

I also understand what it's like (cost and time wise) to fix up an old house. It's overwhelming!!

Is it possible to only focus on the things to make it livable and save the rest for after the wedding? Have a working bathroom and someplace warm and dry to sleep, make sure the electrical and plumbing are up to code, have a working microwave, hot plate and small fridge (if you need to gut the kitchen and buy new appliances) and maybe just patch or tarp the roof for now if it leaks? If it doesn't leak, put it off a few months.

Congratulations, and I wish you both a long and happy marriage!
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Old 22nd February 2018, 1:35 AM   #11
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I'm so happy for you both!

I also understand what it's like (cost and time wise) to fix up an old house. It's overwhelming!!

Congratulations, and I wish you both a long and happy marriage!
Hey, if you are not busy the next few months, I could use a hand

To be honest, I just want to pull it off. I have seen her vision. I can see her happy, hanging out with family and friends at her special house. Mimosas on a Sunday morning and cards on a Saturday night.

She wants to marry me. This is the least I can do.
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