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My [fiance] doesnít give me spending money


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Old 10th December 2017, 3:14 AM   #16
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I just feel like if i have to work then id rather move back to the state i am originally from and have my mom take care of my baby while i work.
This is really not right. Your child deserves to have both parents in his life, if at all possible. You think it's fair to separate a father and child because you can't find the backbone to ask your partner for more financial help? He's not even a deadbeat dad - he pays your bills, your rent, your baby's diapers and milk. That is significant. I understand that it's not enough but it appears you haven't even tried to fix the problem and you're already considering bailing on him.

Is it true that all you've done to communicate your problem is to hint around that you're becoming broke? People can be beyond clueless sometimes. You can't expect him to read your mind. You have to be more direct.

You have to sit down with him and calmly and respectfully explain that this arrangement is not sustainable. If you're going to live as a family, then you should be involved in the finances. If he is not willing to involve you, then you at least need a joint checking account that he deposits $X amount into, and he'll also need to cover emergency and unexpected expenses.

And I suppose that this is really neither here nor there, but do you even like your kid's dad? Do you two behave as a couple? Does he like you?
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Old 10th December 2017, 3:35 AM   #17
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You aren't married. You need to work and provide for your child.

Move home for now. Work and save enough to live on your own. File papers for child support.

Save and save so you can be independent! Never, ever depend on a man to provide you your lifestyle!

This guy puts video games above basic needs. That's not right. And it's not right that you've decided to be at the mercy of what he does or doesn't give you.

Get out of there and start providing your own life's essentials.
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Old 11th December 2017, 4:35 PM   #18
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My fiance and i have been living together for 6 months. I became pregnant after two months of seeing each other and we decided to stay together and work it out. I always worked and took care of my pregnancy needs (he never helped me with anything) until the day i finally delivered ... which was by emergency was when i stopped.

I continued living with my parents (as i moved in with them again after i became pregnant) since he is in the military and had recently moved from the area. We had planned to move in together once he had his own place which he obtained this year. He sent me 300$ a month for the baby and although it wasnt enough i had savings and also used them. Once we moved to his place in another state i paid for the tickets to fly there and he also said he would need me to help him get stuff for our place.

Needless to say i got some furniture and kept getting the groceries every month.. He has always taken care of the bills and rent and diapers and milk for the baby. I only mentioned i was becoming ďbrokeĒ after my savings were diminishing but he still didnít offer to pay when i told him we need clothes for our baby or a dress for an event he wanted me to attend or even my phone bill. I dont even have a car, as i had to sold it to move and that is money i really donít want to touch as it is necessary for when i get a job later on.

I am a stay at home mom and i told him before moving that i would not take my baby to day care until he was at least 2 and he still wanted me to live with him. Now i really have no money and i hate to ask him for any but I Dont Know what to do. I feel like he is not considerate and he still asks me to tip when we go out to eat or if i want something he is like ďare you going to get itĒ it gets me sad and angry. I feel like he acts that it is his money because he earns it but we are supposed to be a family now.

I dont think he understands the fact that i am not working and still expects me to pay for groceries. I dont even know how much he earns and spends a month which is what a wife should know i think. How do i speak to him about it?
Its probably what a wife should know, but you are not a wife. Apparently he is not wanting you to know his financial situation which pretty much spells out to me that he doesnt consider you a fiance. You are in a precarious position. You need to get a job and start supporting yourself, even if it means moving back with your mom. You two are not a household, you are roommates. Figure out how to take care of yourself and the baby.
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Old 12th December 2017, 11:50 PM   #19
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I was able to voice my concerns to him and he said that although it would be helpful to work (Which in response to the 24 hour comment , yes i could work nights but when he leaves in the morning i must take care of our baby so really id be working day and night) he did not want a babysitter for him when he is this young. We donít have family or friends where we live, only his coworkers who have become mere aquaintences. I asked to see his earnings and spendings to see how we could better manage his income if he needed help with money but he said it was ok that he could handle it (in other words it still worries me a little that he wonít share this information with me... as if he were hiding something) we agreed to look into a cheaper place in the near future. It looks like so far we are on the right track.
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Old 13th December 2017, 12:06 AM   #20
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How do you figure that?

He doesn't share info with you and you are moving to a lesser place.

That's not so terrific
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Old 13th December 2017, 9:49 AM   #21
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I asked to see his earnings and spendings to see how we could better manage his income if he needed help with money but he said it was ok that he could handle it (in other words it still worries me a little that he wonít share this information with me... as if he were hiding something)

* * *

It looks like so far we are on the right track.
I'm sorry but those two above statements completely contradict one another. He won't share basic financial info with you so that you can make intelligent decisions about the household together. That is the wrong track.

Do either of you realize that if you walk away & ask for child support he will be required to turn over all the financials to a court?
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Old 13th December 2017, 9:55 AM   #22
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Indeed. That's not a partnership... I would not be marrying a man who is not transparent about finances.
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Old 13th December 2017, 11:09 AM   #23
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So if you work nights and take care of the baby during the day how is that more than him working days and taking care of the baby at night?

Honestly, I think you both have a lot of maturing to do.
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Old 13th December 2017, 12:11 PM   #24
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I hate to say this, but if you choose to keep a pregnancy with a man whom you'd only known for 2 months at that point, you're essentially making the decision that you're prepared to raise the baby alone if needed. Unfortunately being a stay-at-home mum is not entirely feasible with a man whom you hardly know, whose finances you have no idea of.

You could (and IMO should) leave and file for child support, but I believe you would still need to work in that case as it would not be sufficient to cover everything.
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Old 13th December 2017, 12:46 PM   #25
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I was able to voice my concerns to him and he said that although it would be helpful to work (Which in response to the 24 hour comment , yes i could work nights but when he leaves in the morning i must take care of our baby so really id be working day and night) he did not want a babysitter for him when he is this young. We donít have family or friends where we live, only his coworkers who have become mere aquaintences. I asked to see his earnings and spendings to see how we could better manage his income if he needed help with money but he said it was ok that he could handle it (in other words it still worries me a little that he wonít share this information with me... as if he were hiding something) we agreed to look into a cheaper place in the near future. It looks like so far we are on the right track.
You need to be able to financially provide for your son and yourself. If that means working a part time job during the time that the baby's father is not working so that he can take care of the baby, you need to do that in order to financially provide for your child. The reality is that you cannot afford to be a full time stay at home mom. Nor can you depend on him to provide everything that you and the baby need. There is a good chance that your relationship may not work out. You can ask your family to financially provide for you and your child but you will still be dependent on someone else to provide a home, food, clothing and all the things that responsible parents provide for their children.

It's time for you to grow up and realize that being a stay at home mom is a luxury that you cannot afford. You have no spending money for things you and the baby need. If all that it takes is for you to get a part time job during the time that the baby's father is not working in order for you to have some spending money for things that you and the baby need then it is unreasonable for you not to be willing to do that.
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Old 13th December 2017, 1:20 PM   #26
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If you are thinking about moving back home with your family, you should research child custody laws in the jurisdiction the baby has been living in before deciding to do that. No matter what, the father will still get visitation rights. Which will be more complicated living in two different states.
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Old 13th December 2017, 9:15 PM   #27
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I'm sorry but those two above statements completely contradict one another. He won't share basic financial info with you so that you can make intelligent decisions about the household together. That is the wrong track.

Do either of you realize that if you walk away & ask for child support he will be required to turn over all the financials to a court?
You are right, i didnít want to push him to share his financial information because he already said he could handle the household without me providing income, but when the idea of me leaving and working for me and my son and filing child support came up he said he didnt want the goverment to tell him how much he should pay because otherwise they would ask him for an amount he wouldnt be able to afford and then be thrown in jail when he couldnt make the payments. This is why i am sure he can afford to take care of us, the court will order an amount for child support based on his income and if he is afraid the court will ask for too much its because he does enough or more than enough. I have asked to see his credit card statements and earnings and expense records and he has agreed to do so
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Old 13th December 2017, 9:24 PM   #28
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You need to be able to financially provide for your son and yourself. If that means working a part time job during the time that the baby's father is not working so that he can take care of the baby, you need to do that in order to financially provide for your child. The reality is that you cannot afford to be a full time stay at home mom. Nor can you depend on him to provide everything that you and the baby need. There is a good chance that your relationship may not work out. You can ask your family to financially provide for you and your child but you will still be dependent on someone else to provide a home, food, clothing and all the things that responsible parents provide for their children.

It's time for you to grow up and realize that being a stay at home mom is a luxury that you cannot afford. You have no spending money for things you and the baby need. If all that it takes is for you to get a part time job during the time that the baby's father is not working in order for you to have some spending money for things that you and the baby need then it is unreasonable for you not to be willing to do that.
It is not that i do not want to work at all. The reason is i dont have babysitting options as i only trust my family or his family to take care of our child at so you g an age. I am afraid of all those daycare stories where children are abuses etc. Its scary. This js why i originally told him that if i moved where he chose i wouldnt be working as we no one to take care of our son. He had the option to stat whereni am originally from and work here too but he wanted a different place. Yes i am willing to work from home and take care of another child but people usually want someone with experience and cpr certification. I have none, i have no relatives and i can say that no friends. He has not asked me to work and i have offered to do so but he says it is helpful not necessary, so i am can say that we have cleared that out. My only problem now was he not sharing his financial information which he has now agreed to do so. Then i can see if he is spending on unecessary things which is affecting our household or if he needs help and i have to find work no matter what.
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Old 13th December 2017, 9:28 PM   #29
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So if you work nights and take care of the baby during the day how is that more than him working days and taking care of the baby at night?

Honestly, I think you both have a lot of maturing to do.
Hi! Every child is different. Mine gets a bottle by 10pm and he sleeps all night until around 8 am. He sleeps at the most 3 hours during the day and remains awake all day. So yes id work more than him. Yes we have some maturing to do, but i dont know anyone who is perfect.
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Old 13th December 2017, 9:36 PM   #30
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How do you figure that?

He doesn't share info with you and you are moving to a lesser place.

That's not so terrific
He has agreed to do so now! Honestly the place we live in is not so great for the amount he pays. He chose this place without me but ive told him i have seen same places for even less money than what he pays here so he agreed to move if we find another place.
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