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Fiancé had a lap dance 3 weeks before our wedding


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Old 27th August 2017, 7:16 AM   #61
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Originally Posted by Doublegold View Post
I know a guy whose fiancee told him a stag/bachelor party was a no go. This was late 1990's. Now, his male circle is varied, but think Tri-State area hormone fueled guys of all ages.

He agreed, and planned a dinner with friends as his bachelor party. To this day his wife thinks that is what he did.

Instead, his friends threw him the most rancous, down and dirty bachelor party any hot redded male could imagine. And she never knew.

He cheated on her. Before during and after basically. He is still cheating on her.

Do you have your answer yet? Your fiancee seems like one of the good guys. He was honest with you.

I hope you can work this out. Good luck.
I dunno. That's kinda like a guy posting "my girlfriend kissed another guy while drunk" and people responding with, "Do you know what this girl I used to know did??? She told her boyfriend she was going to the library... but instead she had a job in a brothel and screwed 100 other men... without telling her boyfriend!! Your girlfriend is one of the good ones. She was honest with you!"
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Old 27th August 2017, 7:54 AM   #62
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it's a concept that doesn't really make sense - by default... when you're close with someone, TRULY tight with someone... you mind their business, to a certain extent. you just choose WHICH business you'll mind - that's the key.

if you're cool with cheating and don't really have a problem with it, you'll turn your head the other way if it happens in your company. if you DO have a problem with it, it will make you feel unfomcortable and you'll question your choice of people you decide to associate with.

the entire NO SNITCH code doesn't make sense either - it is somehing that creates the air of faux loyalty and connects people based on them keeping each other secrets they keep; they delude themselves thinking they're BETTER because they don't SNITCH and snitching is, of course, telling every uncomfortable or embarrassing truth.

boring.
I have a problem with cheating in MY relationships. That's why I don't do it. Why I wouldn't tolerate someone doing it to me.

Other people's relationships are THEIR business.

I'm not sure why staying out of other people's business is so difficult for some of you people. Like you have an obligation to stick your nose in other people's affairs.

You don't.

Mind your own business.
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Old 27th August 2017, 8:49 AM   #63
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I have a problem with cheating in MY relationships. That's why I don't do it. Why I wouldn't tolerate someone doing it to me.

Other people's relationships are THEIR business.

I'm not sure why staying out of other people's business is so difficult for some of you people. Like you have an obligation to stick your nose in other people's affairs.

You don't.

Mind your own business.
Uh, the "snitch" you were talking about was actually getting married to the OP, so I do believe it was both of their businesses. It was the fiance who told the OP, FYI. Not the brother.

If you mean us responding to the OP's thread... well, honestly, that's what the entire forum is for.
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Old 28th August 2017, 10:15 AM   #64
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I have a problem with cheating in MY relationships.
right.

you don't have a problem with CHEATING - you have a problem when it's done to you. IF you had a problem with cheating, it would made you feel (at the very least) uncomfortable... knowing your friends are cheating and knowing that's the kind of people you chose to associate with. because, i dunno... example = it would probably be awkward hanging out with your buddy & his wife, while she's telling you how in love they are and how happy she is that she has such a loyal husband... and you saw him yesterday picking up another chick. if THAT does not make you feel ANY TYPE of way - then you don't have a problem with CHEATING.

you just have a problem with others harming YOU.
two entirely different things.

Quote:
Like you have an obligation to stick your nose in other people's affairs.

You don't.
you do.

that's what FRIENDSHIP is all about - you inform yourself about your friends and their LIFE. you're interested in what's going on with them, how are they feeling, how is their health, how is the life home, do they need any help... and so on. if your friend suddenly appears to work DRUNK out of his mind, you'll ask him what's wrong...? won't you? you'll try to help him out and call his family and get him in for a treatment with his other friends and family members, right? isn't that minding HIS business, sticking your nose in his business? then again, if you ignore your drunk friend - what kind of friend are you anyway...?

you're interested in their WELL BEING and that, by default, is sticking your nose in your their business.

like i said - you CHOOSE which business to mind. you allegedly have a code but you're very selective about it. and you're also forgetting that - guarding someone's secret... because that is what your friend asked you to do through the code - IS minding someone else's business. you're literally minding your buddies' business by doing what they asked you to do about their private lives - keep quiet. that is also a form of minding someone else's business.
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Old 2nd September 2017, 9:00 AM   #65
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I do believe, based on what the OP says, that her relationship is on good footing. But the incident is not entirely harmless....obviously.

The fiance said he wasn't going to engage in a 'traditional'
bachelor party, but was 'encouraged' to do so AFTER getting drunk visiting multiple breweries(?).

I do not recall any of my friends or my brother involved in lap-dance types of bachelor parties. I certainly didn't. It certainly doesn't sound smart to take a drunk fiance to a strip club to get a lap dance after having it made clear that such was not desired....and tell the bf not keep it hush-hush.

Anyhoo, the OP is obviously upset about it and shouldn't be taken lightly, but the fiance's honesty is a great sign.
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Old 2nd September 2017, 9:23 AM   #66
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I do believe, based on what the OP says, that her relationship is on good footing. But the incident is not entirely harmless....obviously.

The fiance said he wasn't going to engage in a 'traditional'
bachelor party, but was 'encouraged' to do so AFTER getting drunk visiting multiple breweries(?).

I do not recall any of my friends or my brother involved in lap-dance types of bachelor parties. I certainly didn't. It certainly doesn't sound smart to take a drunk fiance to a strip club to get a lap dance after having it made clear that such was not desired....and tell the bf not keep it hush-hush.

Anyhoo, the OP is obviously upset about it and shouldn't be taken lightly, but the fiance's honesty is a great sign.
Ok, too much is being made of how honest the fiancé was, but was he really honest?
Who knows?
It may have been entirely his idea to go to a strip club and get a naked lap dance.
He is not going to tell his gf that is he? No, he is going to sugar coat and say he was forced into it... no doubt a story backed up by his mates to avoid friction with the little lady...
A "confession" may be a great way to avoid more probing questions...
If he knew it was all going to come out in the wash, then what better way than to get his story in first...

I am sure, he was well aware of how upset his gf would be about this, but he did it anyway, a great start to a marriage...
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Old 2nd September 2017, 9:50 AM   #67
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
Ok, too much is being made of how honest the fiancé was, but was he really honest?
Who knows?
It may have been entirely his idea to go to a strip club and get a naked lap dance.
He is not going to tell his gf that is he? No, he is going to sugar coat and say he was forced into it... no doubt a story backed up by his mates to avoid friction with the little lady...
A "confession" may be a great way to avoid more probing questions...
If he knew it was all going to come out in the wash, then what better way than to get his story in first...

I am sure, he was well aware of how upset his gf would be about this, but he did it anyway, a great start to a marriage...
I thought of this. I wanted to be a little more optimistic.

CORRECTION: My earlier post should have read: "and tell the bf to keep it hush-hush."
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Old 12th September 2017, 4:42 PM   #68
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
Ok, too much is being made of how honest the fiancé was, but was he really honest?
Who knows?
It may have been entirely his idea to go to a strip club and get a naked lap dance.
He is not going to tell his gf that is he? No, he is going to sugar coat and say he was forced into it... no doubt a story backed up by his mates to avoid friction with the little lady...
A "confession" may be a great way to avoid more probing questions...
If he knew it was all going to come out in the wash, then what better way than to get his story in first...

I am sure, he was well aware of how upset his gf would be about this, but he did it anyway, a great start to a marriage...
What was he supposed to do? Run like a child bc his new BIL threw him a bachelor party. Maybe some women like feminine man...it would make me embarrassed for if my soon to be husband would do something like that, on top of all the men in the group destroying him forever!

I guess for the woman that really wants to cut off her husband at the waiste & then complain after marriage how he never opens up to her...this logic would be ok but after 20 years of marriage, I like to be the wife that my husband & his friends tell me everything & none has to worry about me opening my mouth to anyone else & or freaking out on them. Marriage is about building trust & friendship, the reason marriages struggle with that is bc of at least one spouse making a deal over & over again (you don't do that with friends) & pretty soon you have a SO that doesn't want to really open up.

I see this guy has done exactly what a "best friend" would do & OP is lucky bc that's how he's looking at you...you're going to turn that into him you looking like a ball & chain...no woman wants that.
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Old 13th September 2017, 3:35 PM   #69
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... I feel embarrassed and disrespected. My fiancé has asked me to not speak of this to anyone since they all said he should keep it from me. I'm speaking to my fiancé but I feel this really bad feeling in my stomach...
This part tells me the lines of communication are open with your husband, but not your brother, et al. The problem is between you and your brother, i think.
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Old 13th September 2017, 3:59 PM   #70
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You feel how you feel. A bunch of people shaming your feelings isn't going to help.

I'm pretty open and adventurous. But I'll admit I wouldn't like a naked woman touching my fiance even if it was her job. I have been to and in countless weddings, and only ONE of my friends/relatives' bachelor parties involved strippers and lap dances, and the dancer was NOT fully naked.

This idea that you are some prude or need to get over it or "can't handle marriage" is insensitive and quite frankly, rude.

I would share with your fiance in a loving way how it made YOU feel about YOURSELF and see what his response is.
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