Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Transitioning > Getting Married

Together 8 years... he won't marry me... what do you think?

Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

Old 15th May 2005, 1:52 PM   #1
New Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: SC
Posts: 3
Question Together 8 years... he won't marry me... what do you think?

I'm a new member. I'd like to hear your opinions... so here goes.

I'm 31. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years. We bought our house together and have lived here with our two dogs for about 7 years.

He asked me about 5 years ago if I'd marry him. I said yes. We went out to look at rings, but I didn't find what I wanted that day, so we decided not to buy one that day. I never heard anything else about it after that. It was like the whole thing never happened (asking if I'd marry him and looking for rings).

So here it is years later. I've brought up wanting to be married a few times, usually in the midst of a weak moment.

So what do you think... is this a sure sign that he doesn't love me enough to get married? Am I crazy to be waiting around? I love him and want to marry him, but I'm 31 and think that at this point, if I wait any longer, it will be even harder (not that it wouldn't be excruciating now) to leave.

We're about to sell our house and are at this point planning to buy another together. I kind of feel like we should commit to becoming married if we're going to lock ourselves into another home together.

So let's hear it... I'm ready.
shantisunshine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th May 2005, 1:58 PM   #2
Established Member
SexKitten's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Katy
Posts: 847
well seeing as he did mention marriage, and hasn't done anything about it yet, he may have changed his mind.

but you don't know if he did or didn't...and this kind of communication (or lack thereof) is not very conducive to a healthy relationship, especially marriage.

the best thing to do is ask him about it and tell him your feelings, find out his, and which direction you're planning on taking. he has a right to his feelings, but you have a right to know where this is going.

honestly, as a man, he probably figures "we've been together for so long, we own a house and dogs together, what's the rush of getting married for? this is what being married is."

the worst thing to do if you really want to marry him is give him an ultimatum or a deadline.
"~if man is five...then the devil is six, and if the devil is six...then god is seven...
this monkey's gone to heaven.~"

"i don't want to start any blasphemous rumours
but i think that god's got a sick sense of humour
and when i die
i expect to find him laughing..."

Last edited by SexKitten; 15th May 2005 at 2:02 PM..
SexKitten is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2005, 6:17 PM   #3
Established Member
UltimateZen's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: California
Posts: 122
Re: Together 8 years... he won't marry me... what do you think?

If you have been living together this long...without pushing for marriage; why force the issue to make him marry you now? If the two of you wanted to get married, you would have done so after the proposal..or at least set a date. The two of you seem to be in a comfort zone that doesn't call for marriage. If you only casually brought it up every so often, you have to look within yourself for reasons why you let the engagement go on for as long as you have. The house can be a trigger for you to initiate a more direct approach in getting married. Watch for his reactions because they will say a lot as to whether he really intends to marry you or not. We all get into our comfort zones; it is time that you have a heart to heart with your man. I am not sure what his reasons for not getting married are when you brought it up the few times the past 5 years; but don't back down until you are satisfied that you know whether or not he intends to marry you. Good luck.
UltimateZen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th May 2005, 1:39 AM   #4
Established Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 9,662
Before you buy a new house, it's time for you to decide on what you're going to do about your relationship. You want marriage and you don't know what he wants. You want to have kids soon, right? Why waste your time on him if he is not serious? He stood you up once already. He may do it again.
Talk to him openly about it. Ask for a yes/no answer! You have to decide on the wedding date now and have a ring on your finger or don't buy a house together.
Many women have won this battle with an ultimatum. 8 Years is a bit too long. Screw the tradition that he should be the one to propose! The tradition doesn't say he can propose to you then never talk about it again.
RecordProducer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th May 2005, 12:09 PM   #5
Established Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: canada
Posts: 1,722
It's the 21st century!!! Go out and find that ring you always wanted for yourself, and propose to him! Uh i think that's how it's done? Or is the girl supposed to buy the guy a ring when she proposes.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2005, 3:02 PM   #6
Posts: n/a
What happened with this?
  Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
he won't marry me after 8 years & i'm devastated, what should I do? heedley75 Getting Married 69 15th March 2006 4:24 PM
after 18 years, should i go back to marry him? melissak Second Chances 2 27th May 2005 6:51 PM
Together for 2 years - wanting to marry but not allowed to discuss Emilye22 Dating 10 12th March 2005 6:07 PM
should I marry this girl 7 years older than me... Iceman80 Getting Married 10 18th September 2004 12:50 AM
Together 2 years, he cheated, he still wants to marry me. theaftermath Getting Married 7 13th October 2003 8:29 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:13 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2013 All Rights Reserved.