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Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

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Old 31st May 2017, 11:17 PM   #16
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What a lovely story and congratulations! Thank you for sharing and best of luck.
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Old 1st June 2017, 9:27 AM   #17
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Congratulations Whirlwind! So nice to read a happy story!
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Old 1st June 2017, 10:24 AM   #18
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OP: Congrats!

I'm with Gaeta on this one, though. Looking at your past threads, you do have the tendency of hopping from one relationship to another very quickly.

Is there any reason you guys have to get married so soon? Is your girlfriend pressed for time in terms of having kids?

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Because you have been in bad relationships before you should know you need more than a year to fully know someone enough to link your life and finance to them.

And exactly because you've been in bad relationships you should take your time to cross all the T's and dot all the I's before linking your life and finance to this woman.

And exactly because you've been in bad relationships before and you have a child involved it takes more than 'it feels right' to link your life and finance + your child's life to this woman.

And exactly because you've been in bad relationships before you should make sure that this relationship is the right one and the one that will last for the rest of your life, and this takes more than 'almost a year' to figure out.
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Old 1st June 2017, 1:28 PM   #19
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Because you have been in bad relationships before you should know you need more than a year to fully know someone enough to link your life and finance to them.

And exactly because you've been in bad relationships you should take your time to cross all the T's and dot all the I's before linking your life and finance to this woman.

And exactly because you've been in bad relationships before and you have a child involved it takes more than 'it feels right' to link your life and finance + your child's life to this woman.

And exactly because you've been in bad relationships before you should make sure that this relationship is the right one and the one that will last for the rest of your life, and this takes more than 'almost a year' to figure out.
I am not one to rush and get married, but I don't think people who don't share my method are wrong.

Waiting too long can have you inventing problems that may not have a basis in reality.

Dating nowadays is filled with so many disappointments it's hard not to latch on when you find good. I don't blame anyone for that.

I know in 3 dates if a girl is LTR material. I don't see why the OP can't determine marriage material in a year.

I wish you the best OP and hope everything works out.
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Old 1st June 2017, 2:57 PM   #20
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congrats! could you tell me both of your astrological signs? i know some people think it's silly. but, humor me?
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Old 1st June 2017, 6:17 PM   #21
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congrats! could you tell me both of your astrological signs? i know some people think it's silly. but, humor me?
I'm a Capricorn and she is a Virgo.

Point noted Gaeta. I don't fully agree obviously, but I am aware of the potential pitfalls; we both are, and we are being diligent about looking out for and navigating them should they arise. So far, so good.
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Old 1st June 2017, 6:23 PM   #22
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OP: Congrats!

I'm with Gaeta on this one, though. Looking at your past threads, you do have the tendency of hopping from one relationship to another very quickly.

Is there any reason you guys have to get married so soon? Is your girlfriend pressed for time in terms of having kids?
That's definitely part of the conversation. But ultimately we made the decision because we feel like it is the right thing for us in our lives. Irregardless of anything else.

It could be a complete mistake and disaster. But I don't think so. Hopefully I'm right, but who ever knows. What would another year tell me that this last one didn't tell me? I waited 4 years to marry my first wife and we were unhappy for most of the time. I saw the red flags before but she pressured and I eventually had in. This time there are no red flags. No pressure. It was just the right thing to do.
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Old 1st June 2017, 7:02 PM   #23
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I'm a Capricorn and she is a Virgo.

Point noted Gaeta. I don't fully agree obviously, but I am aware of the potential pitfalls; we both are, and we are being diligent about looking out for and navigating them should they arise. So far, so good.
Haha same here ! Capricorn girl with a Virgo man

It always instantly felt right and then I checked out our star sign compatibility and apparently two earth signs are a compatible match hahaha

If only star signs were legit

Although strangely enough, all the libras and geminis I dated (a lot lol) turned out highly incompatible - and were also supposedly, poorly matched star signs !

I had the best experiences with Virgo men.
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Old 1st June 2017, 11:37 PM   #24
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I'm a Capricorn and she is a Virgo.
Ahh... of course... two earth signs. You "get" each other.
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Old 2nd June 2017, 9:15 AM   #25
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Always great to hear a good story. Is it too soon? Well, when its right, its right. Theres people on this website who have been dating the same person for 5 years, and its still not right.

When its right, its right.
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Old 3rd June 2017, 7:29 PM   #26
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Two years dating before marriage is the rule of thumb.

There are very valid reasons to wait 2 years. In your case, not even 1 year in this relationship, you are still in the honeymoon phase and are about to make a life changing decision with an excess of oxytocin in your brain.

It's after the honeymoon phase and all that great hormonal drug fades away that we need to make our most important decision.
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Old 4th June 2017, 11:47 AM   #27
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Two years dating before marriage is the rule of thumb.

There are very valid reasons to wait 2 years. In your case, not even 1 year in this relationship, you are still in the honeymoon phase and are about to make a life changing decision with an excess of oxytocin in your brain.

It's after the honeymoon phase and all that great hormonal drug fades away that we need to make our most important decision.
Been around almost 40 years now and not once has a rule of thumb made a difference.

I'll check back in next summer and let you know how things have went. Hopefully not on the divorce board! 👍
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Old 5th June 2017, 1:20 PM   #28
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Been around almost 40 years now and not once has a rule of thumb made a difference.

I'll check back in next summer and let you know how things have went. Hopefully not on the divorce board! 👍
I wish you the very best.

See what I put in bold? to me someone that is ready to marry in his heart and soul would never say something like this. Those are the words of a man that is rushing.

I am 51 years old and always consider rules of thumb. See I have been dating my boyfriend for 1,5 year. My heart would marry him right away but my head knows better because of all my past experience.

Now the day I will marry this man I won't say things like Hopefully not on the divorce board next year, I will say things like I know deep down I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, I want us to grow old together, I want us to take care of each other through the years, and I love him so much I would give my life for him. It's when I feel like this that I marry a man not when it feels right at the moment and I cross my fingers it doesn't blow in my face.

See the difference?
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Old 5th June 2017, 1:41 PM   #29
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I took his "divorce" comment to be a joke.

Congrats Whirlwind Guy -- I remember you and am happy you found someone! I personally have never heard of the 2 year dating before marriage rule of thumb mentioned above. I tend to think one year (four season) together is sufficient, especially for people who are older. Anyway, I wish you the best!
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Old 5th June 2017, 5:23 PM   #30
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I wish you the very best.

See what I put in bold? to me someone that is ready to marry in his heart and soul would never say something like this. Those are the words of a man that is rushing.

I am 51 years old and always consider rules of thumb. See I have been dating my boyfriend for 1,5 year. My heart would marry him right away but my head knows better because of all my past experience.

Now the day I will marry this man I won't say things like Hopefully not on the divorce board next year, I will say things like I know deep down I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, I want us to grow old together, I want us to take care of each other through the years, and I love him so much I would give my life for him. It's when I feel like this that I marry a man not when it feels right at the moment and I cross my fingers it doesn't blow in my face.

See the difference?

Gaeta, I am completely joking. I absolutely adore my Fiance and have no doubt in my mind that we will be together forever. We are best friends and generally just enjoy each others company. I have honestly never been more sure of something. Something just completely works with us. There is 0 doubt. She is a doubter normally, pessimist, and doesn't move fast. Her past relationships she was in for over 6 years, never married because she just knew it wasn't right. It is unexplainable really...I honestly never expected it. It just works, and it works well.


I will be completely floored if I end up divorced again. That said, my past 39 years have proven to me that anything is possible and even the surest of things are subject to change.


All I can do is hope for the best, enjoy the time I have and keep looking forward.
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Last edited by WhirlwindGuy; 5th June 2017 at 5:26 PM..
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