LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Transitioning > Getting Married

Been away a while...for a good reason!


Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

Like Tree51Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 31st May 2017, 5:22 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 355
Been away a while...for a good reason!

I was pretty regular on here for a while last year and then I disappeared. I don't know if anyone cares, but I wanted to check in with this board and report on what has been going on with me since then.


Last year, I was all over the place. Dating is a freaking nightmare, at least for me it was. I went on so many dates "fell in love" a few times, had a lot of sex, made a lot of mistakes...it honestly was fun, hell, scary, exciting, etc all at the same time.


Around mid-June last year I met her. It was after being ghosted for the second time with someone else, I popped on Tinder again and we matched pretty quickly (that was very rare). Turns out, she just so happen to be friends with a good friend of mine at work. That seemed promising. We started chatting and she was going out of town, so we didn't meet up for a couple of weeks. First date, I was just blown away at how awesome this woman was. She was good looking, down to earth, a great conversationalist, healthy, loved kids, didn't have any of her own, had to be something wrong?!? The date, and the next handful of dates, were just effortless and fun. No pressure, no sex, no OMG she didn't say that or did say this...was just natural and felt refreshing.


We went out a few times and just clicked more and more and more. I honestly never realized how good a good relationship was. It made me realize even more how terrible my marriage was before, and how terrible the people I had been dating were. It sounds silly, and so cliché, but when things are right it just works...You don't need to constantly come to loveshack to ask what X Y or Z means, those things just naturally seem to work themselves out, when it is the right person...and this just seemed to work. You just get used to crap, and think that is just how it should be...but it doesn't have to be that way.


She loves me, she loves my son, we enjoy our friend groups together, we enjoy our solo time, family time...we just generally get along and it is soooo relieving...


We have been dating around a year now, we are set to get married soon...crazy I know...I honestly thought I would never get remarried. Things are not always perfect, of course. We have our share of disagreements, but the thing is...We TALK about them, and communicate through them. That is something I never had, even in my 10 year marriage. I honestly feel like I met my best friend. We have a blast together in almost everything we do. About the only thing we don't agree on AT ALL are TV shows...but whatever, I can concede that one.


So anyway. thank you community for all the timely advice over the past year. I know I am getting married too soon, I should probably wait 10 years etc etc...but i'm not. I'm going to give it another go, and hopefully it will be the last. Life is most definitely a whirlwind, and even through the hurt, and uncertainty and craziness, I wouldn't change a thing.


Those of you feeling the pressure and hell that dating can be. Don't fret. It seems like when you least expect it, when you are going to just give up on it and become a hermit and collect cats...something like this may come along.


Hopefully I wont be back here in a few years on the divorce boards, starting over...but you only live once, right?


Cheers!
__________________
"Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free..." Mumford and Sons

Last edited by WhirlwindGuy; 31st May 2017 at 5:25 PM..
WhirlwindGuy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 5:44 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: United States
Posts: 4,550
Always great to read of Happy Endings here. Best of luck to you!
__________________
You'll thank me for saying that later.
Imajerk17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 5:51 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 17,432
So happy to hear that sometimes love just works, huh? Love shouldn't be a struggle, but it is for so many because it's just not easy to find the right person that fits. Thanks for the uplifting happy ending!
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 5:59 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Gaeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 14,359
Thank you so much for coming back and sharing your story.

May I ask why you are marrying to fast?
__________________
'' The Biggest Coward Is A Man Who Awakens A Woman's Love With No Intention Of Loving Her '' - Bob Marley
Gaeta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 6:14 PM   #5
Established Member
 
RecentChange's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 3,716
Yeah all sounds great whirlwind, but I have to say, your name is quite fitting huh?

If 18 months ago you were struggling with dating - why marriage plans already? That first year is full of limerence and bliss.

If the two of you are going to be together until death do you part - why the rush to get married? Marriage plans after less than a year together is most certainly the fast lane don't ya think?
RecentChange is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 6:23 PM   #6
Established Member
 
todreaminblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: down under
Posts: 13,949
Journal Entries: 2
what a pleasure to read with my brekkie.....congratulations on finding your best friend.....thank you for sharing your uplifting story...i wish for your family a very happy life together.....deb
__________________
in the ache of night,luminous prayers take fragile flight,
somewhere between battalions of warring sins,
there exists hope and love for peace begins...deb
todreaminblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 6:42 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 355
I agree, it's fast. I would say there really isn't a great reason, other than it just felt right. Of course there are practical things like, she can be on my insurance, pick my son up from school, etc. but that wasn't factoring in when we decided.

I agree with you guys, it looks crazy, and most definitely is. But it works for us, and hopefully will continue to. Yes, I do live up to the name. Just how I am. Fully aware that this isn't conventional, but conventional never worked before, so let's try this.

Thank you guys for the well wishes!
Zahara and Kellens like this.

Last edited by WhirlwindGuy; 31st May 2017 at 6:44 PM..
WhirlwindGuy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 6:48 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: The most beautiful little country in the world.
Posts: 1,430
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhirlwindGuy View Post
I agree, it's fast. I would say there really isn't a great reason, other than it just felt right. Of course there are practical things like, she can be on my insurance, pick my son up from school, etc. but that wasn't factoring in when we decided.

I agree with you guys, it looks crazy, and most definitely is. But it works for us, and hopefully will continue to. Yes, I do live up to the name. Just how I am. Fully aware that this isn't conventional, but conventional never worked before, so let's try this.

Thank you guys for the well wishes!
My new husband and I knew right away we were right for each other, we got engaged after 4 months, which is super fast too....we didn't end up getting married till 5 years later (this feb. just gone) but we're both still as much in love as we were 5 and a half years ago.
Wishing you all the best. Congratulations.
mrs rubble is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 6:48 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Grumpybutfun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,983
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhirlwindGuy View Post
I agree, it's fast. I would say there really isn't a great reason, other than it just felt right. Of course there are practical things like, she can be on my insurance, pick my son up from school, etc. but that wasn't factoring in when we decided.

I agree with you guys, it looks crazy, and most definitely is. But it works for us, and hopefully will continue to. Yes, I do live up to the name. Just how I am. Fully aware that this isn't conventional, but conventional never worked before, so let's try this.

Thank you guys for the well wishes!
Heck, I was engaged within 6 months and I'm the most logical, cautious dude around. When ya know, ya know! 23 years later, she is still the center of my universe!
Good luck, man,
G
Grumpybutfun is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 7:19 PM   #10
Established Member
 
todreaminblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: down under
Posts: 13,949
Journal Entries: 2
time..another's mans crazy is another mans sanity.....hah..just made my own quote......im a quote girl ....luv them....

heres one by abraham lincoln.....

Quote:
IN THE END, ITS NOT THE YEARS IN YOUR LIFE BUT THE LIFE IN YOUR YEARS
what that quote signifies to me is the shortness of life whirlwind guy..time on earth is not infinite its actually a small space...that is unknown.....why do we wait.....when we dont know how long we have to move......we need to live not wait....and that means yeah sometimes we are going to make mistakes or jump a little too soon......but that is the "life in our years" not the"years in our life".....and to know when something feels right and good..you jump on that thang and you enjoy the view all the way good or bad..............smilin.....good luck..and happy landings......deb
todreaminblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 7:30 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 355
Quote:
Originally Posted by todreaminblue View Post
time..another's mans crazy is another mans sanity.....hah..just made my own quote......im a quote girl ....luv them....

heres one by abraham lincoln.....



what that quote signifies to me is the shortness of life whirlwind guy..time on earth is not infinite its actually a small space...that is unknown.....why do we wait.....when we dont know how long we have to move......we need to live not wait....and that means yeah sometimes we are going to make mistakes or jump a little too soon......but that is the "life in our years" not the"years in our life".....and to know when something feels right and good..you jump on that thang and you enjoy the view all the way good or bad..............smilin.....good luck..and happy landings......deb
Perfectly sums up how I feel. I try and make good choices, but honestly, I'm too old to be that cautious. I want to enjoy the years I have left with a woman I can love.
WhirlwindGuy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 7:35 PM   #12
Established Member
 
RecentChange's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 3,716
Yep! Sometimes it's works. My dad got remarried in a whirlwind - married within 8 months, and that was over 25 years ago.

Unfortunately I have seen many more fizzle and burn in Grand fashion - there is a reason why 2nd marriages see a 70% divorce rate.
RecentChange is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 9:18 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Gaeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 14,359
Because you have been in bad relationships before you should know you need more than a year to fully know someone enough to link your life and finance to them.

And exactly because you've been in bad relationships you should take your time to cross all the T's and dot all the I's before linking your life and finance to this woman.

And exactly because you've been in bad relationships before and you have a child involved it takes more than 'it feels right' to link your life and finance + your child's life to this woman.

And exactly because you've been in bad relationships before you should make sure that this relationship is the right one and the one that will last for the rest of your life, and this takes more than 'almost a year' to figure out.
Gaeta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 9:46 PM   #14
Established Member
 
greymatter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gaeta View Post
Because you have been in bad relationships before you should know you need more than a year to fully know someone enough to link your life and finance to them.

And exactly because you've been in bad relationships you should take your time to cross all the T's and dot all the I's before linking your life and finance to this woman.

And exactly because you've been in bad relationships before and you have a child involved it takes more than 'it feels right' to link your life and finance + your child's life to this woman.

And exactly because you've been in bad relationships before you should make sure that this relationship is the right one and the one that will last for the rest of your life, and this takes more than 'almost a year' to figure out.
We are all adults here and I don't think it's helpful to "should" people, but that's just me. If the OP had asked for advice, then okay, but otherwise, not helpful.
Kamille likes this.
greymatter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2017, 10:06 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Gaeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 14,359
Quote:
Originally Posted by greymatter View Post
We are all adults here and I don't think it's helpful to "should" people, but that's just me. If the OP had asked for advice, then okay, but otherwise, not helpful.
Let OP decide what is helpful.

I am not into telling people what they want to hear just to be nice.

He expressed on 3 different occasions in his story that he knows it's too fast, I know how to listen and I know how to advice accordingly.
Gaeta is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Good reason for being friends with ex? LostSheep Breaks and Breaking Up 2 25th April 2016 2:31 PM
We're you ever stood up for a good reason? Gaeta Dating 212 6th January 2015 4:51 PM
is this a good reason for divorce? heartbroken2014 Separation and Divorce 13 15th May 2014 6:38 AM
Good reason to break up? JaneInVegas Breaks and Breaking Up 10 7th December 2005 2:26 PM
Is This A Good Reason For Divorce KANSAN Separation and Divorce 3 4th May 2004 2:08 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:55 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.