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Fiance much younger and chummy with business associate. Help!


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So my fiance is 17yearz younger fyi. Im 42 she is 25

 

We are very compatible..other than the age difference. Lately she has been very chummy with a business associate in her profession so much that she took my kids and her family to a zoo recently that he just happens to be a volunteer at....so the day she takes her nephew uncle and my daughter...he wasn't scheduled to work that day...mind. you this is volunteer.

 

So i find out he goes an hours drive to be there when she arrives....even though he wasn't scheduled....so he can get them behind scenes to feed zoo animals. I would have no issues ..but. i know he has a huge crush on her. Hes not her type at all...im tall..imposing..successful. hes short mild mannered and non threatening......i just think shes trying to make this more than a friendship....he obviously is.

 

Im more concerned for me daughter who has grown fond of her over 2 years. She is 8.

 

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This guy isn't her type. Hes just her age.....but how do i know....i could do details...lets say im a lot to handle and she never feels unfulfilled....this dude is a stack short of a man card. But some chicks love the guys that are puppy cute....

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From what you've said, I've deduced that you've got a kind and considerate girlfriend that went to the effort of taking your kids as well as her own family members for a trip to the zoo. For all you know, this guy had offered your girlfriend a free opportunity to get up close and personal with the animals because he works there and knows the way around.

 

You say that you know that he likes her, how do you know this?

 

Everything seems friendly and above board from what I've gathered. I don't mean to offend, but judging by how you've reiterated a few times that you're some kind of Adonis ;) and know how to keep her satisfied, could it be that you feel somewhat threatened by a younger man showing you fiancé interest? If so, it is only natural to feel this way. Plus, if she is attractive, she will attract attention regularly. How have you dealt with this throughout your 4 year relationship?

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Agree with Goldsparkz above and it sounds like you don't trust her and come across as quite insecure.

 

There's nothing fishy about what happened. Just a fun day out with extras for the kids.

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Well. Yes i agree it was kind to take kids to the zoo. But I sorta caught her in a little white lie. At first she said that when she had told this guy of her plans...his response was ...i happen to work that day...presidents day. Turns out she knew he rearranged his schedule and went in on a day that he wasn't scheduled and rearranged his schedule just for her. This she conveniently withheld but slipped and said it while on a phone call yesterday

 

Her story didnt jive.

 

I know the guy also and they have had qiite a few real estate meetings on sundays which ive always dealt with and trusted the two of them together.

 

 

This deal goes back months he is buying a house.... But now this zoo visit was making me wonder.

 

Im attractive and successful but no adonis. My post was a drunken post. Last night...so. sorry it comes off a little arrogant

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Over our years. I have been ok with other men taking her to business lunches etc...bars not ok . She wouldnt like it if i went to bars w women so we are being respectful ofeach other in that regard. Maybe theyre just becoming good friends which is ok. The little lie I didnt like

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Over our years. I have been ok with other men taking her to business lunches etc...bars not ok . She wouldnt like it if i went to bars w women so we are being respectful ofeach other in that regard. Maybe theyre just becoming good friends which is ok. The little lie I didnt like

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If you are all that & a bag of chips (based on your screen name) but he's not her type, just because he has a crush on her does not mean she is unfaithful. She probably just used him for the behind the scenes tour of the zoo to benefit your daughter. What's that line from the Eagles' song: Pretty girls just seem to find out early, how to open doors with just smile.

 

 

That said, until you fully trust her you can't marry.

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Well I have trusted her. This discrepancy in the story is fishy. Why would she tell me he was scheduled to. Work. But the truth was that she knew he wasnt. Guess I will wait and see. I would hate to give her a dose of the same medicine with another more attractive woman...she would feel just as hurt concerned as I do.

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I would hate to give her a dose of the same medicine with another more attractive woman...she would feel just as hurt concerned as I do.

 

Yeah, because that would be the mature thing to do...

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Just making a point. Not gonna do that. Shoes on the other foot thing

 

Shoes on the other foot thing... if I didn't know better based on the content of your post and the way it is written, I would say that you were in high school.

 

Truth is, I would be a little suspicious of her behavior. But, I think your response is unhealthy and immature.

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Well my feelings are hurt.

 

So I post in a dating forum.

 

If thats the worst I do over the situation to seek some advice...what have i really done that is do wrong?

 

Just curious what other people would think. I have done nothing wrong. Unless asking advice from people on how I should perceive this situation is wrong.

 

Yes if someone did this to you..would it not make you upset? Its a fair question to see how she would react if I did this.

I know for a fact she would be upset.

 

I dont lie to her and i dont like being lied to. But its not about me

..itswhether i should continue a relationship w a woman who hasv

Become very good friends with my 8 yr old daughter. I dont really care if she likes the guy as much as I care about my daughter being hurt if she goes. But damn if I will let it continue another day if thats the end game. Guess that's my failt for thinking she was mire mature than your typical millenial.

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Thank you. For a constructive response. That has crossed my mind.

 

She is the one that was pressuring me to get engaged last year so that's something I have another year to figure out before a wedding.....If the relationship is as it has been ..I have no problem staying married. For some reason I seem to only attract 20 somethings maybe in 5 years it will be 30somethings and this wont be as big a problem...

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Have you asked her?

 

 

If you love her enough to want to marry her, you need to trust her enough to be vulnerable around her.

 

 

Tell her that this other guy worries you & that you are jealous. Seriously admit your insecurity. Then after you make that disclosure ask her to explain the discrepancy about his work schedule.

 

 

I still think she was just using him for this tour & probably didn't mention it or downplayed it with a white lie because she didn't want to upset you. I doubt she's cheating but you know her, we don't.

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Yea I want to believe that same thing. It sounds plausible.

 

THANKS FOR THE ADVICE

 

I am going to just observe....after this house is bought they should see less interaction. So it may be a non issue.

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So my fiance is 17yearz younger fyi. Im 42 she is 25

 

<snip> i know he has a huge crush on her. Hes not her type at all...im tall..imposing..succesful. hes short mild mannered and non threatening......i just think shes trying to make this more than a friendship....he obviously is.

 

You know the old story where the beach bully walks up to the mild mannered 98 pound weakling sunning himself on the beach, kicks sand on him and steals his girlfriend right there on the spot? Well, this is how that same guy does the same thing to you. Of course she told you a small lie - she knows the truth will upset you. Now, do I think they had sex at the zoo? Probably not, but he is building up a bond with her. Make no mistake, this or something similar will happen again. The lies will continue and get larger. Eventually, she will sleep with him... Either you find a way to nip this in the bud [] or you say good-by to your girlfriend... :(

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I do agree to an extent.

 

It's quite natural to bond with someone you spend time with. Close proximity will lead to feelings and rest will be history!

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Yea I know the dude. I dont sweat him doing this deal with her. But you are right he is trying to build that bond i feel. She may be a little aloof to that but Im pretty sure he was raised right- has good parents and hes up to my waist so.. He cant be that stupid. Im sure it will go away once he closes on this house. Shes a realtor

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Perhaps she told a little white lie because she knew that you would react in this way and make assumptions that may not be correct.

 

I agree with the others about the guy being attracted to her, so the only thing you can do is continue to trust her but watch the guy to see whether he gives you any more reasons to be suspicious.

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Shes a realtor

 

 

Fasten your seatbelt.

 

 

She is always going to be younger then you are. She's in sales; flirting helps close the deal. There will always be another property & another dude.

 

 

Get a handle on your jealousy & insecurity or walk away now. This doesn't end when this particular sale closes. It just means this guy goes away so she can move on to the next customer.

 

 

I really don't think she's cheating but I fear that you will always be concerned because deep down you lack trust, not because of anything she did but because of the age difference which is freaking you out.

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She has had other sales etc with guys meetings etc..my only concern has been if she doesnt know them. Google the name ...felonies rape megans list etc...

 

I have female clients. Yea some are hot. I have 5 girls that work for me that are attractive. I dont want to be that jealous guy its not fair.

 

This is a different situation but I think its gonna be a non issue. Hell as long as we are together another 10 years happy....im happy. She can ditch me then. By then my daughter will be 18 and understand more

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If your going to be reduced to such paranoia over your much younger woman, why not date somebody nearer your own age . I could never date a much younger guy - the age thing would get to me. Mind you, its probably different for guys.

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I get the sense that the age difference keeps you on your toes more than maybe you'd care to admit. Your concern seems to be as much about this guy being closer in age to her as it does her bonding with this guy. And truthfully, I can't say I blame you. That's a pretty hearty age difference when one of the involved people is in their twenties.

 

I don't necessarily think there's anything going on with this guy, but I do think that the age gap will continue to present insecurity issues with you.

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