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Am I with the wrong person?..."political"


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Old 2nd February 2017, 11:16 PM   #1
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Unhappy Am I with the wrong person?..."political"

I'm so upset right now. This is a bit political so bare with me if you disagree, but to me it's more about values and compatibility of such values. My fiancÚ has never been very politically inclined. He considers himself a libertarian, which drives me nuts as a pretty liberal person myself,but I've considered this to be on the healthy side of disagreements. Well, to make a long story short, I took the Trump victory pretty hard. I felt depressed for days and have recently been feeling better. As better as one can feel anyway given the current political climate, anyway.. Recently my fiancÚ's been making some comments which I consider pretty dismissive, some of them being that people should just get over Trump being president , that people are just upset over the fact that he is not a "career politician" , and that people should stop protesting (which he later took back and said people should do whatever they want but he just doesn't see the point in it). Among other things, he said that he is neutral on the topic of the wall, that he doesn't see the point of it but government always spends money on all sorts of things...blah blah you get the point. It just seems like he is totally normalizing Trump which has been deeply disturbing to me. I'm used to us not agreeing on many things but this to me goes beyond politics. I've been so upset and seriously wondering if I should break up with him over this. I love him and don't want to make a rash decision, but I could really use some advice on this. This makes me question the kind of person he is and his values. He says that I'm just upset that he doesn't agree with me. Am I being crazy to consider ending our relationship over this? I think a big part of what bothers me is his total lack of care about what is going on. Just plain apathy...I just don't get it. as a woman and an immigrant I kind of resent this.
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Old 3rd February 2017, 8:12 AM   #2
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You are feeling what you are feeling. There are a lot of people who are going to be dismissive of the pain you feel as a result of this election. In full disclosure I think a lot of people's reaction is disproportionate. However, I am empathetic to anyone who is upset.


Ending a relationship over politics seems an overreaction to me. Ending a relationship because your partner is not compassionate is legitimate. Even if he thinks your reaction is ridiculous, if he loves you he needs to be more sensitive to how you are feelings.


FWIW many of my friends who feel the way you do have taken more concrete steps to fight against what they see as the injustice. They are volunteering for causes they believe in. They are doing more then protesting or wallowing. Try those things to help heal your soul & take this country in a direction you believe in.
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Old 3rd February 2017, 8:39 AM   #3
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Thanks Donnivain. I am certainly getting more involved and that has been helping. I am used to Lots of people who voted for Trump being dismissive. I just didn't expect it from him. He didn't vote for Trump, and he has the right to his opinion. I just wish he were more compassionate and sensitive. Thanks again for your thoughts. I will give it some time to cool down and have a conversation about this with him.
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Old 3rd February 2017, 9:58 AM   #4
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He may not be compassionate because he doesn't agree with you.

If the roles were reversed, and say he was very upset at all the hate towards Trump, how sympathetic would you be?

Think long and hard about that.

I don't think people need to break up because they disagree about politics. He is trying to help by saying people need to move on and think positive. Wallowing in pity does nothing for the current state of affairs.
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Old 3rd February 2017, 10:15 AM   #5
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So, first...last night on Stephen Colbert, Dr. Phil said, (paraphrasing a bit), "The election is over -- now, what are you going to do about it?" So, basically, it IS time to get over it AND it is time to decide how you are going to proceed. (In this, your fiancÚ is just being realistic and practical.)

Your fiancÚ's values have not changed, actually; it's just that the election result has opened this opportunity for you to get a clearer understanding of his political and social attitudes and views.

Now. Does he value love, kindness, equality, tolerance, compassion?
For me personally, I would not knowingly marry someone who does not highly value these things; and, really, only I personally could ever know if I am marrying the right/best person for me.

Hugs, ConfusedAF -- I do get that it might take a whole lotta Soul-searching. Best of luck.
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Old 3rd February 2017, 10:17 AM   #6
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Thanks for sharing your viewpoint. I don't really think you need to agree with somebody to be compassionate. On the other hand, yes, I admit that I would have a hard time with someone being upset with all the hate towards Trump given what Trump stands for. He has done nothing but promote help himself, by putting other people down and disrespecting them (whether it be women, immigrants, Muslims, etc.) Anyway, it seems like he is more apathetic than encouraging people to be positive, and that's what I am having a hard time connecting with. He just doesn't seem to care either way. He's never really cared about politics and that's fine. I just see this as beyond politics...This man is against everything I believe in and is outwardly hateful and disrespectful. I have a hard time understanding how someone can just "not care." Thanks again/
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Old 3rd February 2017, 10:19 AM   #7
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Thanks Ronni_W! I guess a big part of it is that it makes me question if he values those things and that's what makes me question it and feel so upset about it. Not the fact that he disagreed. Thanks for your kind words, I will keep them in mind!
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Old 3rd February 2017, 10:21 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedAF View Post
I just see this as beyond politics...
As I said above, yes, I agree. On the surface it can appear to be only about politics/Trump; but, it really isn't.
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Old 3rd February 2017, 10:30 AM   #9
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30+ years canceling out each others votes and counting!

It does get heated from time to time, but enough said... ..lol..
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Old 3rd February 2017, 10:36 AM   #10
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Haha. Thanks Good to hear you are going strong after 30 years!
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Old 3rd February 2017, 10:40 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedAF View Post
Thanks for sharing your viewpoint. I don't really think you need to agree with somebody to be compassionate. On the other hand, yes, I admit that I would have a hard time with someone being upset with all the hate towards Trump given what Trump stands for. He has done nothing but promote help himself, by putting other people down and disrespecting them (whether it be women, immigrants, Muslims, etc.) Anyway, it seems like he is more apathetic than encouraging people to be positive, and that's what I am having a hard time connecting with. He just doesn't seem to care either way. He's never really cared about politics and that's fine. I just see this as beyond politics...This man is against everything I believe in and is outwardly hateful and disrespectful. I have a hard time understanding how someone can just "not care." Thanks again/
He just doesn't agree with your stance though. A lot of people don't. It doesn't mean you are right or that he is right. That is yet to be seen.
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Old 3rd February 2017, 1:36 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by ConfusedAF View Post
I have a hard time understanding how someone can just "not care." Thanks again/
I can guarantee if you stay together, this won't be the last time you'll disagree about something, including those things you feel strongly about.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedAF View Post
as a pretty liberal person myself
As am I. And to me, that liberal set of values includes tolerance for the beliefs of others and their right to express them. Can't have it both ways...

Mr. Lucky
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Old 3rd February 2017, 1:41 PM   #13
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I am certainly getting more involved
ConfusedAF,
For us, at a higher level, this is the precise reason that we can have some faith that, in the grand scheme of things, there is a great potential for great good
to come out of Trump's election.

For example, my roommate just read that the co-founder (or whatever) of Uber has resigned from his role as advisor to Trump -- because 200,000 Uber users
(as of most-recent count) have deleted their accounts because he accepted the role in the first place.

Now; these are probably people who would have stayed complacent and disinterested had Clinton been elected. So, Trump is galvanizing grassroots support -
- for higher values and principles . He is, in effect and most truly, 'forcing' people to not only take a stand but to outwardly make that stand known.
Nothing but good can come out of that, right? -- bringing everything, whether bad or good, out into the open.

Let's hold this higher vision...and keep our fingers crossed!
Ronni

Last edited by Ronni_W; 3rd February 2017 at 1:45 PM.. Reason: formatting
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Old 3rd February 2017, 3:08 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Mr. Lucky View Post
I can guarantee if you stay together, this won't be the last time you'll disagree about something, including those things you feel strongly about.




We disagree all the time. This felt bigger than that because I have no room in my life for mysogyny or racism...and a lack of caring/apathy makes me concerned about how important this issues are (or in this case are not) to him.




As am I. And to me, that liberal set of values includes tolerance for the beliefs of others and their right to express them. Can't have it both ways...

Mr. Lucky
See above: I agree that tolerance for the beliefs of others is important but I cross the line at the things that have been happening in this campaign (and now the presidency).
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Old 3rd February 2017, 3:10 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Ronni_W View Post
ConfusedAF,
For us, at a higher level, this is the precise reason that we can have some faith that, in the grand scheme of things, there is a great potential for great good
to come out of Trump's election.

For example, my roommate just read that the co-founder (or whatever) of Uber has resigned from his role as advisor to Trump -- because 200,000 Uber users
(as of most-recent count) have deleted their accounts because he accepted the role in the first place.

Now; these are probably people who would have stayed complacent and disinterested had Clinton been elected. So, Trump is galvanizing grassroots support -
- for higher values and principles . He is, in effect and most truly, 'forcing' people to not only take a stand but to outwardly make that stand known.
Nothing but good can come out of that, right? -- bringing everything, whether bad or good, out into the open.

Let's hold this higher vision...and keep our fingers crossed!
Ronni

Thanks for your words, Ronni. I sure hope so! Trying
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