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Whats best for the Kids? Marriage or Common Law


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Old 2nd February 2017, 2:05 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
Marriage is a lot more of a stabalizing factor than people think. I have yet to see the Common law couple plan surprise B-days and really act very loving towards each other.
Eh, I haven't observed this among the couples I know, and for myself.

My husband (yes, now husband!) and I have been together for over 15 years. We moved in together and cohabited funds after 6 months, engaged after 3 years..... and never really got around to getting married. We do not have kids, didn't really want a wedding, just put it off.

Until last year we were in Vegas one weekend and said LETS DO IT! And did.

The surprise birthday thing popped out at me, because about 3 years ago he put on the most amazing surprise party for me. Got all of my friends together, from near and far, including friends from college that I had not seen in years. Got my favorite sushi chef to make us a custom spread. I was in awe.

My best friend has been with her husband for 17 years - they didn't get married till after 10 years (and did the same as I, ran away and eloped).

But we both DID get married - so I guess that says something.

In the end, I think parents should be married. If you can't commit your life with someone, don't breed with them - a kid is a way bigger commitment than a marriage. Married and no kids? You can divorce and go your separate ways.

Kid? That other parent is going to be a part of your life for at least 18 years.

Also, while common law is "legal" its recognized by only 10 states. And there are often requirements - like declaring you intend to marry. For medical directives, insurance, taxes, and other legal reasons it makes sense to be legally married.
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Old 13th March 2017, 9:48 PM   #17
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It's best to be married to one person for life, with a real commitment, a real marriage, with a wedding performed in an honorable way, and to stay faithful. If someone dies, marry someone else if you want.
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Old 16th March 2017, 7:30 PM   #18
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What's best for the kids is their parents not fighting. So whatever makes the two of you calmest is what's good for the kids.
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Old 17th March 2017, 9:05 AM   #19
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It depends where you live and the law in your country.

In my culture only 50% of couples are married, the other half lives together with no type of contract. In my country the children born out of wedlock are 100% protected as if the parents were married.

In my family I am the only child out of 4 that married. All my siblings have been in long term relationships with children for 10-15-25 years and certainly are as devoted to their children and relationship as any married couples.

If I were American, with everything I know of your laws and culture, I would not have children out of wedlock but here it's perfectly fine.
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Old 17th March 2017, 12:18 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
So what is it about Marriage that defeats common-law.

Not every living together situation rises to the level of common law. The majority of US jurisdictions do not even recognize it & even if yours does, what a p.i.t.a. to get it recognized by the next place if you move. There are specific requirements to get to common law: usually living together for some lengthy period of time (more than 7 years); telling people you are H&W; having joint bank accounts etc.


Where it is recognized whether you are married via common law or through an officiant (by a wedding) you are still married.


Try it this way: 2+2 = 4 but so does 3 +1. Your Q asks which 4 is better. They are the same. If you are married you are married.
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