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Wedding Planning Ultimate Thread


Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

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Old 20th March 2017, 11:20 AM   #16
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My sisters held my bridal shower on Saturday (we are trying to front load as many events as we can now before our closest friends start moving). There were just ten of us in a tiny tea shop with tufted Edwardian chairs and pastel frames, mismatched China, and rose-gilded silverware. My sister's had decked the place out with confetti and decor in our wedding colors. We had an unlimited supply of delicate scones, pastries, and finger sandwiches to go with our tea. It was moving to walk in and look at these people, friends and family whom I've been blessed to have in my life...friends and family I haven't always been close to when I've sunk into depression. And now they're here for me in a chair at the head of the table with "Bride to Be" banners on it.

It was such a nice event. I loved catching up with everyone. One of my presents was a framed photograph of me dancing with my fiancÚ. My face is obscured due to the angle, which is apparently why my friends chose it. I was so honored if not amused that my social anxiety and low self-esteem are so obvious with everyone else. My middle sister had planned all of two games, which was exactly two more than I would have liked but all things considered I'm glad they did, as they helped lulls in the conversation. Later she said "I hope you liked it and it wasn't too extra!" I assured her it wasn't and had to laugh at a 34-year-old saying "extra".

We have a wedding photographer. I was really against it but he showed up to the meeting and we got on like a house on fire. He also happened to work in our former field, and after a couple drinks and a lot of charm from my fiancÚ he presented us such a good deal we couldn't turn him down. So now I just have to accustom myself to the idea of people taking professional photographs of me.

Oh, also, for the wedding industrial complex file:

Me: "Hi, do you do makeup for special events?"
Employee Of Major Beauty Chain Store: "Yes, of course."
Me: "Great, how much? I just need quick eye and face makeup for my bridal shower."
Employee: "Oh. Anything bridal is automatically $90. If you had come in off the street or made a regular request it would have been $45."
Me: "Uh, excuse me?"
(Pause.)
Employee: "Um, my manager just corrected me. All makeup is $90 no matter what."
Me: "Uh-huh. Thank you." *click*
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Old 20th March 2017, 3:23 PM   #17
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Bridal shower sounds lovely! Exciting!

Advice for make up: make it *very* water-proof (thin layers of everything, worked up in the skin as much as possible) for the ceremony if you're more of an emotional type, melting make-up is not a great look... It is almost tempting not to tell them it is for your wedding to save costs, like just telling them it is for an official ceremony and you'd be wearing light colors haha.

I'm like you in terms of social situations, and my closest-to-wedding experience (my phd defence) was nerve-wracking. I remember having 80+ guests that were kissing and hugging me in line during the reception, but that was tolerable because of the repetitiveness. The actual party was in a great spot having a huge outdoor space so it was much more palatable.

Your wedding party will be in the evening right? Will it be sit down or a buffet type of party?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lana-banana View Post
My sisters held my bridal shower on Saturday (we are trying to front load as many events as we can now before our closest friends start moving). There were just ten of us in a tiny tea shop with tufted Edwardian chairs and pastel frames, mismatched China, and rose-gilded silverware. My sister's had decked the place out with confetti and decor in our wedding colors. We had an unlimited supply of delicate scones, pastries, and finger sandwiches to go with our tea. It was moving to walk in and look at these people, friends and family whom I've been blessed to have in my life...friends and family I haven't always been close to when I've sunk into depression. And now they're here for me in a chair at the head of the table with "Bride to Be" banners on it.

It was such a nice event. I loved catching up with everyone. One of my presents was a framed photograph of me dancing with my fiancÚ. My face is obscured due to the angle, which is apparently why my friends chose it. I was so honored if not amused that my social anxiety and low self-esteem are so obvious with everyone else. My middle sister had planned all of two games, which was exactly two more than I would have liked but all things considered I'm glad they did, as they helped lulls in the conversation. Later she said "I hope you liked it and it wasn't too extra!" I assured her it wasn't and had to laugh at a 34-year-old saying "extra".

We have a wedding photographer. I was really against it but he showed up to the meeting and we got on like a house on fire. He also happened to work in our former field, and after a couple drinks and a lot of charm from my fiancÚ he presented us such a good deal we couldn't turn him down. So now I just have to accustom myself to the idea of people taking professional photographs of me.

Oh, also, for the wedding industrial complex file:

Me: "Hi, do you do makeup for special events?"
Employee Of Major Beauty Chain Store: "Yes, of course."
Me: "Great, how much? I just need quick eye and face makeup for my bridal shower."
Employee: "Oh. Anything bridal is automatically $90. If you had come in off the street or made a regular request it would have been $45."
Me: "Uh, excuse me?"
(Pause.)
Employee: "Um, my manager just corrected me. All makeup is $90 no matter what."
Me: "Uh-huh. Thank you." *click*
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Old 21st March 2017, 10:07 AM   #18
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It's my thread, so hopefully folks will forgive the tangent, but defending a PhD dissertation is so much more important than getting married! A major contribution to the arts, sciences, or law is so much more critical for society's well-being and deserves to be celebrated too! I realize that marriages have been around for millennia and women in higher education are relatively new, but let's start now! Let's recruit academaids of honor, have bachelor's of arts parties, groomasters, etc. But seriously I am so happy to hear you had a big party. It is so awesome to see a celebration of women's achievements that don't involve other people (you got married! You had a kid!).

Our party will involve lots of passed appetizers and a buffet style dinner. It'll be in the early evening. We plan to take pictures about an hour before the guests arrive so we are there to welcome everyone and maximize our party time.

I did go ahead and book a professional hair and makeup artist. That's a bit scary in its own right, as I am somewhat self-conscious about my hair. I take vitamins and use products in it but it never seems to get much better. With any luck a professional can make it work.

Everyone who is newly married advised us to eat a lot beforehand. "All that delicious food you're paying for? Yeah, you aren't going to have a chance to eat any of it." I bet that's true...

This installment's cost breakdown:
Cab to shower - $26
Bridal shower makeup from a Craigslist rando - $60
Photographer deposit - $350

Quote:
Originally Posted by No_Go View Post
Bridal shower sounds lovely! Exciting!

Advice for make up: make it *very* water-proof (thin layers of everything, worked up in the skin as much as possible) for the ceremony if you're more of an emotional type, melting make-up is not a great look... It is almost tempting not to tell them it is for your wedding to save costs, like just telling them it is for an official ceremony and you'd be wearing light colors haha.

I'm like you in terms of social situations, and my closest-to-wedding experience (my phd defence) was nerve-wracking. I remember having 80+ guests that were kissing and hugging me in line during the reception, but that was tolerable because of the repetitiveness. The actual party was in a great spot having a huge outdoor space so it was much more palatable.

Your wedding party will be in the evening right? Will it be sit down or a buffet type of party?
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Old 21st March 2017, 11:11 AM   #19
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I promise this is the last tangent but in the country where I defended (the Netherlands) the dissertation defenses are indeed structured like weddings: e.g. on the stage with you you have 2 helpers (called paranymphs) that you choose to be on your left and right side, you read a Bible passage before you start, there is a ceremonial master (called pedel) etc. It is the same ceremony that has been going from ... 16th century! It is super cool that they preserved the tradition (albeit women are in it just from recently...)

So back to the real wedding: your setting - pictures before the event, buffet dinner - it just perfect to allow you to enjoy the dinner and your guests! Haha, I'll be shocked if you can eat beforehand - a lot of emotions to handle

You shouldn't worry about hair - professionals can do wonders. Vitamins etc are great for upkeep, but for the event I bet they'll make it work (they can put extensions if necessary, inserts for updos and what not). It is more of a thing to find a hair and make up style that fits your wedding type, dress, personal preferences etc.

Keep us posted! It is so awesome to virtually participate in the LB wedding

Quote:
Originally Posted by lana-banana View Post
It's my thread, so hopefully folks will forgive the tangent, but defending a PhD dissertation is so much more important than getting married! A major contribution to the arts, sciences, or law is so much more critical for society's well-being and deserves to be celebrated too! I realize that marriages have been around for millennia and women in higher education are relatively new, but let's start now! Let's recruit academaids of honor, have bachelor's of arts parties, groomasters, etc. But seriously I am so happy to hear you had a big party. It is so awesome to see a celebration of women's achievements that don't involve other people (you got married! You had a kid!).

Our party will involve lots of passed appetizers and a buffet style dinner. It'll be in the early evening. We plan to take pictures about an hour before the guests arrive so we are there to welcome everyone and maximize our party time.

I did go ahead and book a professional hair and makeup artist. That's a bit scary in its own right, as I am somewhat self-conscious about my hair. I take vitamins and use products in it but it never seems to get much better. With any luck a professional can make it work.

Everyone who is newly married advised us to eat a lot beforehand. "All that delicious food you're paying for? Yeah, you aren't going to have a chance to eat any of it." I bet that's true...

This installment's cost breakdown:
Cab to shower - $26
Bridal shower makeup from a Craigslist rando - $60
Photographer deposit - $350
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Old 5th April 2017, 7:45 PM   #20
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LANA!

waiting for an update!

hope all is well and you're having the time of your life with FiancÚ Banana.

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Old 13th June 2017, 6:29 PM   #21
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Hi, Minimariah! And everyone else, hello, hello! We've been so busy with work and home renovation (we're onto the minor stuff now) that I've barely been on LS, much less posting.

We took our engagement photos this past weekend. I didn't want to do it at all. It seemed like a lot of money to waste on photos of myself I'm invariably going to hate because I hate all pictures of myself by default. The thought of the shoot was literally making me break out. On the day of my eyes were neon-red with an unspecified allergy and I had a cold sore on my lip. Great, just great.

I had reserved a lovely dress from Rent the Runway with this shoot in mind. About a week before the shooting, they informed me that there'd been a problem with the dress rental and would I mind choosing a backup? Well, I damn near hit the roof. I own all of six shirts and wear a pair of jeans I've had since high school; what am I supposed to do for an engagement shoot? The company immediately apologized and allowed me to choose any other dress free of charge. Feeling entitled and daring, I went with a ludicrously expensive Herve Leger---it was an extra-small so it'd be a squeeze, even for me---and hoped for the best.

My hair and makeup artist is a thoughtful, soft-spoken man on the upper side of fifty who specializes in weddings and drag events. It was Pride Weekend in our town so he had a few other clients needing makeup for the parade, but I got his full attention for the whole two hours. He also plied me with all the wine, fruit and cheese I could ask for, but I couldn't eat (cf. extra-small dress). I definitely helped myself to the wine, though.

"What do you want from your hair on your wedding day?"
"My hair drives me crazy. I want to forget it exists."
"Done."

With a few more questions here and there we decided on an updo, with some curls but not too many, and my bangs kept mostly to the side. I was thrilled with the final product. I was also thrilled with the way he did my makeup: it was so elegant and subtle I could've worn it to church. He assured me the wedding makeup would be more glamorous but I told him this was fine.

I came home and miraculously squeezed myself into the tube sock of a dress, which for the record looked FANTASTIC, and we headed to the first site of our photo shoot, a public park that is renowned for its green spaces and classical architecture. The photographer posed us a little bit but was generally content to let us flirt and clown around. He showed us a few pictures on his camera and I was amazed. I looked good! We looked good! So this is what professional photography is all about. Okay, I get it now. I can't wait to see these when they're done.

My fiance and I are both passionate about cooking and it seemed appropriate, but we couldn't find a public kitchen with available space. Our photographer let us borrow his kitchen! So we took pictures of me throwing dough around and fixing a salad, my fiance made cocktails, it inevitably ended with us going Lady and the Tramp on a piece of bread with my homemade strawberry-rhubarb jam. When we were done we toasted our success with leftover champagne shared with the photographer and his wife.

We have tickets and hotel rooms for our honeymoon. Is it wrong I'm more excited for that than the actual wedding? It's not, right?
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Old 13th June 2017, 6:33 PM   #22
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Glad the shoot worked out well especially since you were dreading it. It's good practice for all the smiling you will be doing on the Big Day.


It's fine to be excited for the HM In addition to the fun marital aspects after all the planning & running around you need some down time together.
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Old 14th June 2017, 6:16 PM   #23
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My first wedding I did the biggish wedding (still small by traditional standards) and invited all the family and friends. If I get married again I would prefer something small and simple.
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Old 5th July 2017, 10:23 AM   #24
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Well, we got married. We have a lot of business travel between now and October and had some spare time to dash to the courthouse. I was afraid it would be akin to the DMV, but it took about a half-hour from start to finish.

Our clerk was an elderly man who in between instructions ranted about Americans' obsession with guns. We agreed yes, America has a real problem, it's too easy to kill someone in this country, yes we do plan to officiate our own wedding, thanks. Because we opted against a ceremony we had to go outside ("go to the Starbucks!", the clerk advised), exchange a couple sentences we invented on the spot, and come back inside for them to stamp the paperwork.

We don't have wedding bands yet. My legal name change has to wait til after the honeymoon because we've already had our tickets issued, but I have new email accounts with his name and will start using it on daily communication. It's...weird. Being married to him is wonderful, exciting, fine. But being married, period, is terrifying! That's something for grown-ups! When did I get old enough to be a married woman with a house?
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Old 5th July 2017, 11:34 AM   #25
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Congrats!!! Your story reminds me the Monday morning weddings in NL - they were invented specifically so people don't lose a work day (you go at 7.30 am so you're not late for work ) and pick up as witnesses volunteers from the street. Easy done!

Does it feel different? After being together for such a long time I guess you're feeling married already - but now is the read deal

Wedding bands will come after the actual wedding, right? (was it October?)

Regarding aging... A friend of mine from Korea was telling me a nice proverb that I forgot precisely, but the meaning was the clock is moving with increasing speed as you age... It really does feel like it! But middle age is fun, much much nicer than the filled with insecurities 20s!

Legal name change... gosh, why is this still a thing? Is there a way to avoid it? Sounds so sexist to me... But I guess it gives some sense of belonging together (I'm still not going to do it if I ever get married haha, if there is any way to avoid it).

Congrats again Lana - enjoy the beginning of the married journey!
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Old 5th July 2017, 12:25 PM   #26
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There is no requirement to change your name. Many of my friends didn't. I personally want to; I like my last name, but I like his last name too, and it's a tradition I am comfortable honoring. (I know a guy who had a horrible upbringing and took his wife's last name when he married.)

NL weddings sound about right. It really shouldn't take long or be a big deal. I love the idea of it being so early in the morning---what a romantic way to start the day!

Wedding rings will come in October, although we should probably go shopping one of these weekends while we're still in town. Our invites came today, but we still have to order envelopes and thank-you cards for after the wedding party. The wedding itself is mostly taken care of. People will show up at the venue, we'll all clap and cheer, hear two speeches, and proceed to party. I will probably be more excited for the flight for our honeymoon the next evening. We have a hotel room booked for the night before and the night of the wedding (using just my hotel points...business travel has some perks) so we don't have to be stressing out around the house.

Funniest part from the marriage experience: the receipt for our wedding license just had the name of the marriage bureau and says "SALE" across the top. He's been bragging he got me at a discount.
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Old 5th July 2017, 1:17 PM   #27
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Congrats!!

I'm so excited for you and Mr. banana. You mentioned that he's also on LS. It must be interesting reading each other's posts sometimes.

I hope you have a lifetime of happiness!
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Old 5th July 2017, 2:49 PM   #28
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Thanks for your well-wisher! He is not on LS, but he always asks me "how are your stories?" as a joking reference to the way I read these threads like soap operas. He likes to weigh in, too! I never meant to tell him about LS but early on in our relationship he saw me reading a thread in the "Breaks and Breaking Up" section and he was very alarmed. I had to explain it was my hobby. Very awkward.
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Old 5th July 2017, 3:10 PM   #29
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Ha ha! That's hilarious. Hopefully, my boyfriend never finds out!

Great idea to get a hotel room for the wedding eve and wedding night. Let us know about the wedding party!

I love your thread!!!
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Old 5th July 2017, 5:43 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lana-banana View Post
Funniest part from the marriage experience: the receipt for our wedding license just had the name of the marriage bureau and says "SALE" across the top. He's been bragging he got me at a discount.
The 'SALE' on the licence is hilarious - I'm curious can you really get the licence on sale ?

Did you get the licence and the certificate in the same day? I thought you need to wait (I think it differs per country/state) and the licence has an expiration date like on your learners permit for driving
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