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He is considering marriage. How do I know he is serious?


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Old 15th December 2016, 9:48 AM   #1
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He is considering marriage. How do I know he is serious?

I actually don't know if I should post this here or in the LDR thread. I guess I just need to hear someone's thought.

I am 27. He is 28. We met from online dating and we have been dating for two years and three months, with almost one year of long distance.

I'm in Asia and he is in North America. When he wakes up, I get off work and we FaceTime whenever we can during that time frame. Weekend would be easier but basically try to "see" each other everyday. We text throughout the day even the other person is asleep. We visited each other twice (he came to Asia and then I went to North America) in the past 11 months.

I have a good job with a promising career path and he just graduated from grad school and looking for jobs. I have jealousy issues and he likes to flirt sometime. He is also friends with a girl who he slept with before. They are in the same city, meet up from time to time, usually not alone. Other than that and both of us aren't making a lot of money, our relationship is pretty stable.

Recently, he mentioned he is considering marriage and wants to have a long visit to Asia to meet my family during the holiday seasons (maybe a month). Pretty much like coming during Christmas time and meet everyone. In his words, he knows this won't be easy because of the cultural differences but want to see if it's gonna work. It all sounds good but we are not sure if he is actually coming because of the pending job interviews.

He said a lot of things before but didn't end up doing it. I'm afraid that this is a false hope too. What do you guys think? How should I handle it?
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Old 15th December 2016, 10:55 AM   #2
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IMO, if he comes to meet your family, things will probably go forward unless the visit results in problems. If he doesn't - and you say he does not always keep his word - then he probably won't follow through on anything, in which case you should cut your losses and move on.


There can always be an excuse to not do what you say you will, but a person with integrity will find a way to keep their promises.


I am assuming you met while in school or something, and you are now long distance. Distance is hard to overcome, though, so be realistic about the chances that this will work out.
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Old 15th December 2016, 11:30 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ckathk View Post
Recently, he mentioned he is considering marriage and wants to have a long visit to Asia to meet my family during the holiday seasons (maybe a month). Pretty much like coming during Christmas time and meet everyone. In his words, he knows this won't be easy because of the cultural differences but want to see if it's gonna work. It all sounds good but we are not sure if he is actually coming because of the pending job interviews.
"It all sounds good"? I've heard more enthusiastic recommendations in Amazon product reviews.

I see much discussion of challenges and issues in your post post but no mention of love or feeling of excitement. Forget his plans - is this something you want? Do you feel he's the one for you? Is this the life you ready to choose for yourself?

If you can't answer "yes", the rest of the details don't really matter...

Mr. Lucky
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Old 19th December 2016, 7:00 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ckathk View Post
I

He said a lot of things before but didn't end up doing it. I'm afraid that this is a false hope too. What do you guys think? How should I handle it?
ask him what time his plane gets in?

i have to say, your relationship sounds so boring, plodding along without any spark or romance, longing or affection.

sortof like a business or a movie that went from the beginning to what you think is supposed to be the happy ending.

i would think you would say, "i'm getting engaged, can't wait to see the ring, he's gonna be here soon!!". but no.

he's clearly let you down before and somehow you think it's going to be different this time.

and maybe it will, however i would not plan a single thing till after he arrives and i sure as **** would not jump thru hoops so he can meet everyone and "see how it goes".

if he loved you and couldn't live without you, it would not matter a tinker's damn if he gets along with everyone, it would only matter how soon you two could be together and where.

good luck
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Old 1st January 2017, 10:37 AM   #5
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In my opinion he is a great match for you. He has his faults, but he sounds like a guy who has his head on his shoulders and is way better than a lot of other guys. He just got out of grad school? So he takes his education and career seriously. You got a great career and he will probably have a great career, so financially the marriage will be stable. That is very important.

A lot of women hook up with deadbeat boyfriends. They can't hold a job down, they are abusive, they are alcoholics, drug addicts, they cheat on their partners regularly, etc... and these women stay in these relationships with these deadbeats.


Your man is way better than a lot of guys out there. I think he is a great catch for you and in my opinion you should marry him. I think if he mentioned marriage then he probably is serious, guys just need a little nudging sometimes to put their words into action. That is just my opinion though you have to make the decision.
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