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Fiance wants a 'contract' put in our marriage.


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Old 18th October 2016, 1:05 PM   #16
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I am very much in favor of prenups.

The problem I have is that he's essentially asking you to give up your friends, family, job, roots, etc. for him. What is the trade off for you? How likely is this scenario? Are we talking 1 day per year or months?

I agree with the other posters I've never heard of such an agreement but to each their own.
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Old 18th October 2016, 2:00 PM   #17
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Are you pursuing your own career now, and plan to continue in the future? If so, then you probably can't travel with him extensively, and may not have the time to fill the role he's asking of you. However, if you do not, then his career and future success is supporting you both, and it may be important for him to have your support in doing so, as hostess, companion, sounding board, or whatever. It's a rather traditional role, but not necessarily an unreasonable one. Of course, if you have kids in the future, travel may not always be an option, so that's an issue to discuss.


BTW, marriage is a contract, with the default benefits and responsibilities - and penalties for dissolution - set by the location of your legal residence. If you want to modify that default contract, then you need a prenup, a postnup, or other potentially binding agreement - or which at least sets expectations and documents intent.
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Old 18th October 2016, 2:44 PM   #18
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He has already cheated on you????
You are mad to continue this.
So many people on this forum, with marriages, kids,houses and cheating spouses on further discussion tell us "He/she cheated on me before we got married and I forgave as he/she promised me it was a one off and I love him/her and now he/she is cheating again, what can I do?"
I am not saying once a cheater always a cheater, but when someone shows they are a doormat once, they tend to get big muddy boots wiped on them time and time again..

Along with this ridiculous contract and his paranoia, best to just run away and forget him.
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Old 18th October 2016, 3:10 PM   #19
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Men and women have agreements and make deals with each other all the time. Trophy wives and arm-candy women are often expected to play a certain role in a man's life. Most of the time it's an implied expectation and agreement. Having an explicit agreement isn't necessarily bad.

I don't think any of us can determine what's right or wrong in your relationship. The determining factors should be, do you feel comfortable making that agreement and can you abide by it? It seems that you don't feel comfortable with it and it's almost impossible to abide by. How can you know if you'll be able to attend every trip? Attend every event?

At best, this agreement needs some work. I don't have a problem with you having a written agreement with your husband, I just think a contract should be something both of your agree on and can abide by.

Maybe it's time to renegotiate.
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Old 18th October 2016, 7:57 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by MidKnightDreams View Post
Men and women have agreements and make deals with each other all the time. Trophy wives and arm-candy women are often expected to play a certain role in a man's life. Most of the time it's an implied expectation and agreement. Having an explicit agreement isn't necessarily bad.

I don't think any of us can determine what's right or wrong in your relationship. The determining factors should be, do you feel comfortable making that agreement and can you abide by it? It seems that you don't feel comfortable with it and it's almost impossible to abide by. How can you know if you'll be able to attend every trip? Attend every event?

At best, this agreement needs some work. I don't have a problem with you having a written agreement with your husband, I just think a contract should be something both of your agree on and can abide by.

Maybe it's time to renegotiate.
Well said and wisely conveyed.

I am pre nup advocate which outlines EACH person's latitude.

One sided agreements are well...one sided.
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Old 18th October 2016, 10:56 PM   #21
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What are your thoughts on this guy's?
That you are engaged to quite possibly one of the biggest control freaks on the planet. I would return the wedding dress.
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Old 19th October 2016, 2:20 AM   #22
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Hi guys I'm probably putting this in the wrong section? If so, I apologise.

I'm engaged to be married to a financially comfortable man, a man I've been with for five years. Last night he presented to me a 'contract' to sign at some stage closer to the marriage, on it it asks of me to attend any work gatherings/European trips he has to attend or hosts without hesitation from me regardless if I want to etc. I asked him to get a prenuptial agreement to make himself more comfortable going into the marriage despite me claiming and genuinely meaning that I wouldn't want anything from him if we were unlucky enough for our marriage to end. When I brought this up he strongly disagreed with it and got passed that I brought it up to him. What are your thoughts on this guy's?
Eww. Please don't sign that contract! He sounds controlling and not someone who would put you first, let alone compromise.
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Old 19th October 2016, 11:48 AM   #23
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Last night he presented to me a 'contract' to sign at some stage closer to the marriage, on it it asks of me to attend any work gatherings/European trips he has to attend or hosts without hesitation from me regardless if I want to etc.
OP, do you work? Have you been hesitant to accompany him on trips like this in the past? Are there other similar conditions in this contract?

Seems like a strangely specific demand, can't help but wonder at the history behind it. If he's worried his absence would give you time to reciprocate his infidelity, he should understand most affairs (his included I'd assume) occur much closer to home ...

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Old 19th October 2016, 1:20 PM   #24
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Run OP run....I don't care how "comfortable" financially he is....money can't buy eternal happiness. It's like signing your soul over to the devil.

I agree this is about "Control" in a real sick way....he may as well get himself an escort instead.
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Old 19th October 2016, 1:41 PM   #25
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If my guy came up to me with that. I would say no, I might be married to him but I have my own life and goals!
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Old 19th October 2016, 3:14 PM   #26
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I would even think that he might try to ask for sexual favors from you for clients in the disguise of business and call you on the contract. Don't do it.
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Old 19th October 2016, 3:19 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Mr. Lucky View Post
OP, do you work? Have you been hesitant to accompany him on trips like this in the past? Are there other similar conditions in this contract?

Seems like a strangely specific demand, can't help but wonder at the history behind it. If he's worried his absence would give you time to reciprocate his infidelity, he should understand most affairs (his included I'd assume) occur much closer to home ...


Yes I work.


After I found out about his cheating I gave him the ring back, I was devastated but he pursued me non stop until I decided to take him back. I know for a fact that he is not cheating anymore but I do sense he fears I'll do the same to him, That's the only thing I can think about as to why he wants this signed.
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